Twilight Chats With Me · 9:02am Oct 29th, 2015
WARNING: The scene below is a result of my bored writing. It's the equivalent of me doodling in writing. Read with no context and no understanding.
I wrote this as a sort of epilogue for Heads Under Your Beds, but I never got around to adding it. I probably won't. See? Being a follower gives you exclusive access to writing no one else will see!
"So you know there's a whole following of humans out there, just watching your every move?"
"I'd be more freaked out if that wasn't so patently ridiculous."
"Oh come on, haven't you ever thought about the possibility that your universe could have been created for the sole purpose of entertaining some alien species?"
Twilight raised an eyebrow. She held onto a coffee mug, casually sipping the brew. The alicorn didn't seem the least bit fazed that there could be millions of extraterrestrial organisms watching her at this very moment. I mean I would be at least a little perturbed, what kinds of intertextual perversion would these things come up with? I certainly thought I had some agency.
Evidently, Twilight did not think the same.
"If I never see them or have any contact with them, then it's a moot point," she said. "Why should I care about what a bunch of unseen observers think? Especially if they have no bearing on what I do."
"Wouldn't you want to set a good example? Wouldn't it be awkward if they put you in compromising positions, you having the foreknowledge that they were simply playing with your life?"
"I always try to set a good example," Twilight replied irritably. "Would you stop doing good things just because you didn't know these unseen observers existed?"
"I— well, no," I admitted. "But wouldn't it make you uncomfortable?"
"Of course it would," Twilight replied. "But that doesn't make it true."
Here was the crux of the matter. If I couldn't prove the unprovable, then Twilight would have no reason to believe what I said was true. Still... better safe than sorry?
"What about me? I'm human."
Twilight widened her eyes and gave an exaggerated gasp of surprise. "Oh dear Celestia," she moaned mockingly. "That refutes everything about Equestria as I know it!" The way her arms were flailing she almost knocked herself out of her own seat. Her flamboyant display darkened my already annoyed expression.
"You didn't have to be so callous about it," I grumbled back. I pushed the hay pancakes that were served to me around on the plate. I was curious about their taste, but I couldn't work up the courage to eat them. Wouldn't they taste like grass in pancake mix? That wouldn't go down well.
Twilight giggled, but settled back down into her seat. "Besides, if you're the Author of this story, wouldn't that make this just as contrived?"
I stared at her, absently tapping a finger on my cheek. "Well, you know," I said. "I like to imagine that this conversation is happening in some sort of alternate reality. It's a romantic notion that I think a few authors also indulge in. We know it's not real, we know it's not reality, but still... it'd be nice to think our creations are alive somewhere, living their lives and playing our story out."
Twilight flicked a stray piece of her mane out of her eyes. "If that is true," she said with a huff. "Then wouldn't you be directly responsible for all the conflict and mayhem that we 'fictional' creations have to endure."
I smiled back at her cheekily. I was ready for this question. "Yeah but I'm like one of those observers. I don't actually influence events, I chronicle them. I'm am but an archivist."
Twilight grinned just as impishly back. "Then anything you create isn't original."
I opened my mouth, having no immediate reply. "Now hang on—"
"Ah, ah, ah!" Twilight interrupted. "No 'takebacksies', as Pinkie would say!"
I relented, giving the alicorn a grudging nod. I waggled a finger to stem her enthusiastic riposte. "I wasn't amending my statement, I'm altering your perspective."
Twilight's mouth quirked, but she waved somewhat imperiously anyway. "Go ahead then, give me the best you've got."
Rolling my eyes, I gathered my thoughts. "Well... it's not that there isn't a creative component to writing, it's just that our imagination may in fact align to the history of a parallel universe. That's what I was talking about."
Twilight smirked at me, and I narrowed my eyes. It looked like she had another card up her proverbial sleeve. "So what about those illogical stories that make little sense? Those... what did you call them again? 'Crack-fics?'," she posited.
I shook my head. "Like I said. Some reality, somewhere, they exist," I replied confidently. "Our laws of nature or methods of causality need not apply."
Twilight rolled her eyes and waved her hoof. "This is all conjecture. Fascinating conjecture, but conjecture nonetheless. If you're the Author as you claim, why don't you make this story a bit more interesting than a chat within my castle? Horrible pacing, boring didactic dialogue." She raised an eyebrow. "Are you that bad an author?"
I poked my hay pancakes again, then carefully set the fork back down. I considered summoning monsters we could fight. I considered embroiling Equestria in a war. I considered throwing these freaking hay pancakes into her face. Eventually I settled for a shrug.
"Maybe if you were more of an interesting character I'd have published this story instead of just blogging about it," I shot back.
Twilight looked like I had really thrown the pancakes at her face. For a few minutes her jaw worked, until she simply pursed her lips in disapproval and drank her stupid coffee. I picked the fork back up smugly and shovelled the hay pancakes into my mouth.
I choked on them. They tasted horrible.
glorious
Actually, since you linked it to the story, anyone who has the fic anywhere in their libraries gets this on their dashboard too
It's so truuuuuue![/StevenMagnet]
Really. Characters have a tendency to do whatever the hell they want, leaving the baffled author to chronicle their completely unexpected adventures, while wondering how on earth he could get back to the planned plot.
That's probably what Game Masters in pen-and-paper RPGs feel like all the time
Oh dammit. Now you've done it. Now it literally can't be added to the fic
Get dunked on Twilight!