Read It Later Reviews #48 – Horsefeathers, Whisk, Mechanical Aptitude, , The Trouble with Phoenixes · 7:16pm May 22nd, 2016
Putting off reading stories and then doing lots of stuff less interesting than reading stories is stupid.
I still managed to procrastinate by wasting time on Reddit.
But I did get some stories read!
Today’s stories:
Horsefeathers by Fervidor
Whisk by Present Perfect
Mechanical Aptitude by Estee
by Super Trampoline
The Trouble with Phoenixes by Cold in Gardez
Horsefeathers
by Fervidor
Drama, Slice of Life
8,243 wordsScootaloo is worried about her wings. They're so small - what if there's something wrong with them? Worry turns into anxiety. What if she'll never be able to fly? That thought scares her more than anything.
Rainbow Dash isn't the most eloquent of ponies. Can she find the right words to cheer her honorary little sister up?
Why I added it: Someone told me it was a very cute story.
Review
Scootaloo learns how to fly #486.
Okay, that’s a bit cynical.
Scootaloo wakes up after a nightmare wherein it is declared that she will never be able to fly. Freaking out about it, she ends up going off on her own all day, only for Rainbow Dash to finally track her down. After finding out what was worrying Scootaloo so much, Rainbow Dash brings Scootaloo to meet a few ponies…
This story feels like it sort of has two cores – the first is Scootaloo’s fear that she will never be able to fly, while the second is a sort of headcanon dump about how flying works. The latter feels like a larger part of the story than it actually is, but really, the primary interaction between Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo doesn’t start until more than a third of the way through the story.
Consequently, the story ended up feeling a bit slow-paced.
However, I think the most offputting part of the story was the use of the third person omniscient – the story jumps between the point of view of Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo throughout the story, and it is a bit distracting, as the real emotional core of the piece is Scootaloo’s feelings, not Rainbow Dash’s. On top of that, the writing is rough in places – there are a number of minor typos, and a lot of telly language that ends up giving the prose a kind of flat feel emotionally.
The prose was, I think, the largest barrier to me getting into this story, but the overall shape of it did feel a bit generic – Scootaloo states her fear, Rainbow Dash takes her out to meet a couple of ponies, Rainbow Dash teaches Scootaloo how to fly. I didn’t really feel like the story really ever went outside of the lines, and it all felt pretty play-by-the-numbers.
In the end, this didn’t really do it for me, and having read other stories about Scootaloo and flying, this didn’t really feel like it ranked high among them.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
Whisk
by Present Perfect
Drama
13,364 wordsA new colt moves to Ponyville and Scootaloo begins acting strangely, forcing Sweetie Belle to choose between her friends and her conscience. Meanwhile, the colt's fathers, looking for a new beginning, discover just how far making assumptions will get them.
Why I added it: I upvoted it previously, but couldn’t remember it very well, and it was in the Royal Guard queue.
Review
Whisk is the new kid in town. Seems like a normal kid, but when on the first day of class, he mentions he has two dads, Scootaloo immediately gets angry at him. She doesn’t like him one bit.
After all, no pony can have two dads. You need a stallion and a mare to have a foal! Not to mention the fact that she doesn’t even have a dad…
While this story spends a fair bit of time on Whisk, as well as the fears of his parents, Brown and Mushroom Gravy, on fitting into a new town as a gay couple, the story is ultimately really about Scootaloo’s anger at Whisk, and her coming to an eventual understanding with Whisk.
That said, this story doesn’t seem to know that; a lot of it does seem to be focused on Whisk’s family’s concerns about fitting in in Ponyville. The problem with that is that there is very little actual conflict on that front; they’re worried about it, and then nothing happens. Whisk himself doesn’t get a whole lot of interesting characterization, and I never really got a voice for him.
Whisk’s dads are the main stand-out OCs here, and they work fairly well for what they are. Mushroom is probably the stronger of the two, but Brown is okay.
On the one hand, this story has a lot of richness of detail and texture in it, and I’m sure the central message of acceptance is something most of the choir here will agree with. On the other hand, the story seems to struggle a bit with finding its footing; the main conflict of the story seems to play second fiddle at times to Whisk’s dads, and their scenes with other characters, while they serve to establish character, don’t really feel like they tie very strongly into the central conflict of the piece. If there had been some sort of secondary conflict there, it would have been a stronger piece; as it is, though, it feels a bit scattered.
I can’t say I didn’t like this story, but it doesn’t quite fully hang together as a story. While it is labelled a drama, I suspect that slice of life fans will probably be happier with it, because a lot of it is pretty slice-of-lifey, as half the story’s plot is lacking in conflict and is just a character piece.
Recommendation: If you’re a fan of slice of life character pieces, you might enjoy this. If you’re looking for a more conventional story with a strong, central conflict, you’re apt to be disappointed.
Mechanical Aptitude
by Estee
Slice of Life
12,669 wordsRatchette runs a one-pony fix-it shop for enchanted conveniences and devices, the only such facility in Ponyville. Some of her services are limited ones, and there are things she has to refer elsewhere -- but on the whole, she puts the majority of the repair traffic in order and in the two years since she first moved to the settled zone, Ponyville's become used to her. But strangers in town can still have a little trouble with her qualifications. Because her mark says she's perfectly suited for her occupation—
—while her body claims exactly the opposite.
Why I added it: Estee is a good writer, and I felt sorry for Ratchette in her only other appearance in an Estee story.
