Friendship is Card Games: Party Pooped · 11:28am Jun 28th, 2015
The international diplomacy counterpart to last week’s pan-federation summit, by which I mean another diplomatic episode written by a Johnny Test alumnus who’s never written pony before. Hoo boy…
“Hundreds of moons” doesn’t seem that long, assuming moon-month equivalency. It’s eighty-three years at most. For a nation that has more than a millennium of history, that’s next to nothing. (Of course, if you treat a moon as an arbitrary unit of time, then it can be however long the writers want it to be.)
Why Ponyville for the diplomatic summit? Why not Canterlot, or the Crystal Empire, which at least has the benefit of proximity? Probably because Ponyville is used to getting smashed on a semi-regular basis. Lower chance of widespread panic, which wouldn’t be yak panic, and thus… 
Twilight is getting into a bad habit of teleporting when she could walk. I hope magic burns calories.
I have to wonder, how does Equestria benefit from an alliance with Yakyakistan? Yes, they’re formidable warriors, but given their remoteness and the defenses of the Crystal Empire, the only way Equestria would be in danger would be… well, if they invited yaks into the heart of the country. Still, why do they want to open relations with such rude, intolerant, impulsive, destructive people? Is it just a matter of wanting to befriend everyone on the planet if possible? (I’m reminded of when I play Civilization. I just want to be your friend, Temujin. Please stop trying to turn my skull into a drinking vessel. Especially since I have artillery.)
Still, I suppose there is one possible reason… (More like Rutherford B. Crazed, am I right?)
Given the remoteness of Yakyakistan, how did Twilight get the information she had? Was that seven-volume history written before the borders closed? If that’s the case, it ignored decades of cultural development; no wonder nothing was perfect.
On the other hand, it’s possible that Twilight also had access to a firsthoof account. We first heard about the place from a Cheese Sandwich card; maybe wandering party ponies have diplomatic immunity. Perhaps that’s why they believed a party would be the best course of diplomacy…
So… does all Yakyakistani wildlife have enormous horns? Including the birds? And that’s not getting into what the issue is with yak snow… (As for yak fabric, maybe Rarity should’ve shown them the emergency edible boots.)
Gummy, what are you doing? You’re not a chameleon.
Hello, Pinkie. Enjoying your outer monologue?
How is Dodge Junction on the way to the Crystal Empire? It’s not like Pinkie took the wrong train; the conductor clearly said the Empire was the next stop. Either this is the most convoluted train route in history, or every moment of Pinkie’s journey is of dubious veracity. I suppose that’s what happens when she’s the only viewpoint available. It would certainly explain Cherry Jubilee’s pointless cameo.
Also, ovine civil disobedience. The sheep will not be oppressed!
Spike’s stalling skills return from “Castle Sweet Castle.” Meanwhile, Twilight is still really desperate to be friends with Rutherford and company, and I have no idea why. They’ve declared war! They’ve waived their diplomatic immunity! Imprison them for vandalism! Celestia won’t be disappointed in you; she’s had a millennium to herself and hasn’t been able to cement a sustainable alliance with these jerks!
And then Pinkie was Ringo Starr. Interesting that she, like her human analogue, became the drummer.
Sadly, we still don’t seem to have a name for whatever attacked Pinkie in the Frozen North.
A trapdoor in the cupcake penthouse? I have to conclude that the Pinkiecave exists in a hyperspace pocket. I wonder if it actually is Pinkie’s hammerspace. It’s a good thing she didn’t try to retrieve anything while in there; that could’ve led to one heck of a negative space wedgie.
In any case, it’s nice to see that while Pinkie does have a secret basement lair, it’s full of exactly what it should be: dossiers, supplies, and party plans. Though that plan for her parents’ five hundredth anniversary suggests that either Pinkie is in denial over her parents’ mortality, earth ponies really do live for centuries, or she’s just prepared in case of every possibility. (I find myself shipping Twinkie a little. Oh, the beautiful madness that would ensue…)
Twilight likes dancing? Technically accurate, I suppose. Now if only she could. Also, brace yourselves for quesadillas becoming the fandom’s memetic Mexican food of choice.
Also, Fluttershy questioning how to get out of the Pinkiecave is fantastic.
An interesting point that Jordan179 picked up on is the significance of the scene at the gates of Yakyakistan. The young yak offering hospitality to Pinkie demonstrated the lesson she needed to apply back in Ponyville. In a sense, she was successful in her quest.
