News · 2:37am Jul 11th, 2017
Hey everyone.
It's been a very long time since I've posted anything anywhere, and no doubt several of you are probably wondering what's happened, and why I'm keeping you all waiting. I'm back in Needles now for another month, which is how I'm able to get this out to you all now.
But...I'm afraid I have disappointing news for you all.
I haven't drawn or written anything in months. And...and I can't muster the energy to.
My creative drive, my very capacity for inspiration is just gone. It's gone.
Over the past several months, I've been becoming progressively unhappier and unsatisfied with myself and my life. There are some things I can talk about, and some that...I can't. But my prolonged isolation, broken only by visits from family members I don't like being around, is making things worse for me than ever before. I'm unhappy. And not in the way that you feel annoyed or disappointed about something minor in your life. I'm unhappy. The way someone feels when they realize that they have nothing really going for them in life. Where everything they've ever wanted has led only to disappointment and failure.
I feel useless. I can't do anything right and constantly make mistakes that normal people know better than to do.
I feel incomplete. I crave a level of affection that no one can give me, a desire to be loved, to be wanted, to be special, only to realize that I'm not special.
I feel inadequate. I realize now more than ever that I'm not special. I'm not remarkable in any way. I'm not a great writer, or a great artist. I don't have any truly unique ideas, I've only ever borrowed from others. I've done nothing but be a burden and an annoyance to my family.
I feel unworthy. I just...more and more, I come to the realization that many of the things I want and need are things I am not worthy of, because I've done nothing to deserve them. I feel like...I'm not good enough to have those things.
I feel unsatisfied. With myself, and my life. I feel like a waste of space, and I wonder whether or not if my friends are better off without me, because while they move on up in the world, I fall behind because I can't move forward. Maybe that's why no one calls me anymore...
I feel trapped. I can't get out. I live in the middle of nowhere, for months at a time, with no internet and no human contact outside of a neighbor who lives half a mile away and whoever has time for me on the phone anymore. My parents expect to "take care of me" for the rest of their lives, and mentioned in passing that they would be happy to see me living "semi-independently", meaning they never intend to fully let me go.
And to make matters worse still, my beloved cat, who had been my constant companion for the past seven years, and had been in our family for over seventeen, died the day before I came down here, robbing me of the only positive constant in my life, and I've become so jaded by my unhappiness that I didn't have the energy to grieve for more than a day before I fell back into my constant state of listless apathy.
Every moment I'm awake, I feel this...this numb heartache in my chest. It never goes away, and I'm always hurting. I hardly smile or laugh anymore, and even when I do, it feels forced more often than it doesn't.
I have depression. And the only people who take that seriously can't do anything about it, and that makes me feel worse, because they shouldn't bother wasting their time on someone they can't help.
So, in light of all of this, I regretfully must announce that all of my stories are now on hold. Indefinitely. I just...I can't do it anymore. Everything hurts too much.
A break is what you need especially after the death of your cat. Go and be with the the people that makes you happy.
Take all the time you need to feel better.
Good luck!
Dude that sounds so hard, but I would like to say I will never give up on your stories as long as they have a chance at updates(don't activated the red canceled sticker, Ill be devastated) and to let you know your fans, myself included appreciate, your work. I for starters can feel how you feel, I lost my cat recently too (21 years) and I still miss his weight at that the end of my bed. Almost all of my other fav stories have been canceled and it really upsets me. MLP and MLP fanfiction is one of the few pleasures I can still enjoy in life. I won't be mean and try to force you to continue, but please let this be finish, so few entertaining fanfics remain especially crossovers.
GET WELL SOON
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I can't. The only people who make me feel any sense of happiness don't live anywhere near me.
Stop right there.
You feel 'inadequate'? 'unworthy'? 'useless'?
Do you know why I write reviews on your stories? It's because I read them. Whatever disagreements I might have with your plot, those are my problems. Besides, I see more good than bad - otherwise, I wouldn't be reading them in the first place. I enjoy them. Don't you dare sell yourself so short.
You're in a bad place right now, and it doesn't seem like it can better. You feel isolated and alone. Then move! If you are physically isolated to the point that you feel this bad, then you need to move out of this toxic environment!
You have to remember - when you've hit rock bottom, the only direction you can go is up.
