A Small Update · 3:54am Apr 12th, 2023
Just a small little post here to assure people that I'm not dead.
I haven't been able to write anything for shit lately in far too long, but as the situation drags on, I'm starting to understand why it's so hard for me to just...sit down and write some.
I'm...pretty sure I have ADHD. Like, really bad ADHD that was never medicated because I was never officially diagnosed. Honestly, I don't know how much of my quirkiness is a result of typical autism and how much is attributable to actual ADHD (and I honestly have some other tendencies that make me realize I might be somewhat OCD as well, but at least not to the insane degree Twilight is), but things I used to be able to sit down and do, I just...can't now. Not for long anyways. I can't sit still long enough to write, or binge watch a show I enjoy, or watch my best friend's livestreams, or paint more than a handful of my tabletop figures at a time, or especially write more than one friggin' paragraph at a time. I can't even sit still long enough to read a fanfic anymore, and believe me I've been trying. I don't have the attention span for ANY of it anymore. I get antsy, I get bored, whatever the case, I can't focus on anything that isn't a particularly engaging video game and it's FRUSTRATING THE HELL OUT OF ME.
And like I said, I'm 99% sure, after a lot of research, speculation, self-reflection, and introspection, that undiagnosed, unmedicated ADHD is to blame. I'm too easily distracted by video games and the internet, and any good ideas I have are never followed up on because I just can't devote the mental focus towards doing so. I can't even say it's because my life is shitty and terrible, because all things considered I'm actually in a pretty damn good place right now, mentally, physically, psychologically, and most of all, financially. Even after the recent death of my father, which I admittedly never posted about before, so this is my first time mentioning that, I'm still mentally in a better place now than I was four years ago, or even just one year ago. I just have a focusing problem that's gotten more pronounced as the problem has gone longer untreated.
And to exacerbate that issue, the fallout from the pandemic has contributed to the rising shortage in ADHD meds, so it's next to impossible to get a prescription for anything of that nature right now due to telehealth companies taking advantage of relaxed restrictions to oversell this shit and write a bunch of checks their butts can't cash. I feel really, really bad that I haven't gotten any content whatsoever out virtually anywhere, and I really want to, but I don't think it's gonna happen until I'm able to focus better, and that's probably gonna require some ADHD meds I'm gonna have to wait several months for the shortage to subside.
In short, I'm not dead, I haven't abandoned my stories, my imagination and motivation have been sapped by ADHD and I'm slowly working on finding a long term solution so I can finally come back to you all. I have so many projects to finish and remake, even a few newer things I want to branch out in that are a little more niche than my usual fare. But I need to get this inability to focus thing under control first or I'm just going to shit out garbage quality slop looking like it's fresh out of my early college days, assuming I even come up with anything at all.
That said, I love you all, and I hope to come back to you all one day when I can actually put all my energy back into writing like I used to.
Admittingly, I am still looking forward to the rewrite of the EWM series, but take as much time as you need to get things in order for your mental health before anything else. I believe in you, and I'm certain that everyone else does too!
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Same here.
Great to hear from you LordSiravant, this blog is more than enough to lift my spirit. And don't fret, you're not the only silent author I will always wait for. Long ago, during season one of MLP, there was this story called Mort takes a Holiday. It was great, very deep, but the author went silent 7 years ago and I still hope for an update.
Sorry to hear about your dad.
Hey, may I lend some advice?
Take it from a fellow autistic Brony with a fic, and I know how frustrating being antsy can be, may I recommend writing while taking a walk? I don't know where you are or what the weather is like, but when I have a problem with my story and am bored I go on a walk in some nice weather. A bright cheery day really gets me motivated. I don't know if you have a laptop or something but I write with my phone, using the notepad app when away from wifi.
Anyway, so glad you at least made this Blog, gives me hope that we fans of Gen4 aren't being totally replaced by Gen5.
COVID 19 sucks
Here's hopin', man!
5723058
Can't do that, as I have to be watching to make sure I don't get hit by a car or trip over something as I walk. Plus, the sunlight makes it so I can barely see my screen. I appreciate the advice though. It's not just a motivation problem anymore, as I said; it's also a focusing problem. Even when I have the motivation, the inability to focus drains it from me.
5723245
Regardless I hope to hear more from you in the future.
I can relate to this soooo much! I thought it was just me T-T like over the years the attention span has gotten worse, can't watch simple youtube anymore unless its those shorts or I'm watching Tiktok which even then only for a min or two. ADHD can suck (I have it too). I do hope you end up getting the meds you wan/if your wanting them. Though also maybe have ago at keeping things open like a video, even if you don't finish it straight away, try to keep coming back to it even if its after hours or so just for a lil bit. Its something I've learnt helps with my ADHD, though then again its not always the same for everyone,
But take the time you need, mental health does come first, the stories can wait if need be, just take care of yourself
Take all the time you need
I can relate, I have bad anxiety where I can'tsit still to save my life soemtimes, and if theirs one thing I've learned is that you just need to play some of your favortie music to help you get in the zone. Once you start going, it gets easier and easier to focus. Trust me, music helps you to just fade out the world and focus on what needs to get done.
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As someone who listens to their favorite music all the time on repeat...nope, doesn't work.
5763432
Well, you could also just try making the adhd work for you. Instead of it making your body move, have it make your imagination move, use it fuel your mind and get a groove going. That's what I do when writing some of my stories, the hard part then is knowing just what parts of my mind to reel from the sea that is my mind and what to throw back for another time.