Critique Review: Descending Desire · 3:36pm Jun 17th, 2015
No. Critique’s thoughts echoed in his mind as he combed shelf after shelf looking for the perfect story to review. It was a chore that he had been working all week. And yet, he was no closer than when he started.
Book after book flew from the shelf to the floor in a chaotic fashion with grunts of disapproval coming from Critique.
All the books in this library and yet, he hadn’t found one that he would be able to review. “Jesus, what I wouldn’t give for a story to review.”
The chiming sound of the doorbell ringed in his ears. With a whip of his head, his eyes saw a dark figure just outside his door. Making his way to the door, he grumbled under his breath, cursing the names of various gods and goddesses of why anypony would be at his doorway.
Opening the door, a stallion reveals himself. The stallion gives a sly smile.
“What?” Critique demanded, irritation flooding from his tone.
The stallion looks to his side and raises a book from his hoof. “May I make a request?”
Critique shook his head. “I don’t do requests.” *
A chuckle escaped the stallion’s lips. “I think you’ll find that this story is worth checking out. It’s fairly popular.”
“That doesn’t mean shit,” Critique replied, his eyes narrowing.
The stallion bottom lips whimpered as if he was about to cry. The pathetic sight caused Critique to roll his eyes and sigh. “Fine, I’ll take a look at it.”
Before the book could arrive in Critique’s hooves, it was dropped to the ground. The stallion rushed off into the town without saying a word. Leaving Critique to stand outside his doorway, a dumbfounded, mouth open, eyes widened look on his face.
“What the hell was that?” Critique asked himself as he picked up the book. With a slam of the doorway echoing behind him, he glanced down at the title of the book. His heart sank…
***
Okay, I’ll be honest with you guys. I’m not excited to review this one. The last time I reviewed a antro story about a pony and something else having sex with one another, it left me with the impression that I really need to rethink not pursuing that cyanide taste-testing career.
And believe it or not, this story is actually worse than that one. Don’t dutiful dunces devise deep dramas that don’t defecate diarrhea. Damn it, I don’t desire to delve into the desultory deluge that is dirty discourse (Tee hee).
Alterations aside, auspiciously… This story works about as well as Romeo and Juliet if Shakespeare had a massive head lobotomy and constantly thought his toes were conspiring against him.
Not that I think writers don’t need to be a bit crazy in order to produce what they do. The imagination is nothing more than Crazy Carl partying the night away on Friday with a 12 pack. Only for the harshness of reality to come down to him the next morning.
But there comes a time when imagination needs to be wrangled up a bit before the person hurts himself. And that is our subject today. A man desperately crying out for help with his out of control drinking/partying/streaking habits.
If you haven’t guessed by now, I’m talking about Descending Desire by A Red SketchPad
I see the opening artwork and I can see why the green lightsaber is lit up. The only thing that would have gotten more views and likes is if a pair of boobs tried to escape Chrysalis’s barely functional bra!
I don’t care what anyone says, you want to get insta-popular, you don’t have to work for it! You just have to provide fan service.
Well, unfortunately for you, story, I am immune to her dark hued hair hugging her heart, as if to highlight it. Causing your eyes to direct themselves to the pair of blackened breasts that beat with the breeze she breathes in. Steaming sweat that slithers down the sides as she slips…
Sorry, got off track for a second… Here’s a farty noise.
Ahem… This is… the review…
Our story starts off with Shining Armor in a pub, drinking his troubles away. I know how you feel, Shining, I’ll be there by the end of all this.
So apparently he’s depressed because normal ponies have begun to migrate to the Crystal Empire. And this is a problem because…
Because…
Because…
Because of the wonderful things he does?
Actually, why is this a problem?
Is it overpopulation? Racism? The fact that the Crystal Empire is now ruled by an Equestrian rather than someone from the Crystal Empire?
That’s an awful lot of unanswered questions and the story isn’t even done with it’s first paragraph yet. Don’t you think that the story would have spent a lot more time on the first thing we see to make sure that a giant gaping plot hole wouldn’t stare us in the face the moment we open it?!
Yes, it says that the Crystal Empire is having problems with normal ponies migrating there, but it never makes exactly clear why.
