Friendship is Card Games: Night of the Apples · 11:28am Apr 2nd, 2017
This week, we’re looking at the cheesiest fruit you’ve ever tasted. Let’s see if this comic-form B-movie gets an A or an F.
Well, Ms. Moon, there was that whole “plunging the world in eternal darkness” thing. Kind of necessitated disciplinary action.
Seriously, look at the expressions on the first page. I’m pretty sure the artist meant for us to sympathize with the insane moon goddess here.
That being said, the idea of evil-irradiated meteors is an interesting one.
Don’t try to get away or anything, AJ. Just keep standing there.
That’s an interesting chicken-and-egg conundrum regarding mark and talent. I suspect there’s no clean-cut single correct answer for it, any more than there’s a single way to discover one’s purpose in life. (Though what’s with Rarity’s almost disgusted look in that last panel? You’d think this was abnormal behavior for Spike.)
Also, does no one notice the abnormal number of apples?
So… how are they holding the spears? I’m going to say short-range telekinesis. Just don’t ask me how an apple grew a mustache. Or how one can speak, for that matter, given the lack of lungs et al.
You know, this was starting to edge into too stupid, but then the leader went and said “Gloat! There will be much gloating!” Now I’m imagining an apple with the voice of Skeletor, and it’s too fantastic a mental image for me to be upset.
I like the idea of an accountant pony who’s as compulsive a counter as the average vampire. Special talents are double-edged swords.
… How are things on fire?
Aaand Luna being ineffectual pushed this over to being too stupid again. I am fickle at times.
Why would the apples care about spells being used on them? They’ve demonstrated magical immunity multiple times.
Also, I know they’re going for the whole “dumb horror movie” vibe, but it does feel insulting for heroes who have overcome gods to get beaten by a pile of produce.
Ooh, the resistance is meeting in the Chamber of Extreme Knitting. Nice continuity.
… though that means that the apples aren’t guarding all of the borders, so while ponies can’t fly out of town, they can still walk. And how exactly are the apples dealing with the regularly arriving trains, anyway?
Wait, how did the apples know that Spike represented a line of communication to Celestia. Heck, if Luna couldn’t beat them, what hope does Celestia have? Indeed, is Luna still in town? Couldn’t she just send word to ponies through dreams?
Again, I know this storyline isn’t meant to be taken too seriously, but I shouldn’t be able to poke this many holes in such quick succession.
Wow, really, Twilight? Pinkie’s about as vegetative as the average gas particle.
We would’ve also accepted Pink Lady for Pinkie’s apple name.
Also, why do the apples have all of these bonfires going? Seriously, when did “apple” become synonymous with “pyromaniac?” Did these things spend too much time around Apple Bloom?
Okay, now we’re getting ridiculous. We’ve seen Spike melt padlocks before, and “Inspiration Manifestation” aired well before this comic.
That said, the Apple product joke did make me smile a little.
You know, the thought occurs that Pinkie could’ve just carried a scroll with her. She still had a mane; storage wouldn’t have been an issue.
“I miss flying.” That’s actually really sad. The peace treaty has forbidden the one thing that makes life worth living for Dash.
And so we see why every other option was unceremoniously pushed off the table: The return of Flutterbat. Let’s face it, it wasn’t worth the sacrifice of logic. Though I do like the combination of her and the template polymorph… though at the same time, it makes the story feel even more fanficcy. And not necessarily in a good way.
Also, implying that breezies aren’t as intelligent as ponies. Ouch.
The vampire names are… mixed in quality. Let’s go with mixed. Though I do like the idea of Rarity having capes on hoof in case of such an event.
And not a single apple raises an alarm, even when directly seeing the vampire fruit bat ponies. Well, nice to know the ponies aren’t hogging the Idiot Ball.
And no, Twilight, those don’t sound good together.
Seriously, if Pinkie’s Potence was enough to tear open the cages, Spike probably could’ve melted his way out.
Speaking of World of Darkness, Fluttershy has wrested control back from the Beast.
Oh, now Twilight’s magic works. Ugh.
Well, Spike’s form is the one the apples have had the most time to study. And the same short-range telekinesis that can hold spears can presumably also act as a cohesive force. Yeah, this checks out.
Since when could Twilight absorb magic? Is that an undocumented feature of unicorns, or could she not help but pay attention even while Tirek drained her?
Okay, the ponies not understanding a thumbs up was amusing and clever.
Celestia seems really weird in this style. Her proportions just look off.
I can’t believe Rainbow didn’t drain Bad Apple the moment she had him in her hooves.
“And more.” So either Celestia couldn’t think of any negative aspects to Fluttershy’s personality, or she couldn’t fit them all in while maintaining her flow. Still, good message about working to overcome internal failings.
Oh. Huh. Really wasn’t expecting the earlier cutie mark discussion to come back full circle. That feels kind of stapled on, and I'm not sure how well staples work on apples.
