Vren55's Summer Plugging Reviews: The Mare Who Once Lived on the Moon · 7:26am Jun 3rd, 2016
It occurs to me that I need to start practicing other forms of writing, such as story or fic reviews. After all, I am a graduate student now, only reasonable that I start exploring some other career opportunities.
First though, I need to get some practice writing reviews, and what better way to do it other than plug some of my favorite authors on my folder known as Vren55's Top Favorites, a collection of my favorite stories on this site.
That being said, feel free to shoot me your story via PM if you want me to read it. I'll try to give it a glance and a review at least, though I will reserve my recommendation for those that I think are the best. Also, I prefer completed stories because that way I don't get hung on a cliffhanger.
That being said, I'll IMMEDIATELY break this preference and plug an incomplete story. So without further ado:
The Mare Who Once Lived on the Moon
by MrNumbers
Tags: Romance, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Sci Fi
TL;DR: In The Mare Who Once Lived on the Moon MrNumbers stages a story with intriguing, and yet faithful versions of MLP's Elements of Harmony that will continue to surprise and endear themselves to the audience, all to the backdrop of a fantastic and yet gritty steampunk/scifi Equestria.
I've read some of MrNumbers's work previously, his one shots and his most famous story "The Reluctant Demesne of Twilight Sparkle". I have to admit though, I didn't love them them, though I found them well-executed to the point I think they achieved the author's intent fairly well, whether it was to make me laugh, cry, or slap my hand against my face repeatedly.
This story though, surprised me greatly. I didn't think much of the summary. I've read TwiLuna stories before and I don't think much of the ship.
But without spoiling too much, the story is set in an Alternate Steampunk Equestrian Empire, before what is equivalent in canonical timeline to Luna's return, where Celestia, the ruler of said empire is known only by the title "The Mourning Princess".
The main character is Twilight, the Royal Philosopher (cum astronomer, cum scientist) to Celestia's court, a snarky, sharp-witted, bookworm, assisted by Spike, her dragon. She's familiar enough to the audience's eye, but surprising in the sense that unlike the awkward, often naive canonical version we see in the show, Twilight's more learned, aware of the politics and intrigue in the Equestrian Empire's backstabbing court, but at the same time... also narrowed in her perspective to the point that she IS familiar to the audience.
She's also just as lonely, until one day, through her new steam-powered telescope, she catches sight of a blue alicorn on the moon.
Driven initially by curiosity, Twilight continues to try to contact the alicorn/mare on the moon, and her efforts lead to the introduction of the rest of the Elements of Harmony, who are slowly drawn into Twilight's quest to connect with the mare she slowly learns, is named Luna. Suffice to say, they all have alternate universe counterparts that are surprising, and yet, definitively faithful to the show's canon characters.
It is therefore unsurprising that these characters are the highpoint of MrNumbers's story. Twilight notwithstanding, every single one of the alternate interpretations of the elements of harmony has worked, being faithful to the archetypes they were based upon and embody, but at the same time, unique in their backstory and personality, which a reader can clearly see, is due to the Alternate Equestria they inhabit, shaping their characters. This grounds the characterizations of the Elements of Harmony in a kind of logic that the audience can get and appreciate, but also grant enough originality so the audience are continually surprised by these "new" and yet "familiar" characters.
Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, shine above all the canon characters MrNumbers uses in his Alternate Universe Equestria, and are incredibly lovable, and sympathetic (seriously, you'll want to give Pinkie Pie a hug). Moreover, his characterization of Fluttershy is probably one of the best interpretations I've seen in an Alternate Universe, as it was so incredibly faithful to the character's core attributes and yet at the same time, surprised and shocked me to the core once she was introduced (you'll see what I mean).
To make the story even better, all of these characters inhabit a world masterfully crafted by a clearly well-read author. In writing his story, MrNumbers not only dips into scientific babble that makes some logical sense, but as the characters start to encounter more conflict and opposition as the story builds up, MrNumbers employs a rather solid understanding of politics, of the military system, of patents and legal loopholes in regards to them, and of history. Aside from littering the story with allusions to historical events that as a history student, I absolutely adore, the knowledge MrNumbers has in these other disciplines makes the world his characters inhabit very real, unflinching in the crap it shoves at the characters, who interact with others and react to events and challenges in a realistic and in-character fashion.
