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Typist Gray
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Typist Gray
Joined 13th Apr, 2015 ·
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Okay, this story seems interesting. A human who has become a new sub species of pony and appears in the future of the show with grown up characters. Hope to see more of this story.
7558170 With enough comments like this, you hopefully will.
I feel like the main draw of your writing for me is the characters/interaction. You do interesting things with them but they don't feel like they've been forced into their roles.
This seems interesting I shall follow and see where it leads.
7558437 That's appreciated, but isn't "not feeling forced" a good thing?
7558449 Here's hoping you find something worthwhile.
7558472 I meant it as a good thing. I'm not very eloquent.
Interesting. Very interesting.
7561070 Appreciated.
I must confess, I'm a little worried about this talk of his genes being so superior to those of regular, inferior ponies. Sounds just a bit master race-ish, you know? Now, they're not talking about herren- and unterponies yet, but... well. You get the idea.
Not going to comment on the Canterlot Nobles Are Talking Roadblocks To Everything Good And Wholesome trope.
7565122 Is that what people are disliking about this story, the premise?
7566118
It might very well be. As you can see, there's some very uncomfortable Unfortunate Implications to be drawn from the story's description. Now, I can't actually speak for those folks who did give you a dislike (for the record, I didn't), but that would be my best guess.
7566382 Your honesty is most appreciated. Any suggestions on improving at least the description?
MOAR MAUD SHIPPINGS!!!!
MOAR, I SAY!!!!
I think one reason this fic may be getting a cold reception is that it reeks of self-insert / wish fulfillment. Human transported to Equestria, transforms into sex symbol, OP abilities, no weaknesses, ad nauseum.
Whether or not it turns out to actually BE like this is entirely up to you.
And as a side note , if you WANT to write a self insert wish fulfillment fic, then more power to you! To heck with naysayers. It's your fic, write it how you want. If they don't like it, let them write their own. You do you, sir, and follow wherever your muse leads.
I like the humorous implications of the panties.
7566751 Training in basic magic, no OP abilities, same weakness as any other living creature including being reclusive, and so on. However, that it looks that way is likely a problem. Thank you for pointing that out.
7566715 This is my second attempt. Here's hoping it works this time.
7566752 Likewise.
7566896 I mean, the comment was mostly speculation. Who knows the mind of random bronies on the internet?
I personally haven't seen anything terribly bad so far. I've just noticed during my time on this site that there are a few "triggers" or cliches that readers look for and will jump all over any fics they think possesses these traits.
I mean, the story isn't bad, nor is it great. I just haven't read anything outstanding in it yet. The most interesting thing I've seen so far that has me wanting to keep reading is I'm curious why Blueblood is such a horndog and what exactly is his reasoning for pursuing the protagonist so hard.
Honestly, Blue is a difficult character to write for. The show only showed the one side of him, so trying to make a 3-dimensional character of a caricature is a tough job. Good luck!
-B
So will he be eating a slice of maud pie?
Okay, this chaoter was very entertaining. I liked how Blueblood and Luna attempted to make the guy dress sexy and were disappointed by how self-conscious he is about the offered clothes. The part where Luna reveals that she knows Blueblood's fantasies were funny and Gregory's meeting with Maud and Pinkie made me laugh. Thanks for the chapter.
7566934 I also have triggers, but never act unless there's something morally reprehensible. As for Blue, I'll hint by paraphrasing One Piece. "Never ask 'why' with love."
7567050 It's a romance with sex and her as one of the main characters. Odds are not terrible.
7567073 No. Thank you for enjoying it.
Well, you've not got a whole lot so far. That being said, your character interactions are great. Dialogue based narrative really suits you.
I think what bothers me most is the "Human pony" thing. I get the feeling you're trying to have it be mysterious but it comes off feeling like it's obvious or something, which it definitely isn't. Why do they even exist? How do they get to Equestria? WHY do they go to Equestria? Is it a volunteer process? How are humans even contacted? How is a "human pony" different, other than being more innovative? I feel like you should answer at least one of these very soon. The description of the story portrays a human pony as being super masculine - or at least heavily based in sexuality (which I can see now is the point). If you said, instead, that there was a stud process involved, I think the story would make more sense. Kind of like Gentlemen for Mares (Excellent story, should read). Part of the issue here is that you've chosen to write a HiE, with a strong sexual tag. As you might guess, that does set off some flags. I think ,perhaps, you might have better luck if your description contained one of your character interactions explaining. It might help
Giving this a like and a fave, hopefully the princesses and others realise that Gregory may not bring them what they're looking for or at least explain his role in more detail rather than just throwing him into the deep end.
7568239 This right here is a prime example of the constructive criticism I've been wanting. Also, I thought I had made it clear that this was supposed to be a stud story.
7568623 He knows his role. It's just the audience who is unclear. Also, in this version they're queens, and thank you.
7568802
Looking at the description that you've changed, it definitely looks better. I think, originally, the reason i didn't realize it was a stud story because you'd only mentioned it once, in the last sentence. You start out with him being forced to change, making it seen like the most important part of the story.
I think you could maybe explain what this "service" he has actually IS.
