Ascend Deleted Scene #1 · 9:02pm Oct 16th, 2012
The astute viewer will notice that, directly under the copyright, it says "Version 1.1". How can it be 1.1 if there hasn't been any revisions (aside from fixing a spelling error)? Because that isn't the original. The original had a scene which I cut for several reasons--which I'll get into--but first, have the deleted scene:
Twilight got up from her seat and began pacing around the room.
“All you have to do is write to the Princess and she'll—”
Twilight's gaze landed on Equestrian Government: A Reference Guide, which, when it had been hastily thrown into the room, had landed with Chapter Five: The Species' Role In Government open.
“There's an idea. Just read Twilight. Read a book and everything will be alright.”
So she began reading.
**********
The Principality of Equestria has one of the most unique citizen bases of any nation in the world. Unlike the Griffo-Minotaurian Empire, which has two species, Equestria has four; although only three make up the general populace.
The Pegasi, tracing their lineage back to the Celestine Junta of the Old World, are naturally fit for the military and so make of a majority of both the Day Guard and Night Guard. It's testament to the Pegasi's abilities that it's been over three hundred since a non-pegasus has been Captain of the Royal Guard or Director of National Intelligence.
**********
Twilight furrowed her brow at the obviously false statement. She quickly checked the book's copyright date.
“924 AL. Over seventy years ago. No wonder.”
Mystery solved, Twilight continued reading.
**********
While most believe the Earth Ponies get “the short end of the stick”, they make up, at last census, forty-two percent of the population and are the most important demographic come election season for that very reason. Earth Ponies are masters at all things natural and account for a significant portion of Equestria's natural resources.
The Unicorns
The most mysterious of the species are the Alicorns, or Pegacorns as their also called. With the unique combination of the Pegasi's flight and athleticism, the Earth Ponies endurance, and the Unicorns raw magical abilities, it's no wonder that Equestria's leader and the leaders of four other pony nations are all Alicorns.
Because of this, Equestria's government is built around Alicorns. Under Article Six of the Constitution, only an Alicorn may ascend to the throne, and, because of this stipulation, any alicorn born or raised in Equestria is de facto royalty. There are many legal implications that have not been addressed with regards to alicorns. These include: order of succession, their exact role in government, and countless other legal problems that would arise. Thankfully...
The Alicorns abilities come at a price: their extremely rare. While still in the early stages, efforts are underway—under the careful supervision of Parliament—to help breed an Alicorn in the event that, Gods forbid, something were to happen to Princess Celestia.
Because of these carefully observed efforts, the government is well equipped to handle another Alicorn and the legal implications they would bring. If one were to suddenly be born, or somehow created, however, the constitutional crisis that would result would be catastrophic.
**********
Twilight's eye twitched as she stopped reading.
“The Princess doesn't need to be bothered by my trivial problems.”
She started pacing again.
I elected to cut that section for three reasons:
1) It broke the flow of the chapter. We go from Twilight talking to herself and being adorkably panicked to her reading about the history of the different species. Those two didn't mesh well.
2) It revealed Twilight as an alicorn too early. I wanted to wait until near the end of the chapter to give it a little more weight.
3) Probably because of the above two reasons, but I just didn't like it.
The one downside of the cut was it devastated the word count (it went from 700 to 275) but considering how much that section would have dragged down the chapter I think it was worth having to spend another two hours writing.
I completely agree. Nice call there mister author guy.
Better off this way. What you cut didn't really add anything, humor or otherwise.
As for the "reveal"... Well, even without reading/seeing the cover page it was pretty obvious. A good obvious....
HGN, I READ THIS BEFORE THE CHAPTER AND IT SPOILED IT.
I agree though it does have some very impressive unquie history it would give to much away, I really like it though makes me wonder why Gilda was accepted into Equestria if she has her own country to go to.....or how come Spike has not left for his own kingdom yet.
@2 - that Twilight is an alicorn was already explained in the description.
Also, this deleted scene would have neatly explained why Luna's sudden appearance did not cause any major disasters. (nevermind the whole nightmare moon thing). Well that or I've missread it.
But I agree, it kinda breaks the flow and the current version is good the way it is without it.
I caught two instances of homonym misplacement (they're/their) in the cut section. Didn't notice any in the final document. I tip my hat to your proofreading skills.
Yes, agreed, I think you made the right call, and it's good you had the guts to do it. Some writers (like myself
) can't always let go of portions in stories like this, even when they just aren't working.
Furthermore, I don't see anything in this deleted scene that really adds anything of real importance to the story, except confirm that Twi's suddenly an alicorn, and obviously you didn't want to reveal that just yet, so, in short, it works.
Is that a Brief History of Equestria reference in there?
One important mark of a good writer is "Never use a scalpel when a chainsaw is needed." You snipped out a very well written bit...that did indeed block the natural flow of the story and needed to be snipped. Kudos!
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If you're referring to the "Celestine Junta", then yes it is. (Although, funnily enough, I've never actually read the story. Read it's TV Tropes entry and went "let's reference it!")
Good Call, but i like the fact that you still posted this as an extra.
Almost like a bloopers section.
Maybe keep this type of thing going?
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Of course. Why do you think it's "#1". If I delete anything from future chapters, I'll post it.
was a fun read, even though i didn't make it into the chapter.
You never actually detail the unicorns' role in the government. I take it you decided to delete the scene before you fleshed that bit out?
427182
That would be correct.
Good call.
