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Someone please tell me what I did wrong with In Service to His Country. Most likely it's the description and people are disliking before they read, as seems to be common. I just want to know what's wrong with my writing so I can fix it and be better.
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remember, half of those dislikes are most likely kneejerk HiE dislikes.
I agree. As far as I can tell, your writing is technically flawless (seriously, thank you for learning your homophones). Aside from a few awkward sentences, I like your style. I also enjoy the hints you've been dropping.
I have some question while reading, however. Why do humans end up in Equestria? Why only humans, and not other beasties? Why did Blueblood act as he did at the Gala if that's not his true character? Hopefully these kinds of questions will be answered later.
Keep it up!
4211060 Maybe. Even so, it's hard to ignore, but thanks a lot.
4211125 That is very reassuring to hear. If you can name any specific flaws, I'd appreciate pointing them out. As for those questions, many I had not considered, but will now incorporate into the story. Also, to which homophones are you referring specifically?
Honestly don't see anything wrong with your writing, quite the opposite actually. My guess as to what's going on is the usual dislike train that always seems to follow HiE fics, as long as you keep up the good work as you have so far it should turn out fine, maybe even great. Keep your hope up and the words coming.
4211402 Thanks. This feedback has really been helping.
I actually quite like Horse People - you've got a protagonist who has a "stronger" weak link than is often found in stories. Granted, there's your excellent sex scenes too. But I admit that I too found some concern as I read through the description. I did experience that kneejerk reaction. I believe it lies within this sentence:
To be fair I haven't read the fic yet. But you've already started to "explain" or detail what a human pony is - when, in fact, it's an idea that seems contradictory in nature. Somehow, the way you talk about it in the description makes me feel like I'm already supposed to know what it is or accept it as a legitimate and cool concept (which it could well be). And this sentence reeks of "Look at me, I'm already important and I'm telling you why in the description." Which is guess makes a kind of sense but I feel like it would make more sense if this was already designated as a clopfic, when I get the feeling it isn't. Hope that helps
EDIT: And I think the forced conversion thing has been done a lot too. I recall hearing about it in an angry rant a couple of years ago, and that was THEN.
I could be wrong but to me it seems like people are put off by the apparent Deus ex Machina that human ponies seem to be.
4211960 Fair points. I'll try revising that sentence, though I doubt it'll undo all the current dislikes.
4212162 Seems so.
4211161 Honestly, you clearly don't have to worry. I was mostly talking about there/their/they're. I swear I can her people using the wrong ones when they talk...
As for specific "flaws", it could just be me looking at things askance, but
Everything here is correct grammatically. Personally I'm a fan of semicolons and amazed you managed to fit three in one sentence, but maybe this a little much for one sentence. I suddenly feel like I'm grasping at straws trying to criticize.
I have only read the description. Based on that, a number of people don't like reading stories with Blueblood in it unless he's a jerk and becomes a punching bag. Also, bringing someone to Equestria to be in a relationship is one thing. Bringing them strictly for the purpose of breeding mares, that can be looked down upon.
I got this only from the description. I will be reading the story first chance I get (I still have a lot of catching up to do). If I see anything, I will mention it in the comments unless you want otherwise.
4212589 Meh. I get similar feelings when reading other people's work too. Thanks for the effort in looking, though.
4212921 Appreciated. Also, I thought people were annoyed by the 'Blueblood is an ass' trope.
4214119 Unfortunately, from what I've seen and read, there are more who love it than hate it. Personally, I hate it.
4214431 Oh well.
It could be a number of factors as to why there are so many dislikes, I believe IMHO that it is the premise rather than the writing.
There are many fics out there who get dislike only for the premise it holds, or the general plot rather than the way it is executed or the way it is written.
For example: The Conversion Bureau, Fall Of Equestria.
This particulary type of fics get dislikes just by their premise, or general plot.
People don't like this type of fics for many reasons so they give dislikes regardless if the stories are well done or not. Personally if I don't like a story I try to move on instead of leave a thumbs down because reason without even reading it.
In your story for example by reading the description there is a number of reasons why some people might not apreciate it.
- Human In Equestria. Yes there is always people who dislike HIE fic.
- Clop fic. This should not be a surprise.
- Harem Fic.
- Human Turned Pony. Yes many people dislike human turned pony fics.
So in theory, I believe most of the dislikes are because a combination of this factors. I will not blame it on your writing because I know for a fact that is not the reason.
4217999 Yup. That seems to be the consensus.