As someone who has faced utter depression, I can relate and sympathize with those feelings. You do need a break, but the thing is you are not useless or any of those things you feel you are. Thinking like that will get you nowhere but more heartache and misery. You are worth something, even if you don't realize it now. I do suggest you find ways of calming yourself and possibly talking with others. Even if it's not physical, it still helps. I mean, at the time, my only friends were only over the web but they were a constant help for me by being there and I enjoyed talking with them and eventually, collaborating with them since writing with them did help reignite my spark.
I really hope things work out for you in the future.
Man...
I kinda know how you feel... After the death of my brother I also fell into a hole...
Let me tell you you l'm pretty picky when it comes to stories I read and if a story goes bad I drop it without a second thought. Your stories are really good.
Take your time ... We will be waiting for your return.
Also regarding your family life... I know it's not my place to say anything, ... But I would say try talking with your parents let them know that you're unhappy and all.
To close I would like to add the great words of Kamina. "Don't believe in yourself believe in me who believes in you. Because that's the way team gurren rolls."
We will be waiting for your return get well soon.
Dude, remember. There's at least 516 people here, at least, who deem you worthy of attention. You don't just use borrowed ideas from someone else, you take a thought and shape it in an unique, singular way. That's the magic of fanfiction.
), I can assure you that as long as you remember the good things you lived through with it, some of that emptiness you feel can be filled with good memories. And seventeen years is a long life for a cat, by the way.
And as someone who has lost a pet before (my first cat was ran over by some dimwitt
Just don't beat yourself over with these thoughts. I can't tell you what to do, but I'm certain that this attitude of self-loathing is not something that you should be adopting. You're better than that, I'm sure.
I hope you get well soon.
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Welp just try and do others things and take a break. You need it and take as long as you like.
I hop you feel better soon, I've been in the same boat lately, but things can improve, just remember that no matter what, only you can decide where your life goes, you can wait, or you can act, either way you are capable of anything as long as you don't give up.
I know how it feels to lose a beloved pet. I lost both of my cats in the span of two weeks, one from cancer and the other from old age.
Everyone, since Lord Sirvant is feeling down, I came up with the idea to send him letters and such to help him feel better. Sirvant agreed and has given me permission to give out his parent's address, so you know. The address is:
2020 Cortez St.
Needles, CA 92363
Please help him feel better by showing your love.
Great. Another awesome writer who's been brought down by the ravages of the world. This always happens to the talented people.
Hold strong, dear fellow writer. The same pain you share with some who also dwell here... the same can be of me; while I can't say I share the same pain as you, I can say that I understand in a way... To have nobody to be by your side, or the love and happiness that you feel that is needed in your life. It is a harsh road for those who wish to bring dreams to reality, and create things others do not agree on. While I myself, both as a fan of your work and a fellow creator, I hope that you keep yourself together, and find a day that you are peace of mind, soul, and body.
Have a same journey in these harsh times of life.
No one is useless or unwanted.
Except Trump because he is evil and trying to take my pony friends.
Ah, he just needs one of my super-duper parties and special cupcakes.
Pinks/Pool please be quiet I'm trying to be serious here.
Okie-doki-lokiSure...Oh chimichangas.
I seriously need to talk to someone about those two specially being in my head which
brings me to my other point that you may have already heard or read, talk to someone, anyone about what is bothering you.
I do not wish to see or read of another life lost to depression, once was enough.
I hope that things turn around for you soon, you write some GREAT stories. My favorite set is the equestrian wind mage stories
Look...I know I'm probably the last person anyone would expect to say this, given I've made it no secret I'm no fan of Equestrian Wind Mage, but just because I personally don't like a person's story doesn't mean I view the author badly or deserving of misfortune. I'm sincerely sorry if I've in any way contributed to this.
But don't give up. People find enjoyment of your work and appreciate you writing it. I may not be one of your fans, but that is the nature of the beast.
No one is 'unworthy' except the genuinely evil. No one is useless.
What no one deserves is depression, and I wish you didn't have it.
I sincerely hope you feel better and my condolences for the loss of your cat.
I know exactly how you feel, I am going through something similiar yet not as drastic. It is horrible and feels like a crushing vice around you, I know. Still, if you can muster even a bit of hope, then perhaps fate will smile on you (that's my thought anyway, if you can't do anything then just leave it to destiny. What will happen will happen).
I wish you luck Fanfiction writing ain't easy