I love Celestia’s expression when Rutherford rescinds the declaration of war. “Twilight, what did you do? Did you almost start a war? Pinkie bailed you out, didn’t she? Is this because I left Spike in the lurch at the national summit?”
Okay, maybe not that last one. 
In all, a very Pinkie episode, complete with the twisted reality of “Party of One” applied on an international scale. I liked it, but I could’ve done with a bit more coherence and a concrete reason for why the Yakyakistani alliance was so important beyond friendship and Celestia’s approval. Really not impressed with these new writers. Still, I was very happy to see that my prediction of Pinkie having a crisis of faith a la “Pinkie Pride” was completely off the mark. Seeing her depressed always hurts. Seeing her and Twilight play off of each other’s instabilities? That’s entertainment.
Projected Anxiety 1W
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature has “W, T: Tap target creature.”
”Look at you! You’re so nervous! Don’t be nervous. Everything’s fine! Just fine!”
Obstructing Sheep 2WW
Creature — Sheep
Flash
When Obstructing Sheep enters the battlefield, target player skips his or her next combat phase.
Sheep are peaceful creatures. Even their outrage is expressed passively and sedately.
1/3
Internal Monologue 1UU
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature’s controller may choose not to untap it during his or her untap step.
At the beginning of the upkeep of enchanted creature’s controller, if enchanted creature is tapped, that player draws a card.
Aerial Recon 2U
Enchantment
Whenever a creature you control with flying attacks, you may draw a card. If you do, discard a card.
Ponies learned the value of eyes in the sky before they discovered fire.
Hyperventilation 2U
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Whenever enchanted creature becomes untapped, tap it.
Sometimes, the only way to drown out your troubles is to make your head swim.
Backsled 3U
Instant
Return target nonland permanent to its owner’s hand. That player puts a card from his or her hand on top of his or her library.
The Yakyakistani drive a hard toboggan.
Frenzied Preparations 2B
Sorcery
You draw two cards and lose 2 life.
Spell mastery — If you have two or more instant and/or sorcery cards in your graveyard, each other player also loses 2 life.
”Pinkie makes it look so easy.”
—Rainbow Dash, Bearer of Loyalty
Pinkie Panicked 1RR
Planeswalker — Pinkie
+1: Pinkie Panicked deals 1 damage to each player.
-2: All creatures attack during each player’s next combat if able.
-6: Exile the top ten cards of your library. You may play cards exiled this way this turn.
3
Declaration of War 2R
Enchantment
All creatures attack each turn if able.
Contrary to Equestrian beliefs, there are times when friendship is not the answer.
Yakyakistani Diplomat 2RR
Creature — Ox Warrior
Whenever an Ox you control becomes the target of a spell or ability an opponent controls, Yakyakistani Diplomat deals 3 damage to that player.
Don’t talk back.
3/3
Smash Imperfection 3R
Tribal Sorcery — Ox
Destroy target artifact or land. If you control an Ox, draw a card.
Yaks see any deviation from their cultural heritage as a grave insult. Actually, they see most things as grave insults.
Northpeak Predator 4R
Creature — Beast
Whenever Northpeak Predator attacks, you may have it deal 1 damage to target creature defending player controls.
The Frozen North is home to many mysterious creatures, most of which have made biologists a major part of their diet.
4/3
Confused Alligator G
Creature — Crocodile
Reach
”Follow your dream, Gummy. Fight the system!”
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
1/2
Lonely-Heart Sergeant 1G
Creature — Pony Soldier
As long as you control no other creatures, you may cast creature cards as though they had flash.
Ponies often say he seems a fraud, but he’s guaranteed to raise a squad.
2/2
Yakyakistan Expedition 1G
Enchantment
Landfall — Whenever a land enters the battlefield under your control, put a quest counter on Yakyakistan Expedition. If that land is snow, put another quest counter on Yakyakistan Expedition
Remove five quest counters from Yakyakistan Expedition and sacrifice it: Put two 3/3 green Ox creature tokens onto the battlefield.
Rutherford’s Yeoyak 4G
Creature — Ox Warrior
Rutherford’s Yeoyak must be blocked if able.
Whenever Rutherford’s Yeoyak becomes blocked, it gets +1/+1 until end of turn for each creature blocking it.
The full-speed headbutt is the most favored traditional yak greeting.
3/3
Cherry Census 5GG
Sorcery
Draw a card for each land you control.
It’s a dull job, but somepony’s got to do it.
Yak Horns 2
Artifact — Equipment
Equipped creature gets +1/+1, is an Ox in addition to its other creature types, and has menace. (It can’t be blocked except by two or more creatures.)
