Reader vote, Sunset's attitude and timey wimey stuff · 12:03pm Jun 24th, 2017
The last chapter of Two in Exile got a lot of reactions, but some of them were not quite what I expected. So before I take some time on the weekend to work on the next chapter, I need to decide which of two paths I want to take it.
So I'd like to ask some of your opinions, and I suggest that you do give them because this decision will have a huge impact on the rest of the story and probably at least some impact on the sequel. Get the full explanation after the break (as well as a preliminary explanation of some timey-wimey stuff, for those who missed it in the comments of the chapter).
When I wrote the last chapter, I wasn't sure if I'd written her being a bit too rough on Fluttershy. After all, she was supposed to have changed her attitude to some degree.
So I was rather surprised that apparently quite a few people thought I'd written her not abrasive enough.
Going by the comments, a good part of the readers of my story don't want to see a fast reformation, as they saw the chapter. And while I'm generally not opposed to writing misanthrope (misequine) Sunset, doing it to the extent they seem to expect means I'll have to completely rework a lot of what I'd outlined. It's doable and it will lead to the same ending and some of the same scenes I'd planned, but it will still take the story in a very different direction.
And since I'm generally not opposed to writing either way, and you're the ones who'll have to read what I put on digital paper, I'm handing that choice over to you. You don't have to write more than a word or two to vote, so I recommend you take those few seconds unless you don't have an opinion on what you want to read. Here's the gist of it.
Option 1: The original plan; Sunset decides that if she wants to make up for any of the stuff she did, the first step will have to be telling the Human Five about the fake messages she used to break them apart. It doesn't necessarily mean she's trying to fix their friendship, but they at least have the right to know about what she did to them.
This option will eventually lead to the seven of them becoming a group of friends, basically like in the movies.
Option 2: The 'reformation is for goody-four-hooves and their season five rip-offs' plan; Sunset decides that however she's going to handle her new responsibility of caring for Twilight Sparkle, she's going to do her best to stay the buck away from four of the most obnoxious humans she's met since going through the mirror. She's not going to fix their friendship, she's not going to even tell them what she did, and the most we'll see of them may be some short appearances and some angry Sunny rants about just how obnoxious they are.
This option will lead to a generally grumpier and snarkier characterization of Sunset and about 95% less Pinkie Pie, Applejack and Rarity in the story. Rainbow may periodically appear to yell at Sunset and/or threaten violence. Fluttershy will likely still play a major role and join the group of Sunset's friends, along with some yet-to-be-decided background ponies (unless I've misread your comments and you guys actually don't dislike reformed Sunset Shimmer, you just really hate Fluttershy and want to see her cry).
Leave a comment with "Option 1" or "Option 2" to vote for an option (or just 1 or 2 if you're feeling particularly lazy). I've already shuffled around some of my timeline so aside from one short scene the next chapter likely won't be affected much by the decision... which means you have time to vote until I finish writing it, more or less.
As for the timey-wimey stuff, most of it should be brought up over the course of the story, but here's some FAQ facts:
- Twilight is the age she was at the time of her entrance exam in the flashback of Cutie Mark Chronicles, which is 6-7 years old in my opinion, but you're free to substitute your own headcanon if you think she looks a year older or younger. However, after passing through the mirror she ended up as a (physically) 10-12 year old human. That's due to the same magic that left Twilight (and allegedly Sunset) a couple years younger when they were turned into humans in the movies. The explanation I'm going to give for that is that the mirror gets its templates by passively scanning the creatures around it... which are mostly CHS students. Equestrians above a certain age end up humans the age of the faculty (which is a much wider range, so they usually just end up their own age).
- Equestria and the human world have a time dilation of about 20:1, meaning during one day in the human world 20 days in Equestria pass. This effect doesn't happen during the three days the portal is open, and is reduced somewhat if there is another connection between the worlds... like for example Sunset's journal being used, or someone connected to the Element of Magic being stuck in the human world. During Twilight's stay, the dilation is somewhere between 5:1 and 10:1.
- Equestria has 24 months divided into 8 seasons per year. That's the reason why they can harvest so much and have comparatively little winter time despite having three months of the season per year. Equestrians get at least as old as humans on average (depending on species), which means they actually live twice as long.
I hope that will clear up some questions. Or cause even more. Oh well.
I'm all for Option 1. I really like the idea of being responsible for Twilight making Sunset a better person almost against her will. Stretching the time frame might work if you feel the reformation might come too quickly. (Plus, there's always the possibility of an innocent question from a certain young Equestrian exile leading to the girls comparing notes and realizing that none of them ever sent those texts...)
Huh.
I kinda hoped it would be about Sunset turning Twilight evil-ish, not the other way around.
Sundemption stories, I'm afraid to say are dime a dozen, so it'd be real hard for you to do something really unique there. Especially if you rush past the redemption thing.
Personally I would say somewhere between option 1 and 2.
I liked how even though Sunset was being a bit of a bitch she actually helped Fluttershy. That sort thing where Sunset may help others from time to time yet remain snarky and condescending would be interesting if was allowed to happen for a while.
In Truth I think you are going in the right direction currently by aiming to make Sunsets reformation feel natural and happen over a period of time, like for instance the entire school year.
