Story fragment (see previous blog post) · 9:30pm Oct 9th, 2015
As I mentioned in the comments of the previous blog post, I'm sorely tempted to do a parody of "displaced" stories. Of course, as I also mentioned, I also have four or five writing projects that I've started that I can't seem to get myself motivated enough to finish, so that's something to keep in mind.
Still, after I came up with the core concept I would use as I was heading to bed, I felt that at least a bit of descriptive text was in order. I hope you enjoy it.
This was going to blow everyone away. Why limit your cosplay to just one character? I had the revolutionary idea of going to a fandom convention dressed as fandom itself. And after ages of preparation, I was ready.
On my right hand was the Infinity Gauntlet. On my left hand was the full "emotional spectrum" of Green Lantern-style power rings, including the white one of Life and the black one of Death. (One was on my thumb, and the rest were doubled up on my fingers.) On my left wrist was an Arisian Lens, a distant relative of the rings. Strapped to my left forearm was the Elder Wand in its quick-draw sheath; on my right forearm was the Runestaff.
In the center of my chest was a Tron identity disk (in the original Frisbee-like style, not the ring style). Normally that would be on the back, but it was easier to grab this way; also, I had on my back a portable particle accelerator that was good for subduing ghosts and other undead. Slung next to that contraption was a phaser rifle with a detachable lightsaber in the bayonet position, as well as a top-mounted Xeelee Starbreaker.
I bought the phaser from the same place I got the copy of Geordi LaForge's VISOR across my eyes. On the back of my ear was Star-Lord's earpiece that could expand into his signature mask/helmet. On my head was the intelligence-enhancing Electronium Hat from Futurama.
My sword was deceptive; it looked incredibly generic except for the little rectangular window in the crossguard. Behind the window was a ribbon of names that I could scroll by turning the knob at the end of the pommel. At the time it was set to "Excalibur", but I also had options such as Stormbringer, Glamdring, Blackwand, Masamune, the Sword of Gryffindor, and Dreadstar's sword.
The sword hung off my left hip; on my right hip was the five-bladed Glaive of Krull. Between them was a fully-stocked Batman utility belt. My pocket-laden cargo pants carried an Omni from the short-lived TV show Voyagers!, my copy of The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and all sorts of other goodies that I as an unreliable narrator couldn't think of at the moment. There was every possibility that they might become useful later in the story, though.
Don't forget your omnitool in your shirt pocket, your sonic screwdriver in it's holster on your left ankle, your omnitrix on your right ankle and your handy copy of the necrotelecomnicon sellotaped to your left arsecheek.
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Throw in a few pokeballs while you're at it.
The unreliable narrator has apparently forgotten which pocket has his sonic screw driver; and where's your wand?
Hmmm.... I've been one of the fen since the 80's, and I've only cosplayed once (unless you count going as the humanized version of my ponysona); I was Pipsqueak the pirate at my first Bronycon. So, my OC's displaced author shows up as her young friend.... Damn it, I have enough ideas already!!!
Did I mention that I'm carrying a shard of the Dark Crystal? Because I'm carrying a shard of the Dark Crystal.
(I'm not a Gelfling, but I'm willing to learn.)
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Check the equipment list again; the Elder Wand (as carried by Albus Dumbledore and Harry Potter) is on the left forearm.
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3455692 Yeah, I almost missed the Elder Wand on my way through, and was about to lodge a complaint. And the Sword of Gryffindor's in there somewhere, so I guess that's enough. A real badass would have some more Death Eater stuff on him, though.
Your narrator has clearly been inhaling the resin fumes from his own custom molds.
Of course, I want him to be carrying some Cullen Heraldic Jewelry that his girlfriend made him wear, but that's because I'm much more evil than I look.
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Honestly, the list is at ludicrous levels of badassness even before I get past the hands. A ring of the Green Lantern Corps has been described numerous times as "the most powerful weapon in the universe"; having nine power rings in the full range of colors is all sorts of overkill. Then there's the fact that even a single Infinity Stone/Gem is vastly powerful, capable of all sorts of effects; having all six of them together in the Gauntlet essentially makes someone a god.
Just a single hand in this description is stupidly OP; everything on top of that is bonus ridiculousness.
I would sooner let Stormbringer devour my soul.
Nice! Though I just had the mental image of this guy going through TSA at the airport.
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Sweet Celestia, you're right! That is an oversight! And it's just not the same forming one out of the energies of a Green Lantern ring, is it? I'll just have to say that he has one that he failed to mention, what with being an unreliable narrator and all.
Hell, one HiE I read chunks of claimed that he was transported over with nothing but what was in his pockets, but his pockets fortuitously contained two different portable gaming systems and games for each, among other things. Later on, he talked about pulling his laptop out of his laptop bag. And when it started raining, he just happened to have one of those folding umbrellas in the same bag. (I don't know about you, but I certainly feel comfortable keeping my water-soaked rain-blocking implements next to my electronics.)
3455817 Yeah, but you don't like this character, remember? Why not have him drive an Audi? Or maybe have him come from Seattle in a helicopter?
3465028 Somehow, all the outlets in Equestria happen to fit US plugs.
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Well when you put it that way...