That does bring me onto the weaknesses in this story, which unfortunately, is the story (plot). It's a very good story, just not as strong as the characters themselves. Oh I was surprised when I was reading it, I felt it also made perfect, logical plot sense. So I like it quite a lot and am eager to see what the author has in store. Yet, at the same time, due to the tags and the summary, one could predict to an extent, where this story's plot is going. Granted, I cannot predict the how it would get to the end, but the story is playing out... very much as I expected it to... as the story appears to be (at this point) a reinterpretation of season 1 ep 1-2 in a very very different (AU after all) and far more well-developed fashion. This isn't a bad thing, as MrNumbers keeps enough surprises to keep us guessing and it's an absolute joy to see his characters interact in the world he has created and with each other, but it does make the plot a bit... just a slight bit predictable in the sense I can sortof see the end result even if I want to know how it happens.
I have a feeling though that this was his goal... which was to provide an AU where Twilight and her friends band together under different circumstances and as different mares and make this AU entertaining through the world itself and the journey these different main six take to free Luna.
If there was one thing I do want to see more though, and perhaps MrNumbers has gotten this covered in a future chapter release, is Twilight and Luna having more romantic development. If it wasn't obvious from the summary and tags, one will soon realize, that Twilight is going to get infatuated with Luna and most bronies favorite princess with her. Granted, considering the situation the characters are in, it's a bit difficult to actually get any romantic development done and what's done is convincing as it genuinely seems to affect Twilight and Luna and I as the audience, want to root for them. That being said, repeating a statement made by a character later in the story, it seems that the lengths Twilight's infatuation is driving her towards her end goal (which is going to become obvious sooner or later) are a bit extreme. A little more romantic development in future could really flesh this relationship out to the point it becomes more functional and less infatuation.
When all is said and done though, I highly recommend this story, even if it's incomplete. The unique ideas and interpretations of canon characters presented by MrNumbers in this AU are too good for a few, very minor points to weaken, and as such, I have joined the many fans who eagerly await a future release.
It's a big dang unfortunate that the last gap between releases was nearly 7 months...
Yours sincerely,
vren55
My favourite part was the bit where you called me smart.
In all seriousness, the story is very formulaic, and I'm very happy with that. Because formula and structure allow you more time to spend building character within a framework without worrying that you're slowing down a story; You're hitting your notes and objectives within your outline, and that allows you to... I'm very strict about writing characters organically. If I'm stuck on a scene, I go back to the last point the characters felt natural and I ask them questions. And I have the freedom to do that, knowing I can change a literal outcome and still fit the narrative outcome. Unfortunately I choose to ask the questions most often on the bus, loudly.
Look, it's my life, I'll fuck it up however I want to.
Anyway, it seems like the formula is a double-edged sword yeah? I have freedom within the framework to maintain pacing and momentum, I know where everything fits into place, but there's a transparency to the plot that makes the story very visible to the audience.
That's complete and utter bullshit, because I know I've put the framework there and, more importantly, I know you'll pick up on it. I know you'll see it. Which means I can give you expectations and I can subvert them effortlessly because I'm the one who set them up in the first place.
Fluttershy's chapter is my favourite example of this. Until then, the chapter build had always been: New friend, new accomplishment and Luna achievement, new friend, new accomplishment. Fluttershy completely tanked that, throws off the order for a chapter, and because of that Twilight is even more utterly fucked at the end of the chapter because now she's caught playing catchup to get back to narrative. It's such a little difference, but I think the results speak for themselves.
I know exactly how expected the ending is. I know exactly what you think the ending will be. I've been very, very careful to give you this expectation. I'm not beholden to that, because I am a callous and fickle god.
Maybe I'll follow through. I have claimed time and time again to draw inspiration from the prose of the era. Maybe I'll just play the whole thing straight...
I can guarantee, the ending is going to be very fun, and surprise a lot of people regarding Luna.
Surprisingly I have had this in my list to read for some time....so much backlog to go through
3994556
Thanks XD. I had an idea you were going to surprise us sometime and subvert it with the Fluttershy chapter as you had always been doing with the other characters. That's why I never said that the formula seems like a double edged sword. I was completely aware that it was your intention and that you can use it to subvert people's expectations quite well. Its just that I admire people who go off the beaten path a bit more than the subversion thing, which is why I thought the story while great, perhaps isn't as strong or persuasive as the characters themselves. It's not that it's weak though, because I love the story and am continuously surprised by it.
Pinkie as a Nikoli Tesla parallel is brilliant