Jul
13th
2017
"Sammy Sosa really living his life as a one man Neapolitan Ice Cream" · 5:50pm Jul 13th, 2017
So:
A. Skin bleaching can be taken way too far.
B. There was an accident with a teleporter pod and a party pony. You don't want to know the details.
C. Don't take steroids, kids.
D. And now, Snagglepuss will exit, stage right even!
E. Pepto-Abysmal.
F. Rubs out more mistakes than any other former major-leaguer!
G. There's an ancient shame on Princess Bubblegum's family tree.
H - ∞. (See below)
And the worst part? Take a look at this happy youth.
Your taste may (and will) vary. But personally? I think that's an attractive man. There's a classic dignity to those features. It's a face built to age well.
Why...?
(Blog post title is the Twitter description originally posted by Ol' QWERTY Bastard.)
I say mercury poisoning
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He's the only former baseball player who's liquid at room temperature.
However:
So it's slightly more possible that he secretly died and was revived as a Frankenberry.
It's his eyes that are the most disturbing to me. They seem pinched inward, like his face is slowly collapsing into the bridge of his nose. It's like I'm looking at a bad attempt to combine Sosa and a grey alien via Photoshop. Whatever's happened to him, he's landed in the Uncanny Valley, especially in comparison to the card.
He's channeling Michael Jackson.
If he has been eating a lot of fresh water fish I am going say mercury poisoning as well.
Hmm, I'm pretty sure he transformed into an aging German porn star in the second photo...
Man, skin bleaching is fucked. That just can't be good for you. He looked fine before, there wasn't any need to do that to himself.
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MJ had a degenerative skin disease all his plastic surgery and skin bleaching was to hide the damage from that.
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I now Believe in Lizard People.
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#2 scares me.
I keep thinking of the Aphex Twin's Come to Daddy music video.
Did his eyes change color too? My God...next will be his hair color, then it will start affecting size and shape...by the end of his life, he might even become a woman!