Equip 2
A dilemma that poses itself.
Yakyakistani Empires, Vol. VII 4
Artifact
5, T: Put a 3/3 green Ox creature token onto the battlefield.
It brings the history of Yakyakistan to charging, bellowing life.
Pinkie’s Sanctum 5
Artifact
You have no maximum hand size.
Whenever a creature enters the battlefield, you may pay 1. If you do, draw a card.
It contains supplies and plans for every celebration Pinkie can imagine.
Careen RW
Instant
Destroy target attacking creature without flying.
”Ravine!”
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
Come Together 2GW
Instant
Cascade (When you cast this spell, exile cards from the top of your library until you exile a nonland card that costs less. You may cast it without paying its mana cost. Put the exiled cards on the bottom in a random order.)
Target creature gets +4/+4 until end of turn.
Prince Rutherford 4RG
Legendary Creature — Ox Berserker
Menace, trample
Other Ox creatures you control get +1/+1 and have menace and trample.
If Prince Rutherford attacks, all Ox creatures you control attack if able.
”Yaks destroy!”
6/5
The link, oh god my sides...
Am I the only one wondering why, after all that effort, Pinkie didn't just use the sled as her authentic Yakyakistan centerpiece and go through with the original plan?
One card popped into my head when I saw the episode:
Yakyakistani Sled 4
Artifact - Equipment
Equipped creature has haste and is unblockable.
When equipped creature becomes the target of a spell or ability, if it's attacking, untap it and remove it from combat.
Equip 2
Small issue in Frenzied Preparations. The spell mastery is worded ambiguously enough that someone could think it overrides the regular effect. I'd recommend adding "also" it it ("Each other player also loses two life").
Yeah, this episode is one of the few in my whole-series collection that I haven't given a five-star rating to (it only has four). The others are: Tanks for the Memories (four); Testing, Testing, One, Two, Three (three; because of Pinkie's rap scene); and Simple Ways (Three; "Rarihick"'s accent just grates on my ears in a way that ruins the whole thing for me).
With the first thing I thought after the cold open being "This is just a nerves induced daydream, right?" when it turned out to be real, I stopped paying complete attention to the episode.
Because what kind of diplomat is that supposed to be?
(With you on the Civ strat, by the by. I always try to be friends to everyone. Which is why, in Beyond Earth, I always get confused when a guy I've been helping out with his energy/resource crisis declares war on me. Dude, I've been helping you the whole game!)
Woof, talk about subtle. :(
3189282
Well, it's not like the Royal Guard has made a very good showing outside of a ceremonial context...
3189294
Probably because sledding requires snow, and we already know what the yaks thought of local snow.
3189300
In my mind, that Pinkie managed to sled all the way back to her bedroom made it the most perfect unsummon effect since Twilight banished the Pinkie clones. Pinkie even explicitly mentions ending up back where she started!
3189319
Well, there's no "instead," but I see where you're coming from. I added an "also" for clarification purposes.
Funnily enough, your reaction to this episode is basically my reaction to the second half of "Owl's Well That Ends Well." I was convinced that it was a nightmare Spike was having as he slept on the stairs. As for Yakyakistani Diplomat, it was just meant to be one member of Rutherford's entourage. And a song reference.
3189332
Indeed. So subtle that I'm not sure whether or not it was intentional.
After looking at that Obstructing Sheep card, I just want to see what an Interrupting Cow card would be.
3189335
this episode leaned too heavily on the rule of funny for my tastes.
Clearly Authentic Yakyakistan Sleds do not need snow, Yakyakistani or otherwise, since it maintained full speed halfway across the continent
3189373
MOOOOO!
3189373 3189412
It'd probably be a beefier Mystic Snake, in several senses of the word. That or Hungry Hungry Heifer.
3189401
It seems that Pinkie's reality warping was turned up to eleven here. There was an almost Suzumiyan distortion of the universe; Pinkie demanded that the summit be successful, and reality bent over backwards to provide it. (That, or she emerged from whatever surreal vision quest actually occured.)
But yeah, from a Doylist perspective, this was way too wacky for Equestria.
Promising they'll be allies for a thousand moons... I guess the yak leader didn't want to make promises on behalf of his grandchildren.
So the ending was kind of obvious from the beginning, but I guess that's true of 90% of episodes. At least they fooled me into thinking Pinkie's plan might work instead (since that would ALSO constitute a friendship lesson about not just trying to imitate things you don't understand).
