Savage Pony · 12:26am Jun 30th, 2016
What was Queen Majesty thinking?
In all of her travels, why did the queen of all Ponydom decide to bring that savage back to Dream Castle? I don't understand why Dream Valley's ruler brought a primitive buffalo pony back to civilization like she did? That wild brute has no place in either Equestria or Ponyland, it would have been better if her had been left out in the wilderness where he belongs! Even looking at him is enough to turn my stomach sick.
I always see him just standing there inside Vanilla Mocha's coffee shop, glaring at the customers as they come and go. His useless for polite conversation, simply grunting and nodding when I try to talk to him, and he never has a kind word for anypony. When a mare named Daffodil asked him out to dinner, he offered to go and kill it for her. After he heard the gossip I was spreading about him, he started using my beautifully painted wooden carriage for target practice, shooting hundreds of arrows into the side! My beautiful carriage looks like a pin cushion!
This brute has no redeeming qualities; he eats fish raw, pours entire bottles of barbecue sauce down his gullet, followed by an entire gallon of root beer- what a cocktail that must make in his stomach! He'll disappear into the wilds for weeks, coming back with a dozen or so served and bloody goblin heads hanging on his belt next to his tomahawk. When he wants to send a message, he uses those stupid smoke signals that make my eyes water! And he has rude and foul belching and flatulence contests with that Stallion Bronze shield right outside of my bedroom. His audacity is unbelievable!
Majesty, do the rest of us a favor, and send this- this animal back to the jungle where he belongs! I'm scared he's going to get hungry one day, and boil us all up in a stew! Many of the other non-confederacy ambassadors agree with me, and we're starting up a Petition to be rid of brutish tribespony! You Ponylanders may put us with his insolence, but we Equestrians will not tolerate the savage behavior of Wigwam Scalphunter!
Pretty Visions
Equestrian Ambassador
Takes one to know one Miss Visions. With the things New Equestria has done I wouldn't be throwing stones.
-Rev. Ely Greenstone
You're exaggerating, Miss Visions. What really happened is that me and Wigwam, the one you call "savage", went to eat at a Maretonian restaurant and what was in the food gave us a gas problem. So what you heard wasn't us doing a belching and farting contest but us needing to use the toilet fast.
Bronze Shield.