...But It Often Cuts Content and Reposts It in Blogs · 5:26pm Sep 24th, 2017
Majin Syeekoh-09/12/2017
Yeah posh is probably going to stumble into first place again
(that's my new favorite Twilight gif)
Whenever I win, or even just rank, in a contest of any sort, I feel like Mabel Pines in that Gravity Falls bit, where all the characters are playing cards and Mable keeps winning, even though she doesn't know what game they're playing or what the rules are.
But this is, like, the third time it's happened, so I suppose I should stop being surprised when it does...
Anyway, thank you to the judges for their consideration and I hope you liked those sacks of money I sent to your houses. I haven't gone through many of the other entries, but I'm looking forward to perusing what I haven't yet read now that all's said and done.
In the meantime, I have a little bit of cut content that I'd like to post. Way back when I first discussed this story, I mentioned that the first draft had a prominent subplot about SciTwi's unrequited feelings for Sunset. On the advice of my editors, I cut it, as part of my larger rewrites/revisions to the story, but I still have the original draft saved, with that subplot intact. I might post excerpts showing off Sexual Predator Cheerilee in the future, but for now, have some awkward, unrequited SciTwi love, as well as a bit of Sunset and Rarity (Rarity was my favorite element from the first draft of the story; switching her character's role to Twilight was a natural change to make, but it was still kind of a bummer).
"C'mon, Rarity," Sunset says, trying to inflect patience that she doesn't really feel. "It's fine. It's doesn't need––"
"It. Is. Not. Fine." Rarity glares at her, pausing in her work, before setting upon Sunset with the tape measurer again. "But it can be fine, if you'll only let me work."
"But we've been over this three times!"
"Seven," says Twilight. She's seated in the boutique's corner, her nose in a book. "I counted."
"Whatever," Sunset huffs. "Three, seven – it's still too many times. I've told you, I'd be happy just wearing the dress from Camp Everfree."
Rarity gasps and stands level with Sunset. "This is the prom we're talking about, Sunset! The very climax of our high school years, not some spur-of-the-moment celebration of once more cheating the reaper! It demands something fresh, and that I will deliver." She ducks down to fuss over the dress's hem.
Sunset wonders whether Princess Twilight gets this from her Rarity.
At a quarter to one, Twilight gets a phone call. There's a hushed exchange, and she hangs up, looking sheepishly at Sunset. "That was Rainbow. She and the girls are five minutes away from ordering without us."
They're supposed to meet for pizza after the fitting, Sunset remembers, which meant they were supposed to go for pizza... oh, half an hour ago?
"I take it that you told her," Rarity says, without turning her attention away from Sunset, "that true art cannot be rushed?"
"Uh, yeah. I think I heard her roll her eyes." Twilight giggles. "Applejack convinced her to wait a little longer, but I don't know how long that'll––"
Twilight's stomach interrupts with a growl. Mortified, she hugs her midsection.
Sunset pretends not to notice. "Y'know, it's fine if you want to go get started without us. Order whatever, and leave enough for Rarity and I. We'll catch up when we can. Right, Rarity?"
Rarity mumbles vaguely – the pins in her mouth prevent her from articulating anything.
Sunset smirks. "Pretend that's a yes."
Twilight nods. She backs out of the boutique with her book tucked under her arm, pauses at the door, and looks at Sunset, smiling shyly. "You're gonna look amazing, Sunset."
Rarity spits out her pins and answers for Sunset. "That goes without saying, darling. "
Twilight snickers and leaves, and it's just Sunset and Rarity, in a silent shop. Minutes pass before Rarity speaks up again.
"She's bounced back nicely, hasn't she?"
"Twilight?" Sunset's eyes track Rarity as she circles around her. She feels like a museum piece being eyed by a discerning patron. "Yeah. I guess she has."
"It's good to see." Rarity pauses to examine Sunset's butt – for professional reasons, Sunset trusts – before moving on. "I didn't think she'd ever stop crying after what happened with Timber."
Neither did Sunset, to be honest. She'd seen more of Twilight's grief than any of her other friends, and knew just how deep the wounds ran. Timber was her first, in many senses, and the first always cut the deepest.
Sunset knew that all too well.
"It was rough for her, yeah," she says. "But I knew she'd pull through. She's stronger than she knows."
"Mm." Rarity slips a pin through a fold of fabric along Sunset's thigh. "I must be honest, though, I'm concerned that she's moving on a little too quickly. Moving on to someone else, I mean."
