Can't Help · 2:09am Feb 16th, 2016
You know those times when all you've ever wanted was to be noticed? Let it be by your crush, a family member, or a friend? And yet, no matter how hard you tried you just ended up ignored, cast aside. I certainly do.
Or when you try to help somebody, and they don't want to except your help? You do everything you can to comfort/encourage them, and it seemingly does nothing? I have. And I'm sure people trying to help me have too.
I've always wanted to help people. It's what I was raised to do really. Put oether before myself. But, it seems everytime I do, I get screwed over. They don't care. Or they don't think it's enough. They don't think you can help them. They...don't wanna try.
More than anything, I wanna help people. People who have/are going through terrible things. And yet, it seems, no matter what I do, or how hard I try, I'm useless. I can't help anybody. And it drives me nuts. My mom pretty much already pins me as worthless. And...I guess I really am.
I can't take care of myself, let alone help anyone. And that's all I wanna do. Help others. Help them to live happy lives. And yet...I can't. I try, and I fail. I want to stop being such a failure. But, I guess I'm always gonna be.
And now, I'm left writing this and crying. I'm ridiculous, I know. It shows in how much I suck at helping others. To them, I'm just annoying, or pressuring them. I never fit in. I'm too much of an outsider. I'm too different. I'm too worthless.
I can't help anyone. And I'm sorry for that. I truly am. Damn it. I need to stop being such a baby and crying about this. It's so stupid. But, it's how I feel. And how I...always will. Because I will never be able to say I helped somebody, that I made them a better person, or helped them get through a terrible time. I will never be able to make anyone happy.
Not my parents
Not my relatives
Not my church
Nobody. Nothing. Period.
I wouldn't think like that you just have to keep trying to help never stop trying to help and you are not a failure.
3757301 How can I when nobody wants my help? All I ever do is drive people away. I hate myself.
Don't hate yourself yeah there are people who don't want help but there are also people who will want your help.
3757314 So far, nobody has wanted my help. I'm too much of a screwup to help anyone.
Well maybe now nobody wants your help but you don't know if someone will want it in the future and you are not a screwup.
You help me with depression. Talking to you brightens my day up.
3757339 I wish I felt like I did. But, I don't.
3757336 True I guess.
Yeah he is right talking to you always makes me feel happy.
3757346 Yeah but, I haven't made your life better.
Please never think of yourself as a failure or a screwup because you are not.
3757340 I love talking to you. Your well-being is a priority. You're not useless. Believe me. I have firsthoof experience.
3757356 Believe me, I am.
3757357 Thanks.....
Chocolate pony no you are not please don't say you are when you are really not.
3757365 If you need a shoulder to cry on, refer to both of mine.
3757384 Your a good person.
3757384 Thanks. I'm just gonna go cry myself to sleep now.
3757367 I wish I shared your opinion.
3757399 Listen to Power Metal (maybe), and pray for God's protection.
3757397 Believe me, I suffer from the same stuff she does, but worse. That doesn't mean I want others to suffer with me.
I didn't mean to bring it up... Coco please I'm sorry.
3757305 I wish you would believe me or that I can prove to you that you are not a failure but I can say that I am always here to listen and to always tell you you are a great person I hope maybe one day you can find true happiness goodnight and don't cry because tomorrow will be a better day.
3757422 For God's sake it's Emma! You can't even remember my real name! And yet, somehow, I remember yours! I do things for others, and this is the kinda thanks I get? Nice to know. Guess I'll never have any real friends. And I really won't be able to help them seeing as I don't mean anything to them!
3757426 Yeah right. Tomorrow will be just as miserable. If not worse.
3757418 I wish your life was happy. I really can't help anybody.
3757433
I do you said I could call you coco. It's just your nickname...
3757305 If you can't believe me that tomorrow will be a better day then there is really nothing I can do like I said I am always here to listen.
3757441 I know. Still! I don't mean anything to you, do I? I'm just another insignificant human being who can't do anything right! That's all I am to you, right? That's all I am to anyone. I can't do anything to help anyone. Nobody wants my help. Nobody.....wants me. So, congratulations. You 've succeeded in hurting my feelings, and making me feel like everybody else does. A pile of ever loving dog shit! I hope you're happy.
3757450 Thanks.
3757456 you are not insignificant please stop talking like that.
3757456
...Coco... I... I didn't mean too... You're my friend... I d-didn't mean to hurt you... I just... Do you want to me to go?
Times like these make me wish there was a device that allowed people to hug through the internet.
You're not a failure, and there are people who love you. Most if not all of the people following you wish to be your emotional bedrock.
Drats, I can figure out how to post YouTube links with my phone. Get Back Up by Tobymac would be good right about now.
And of course, there's always this:
Remember, God made you special.
And he loves you very much!
I know how you feel
I try helping, but they just cast me aside...Saying I'm a stupid kid, who can't understand anything. *Hugs* *Sigh* I got over it in time. But don't give up okay?
3757918 Yeah. Nobody will ever want my help I guess.
3757719 Thanks. I just wish I felt special. But, I don't. I'm NOT special.
3758027 Somebody will! Trust me!
3758100 Thanks, but I doubt it.
3757465 If I'm you're friend, then you need to prove it. Because it seems you don't even appreciate what I do. JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!
3758174
How? I don't understand how I'm meant to. All we've really done is just share story and have a good laugh. Then I asked that one question and caused this. I don't even understand how you can even stand to see my name.
3758180 I don't understand either! But I do understand one thing. You just openly admitted that we've only really made jokes and stuff. That's all I am to you. Somebody you can just use for your own gain. I'm not a real friend. Why does this always happen to me? Why can't I have one single honest friend? Is that asking too much.
3758184
That's just what our conversations have been so far. There's nothing wrong with it. You enjoy it or... Well did... Look like I said in the PM I haven't been to bed. Honestly I don't think I will for what I did to you. I'm sorry okay. If you just want me to leave then I will just know I did look forward to talk to you the times we did.
3758186 I guess...well...I just.....I really wanted to help you and you made me feel like I can't do anything right. And trust me, my family has done enough of that. I feel like I can't make you happy and it bothers me. Terribly.
3758188
I got away from a lot by talking to you and listening to music at the same time. I felt calm for once.
3758191 Well, I suppose that's..good. But...still I feel like I could be doing more and I'm not. And you're not letting me. You don't want me to help. You think I'm stupid, annoying, a pitiful little girl who clearly can't handle herself.
3758199
No I don't I'm just not use to giving others help
3758213 You mean accepting others help?
3758216
Yes. Sorry I'm extremely tired. But it's not only you. I really just don't like talking about myself cause it makes me feel like I'm being an attention whore.
3758225 Welcome to my world. Alright, I forgive you. Just remember that I'm helping you because I care. Not subclass you're being an attention whore. But, because I have love for people I don't even know. Because that's how it's supposed to be. Ok?
3758228
*hugs you* I'm still sorry.