As for Sunset telling the others what she did I don't think even reformed her would do that as it'd just cause her trouble, personally I think she'd do it again in reverse by sending message that make it seem like the Mane 5 wanted to be friends again all whilst making sure that no one knows about her involvement. I believe that would allow her to absolve her conscience without admitting her faults to others.
Otherwise I'm looking forward to whatever you write.
I say go with option 1. The reasoning behind them breaking up as friends was kinda flimsy, and i don't think it would take long for Dash or AJ to confront each other and figure out the ruse.
(Plus you can't just exclude Pinkie from anything. That's a crime against parties.)
I'm leaning more towards option 1.
Honestly I'd just go with your original plan.
Don't mind either option. Just slow down Sunset's change in attitude.
While I was going to say option 1. After reading, option 2 looks good to. I can't decide.
I stay stick with your original plan, you already have a plot outlined and know the direction and development for your characters and I am interested in seeing that story. I think the issue is that the change of heart seemed to happen very suddenly from this dream about becoming a demon. Maybe if it get revealed why this Sunset had such a dream that cause such a shift and the original Sunset did not, then it would be less confusing. I guess usually one bad nightmare does not cause a person to make a complete 180 with their life. Is her change of heart also going to be related to Twilight being there in some way? Anyway, look forward to reading the rest of the story.
It's hard to pick. I want to say Option 2, because Sunset reforming so quickly doesn't fit her personality whatsoever and this story doesn't even have the excuse of her being hit with the friendship laser. You could always include a scene of her opening up and telling the humane5 the truth at the very end of the story somewhere, which would give her ample time to reform more naturally than the inexplicable about-face she does in the story right now.
Definitely option 1. Just don't rush it.
Hmm, honestly I'm seeing both as a little too black and white. Something down the middle is what would suite my taste, but its definitely your story and your opinion on it always comes first.
Though if pressed I'd go with option one. Surprised as I was by Sunset's face heel turn, the first instinct is probably the best.
I didn't get the whole: Sunset has a nightmare, and whoop-dee-do the next day she is good. It was too fast, and really? Just with one nightmare? Also, didn't feel like Twilight had anything to do with that change, either.
I vote something between 1 and 2, Sunset is changing but she goes slowly. She finds out, and is surprised, she feels kinda bad about what she has done, but decides to do good stuff without anyone knowing it is her. And definitely not outright telling the truth to the humane 5; but maybe they do find her out in that part of the story, while she was trying to fix it in the shadows.
Hope my opinion helps.
A mix, have sunset's main group of friends be background ponies, but have the humane 5 be more to the side.
Stick to your original plan. The worst that you can do is let readers influence your story to the point of a rewrite (unless it was truly awful), but this just seems a matter of taste rather than the quality of your story. If you go down that path it's just going to keep piling up and you'll end up rewriting rewrites.
first option, or no option.
Option 1. Enjoying the fic so far, can't wait for the next update.
I agree with a lot of the other comments. Option 1, your original vision can work very well, just take it a bit slower with the reformation I think. To me it doesn't have to be a full reformation for her she just tones down a bit.
I'd like to see Sunset being generally nasty to the elements and Twilight following along and becoming nastier herself.
It probably won't add much, but I say option 1
(More AJ is always good)
I'm all for option 1, especially since it felt (to me anyway, and to use another fic as an example) like you had Sunset acting like how Sunset in long road to friendship wanted to act. I think I speak for many when I say snarky-but-generally-well-meaning Sunset is best Sunset.
I really liked the interaction with Fluttershy. Sure it was REALLY quick, and I felt it would be more reasonable a couple days or even a week later, but writing that time out would be a pain and probably end up being mostly fluff. Quicker reformations (for certain values of reformed) are just easier to deal with.
Why not both? Option 2 at first and then option 1?
Anyway, option 1 is the original plan, it sounded good, I just think you should've gave your meal more time to gently simmer before serving it.
*Sighs* Seeing something like option 2 would be good, yes. Just not in this fic though. While there's a definite lack of "mean, but still reasonably competent Sunset that has at least some success with her ambition without any forced redemption or insta-bonding" type of stories (to the point that I can't name a single one right now), it's still better to write what you, as an author actually like and prefer, also changing plans of the story during it's writing for non in-universe reasons tends to be really disruptive in many ways. It's not something I would recommend to anyone not being a professional writer.
So, I vote for Option 1, but with a few tweaks if possible. First, while you already said a key word 'eventually', 'like in the movies' was also mentioned. I may have a minor issue with that based on its interpretation. At the very least a whole arc of them getting to know each other before actually becoming friends (preferably more, but it's not necessary. I just really dislike insta-bonding in fiction). Bonus points if she would become friends only with some of them, and keep such status for a while, before further plot development.
A second thing is that without a forced redemption, I'd look for a significantly different group dynamics even when/if they would be all friends (between humane5 too) with Sunset being much more confident, 'dominant' if you will, having very little of the insecurities of her canon post-rainbow self. Twilight influence should also make some difference. I would be much disappointed to get a copy of their group-dynamics from canon EG, or something with just a few cosmetic differences, so I really hope to see the potential of the premise to be expanded upon.
Hope it helped.
Oh, and personally I believe that a Fluttershy scene was spot-on.
GLHF!