Did Cherry Jubilee's name even get announced during her first appearance? It feels roughly exactly as gratuitous as Steven Magnet's cameo in which the first thing he does is introduce himself by his fandom name.
So, are the sheep... intelligent? Are they blocking the train tracks as a form of protest? Over what? Or are they just animals that aren't being herded very well.
I am fairly sure that Pinkie did not actually live through the rise and fall of the Beatles in the course of an afternoon. I hope.
Fluttershy, you can fly up the slide. You have wings.
Overall I think this was a good episode, and a very Pinkie Pie one. Most of the events depicted probably happened in roughly that manner according to everyone else's "conventional" reality. As for why they needed an alliance with the yaks, well... Equestria wants to be friends with everybody, and Twilight is still not above going to monumental lengths with "impress Princess Celestia" as her primary goal, even if she won't admit it.
And as for the yaks: Well, compared to the shallow caricatures of real-world cultures that are the Zebras and the Buffalo, and what I desperately hope was not meant to represent a real-world culture in the recent griffin episode, a bunch of hair-trigger vikings is actually a step up.
---
Projected Anxiety: At first this seems like pointless card disadvantage vs a creature that just has that ability to start with, but if you stick it on a body that lets it untap extra times (or one with an untap ability) it could work.
Obstructing Sheep: Lets you turn a repeated blink effect into turbofog. Also generally good stalling, I guess.
Internal Monologue: Stick it on a creature that already has a "as long as you choose not to untap this creature" ability to paint an even bigger target on them. Err, I meant to say, "for maximum effect".
Aerial Recon: That's a lot of card advantage, since you're playing blue. Well, at least the "filter out anything but my best cards" type of advantage.
Hyperventilation: Not as effective as Claustrophobia (usually), but more splashable. I'm sure that was intentional.
Backsle: Instant speed Time Ebb that works on enchantments and artifacts, pretty much. Which is to say, actually pretty darn good. (Especially since you can cast it on their turn and have that mana back for a counterspell by the next).
Frenzied Preparations: Is that a real mechanic?
Pinkie Panicked: I assume you mean "All creatures attack". The ultimate might also benefit from saying "cast spells" so there's no confusion about lands. Also, I assume the ultimate doesn't let you skip mana costs? That doesn't strike me as particularly powerful, and the first ability is trivial by plainswalker standards. Then again, she is cheap, and it looks like the standard for 3 mana planeswalkers is "Weak or symmetric +1, decent -1 to 3, ultimate equivalent to a big spell that won't end the game instantly".
Declaration of War: Nope, I can't think of any cards whatsoever that would give me the advantage with this spell. Nope, not a one. (Big defenders, Vigilance, Infect, cards that punish a player for attacking, anything that goes off when you hit a player, Spore Cloud/Tangle, even freaking Fog...)
Confused Alligator: That is, uhh, a lot of creature to get for 1 mana. He is green, but still.
Lonely-Heart Sergeant: The combo potential is just so beautiful. (Especially since you can cast creatures with flash while other creatures with flash are on the stack). Even if you can't get off a combo or a surprise kill, you can always do worse than a grizzly bear with bonuses.
Yak Horns: This is a keyword I would like to see exist, if it doesn't already.
Pinkie’s Sanctum: Mentor of the Meek on steroids. Exactly what Pinkie deserves.
Come Together: When you stop to think about it, the flavor on this card is genius.
Prince Rutherford: I like the way this guy's abilities interact with each other to create a poor man's overrun every turn.
3189501
Didn't see any flavor text, but I think I see what you mean. Is it because it's an instant that happens "right now" with cascade that makes other spells happen "over it"? If so, well played, Fan.
3189501
Cherry Jubilee did, in fact, introduce herself in "The Last Roundup," though that didn't make her cameo here any less pointless.
Sheep have spoken before, specifically in "Sisterhooves Social," but it's unclear just how intelligent they are in relation to ponies, or what kind of civil rights they have. That ambiguity might have engendered this very sit-in.
I too am fairly sure that Pinkie was not part of the Bittish Invasion. Emphasis on "fairly."
Internal Monologue: I am now imagining the internal monologue of a Giant Oyster, and it is a fantastic mental image.
Frenzied Preparations: Spell mastery is coming in Magic Origins. It seems to be in all colors.
Pinkie Panicked: Oh dear. I meant to put "play cards" for the ultimate. I'll address that.
Confused Alligator: Given that Deadly Recluse has deathtouch, this doesn't seem too unreasonable.