Review
Ratchette is a pegasus pony mechanic. In Estee’s verse, that’s very rare – she’s the only one – because being a mechanic generally requires fine manipulation and spell use, neither of which pegasi are capable of. But with sophisticated tools, Ratchette can manage the former – and with her mark, some degree of fixing the latter (though only so much).
One day, a jerk of a noble comes in with a tape recorder Minder, sold to him by the Flim Flam brothers. It actually works… but it creates backup copies for the brothers to later take for blackmail or other purposes.
But the noble pony won’t hear of it. He is, after all, a jerk – a bigoted, small-minded stuck-up jerk who is overly impressed with his minor title of nobility. And she is a pegasus – clearly incapable of fixing his device, not to mention unworthy.
But after he storms out, Ratchette can’t just let him go. She doesn’t want the Flim Flam brothers to win.
Sadly, this story shows one of the primary weaknesses of Estee’s writing – the richness of detail can lead to a meandering narrative that is far longer than it needs to be. The story here is not 12,000 words long, and yet, in this story, it is. While there is some richness of detail here, there’s also a fair bit of repetition, and it really feels like it is longer than it really needs to (or wants to) be. There’s a lot of worldbuilding that goes on here, but also just a lot of… stuff.
It isn’t a bad story, but if you’re put off by slow pacing, this is something which will bother you.
Recommendation: If you like Estee’s writing style, and don’t mind the slow, meandering pace, it is okay. But I can’t really recommend it to a general audience.
Why I added it: Some high guy wandered up to me at 3am at Everfree Northwest told me to read it.
Review
Unsurprisingly, this is a changeling story. The first chapter is given entirely in white text, appearing as a black white space, but there is actual text there – namely, a changeling talking to his victim.
This is one of those artsy stories, and is very much a minific – a very short, compact story in a very tight space, where a changeling describes how superior they are to the pony they are replacing.
It is decent enough for what it is, but there isn’t a whole lot of meat here – and being such a tiny space, it is pretty straightforward, if sinister.
Recommendation: If you like sinister little changeling pieces, this might be up your alley. If you’re looking for something more complicated, though, you’re likely going to find this story doesn't scratch that itch.
The Trouble with Phoenixes
by Cold in Gardez
Comedy
7,219 wordsTHANK YOU FOR PURCHASING YOUR ‘PHOENIX-B-GONE’ HOME PHOENIX REMOVAL SYSTEM. USER ASSUMES ALL LIABILITY.
What's better than one phoenix? Two phoenixes.
What's better than two phoenixes? A houseful of them, unless it's your house. Then you have a problem.
Rarity has a problem.
Why I added it: Cold in Gardez is a good writer.
Review
Sweetie Belle brings home a phoenix with her after school to the Carousel Boutique.
Rarity absolutely forbids her from keeping it there, and encourages her to put it elsewhere.
Too bad Sweetie Belle doesn’t listen.
And that once one phoenix finds a good place to roost for the winter, the rest come along as well…
The story of poor Rarity struggling with a phoenix infestation, this story feels oddly unfocused. The first half of this story felt like it dragged a bit – there is a scene with the Cutie Mark Crusaders in class which felt kind of irrelevant to the rest of the story, and really, a lot of the Cutie Mark Crusaders scenes seemed a little mediocre. And Rarity’s bits didn’t really pick up until she got the Phoenix B Gone™, over halfway through the story.
That said, after Rarity gets the Phoenix B Gone; really, the highlight of the story is Rarity’s bit with the Phoenix B Gone, which only lasts a few scenes. While Rainbow Dash and Applejack’s scenes are both a bit funny, in the end, the story as a whole felt like it had a lot of dead weight, and wasn’t really as punchy as I was expecting.
I wanted to like this story a lot more than I actually did; while there were some funny bits, and the bit with Rarity and the Phoenix B Gone was pretty great, an awful lot of the rest of it kind of felt like it was just there.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
Summary
Horsefeathers by Fervidor
Not Recommended
Whisk by Present Perfect
Worth Reading
Mechanical Aptitude by Estee
Not Recommended
by Super Trampoline
Worth Reading
The Trouble with Phoenixes by Cold in Gardez
Not Recommended
I'm already four stories into Read It Later #49, so expect that early next week.
Hope you folks all enjoy the rest of your weekend!
Number of stories still listed as Read It Sooner: 134
Number of stories still listed as Read It Later: 453
Number of stories listed as Read It Eventually: 1929
A CiG story that didn't get recommended by TD?
3963530
I know, right?
It wasn't terrible. It just felt... oddly unfocused. The actual scenes with the Phoenix B Gone were amusing, but a lot of the rest of the story just didn't end up interesting me that much.
Of course, it has like a ton of upvotes and 6,758 views, so everyone else has probably already read it anyway, and liked it more than I did.
3963541 Do keep in mind that it's 2013 CiG, not 2016 CiG. Both the writer and the audience were significantly less experienced.
3963552
Well, that's how it goes; everyone gets a lot better over time.
Also I wandered into you while high.
After reading your blog post about getting worn out and needing time to recharge I realized in retrospect that's probably what you were doing at that moment.
3963565
It's alright! That's how it goes at a con; there's always people around.
And yeah, you brought it back to the forefront of my mind while chatting there. So clearly I should edit the "Why I added it" to be more accurate.
Gawrsh, must be time to dust off that sequel! :V
And I have to agree, I never found that phoenix story to be one of CiG's stronger pieces.