I still liked it, though, so thank you for making it a blog.
Coudn't you tell Twilight is going to become an alicorn through the cover art?
I agree with the others, good cut. Still, nice to see it here. You're right about the reveal, too; even though it was totally obvious from the cover image what was going on, dropping it at the end of the chapter like that was definitely the right move, narratively speaking.
Actually, this could be added as part of Chapter two or a latter chapter.
Um... Was it really possible for someone to read this story and not instantly assume just what exactly was going on?
Possible reasons for becoming an alicorn:
Pinkie Pie.
Discord.
Celestia and Luna get lonely.
Cadance gets busy, makes some fillies.
Genetic mutation.
Suspicious.
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Conspiracy by foreign government to destabilize EquestriaI mean, those are all good theories.428930
GASP
I never even thought about a
Conspiracy by foreign government to destabilize Equestria... I mean, I never thought that my theories could be good.I have to say though, if others have the power to create magnificent beings at will, that's pretty scary. That's like, wielding the key to godhood, is it not? Flap flap flap, yo.
They all go flyin'.
^^ all those ones got some wings on em.
Oh come on. We all knew from the accompanying picture that she was an Alicorn. But I guess it did break the flow a bit. Oh well.
Good call, cutting that.
Also:
"The Alicorns abilities come at a price: their extremely rare. While still in the early stages, efforts are underway—under the careful supervision of Parliament—to help breed an Alicorn in the event that, Gods forbid, something were to happen to Princess Celestia."
O RLY? That might explain Twilight a bit.
Even though you cut that part, it's still true, right? I wonder what Parliament thought of Luna's unexpected return, especially considering their success at breeding another alicorn (assuming it was talking about Cadance) to replace Celestia in tragically unfortunate circumstances. If that book wasn't exaggerating, then government has already been thrown into a constitutional crisis, very recently. And that COULD mean that the government might be more prepared to deal with sudden alicorns than Twilight would think after reading that 70-years outdated book.
[Edit] Just remembered it said there were three other pony nations with alicorn leaders, so you might end up having Cadance be from one of those. In which case, Twilight's situation might actually end up being the unexpected end result of those potentially abandoned attempts to breed an alicorn. *shrug*
[Edit 2] And it's just occurred to me that if Twilight makes the obvious assumption that Cadance is the alicorn the book mentioned was attempted to be bred (awkward wording is awkward), it could totally end up being some kind of a red herring and my first [Edit] would be a great plot twist.
[/conspiracy]
431357
The thing to remember about Luna is that Celestia (and Parliament) has a thousand years to sort out her return and the legal implications of it. I like to think that it didn't cause any problems because Equestria was already a diarchy prior to Luna's banishment, just one where one of the diarchs went on an "extended leave of absence".
The problems arise when an alicorn unexpectedly appears. If somepony got pregnant with an alicorn and the government knew, then it would buy Parliament and the High Court enough time to hopefully sort things out in advance. But if that alicorn's parents hid the pregnancy for the same fears as Twilight has, and the government found out after the fact, then there would those constitutional problems.
The reason the wording was confusing was to try and prevent jossing by season three. If Cadance ends up being the "heir" of the Crystal Empire, then her being an alicorn wouldn't effect Equestria's government as she's some other country's problem. If she only intervenes in the Empire and is from Equestria, then that means the government has the whole "more alicorns" issue resolved and that's why the book's age was mentioned--it would give me an out for why the book's panic is incorrect, it's simply obsolete.
The alicorn breeding was also a minor reference to the Tyrantlestia fanfic Lines and Webs, where Celestia breeds alicorns as part of her evil plan. Here, where it's explicitly mentioned that Parliament's overseeing the breeding, there is no such evil plan.
As to whether the breeding program was successful, well that depends on season three. If Cadance is from the Crystal Empire, then it wasn't; if she's from Equestria, then it was. We'll know for sure come November 10th.
431357
RandomPonyScientist (RPS) - How's the project coming along?
RandomPonyGeneticist (RPG) - Not good...
RPS - Why? What's up?
RPG - Um. Did you not see the news? Does the name Luna ring a bell? There are now two alicorns in charge!
RPS - So...?
RPG - Now we need a SECOND replacement alicorn!
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Ah, for some reason I always assume that nobody but Celestia remembered Luna by the end of her term on the moon, lol. But it makes sense that at the very least Celestia would make sure the government was prepared for the return of a second ruler, whether or not the rest of the government remembered.
And, please don't take this the wrong way, but ever since what happened to Darkest Before Dawn, I always get worried when an author of a story I'm following displays a strong desire to remain in-line with future canon.
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And then Alicorn-Twilight happened.
432239
, why do you have to remind me of Darkest Before Dawn?! (I still want to know why the author named it that. It made it sound like a "Nightmare Moon wins" story.) The only major casualty of the season two finale.
Nooooooo
Rest assured that if canon ruthlessly josses anything I'll merely punt the story into an AU (like Darkest Before Dawn's author should have done
).
Of course, i did put another fanfic idea on hold until after the Crystal Empire sorts itself out.
432315
From what the author said over here, the meaning of that story was more about Celestia than Twilight. With that in mind, the title was probably a reference to the time right before Luna's return, which would be when the story was taking place. That said, it really does make it sound like a 'Nightmare Moon wins' story... I remember getting it mixed up with Night's Favored Child a lot when I'd see an update on one or the other on EQD.
I don't have that problem anymore.