Jun
1st
2016
What Am I Doing Wrong? · 1:19pm Jun 1st, 2016
No, this isn't another whiney blog post fishing for sympathy, or a depressing rant about my lack of self-esteem, so don't worry about those.
I'm making this post to ask you, the people who take time out of their lives to read the stuff I write, where you feel my work is lacking or could be improved so that I might give you a better product. So, I want honest criticism or even just generic advice here. What parts of what I do could stand to be bettered?
Query:why are you under the impression you are doing something wrong?
I find you work fully enjoyable and with little grammatical problems.
You know, I just realized I've never actually read any of your work,
Time to stick TNAoLH on the read list,
3989106
There's a difference between accepting you're a good writer and thinking you're flawless. I know my work isn't perfect even if it is good, and a writer should always try to improve their writing.
As far as I can tell, your biggest issue seems to be confidence. However, I don't really have a good sample size of your work. Clearly, I need to read more to get a better grasp on your flaws.
3989344
Sadly, what you can see on here is the majority of my serious work. My REALLY early work is nothing I'm willing to share, given it reads exactly what you would expect of someone in his early teens to put out, and the rest of what I write is literally just furry fetish writing. I would like to increase my output as far as horsewords (and, ideally, original words) is concerned, but my work seems to actively try and prevent it whenever I try to set aside time.
It's been a while since I read any of the chapters for the lyra necromancer story (I don't know if you have any others), but I think you've done a good job so far. I usually point out any spelling errors I see in stories, but I can't remember how you're doing on that front, so maybe spelling and grammar? I don't know.
3989515
Well, I do have other stories, but Necromantic is my best work. I don't think I even had an editor for any of the others, I just wrote and posted them. And outside of those... you really don't want to read the other things I've written.
3989551 If you say so, buddy!
3989612
Considering everything I've written outside of Ponies is furry fetish stuff, yes, I do say so.
I don't think I can add on much else to what Fireeaters has already said save for that I think you have a good pacing going on in the story, it's quite memorable, an enjoyable read and immerse (if only because I like lore reading but funnily enough I never seem to do it for Skyrim.) I think going at it as his you have been is the best way so far. Though that's probably just be talking.
Speaking as the EqD pre-reader of the group here... I don't have any issue whatsoever that I've ever picked up on. I think you're just fine, brother!
Seems like most people are giving you the "Hey you're doing amazing just going.".
While I can do kinda agree with them, their is a small problem. The time in-between chapter is god awfully long and while no one can blame you for that since we don't know what your life is like IRL so you might just be busy as all hell and do not have time to work on your stories but it sure is hell a killing point.
The more time you have between chapters the more readers your going to lose. People lost interest in your story as they, most likely, forgotten what happened in the previous chapter and can't be arsed to reread or just don't feel like reading it anymore.
So yeah story wise perfectly fine but if you can release chapters monthly/weekly you should be able to build a bigger viewer base.
MyTwoCents
I like the story
I just wish you'd update more
Okay, I read Necromantic, since you said it was your best. I'm normally turned off by tags like Dark and Gore, so that's probably why I hadn't already.
Let me start by saying this is all just my opinion; I make no claims to being particularly skilled at writing, editing, or reviewing or anything like that. I don't even really critique people's stuff unless they ask, and well... you asked,
From a reading standpoint, I didn't see anything wrong with the text itself. I'm far from an expert on things like proper grammar, syntax, or any of the 'technical' aspects of writing beyond stuff like spelling, but from the perspective of your average casual reader the story's flow is nice and smooth. I notice you've got a solid team of editors/prereaders and such, so I imagine those kinds of issues aren't really what you're asking about anyway.
You've got good characterization, which is to me the most important part of any story. Also high up there on the importance list are pacing, dialogue, and finding a balance between showing and telling, all of which you seem to have a better-than-average handle on.
I actually had to stop and think to come up with something I thought you were doing "wrong", and the only thing that came to mind was some of the exposition that tended to pop up at various points, like for example the (albeit brief) description of Lyra's upbringing that occurred when she went to fetch Orpheus from her room.
The information itself isn't the problem--giving your characters a history is an important part of storytelling, after all--but the placement and timing of how that information is given to the reader can have a big impact on how it's received. As it stands, learning about Lyra's father doesn't really 'do' anything for the story at this point. It helps us understand Lyra a little better, yes, but there are other ways to do that as well, and I think that details about a character's past, given directly to the reader in-narrative like they are here, tend to slow down that narrative unnecessarily.
I try to avoid giving 'author-to-reader history lessons' (just made that up; it's not a thing) whenever possible, and find that an effective way to combat them is two-fold: 1) wait until it becomes important for readers to know the information, even if that means they are sometimes left guessing for a little while, and 2) do so in-universe, usually via dialogue or similar mechanism. The first can be a little tricky, especially with the episodic nature of a chapter story that isn't complete and people's tendency nowadays to jump all over something that 'doesn't make sense', when in reality they just don't know the whole story yet. Still, it's possible to write in such a way that it becomes clear that there is more going on than the readers know, and that is usually enough to sate all but the most rabid completionists.
The second, if your cast of characters aren't fully familiar with each other from the get go, is a piece of cake. All you need is a character with the information you want to convey, a character without it, and a reason for the former to tell it to the latter. The reason can potentially be anything, but it's up to you as the storyteller to consider the personalities of your characters and the nature of the information when deciding how to reveal it. Depending on what type of pony Lyra is, she might be hesitant to talk to Roseluck about her father, whereas she might readily discuss it with Bonbon. On the other hoof, Bonbon might already know of Lyra's past, and in a heated situation it wouldn't seem out of place for her to be the one to reveal the information to someone like Righteous in order to shed light on Lyra's behavior. It all comes down to the characters and the circumstances, just like any other part of a good story.
Anyway, that was the only thing I noticed when reading Necromantic that stuck out as something I would do differently if it were my own story. Hopefully it helps, but I don't think it's something important enough to turn people away from the story given how entertaining the tale is as a whole.
This is actually really hard to answer. Because I like Necromantic and there's nothing 'wrong' with it. But at the same time, I know I have read better stories. But you're at that annoying cusp where you're good enough that all the things that could help you reach the next level tend to be subtle and hard to spot or verbalize.
Everything I can think of right now has already been mentioned, but the update schedule is the biggest issue. If you're having that much trouble, you might want to get a beta reader and/or to help with the editing and catch errors, etc., if you don't have that already/anymore. Naturally, I volunteer! XD
4008287
It's not an editing issue; it's a writing issue. I only have four pages of the next chapter written and I don't know how long I have to go yet.