7568802 The thing that stands out to me is that we really don't have a lock on what is acceptable with regards to sex, sexism, sexual expression and what is illegal or unacceptable in pony society with regard to these things. Is he looking forward to being a pony manwhore and getting a different pussy to bang for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Or is he going to feel used and unclean and feel like he's being treated like a piece of meat, and that his opinions and feelings don't matter (I.e. casual sex vs. a relationship). What about sexual molestation or intercourse with underage ponies? Is there an age of consent? Is sexual maturity determined by a cutie mark manifesting or is it determined by a certain number of years? Is exhibitionism in public areas illegal, or is it a non-issue because they're naked all the time? Is prostitution legal, or is it illegal? What if a married mare wants Gregory to breed her? Would the stallion be jealous? Or would he accept it? Would it be a source of pride that his wife is having a human-pony foal? For that matter, are the foals going to be supported by the Kingdom, their mothers only, or a herd/community? If he wants to have a fatherhood role in the foals that he sires, does he get that? Are there legal documents that hash out the rights and responsibilities of the stud and the dame? If the dame doesn't want Gregory to have a fatherhood role/visiting rights and doesn't agree to the terms, then does she get studded anyways?
Does Gregory have any sexual fetishes? Rape fantasy, impregnation, or cuckoldry/bulling? Does he have sexual abhorrences? Fecal consumption, piss drinking, vomit exchange, bloodletting? Or is he a virgin? Or is his body a virgin, but his mind knows of many different sexual fetishes and kinks?
So somethings to consider, because we don't know this kind of stuff about Gregory or how he's handling/coping with adapting to an entirely different way of life or culture. Like, how can he be taught how a magic spell should feel like when he didn't have any previous experiences with magic? Do they have a guidance spell to help ponies learn how a properly cast spell would feel like in their horn? Is the magic will based, does it have incantations? Or utilize alchemical reactions and have catalysts? Are runes and ancient languages used? What about the roles of sexes in society? Does the stallion have right to own property? The right to work outside of a home or field? What about mares?
Hopefully this helps you out in fleshing things out regarding Gregory's character and how he thinks, adapts and react/learn about this new world and culture that he finds himself in.
7569068 Awesome. And other change made.
7569090 A lot of the story has already been written, and pretty much everything you brought up is touched upon little by little over the next few chapters. Thanks for the thought, though.
I notice that the like count is pulling ahead of the dislikes. Good sign.
I think this is an interesting story so far, as much as I love HiE turn pony getting the chance to happily fuck every pony he can reach, as a royal stud of sorts, I hope their will be more depth to the story then just that, all does it seem that you are doing a good job so far on that front. I hope their will be more back story to Gregory then just be that human that arrived in the neighborhood. I wander if he will relish his new duty, and not care that he will be the absent father of several hundred foals, or that he will be repulse by the idea of being treated as being thought as a glorified sex machine, with only superficial of relation ships with others, he sound a little prude on that end and I am not sure that he has any attractions to any of the ponies. I wander if he is currently aware that he will be expecting to do his duties, I understand that he is aware that previous humans were subject of fascination for ponies, but I am not sure that he is aware of the scale of what will be demanded of him, or how much pressure he will be under once the royal get tired of his reluctance, I image that they have ways to get him to comply without obviously cohesion that he would notice, Luna's dream walking could be an interesting idea, get use to the idea of laying in bed with mare by dreaming of them and stimulate his on the mere idea. I like your approach with Blueblood so far, trying his best to be Gregory friend all the while wanting him for himself, but his feelings are not reciprocated. I wander how he go to Equestria and why does Celestia give forces the ultimatum of become a pony or die, when she well aware that magic won't kill and being human wouldn't be disruptive to her society; How important is it that he has to bread so much anyway?
I am looking forward to see more of this story
7570367 Agreed and appreciated.
7571505 It is a real choice. If he doesn't turn, he will die from magic radiation. As for everything else, a good portion of it will be addressed in the next chapter. The rest will come up little by little over the course of the story.
7571734 sorry the way that I read the explanation it sounded a bit ambiguous an thought that it meant it was a trick to get him to became a pony. As fot the rest of the of what I have written, it is just my dribbling thoughts on what is happening, I honestly don't expect you to answer any of it; all doe teases are always appreciate.
That was sufficiently awkward as to be adorable. Can't wait for Maud to ... rock his world.
I'll show myself out.
Man, I'm amazed that you can turn Maud into a flirt and I liked your interpretation about a pony's body language.
7577278 Your transgression is forgiven, and thank you.
7577285 Me too. Here's hoping it sticks.
I think it was a very good chapter I like your interpretation of Mude Pie, generally seen as an Asperguer, I like the more lustful to her that you have presented her as, she sounds very interesting character. So Gregory is actually aware that he is just a stud for the Canterlot nobility to help the Queens to strengthen their holdings for them seeing that Blueblood is the one in charge of him. Aside from the what the guy might feel on the matter, I wander if it wouldn't be easier for him to just produce sperm samples that can be used fertilize mares without Gregory having to bed the mares constantly, unless that is a direction that you don't want to go with that subject and add maybe the the magic to do the fertilization of eggs can only be done by doing the actual act of sex? I can wait to see what will happen next.
7577344 I'm also liking the way I've written Maud. The rest you'll just have to wait and find out.
OK, that chapter was better than the last two put together. It doesn't help that I'm a huge sucker for Maude shipping. anyways, great chapter, lots of chuckle-worthy moments. Keep up the great work!
7577850 Glad to hear, and no worries. More Maud is on the way.
I like this,must have more.
7614526 Here's hoping.
Great to see an other chapter of this good story, by I would really like to get to know more bout Gregory's past and see him explore Equestria as well as have him see how he would get stuck in the intrigue that he will be stuck in with the nobles. I wander if he could get kidnapped by an other nation, be used and ransomed for his life. I wander if the Griffin would want some of his DNA for themselves, how about the Yaks, the Minotaurs? I really like Gregory's coworkers they sound like a lot of fun hope to see more of them in the furtur.