Yak Horns: Menace will be an official keyword come Magic Origins. Sadly, they're phasing out intimidate in favor of it.
3189700
There's also the fact that it gives a fab +4/+4, to say nothing of the juju eyeballs, walrus gumboots, and mojo filters you might find with it.
3189700 Think of it this way: When all the ponies Come Together, there's no telling what good things they'll accomplish, on top of the first effect of becoming much stronger.
3189862 Ah, "play cards". Yeah, that sounds a bit better (or a lot better if you've got something out that lets you play multiple lands per turn... to pay for all the other cards you reveal). Even without a combo, that one word difference equates to an extra free Lightning Bolt.
As for the new keywords: Cool. Though I'm betting Spell Mastery is going to end up hella broken if they put any big effects behind it. Menace sounds a lot more fair than Intimidate, even if it's less powerful against non-mirror opponents.
There are probably some pretty silly combos you could pull with Hyperventilate
I'm trying to imagine what the art for Pinkie Panicked would look like, and it's glorious
... Oh, it's like yeoman, but a yak
This confused me for a second, before I realized the 4 was the mana cost
3189501 3189862 Also compare Confused Alligator to Ezuri's Archers
3190330 Well it's hard to argue with a strictly better creature that has the Elf tribal to boot. I guess green creatures really are allowed to be that good.
3190330
For Pinkie Panicked, I was imagining something like this. Really, it's a very good thing those two never hit peak insanity at the same time.
Some clever person had the idea of making the whole thing being Celestia and Rutherford's way of testing Twilight to see how she responded to stress. The consensus was that she flunked and had to be bailed out by one of her allies.
Ah, well. Tune in next week for more of "Twilight Sparkle sucks ass at being a friend" when she tries to make nice with ponies she blew off because impressing Celestia meant more.
Hyperventilation in combination with any of the "{Q} (untap symbol) abilities" seems really nice.
The way Yak Horns is written makes it sound like being an Ox is what makes it so they can't be blocked expect by two or more creatures, not menace. Maybe "Equipped creature gets +1/+1, is an Ox in addition to its other creature types and has menace. (It can’t be blocked except by two or more creatures.)" ala Aurification
I see what you did with Yakyakistani Empires, Vol. VII. I don't think is a trend that needs to continue though. Or even start. It was done once. Just let it be once only. Because I want to see what the other volumes do... .
Something is bugging me about the wording on Prince Rutherford. I found one example of this sort of thing but it was a while ago and I feel that if they ever actually did this ability again they would update the wording. Maybe along the lines of "If Prince Rutherford would attack, all Ox creatures you control attack if able." but that doesn't sound right either. The both work due to timing but it still just sounds wrong to me. Herum... .
3190550
I find that idea hard to accept, if only because of the whole "borders closed for hundreds of moons" thing. It just doesn't seem like Celestia would have the time or opportunity to conspire with the yak royalty, nor does the prince we see seem like the conspiring type. Besides, is it really a failure when the Princess of Friendship is saved by a friend?
Also, next week seems like it's going to be more "Twilight Sparkle sucked ass at being a friend." Progress!
3190553
Yak Horns: Good point. Adjustment made.
Yakyakistani Empires, Vol. VII: Twilight explicitly mentioned a seven-volume history. I couldn't resist.
Prince Rutherford: I used the same wording as for the rather more modern War's Toll. I'd say it's legit.
3190605 We seem to be playing the "Heroes Of Another Story" card with that one. That's because it looks to me to be a sort of riff on Disney's "The Weekenders" with Tish going gaga over something and shutting out Tino, Carver and Lor for a while. The only difference is that instead of going nuts on Saturday morning and coming to her senses on Sunday evening, Twilight took fifteen years to realize what she'd done.
Look out tacos, quesadillas are the big-shot Mexican food now!
Hyperventilation would be just MEAN in a properly built Inspired deck.
3198012
"Okay, Macar, stay calm. So everything I touch turns to gold. Is that really so bad?
"...Gods, I need a paper bag."
It just occurred to me that they had a perfect chance to introduce a 'new' concept to the children this is ostensibly for: "Sometimes, there are people out there who won't like you no matter what you do." The problem is that specific moral is not 'allowed' because it tends to make girls not the upbeat smiley children people seem to prefer.
3202337
It's doubly not allowed because of the central premise of the show. The closest they've come there are "Griffon the Brush-Off" and "Maud Pie."
3202353 And even then the lessons were "Some people just don't like to share when it comes to their friends" and "It takes time to find something in common with some people."