So… how will the apples continue, exactly? Are they magically preserved, or will they start rotting? Will their seeds produce self-aware trees, trees that produce more self-aware apples, or both? And there are the seeds the vampire fruit bats spat out during the battle. So many questions…
Wow. When even the Apples aren’t in the mood for apples, you know it’s bad.
In the end, this sacrificed too much logic and didn’t provide enough goofiness to make up for it. When you have the heroes standing in defeat as the mayor negotiates with the invading force, leading to freaking labor camps, it is not the sort of light-hearted random romp that can get away with the gaping plot holes on display here. A shame; I really wanted to like this one.
Oh well. This storyline may be rotten, but I can still make something tasty out of it.
Ponyville Accountant 1W
Creature — Pony Advisor
Extort (Whenever you cast a spell, you may pay (wb). If you do, each opponent loses 1 life and you gain that much life.)
T: Target attacking or blocking creature gets +1/+1 until end of turn.
She’s as helpful as any citizen of Ponyville. She just needs a small consultation fee first.
1/1
Conscripted Siege Squad 2W
Creature — Pony Soldier
T: Conscripted Siege Squad deals 1 damage to target attacking or blocking creature.
Tap an untapped Plant you control: Untap Conscripted Siege Squad.
”Keep reloading, slave!”
—Bad Apple
1/2
Proprietary Technology 3W
Enchantment
Activated abilities of artifacts your opponents control can’t be activated.
”How do those apples do anything without the fine manipulation offered by hooves?”
—Princess Twilight Sparkle
Polymorphic Beacon 2UU
Enchantment
Before you shuffle your deck to start the game, you may reveal this card from your deck and exile a creature card you drafted that isn’t in your deck.
2U: Creatures you control become copies of a card you exiled with cards named Polymorphic Beacon until end of turn.
Juice-Maddened Neonate 1B
Creature — Vampire Pegasus
Flying
Juice-Maddened Neonate can’t block.
Whenever Juice-Maddened Neonate becomes blocked by a green creature, it gains deathtouch until end of turn.
2/1
Nightmare’s Wrath 1B
Instant
Target creature gets -2/-2 until end of turn.
Gravestorm (When you cast this spell, copy it for each permanent put into a graveyard this turn. You may choose new targets for the copies.)
Loss begets loss.
Suck Dry 2B
Sorcery
Target creature gets -2/-2 until end of turn. You gain 2 life.
Cipher (Then you may exile this spell card encoded on a creature you control. Whenever that creature deals combat damage to a player, its controller may cast a copy of the encoded card without paying its mana cost.)
Chiropteran Embrace 2BB
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+2 and has flying and lifelink.
”Acknowledge the new instincts. Work with them. But under no circumstances can you let them take control.”
—Princess Twilight Sparkle
Sated Strength 3B
Instant
Delve (Each card you exile from your graveyard while casting this spell pays for 1.)
Target creature gets +4/+0 and gains lifelink until end of turn. If a green card was exiled with Sated Strength’s delve ability, that creature gets an additional +0/+4 and gains trample until end of turn.
Thirsting Colony 3BB
Creature — Vampire Bat
Flying
When Thirsting Colony enters the battlefield, put a +1/+1 counter on it for each green creature on the battlefield.
They descended upon the apple army like a fog with teeth.
2/2
Incendiary Arrival RR
Enchantment
Whenever a creature enters the battlefield under your control, Incendiary Arrival deals 1 damage to target creature you don’t control.
In Ungula, fire doesn’t need fuel, just an excuse.
Violent Explosion 2R
Sorcery
As an additional cost to cast Violent Explosion, sacrifice an artifact.
Violent Explosion deals damage equal to the sacrificed artifact’s converted mana cost to each creature target player controls.
”Is there any other kind?”
—Rainbow Dash, Bearer of Loyalty
Coercive Spearfruit 1G
Creature — Plant Warrior
Whenever Coercive Spearfruit attacks, you may have target creature block this turn if able.
”Come on, horse. Move!”
2/1
Apple Ambush 3G
Instant
Cast Apple Ambush only during combat after blockers are declared.
Create X 1/1 green Plant creature tokens that are blocking target creature attacking you or a planeswalker you control, where X is that creature’s toughness.
Baleful Bushel 3G
Creature — Plant Warrior
Baleful Bushel can’t be blocked by creatures with power 2 or less.
Baleful Bushel’s power and toughness are each equal to the number of green permanents you control
Those they can’t go around, they go over.
*/*
Apple Titan 3GG
Creature — Plant
Amplify 1 (As this creature enters the battlefield, put a +1/+1 counter on it for each Plant card you reveal from your hand.)
Apple Titan’s power and toughness are each equal to the number of Plants you control plus the number of Plant cards in your graveyard.