Sunset blinks and stares at Rarity. "Wait, what? Moving on to who?"
Rarity just looks at her flatly, as though the answer should be obvious. Her gaze flicks down to Sunset's prom dress.
Sunset's face burns at the implication. "We're friends, Rarity. And we're going to the prom as friends. You know that."
"...You mean that, do you?" Rarity's look lingers a moment longer, before she returns to her work. Lines of worry crinkle her forehead. "You might want to be sure that she knows, too, darling."
"I think you might be imagining things," Sunset mutters. Her teeth begin to clench.
Rarity puts a calming hand on her shoulder. "Sunset, I'm not trying to attack you. But Twilight's always idealized you, and after all you've done to get her through the... unpleasantness with Timber, I fear she's fallen for you. I know you would never want to hurt her, so please..."
She circles around to Sunset's front and holds her hand. "If you don't have any intentions, then she needs to know that. Lest she get the wrong idea."
Sunset squeezes back – she's still certain Rarity's making something out of nothing. But Rarity seems to take the gesture at face value, and smiles.
"Well then, I think you're about ready to see the progress I've made." Rarity guides her over to a mirror, and Sunset takes in the sight of her dress. It's long, green, strapless – and it shimmers. Sunset turns, left and right, and watches with awe as light ripples and breaks across the fabric's surface.
Rarity steps over to take Sunset's arm in her own. "It's not finished, of course. it needs a little more flair – I'm thinking perhaps a shawl? But, though I might grumble a little about it, you are the client, and your opinion on my work matters."
"My opinion..." Sunset pulls her arm from Rarity's, wraps it around her shoulders, and pulls her in close. "Is that I should have never doubted you. It's gorgeous, Rarity."
"I'm glad you approve." Rarity smiles awkwardly. "Er, Sunset..."
"Hmm?"
"Much as I enjoy a good hug, you're sticking my hip with a pin right now."
Sunset and Twilight removed themselves from the dance floor early on, after some awkward, herky-jerky moves that made Princess Twilight's pony-stomping look like the swan-like cavorting of a ballerina. She people-watches with Twilight from an empty table for a while, though Twilight excused herself from that activity some time ago. While waiting for her to return, Sunset amuses herself by people-watching alone, paying particular attention to her friends.
Applejack's sandwiched between Rainbow Dash and Rarity. Rainbow's grinding her butt against Applejack's hip, and Rarity's laughing as she squishes her bust against Applejack. Applejack's just staring at her drink in bemusement. Nearby, Pinkie's weaving confetti through Fluttershy's hair, and Fluttershy appears to be making a bird's nest out of the pieces that fall out.
And in a far-off corner that they probably assume is dark, Flash and Muffins are locked in an incongruously tranquil slow-dance against the beat of Vinyl Scratch's music. Their noses rub together, and they giggle as they kiss.
Sunset smiles. Things with Flash may not have panned out after their second stab at a relationship, but she's glad that he found someone anyway.
She sips from her drink, and winces at a particularly heavy bass line.
If Vinyl cranks that any higher, she'll blow out every window in the building...
Someone suddenly slumps over Sunset's bare shoulder. "Sunny," Twilight whines, "have you tried this punch yet? It's amazing!"
"It's... alright." Sunset turns, and tries to hold Twilight in place. "I think you might have had too much, though."
"I think I haven't had enough." Twilight lunges, and this time successfully squashes against Sunset's body; her cheek comes to rest on Sunset's chest. "Mmmmmm... you smell soooooo nice... like sunshine and marshmallows. It's almost as good as this punch tastes... have you tried the punch yet?"
"Hokay, Twilight," says Sunset. She tries to pull away, but Twilight's arms lock around her back and hold her in place. "I think maybe it's time you switched over to water."
"But the punch is so––"
"The punch is good, yes." Sunset fumbles at Twilight's fingers to unlace them. She's had her share of the stuff already, enough for coordination to become difficult. "But I don't think it's necessarily good for you, if you follow me."
"Mmm, I disagree," Twilight purrs. "It's doin' all kinds of good things for me. I mean..."
She manages to wrest one of her hands from Sunset, and walks two fingers up her chest, ending below the hollow of her throat. "If it weren't for this punch... I wouldn't have the guts to do this."
She pauses for just an instant, before leaning up to Sunset's face.
Their lips brush, and Sunset jerks away. Twilight's eyes slowly open, the drunken confidence slipping from her features.
