Recycling Stories: Sugarcoated So Poorly · 2:54am Apr 17th, 2016
I was browsing my past stories, in that narcissistic way I do. Given the title, it's probably no surprise which story I stuck on.
Sugarcoated So Poorly was a story I wrote mostly on a whim. It posits that the CMC couldn't cure Big Mac and Cheerilee, and the two eloped under the effects of the love poison. It consists of two scenes. Scene one is Big Mac and Cheerilee on the train, and it is mostly there to create atmosphere and provide a little exposition. Scene two is Rarity and Twilight and Applejack back in Ponyville, discussing how and if they can track down the two of them. Both scenes put a larger focus on emotion than on plot development.
I think that this story didn't get much attention (rightfully so) because it lacked a proper plotline and failed to properly explore any of the ideas it presented. Despite this, the opening scene is some of my better writing. It manages to portray the not-love between Cheerilee and Big Mac with some subtlety. I also enjoyed writing it.
So if this story's main flaw is a lack of a conclusion, a lack of momentum and theming, then that makes it a prime candidate for recycling into original fiction. But how could--or how should--this story change and improve if I'm going to recycle it?
In today's blog post, I'm going to publicly rework this story into an original fiction idea. I'm actually typing this in FIMfic's blog editor. I didn't edit or pre-plan this blog post: you'll read it almost as soon as I do. By making this process public, I hope to both get feedback on the idea and help other writers see someone else's writing method. With that out of the way, lets begin.
The first question is of the setup. The setup from the show obviously is fine, and the misguided attempt at help makes it more tragic. The CMC can be replaced with a single individual, but that brings up the first question. How did character A get a hold of the love toxin? Where did it come from?
The obvious answer is that it came from some sort of laboratory. CA would have to be related to someone in the laboratory to get access to the love toxin. Since CA is a child, making them the daughter/son of a scientist makes the most sense (it's also a convenient pre-existing archetype).
The second question is of the relationships between the characters. Why did CA give the love toxin to characters B and C? Was it out of goodwill like in the show version? Was it out of fear? Were characters B and C in a relationship already?
I think this has multiple potential variants. The first is like what we saw in the show. CA wants CB and CC to be happy, and so gives them the love toxin out of a misguided attempt to help. The second is that CB and CC are in a troubled relationship, and CA wants to help. There are other variants, like doing it for selfish reasons or giving it to a classmate, but I don't think we want CA to be an unsympathetic character yet. In later iterations, if we need to streamline the narrative, this may be an idea to come back to (perhaps CA is lonely/desperate scientist or high schooler. They could either use the potion on themselves and it backfires, or they could test it a one of their peers before using on themselves). I think the second and third variants are a bit cliche, so we don't want to jump to them ("mom and dad are fighitng!" "boohoo I'm lonely" "Becky is such a jerk and I have no moral compass lets test stuff on her").
The third question is who else is involved in the plot. In the show version, the CMC solve it by themselves, which I think strains believability in a more realistic setting. In Sugarcoated So Poorly, I guess it's "family friends" who spring to help, so that may be a logical extension here. Perhaps CA goes to one of the other scientists (CD) for help, though if they have a pre-existing relationship with CB and CC that makes it more justified.
The fourth question is also the most important: how does the story progress? How does it end? I think the story should be a little tragic and dark, but not so much that it is overbearing. Having CB and CC kill themselves or die or whatever is thus too extreme. There needs to be some sort of consequence though. Perhaps CB and CC are affected chemically by the experience: the love toxin makes them sterile or something along those lines. Perhaps its material: they lose their jobs or something, either because they are absent for so long or because of the way in which they elope.
There's also the point of how CA and CD find the two elopers in the first place. In Sugarcoated So Poorly, it's a combination of magic and implied detective work. The former is out, but science could serve as a stand-in. Are CA and CD capable of the latter? Does another character need to get involved? Since CB and CC aren't actively hiding themselves, the difficulty of and time required to find them is mostly up to the author: it will happen at the speed most convenient for the plot.
So you can see here the groundwork of a story. But my writing style revolves around both feedback from other and random flashes of inspiration, so there's not quite enough here to form a story yet.
Thanks for reading. If you sat through this whole thing and have anything to add, I would of course be interested/grateful 
And if not, hopefully you found this meandering stream-of-consciousness post interesting in some way or another.
As for consequences faced after the fact of the story, besides losing their jobs on account of their absences and/ore behavior (or some other equally devastating material loss), CB and CC would also most likely have to deal with the face that they've lost with their family, peers, coworkers, and the public in general.
Plus, how would one ever consider a happy, prosperous romantic relationship with anyone ever again after such an event? Maybe one character gives up on the idea entirely, while the other wants to find love with someone again, but is continuously shunned by others for their behavior from before? The fact that it was something that was beyond his/her control would make it even more unfair and discouraging to them. Some lingering resentment of CA And CD would be almost sure to follow.
Those are just some of my thoughts.
3876032 I think the issue with ostracization is that it is really easy to make it over-the-top. If not handled tactfully, it runs the risk of being a diabolus ex machina, and/or of making the character's peers seem like caricatures or strawmen. If it is instead directed at CA (who may or may not be a child), then that also makes it harder to watch.
Now you can use mob mentality and misunderstanding to make it less stressful on willing suspension of disbelief. But does putting in those details violate Conservation of Detail?
Obviously it's hard to judge the realism of the consequences in such an early stage, but common traps/cliches can still be considered
3876534
Fair enough.