How to Immediately Improve Your Story

During an Internet trawl, I somehow stumbled upon an almost surefire method for improving a story. You might've heard of it, but it was so entertaining, I'm posting it here anyway. That method is:

Take the first line of your story, and make sure the second line is, "And then the murders began."

No, seriously. It sets up an inciting action and almost always provides a dramatic contrast with the first line. Try it with some famous stories.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone: Mr. and Mrs. Vernon Dursley of number 4, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. And then the murders began.

Pride and Prejudice: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. And then the murders began.

The Hobbit: In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. And then the murders began.

Charlotte's Web: "Where's Papa going with that axe?" said Fern to her mother as they were setting the table for breakfast. And then the murders began.

Sometimes, you might need to include a bit more than just the first line to get the full effect, but it's still there.

Artemis Fowl: Ho Chi Minh City in the summer. Sweltering by anyone's standards. Needless to say, Artemis Fowl would not have been willing to put up with such discomfort if something extremely important had not been at stake. Important to the plan. And then the murders began.

Redwall: It was the start of the summer of the Late Rose. Mossflower country shimmered gently in a peaceful haze, bathing delicately at each dew-laden dawn, blossoming through high sunny noontides, languishing in each crimson-tinted twilight that heralded the soft darkness of June nights. And then the murders began.

It even works with ponies!

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, there were two regal sisters who ruled together and created harmony for all the land. And then the murders began.

But since this a website for writing/reading stories, the fun really begins when you do this with your own stories and imagine how the story would've changed from there. Here are some of mine:

Night Owls: Amber Waves couldn't sleep. And then the murders began.

Rigid: Metal shouldn't itch. But it did. And then the murders began.

Tantabus, Mk. II: "I need you to teach me the ways of motherhood!" And then the murders began.

Cant: The Scripture of the Many-Angled One, They of the Space Between, was easily the most boring tome of eldritch lore Twilight had ever known. And then the murders began.

Spike Exploits the Tooth Breezie: It'd taken way, way, way too long, but Twilight's last baby tooth had finally, finally, finally come out. And then the murders began.

If I wanted to, I could probably go on and write a post about how this illustrates what a good opening line does, but I'm lazy and I don't want to.

Comments

[Matthewl419]

Well, I go now to find something this doesn't work for...

If I wanted to, I could probably go on and write a post about how this illustrates what a good opening line does, but I'm lazy and I don't want to.

Eh, it's been done before.

[Anar Isil]

I will never look at 'Charlottes Web' in the same way...

[Marwile]

Here are the results on my own stories:

Sci-Twi's letter: Twilight “Sci-Twi” Sparkle stood before the wooden door trying her best –but slowly failing– to balance the huge amount of bags and suitcases on her frail body. And then the murders began.

Wing envy:Sunset, Twilight and their friends sat in the camp’s cafeteria shack watching Fluttershy and Pinkie baking cookies. And then the murders began.

Prepared for her return: It was a quiet and beautiful summer day in Canterlot. It was one of those days where everyone just wants to lay back and relax. And then the murders began.

Sunset's possible returns(...):It had been an exciting day in Canterlot for Luna. After many years her sister Celestia has finally been reunited with Sunset Shimmer, her former student. And then the murders began.

[PresentPerfect]

amazing XD

[QueenMoriarty]

...This is just brilliant.

[FanOfMostEverything]

Hmm. Let's put this to the test.

Solar Wind: Luna's return was a joyous event, but it did come with its share of difficulties old and new. And then the murders began.

They Live on in These Parts: The final bell rang, sending a horde of teenagers eager to greet the weekend surging out of Canterlot High. And then the murders began.

Scootaloathe: Historians of the Crusade would later note that it all began during Fluttershy's fundraiser. And then the murders began.

Yeah, this checks out.

[Set]

That is actually amazing xD

[Bugsydor]

A bit late to the party, but I think I'll try with some of mine:

Tastes Like Heresy:

I've come to the conclusion that the world would be a much safer place for me if I could learn to keep my Tartarus-cursed mouth shut. I wouldn't cause explosions, I wouldn't make waves, and I certainly wouldn't be packing up for my impending exile right now. And then the murders began.

Desert Spice:

“Be a vanguard,” they said. “See the world,” they said. And then the murders began.

Ooh! I like that one.

Ember, Hoardsmelter:

“I’m telling you, Talc, she’s gone crazy,” a disgruntled Garble said to one of his remaining cronies, a translucent white twig of an uncrested drake. And then the murders began.

Monster Hunter: Equestria:

Recently, I got to live the Equestrian Dream: I got to throw my crazy ex-husband off a cliff. And then the murders began.

Huh. That puts a significantly different spin on that opener. Especially if I then continue on to the next sentence in the fic.

No, I don't make a habit of killing ponies.

Good results, for the most partn