Sunset breaks her with a look.
Lip trembling, Twilight disengages from Sunset and flees the school gym, stumbling uncertainly in her high heels. Sunset watches, and feels like a villain again.
Her friends approach Sunset at once. Applejack has her arms locked around Rainbow and Rarity, supporting the latter and dragging the former. Pinkie and Fluttershy, covered in confetti, are holding themselves up much better. They shout questions that are lost in the music. Rarity just gives Sunset a knowing, yet sympathetic, look.
Sunset shakes her head and waves them after Twilight. Without question, or hesitation, the five of them abandon the dance, their last one together, to comfort their newest friend. They'd do the same for her, Sunset knows, if her and Twilight's positions were reversed.
Not that she deserves that kind of dedication.
Keeping to the edges of the room, Sunset makes her way to the gym's back exit, and slips out quietly. The air outside is cold, brushing gently across her bare shoulders – a nice contrast to the stifling heat of the gym, that cauldron of humidity and hormones. The music still thuds from behind the heavy metal doors, but it doesn't overwhelm her anymore.
Alone with her thoughts, Sunset presses her palm to her forehead and sighs.
The kiss is gentle – not chaste, by any means, not when Cheerilee's tongue finds Sunset's, and Sunset moans into Cheerilee's mouth. Nor is it the awkward first kiss of an adolescent couple, all slobber and clacking teeth. It's gentle, and slow – harmonious, just like their dance.
And it tastes like punch.
Their eyes open as they break away. Cheerilee's cheeks are flushed, and dimpled, and there's a glimmer in her eyes that wasn't there before...
They aren't alone on the football field. Beyond Cheerilee, six figures stand.
Sunset pulls away at once. Cheerilee's face shows pain, and confusion, until she turns around and sees what Sunset sees, and the night's folly hits her all at once.
Sunset's friends are watching them. Applejack's still holding Rarity and Rainbow. Pinkie and Fluttershy hold Twilight. Sunset's eyes meet Twilight's.
For the second time that night, Twilight flees in tears. For the second time that night, her friends chase after her.
Sunset staggers back from Cheerilee, rejecting her hand when it's offered. She turns, and stumbles toward the parking lot, away from her last dance, and all the comforts of friendship.
Rarity peers closely at Sunset. "I mean no offense, darling, but you're quite a mess. Tell me you're going to clean up before commencement tomorrow."
"Not going," says Sunset. She shoves the remnants of her meal into her mouth, gnashes it to paste, and swallows. "That was great. Thanks. You can see yourself out."
Rarity's eyes narrow. "You can't chase me off that easily. I'm worried about you. We all are – and Twilight, most of all. She's been trying to call you for days."
Sunset freezes. "Is she alright?"
"She'd be better if she heard from you." Rarity softens her voice. "She thinks you're avoiding her."
"Well, I am." Sunset grumbles. "But not because of anything she did."
Rarity's face softens as she sets her burrito on Sunset's coffee table. "Sunset..."
"I should've talked to her before the prom." She buries her face in her knees, battling back tears. "I can't imagine how badly I hurt her, all because I didn't listen to you, because I thought I knew better. How am I supposed to face her, huh?"
"With a smile, and a hug, and an assurance that nothing she's done has affected your friendship." Rarity strokes her back soothingly. "The reality is, Sunset, that you're hurting her more by ignoring her. She misses you. We all miss you. The only one who holds this affair against you is yourself."
Sunset shuts her eyes and rolls onto her side, letting Rarity pull her into a one-armed hug. "No one's mad?"
"No one."
"Not even you?"
Rarity chuckles. "If anything, I admire your gall. We've all had thoughts about Ms. Cheerilee at least once, but to actually pursue her?"
"She did the pursuing. I just... wasn't complaining." Sunset bunches her body up on the couch. "You think she'll be at commencement tomorrow?"
"Ms. Cheerilee? Probably." Rarity squeezes Sunset's shoulder. "Would that affect your attendance?"
"I don't know." Sunset sighs. "I need to talk to her. I want to talk to her. But at the same time, I want to hide, and hope she just forgets about me."
"That strikes me as unlikely, darling," Rarity teases. "If someone kissed me so ardently, I'd never forget her."
Sunset has thought about that kiss so many times since the prom that it no longer makes her blush, but she still feels a tingle in her cheeks. And on her lips.
