Feeling defeated (Spoilers...sorta) · 7:01am Dec 11th, 2017
The beginning was average, nothing new and special, but after the start, Erf's story took off very well. The characters, setting, interactions; all of them were on par with the show, if not, better. Then things started getting really interesting and intense once Anon became the Hero Colt and was keeping Chrysalis hostage in his home. Her character, Discord's interactions with his son, the problems that they all encountered; entertaining and amazing. This is when things started slowly going down hill, where there's this tension in the background being built up, but the story was dragged on with too much filler before the climax, the suspense started to lose effect. I lost interest altogether, because the climax was way overdue. I always guessed, "Oh, this update HAS to be the big climax of the story!" But nope, just more filler that wasn't necessary. Filler is fine in the right places in doses, but it was just filler, after filler, after filler. The Flim Flam Arc was out of place, but that doesn't mean it wasn't good. Maybe as a one-shot side story, but as part of the plot, nah. Overall, Erf's story had a lot of potential, but he burned it out by constantly wanting to meet a quota by delivering almost every night. There's only so much you can drag on, and pacing does matter in a story. When it was obvious Erf was running out of ideas to keep the story afloat, the pacing started to either be dragged out, or rushed, which killed his story in the end. The ending was simply terrible, rushed, and I honestly would have just left it hanging than the wimpering note it fell off of. He tried to be the best, too bad that didn't end up so well in the end.
This full review of my main story. Especially when I look back to my Jack Spicer story. Makes me feel defeated. Even I know the story drags after the King Flim Flam arc. I just wanted it to be a continuing slice of life story. But even I know I overdid it. So, to people reading the FiMfiction version who even care. I hope you enjoy the story for what it is. For all the good and bad.
The marvelous thing about this is, that it can be changed if you really feel like doing it
so don't beat yourself, the story was great in terms of being a good read. B
tank you for the story
The king film and flam wasn't such a showdown. I was starting to get intrigued as I read on. But after putting some thought into it, the story started to feel off. Especially with what happened when it continued off where it was (ponyville at midnight). This story isn't such a loss cause. With a little work it can be back into something interesting. I mean what happened to discord talking about getting them home 'before' lunch
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There's way too much story to fix at this point. and my motivation is down. BUT, if there is ONE thing I want to change and fix. Is SCRAPPY's final outro. it was super rushed in a paragraph. and I want to make a full on side chapter for it when the time comes. It deserves that much
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I'll look forward to it. But at the rate I'm reading from Pastebin. I'm gonna have to reread it when the time comes. Don't rush it. The story's done and you still have a hundred and so chapters till we meet the "new" character
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OK, I just finished reading stuff from the Pastebin. I'm currently writing longer post about what I think of Dadonequus Discord that I'll post later, but before I do that I want to know more about what's your problem with the story, because frankly I don't agree with what you said and stuff that was mentioned in review.
What do you mean by "way too much story to fix"? Can you go more in depth about what exactly you'd change? You'd throw out that slice of life filler mentioned in that review or what?
You say you feel defeated. What did you want this fic to be that it's not?
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I felt the last 3rd was a bit of a shitshow. unfinished portions, rushed plotlines, and slice of life that was a little too boring. I always wanted the story to feel slice of life the entire time while having chapters that would be through CYOA and votes so it feels inclusive and Anon isn't just a singular self insert. And for the most part. It worked out great. But then readers were like "Let's get Chrysalis as a roommate" and "This part is boring, who cares about this" and such and had I been writing the story for myself. I'd have ignored it like I did with the Jack Spicer story I wrote.
I wanted the story to be for everyone and in my own foolish need to please everyone I ended up writing a terrible last quarter in which,in the end, I have no one to blame for myself. The story was always just supposed to be Discord and Anon as the main focus and it loses that in increments when Chrysalis makes the scene. As for throwing things out? I'd have thrown out some of the stuff with Chrysalis. She's not even a character I particularly likeShe's not a bad character. And at this point of the show. She's now pretty interesting But others loved what I did with her so I kept it up. I know it's mostly my fault.
At this point. I accept the story as is. It'll remain the same as it gets fixed up for FiMfiction. the only big change will be an Epilogue for a certain character. Instead of it being an explanation. I'll just write a dedicated chapter for him.
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Interesting, I wouldn't have guessed it was semi-CYOA from the way it was written, considering how well Chrysalis fits some themes that emerged later on. Now that you say it I see you had different story in mind but I think overall it worked very well (aside from the ending), though I agree it could use a little more Anon-Discord time because chapters showing their prank-missions were very funny.
About that pacing and "dragging on" issue mentioned in the review... I agree that it does drag on sometimes, but for the most part NOT because the pace is too slow. In short, I'd say the issue is not filler or something, but the fact that your story doesn't seem to be suited to be presented through daily chapter uploads. It really reads better "in bulk" so to speak, which is pretty ironic considering how it was written. When I got to the latest chapter the real-time wait between announcing some cool event in the future and actually reading it became pretty fucking annoying. That's why I Googled your Pastebin, because I wanted to check how much time I'd have to wait for that prank competition on Fimfic (in this case it would have been a week). So I said "fuck waiting" and read it on Pastebin which fixed the issue, at least for me. Thought I'd share that because I had opportunity to read Dadonequus Discord both "in bulk" and one chapter a day and I don't think it's the story that's flawed when it comes to this aspect.
By the way, this is not that "longer post" I mentioned. I'm still writing that one, it'll be about the ending for the most part and it'll be absolutely autistic.
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Joy. Well, i'll also say some, not many. but Some didn't like the story's use of pop culture references.
As the writer, I disagree. Discord uses it in the show and so it fits him when he does do one in the story. As for Anon? He's a human who swam in it. So of course many of the magic and references he'd make and use would be pop culture stuff. What was important to me was making sure the OTHER characters don't do that unless it's through Anon himself or otherwise. And I feel I pulled it off well