*/*
Conflict-Infused Meteor 4
Artifact
Creatures you control attack each turn if able.
T: Add two mana in any combination of colors to your mana pool.
Bathed in the magic of warring alicorns, it grants all the power and madness of Nightmare Moon.
Spell Absorption GU
Instant
Counter target spell that targets only a single creature you control. Put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.
”Oh dear.”
—Princess Twilight Sparkle
Bad Apple 2BG
Legendary Creature — Plant Warrior
Menace
Other Plants you control get +1/+1 and have menace.
At the beginning of your upkeep, you lose 1 life and create a 1/1 green Plant creature token.
”Today, Ponyville. Tomorrow, the world!”
3/3
Apple Labor Camp
Land
T: Add C to your mana pool.
1, T: Put a storage counter on Apple Labor Camp
1, Remove X storage counters from Apple Labor Camp: Add X mana in any combination of B and/or G to your mana pool.
Vale of the Good Apples
Land
T: Add G or W to your mana pool. Each opponent gains 1 life.
Led by an apple infused with the diarchs’ love, the inhabitants of the vale strive towards a greater purpose than mere conquest.
Another comic whose existence I generally prefer not to acknowledge. It's really stupid, it has plotholes one could maneuver an oil tanker through, and it does nothing to make up for this.
Essentially, I agree with your assessment.
That said, it is nice to see a tribute to Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.
Eh, haven't read this one. Good to know that it was as stupid as I thought it was going to be. Sheesh, whenever I write stupid, at least I try to have some semblance of logic in it, or involve party ponies, or Discord... I want to laugh at my own stuff in a "How did I come up with this?" kind of manner, not cringe and fake laugh in a "Plotholes, plotholes, everywhere..." manner.
Dang, a couple things here are reminding me of ideas I have... like, how the story being based on Attack of the Killer Tomatoes reminds me that I want to write a chapter of... any story that Tommy appears in... that is named "Attack of the Killer Tomato". There are two ways that Tommy could be a "Killer Tomato".
The second is how the use of Flutterbat as a template reminds me of a plan I have for-- *slap!* No, Sketch! No spoiling things that you haven't written yet!
Yeah. Pretty much my thoughts as well. It was around about this point that I stopped looking forward to new comics. Also worth mentioning, I'm pretty sure all those apples that they drained are dead now, which would mean that this comic has the highest body count of any story in MLP canon.
That might be the most overpowered ability I've seen...
Comics like this make me wonder if the comic writers have even watched all the episodes. I haven't read this one myself, and from the sound of it, the only way I would enjoy it would be if Joel or Mike and the Bots riffed it ('cause it's like a B-movie, get it?).
Man, I love pink ladies. I don't see them in grocery stores as often as I used to.
4480990
Huh. Given the title, I thought it was more of a riff on Night of the Lepus. Of course, having seen neither movie, I wasn't exactly in the best position to judge.
4481083
Sadly, it wasn't the fun kind of stupid.
I could see a number of ways to weaponize Tommy, from caffeination to the aftereffects of Kazam's experiments to long-term economic sabotage. Any pony can be terrifying with enough creativity.
4481110
Yeah, this may even outweigh the atrocities Majesty performed back in the weird G1 comics. Though even death by exsanguination (exsuciation?) pales in comparison to acts like transforming an entire race into bubbles.
4481252
It's one of the many keywords seen only on futureshifted cards. In this case, Bitter Ordeal.
4481275
Eh? Now I have to read this. Excuse me.
Rainbow DashGeneral Firefly. My my, you have aged well."(Then IT happens.)
Well, that was scarring. Thanks a bunch, you nightmare-inducing monster. G1 ponies are now on par with crazy G4 Twilight, but at least G4 Twi was an outlier.
Seriously, though, exaggerate though I do, that is one overly saccharine comic with really, really unfortunate implications. Were they all like that?
4481418
They all tend to be cutesy. There seem to be even odds between banal slice of life and something involving horrific if insipid entities, like the formless terror referenced in the local copy of the Necronomicon that would've claimed all of Ponyland as its domain... if it saw anything red.
If Majesty is involved, again, even odds that she'll use her magic in a form of nightmarishly disproportionate retribution. Silver Quill offers an interesting video that includes an analysis of her potential as an intentional villain.
4481423
Oh, no. You're not tricking me into reading a comic again, you subtle demon. I've got enough impending insomnia as it is.
Also, huh... a pony who uses horrifyingly overpowered and morally suspect magic completely disproportionate to the current task. I'm starting to wonder if Majesty was a precursor to Starlight Glimmer.
4481423
Majesty is like Starlight, the Super Wizard of G1 poni.
It's unlikely to come up in drafting, but how do multiple Polymorphic Beacons interact?
5094153
Each Beacon works with the cards they all exiled, hence the "cards named" terminology. You choose which card to copy as the ability resolves.