"At least think about coming," says Rarity. "To commencement, I mean. No need to turn that into something smutty."
Sunset laughs. "I'll think about it."
Judging by the number of students in gowns milling about in the CHS courtyard, papers in hand, Sunset's missed the commencement ceremony. She doesn't see Cheerilee anywhere, but she quickly spots the girls. They're ringed around Twilight, chatting excitedly, hugging and posing for selfies. Twilight's back is to Sunset.
Sunset steals up to her, taps her left shoulder, and immediately darts to the right. Twilight turns, sees nothing, frowns, keeps turning––
They come face to face.
Sunset can see the tears forming behind Twilight's glasses. The girls part, giving them space, watching in silence.
Sunset smiles nervously, and spreads her arms.
Twilight stares at her, frozen, unblinking. Then she laughs, and collapses against Sunset, and Sunset clutches her as she cries. Sunset's eyes meet Rarity's; she's wiping her eyes and smiling.
The girls crowd around Sunset, and she's suddenly at the epicenter of a group hug. It's chest-crushingly tight; Sunset finds it hard to breathe against the combined strength of her friends.
She wouldn't trade it for anything.
There's a party waiting for them at Sugarcube Corner. Sunset promises to meet her friends there, after a quick trip home to change and primp. She didn't do more than shower quickly and dress in street clothes before heading to commencement. She's in no state for a party.
She takes Twilight aside, first, for a walk and a talk. They trace a path around the school's perimeter, walking side by side, as streaks of orange paint the sky overhead. For a long time, neither speaks. Then Twilight pipes up nervously.
"I thought you were mad at me. I thought I'd ruined things between us. And when you didn't take my calls, I was afraid that you'd never speak to me again."
"I was never mad," said Sunset. She looks down at the sidewalk. "I was being a coward. I didn't think I could face you after hurting you like that. I thought you would hate me."
Twilight pulls her to a stop. She glances past Sunset, before meeting her eyes with a watery smile.
"You're my savior, Sunset." She sniffles. "Everything I am, I owe to you. I could never hate you."
They hold each other again. Sunset presses her face to Twilight's shoulder, her fears and regrets draining away.
When they part, Twilight's glasses are foggy; she takes them off and wipes them on her graduation gown, chuckling. "So... you and Ms. Cheerilee, huh?"
Sunset blushes. She runs a hand through her hair awkwardly. "I don't know. We haven't talked since..."
Twilight slides her glasses back over her eyes, adjusts her cap, and looks seriously at Sunset. "You should."
"I want to." Sunset fidgets. "And I don't want to."
"What are you afraid of?"
"You got an hour to kill, Twi?"
Twilight shakes her head and mutters something under her breath. She grips Sunset's shoulder and turns her until she faces the school building. Through the window in front of her, she sees Cheerilee in her classroom, hunched over her desk.
Sunset bites down on her thumb.
"You should talk to her," Twilight says.
Sunset looks at her uncertainly. "What about you? Are you gonna be okay?"
Twilight doesn't bother trying to hide her tears. She just smiles through them.
"I want you to be happy, Sunset. With her, or with whoever else – if you're happy, I'm happy for you." She lifts her glasses, wipes her eyes, and smirks. "But if she ever hurts you, she'll have me to deal with."
"Heaven forefend." Sunset playfully punches Twilight's shoulder. "Give the girls my best. Tell 'em I'll be there when I can."
Twilight nods. Then she doffs her cap, and slides it over Sunset's head; a curl of red and gold pokes out from the elastic. The tassel dangles over the cap's left side. Twilight flips it to the right. It lingers in her grasp, before she lets it drop.
"Congratulations, Sunset Shimmer."
I got some art for the story coming in the near future, and other goodies that are sure to delight you, so stay tuned. Thank you again for all your support.
I knew you had it in you.
Good show, young man!
I'm taking all the credit for this win. Give me your money
Yeah, these were good cuts to make. Too much wordcount eaten up, too much distraction from the focus.
Congrats again!
To be fair, I think we all want to see Sexual Predator Cheerilee. Out of context, that sounds terrible. And it probably is terrible in context too.
As delightful as those cut scenes were, I think the final story was much stronger for not having them.
I'm really glad you won - my bet had been on you since I read your story, and now I get to lord my prescience over everyone for the next little while. So congrats and looking forward to your next story.
It's easy to see how that could have worked in the final story, but I do agree that it's stronger without it. Congratulations on the win, you deserved it.