As I look to when the story was first published, I see that the story was published several months after season 3 ended. Didn’t one of the episodes that ended Season 3 ‘Games Ponies Play’?! That episode with the incredibly underrated Mrs. Peachbottom?!
SHUT UP, I like that character!
The way I remember it the Crystal Empire wasn’t exactly unwelcoming of Equestria’s citizens. In fact, it seemed to be another day in the Empire that is somehow important, but no one exactly knows why.
In fact, why would this be an issue for the Crystal Empire who were eager to host the Equestria games, which was what the episode was trying to do in the first place?!
I know I won’t let go of this, but this is how the entire premise of this story is built! At least if there was some kind of explanation going on here, that’d be one thing. All the story needed to do was come up with some bullshit reason! It would have been bullshit, but at least we would have had a reason!
So, Cadance and Shining are drifting further and further apart due to not being able to see each other and Shining is upset because he’s not getting as much bang for his buck.
Good to see we have a story that thinks marriage is a fucking walk in the fucking park! This must be the same guy who thinks love triangles are still cool.
So, the bartender tells Shining that he’s being an idiot for something that Shining should probably be fully aware of.
"You really need to get up and show some authority, sir." the bartender commented as Shining Armor was half-done with his mug. "I saw the political debate this afternoon and...well, I could tell it wasn't pretty. The princess could've used your help when they started to get riled up."
No, I’m not going to give up on the idiotic premise, because again, it’s the driving plot of the story. Why is the Crystal Empire upset about this? What is there to lose?
Are you afraid that ponies might have money that they can spend on your shit?! Stimulating the economy?! Are you afraid of success?!
Also, since Shining is unaware of his wife’s troubles and the struggles she has to go through, ruling a fucking kingdom every fucking day without a surrogate ruler, like Luna, maybe you’re the one with the problem, Shining. And as we will see in the story, Shining is the victim.
I’m sorry, but as bad as your situation is, don’t you think your wife has it a little bit worse than you do, dickweed?
This is especially relevant with what we see later from Cadance. And I’ll comment on that bullshit when we get there.
So, a mysterious figure walks into the bar… no, this is not the start of a bad joke. Unless you mean this story… in which case the joke is on me... and starts hitting on Shining. Shining is shocked by this and offended, until he figures out that it’s Queen Chrysalis.
And Shining actually starts getting attracted to her.
Well, good on that one, story! Let’s have the guy fall for the girl who brainwashed him and tried to rape him! I’m sure that will work itself out in your favor, you perverted dimwitted shit!
There’s not even a moment where Shining actually would believably fall for her. Give the story with the longest name in the history of Equestria some credit, when Cadance fell in love with Chrysalis it was at first because she felt sorry for her as she was slowly dying on the side of the road, speaking volumes about Cadance’s character that she is not cruel enough to even let the witch who wanted to kill her die if she could help it.
As well as speaking to Chrysalis’s character who showed that the Discord method of reforming can happen to her as well with the right friend attached to it.
In this story, Chrysalis shows up and Shining falls for her. There is no build up to this point, it just happens as a contrived reason for the sex scenes to show up as quickly as possible so the story can get as many faves as it can before anyone can realize, “Hey, this is actually kind of shit! Give me my fave back!”
Oh, yes, and Shining is apparently easier to get into than the feature box. OOOOOH!
Actually, I should make that clear, not every story that is in the feature box doesn’t deserve to be there. Only about 90% of them.
I’d never thought I’d come back to this, but SOLAR EMBRACE HAD MORE FUCKING BUILD UP TO ITS SEX SCENES! Yes, when it was rushed, it was rushed, but it at least tried to build the relationship before having full on intercourse with one another!
This is just… “We met on the street, let’s fuck!”
This wouldn’t be as bad if this was even close to in character for either of them. They’re sworn fucking enemies! Chrysalis I would almost even give a free pass to because of her mind control bullshit over Shining, but even that I argue because he had the power of the fucking shield!
Shining has no reason, or in this case, the dumbest of dumb reasons for doing this! He has no reason to spend time with Chrysalis after she tried to kill him, his sister, his family, and his wife! I’m starting to think that this story has its head up its own butthole!
So, after their night of forced sex with the author holding a gun to their heads, we see Chrysalis make plans to run away with Shining. And wouldn’t you know it, Shining Armor’s badge is seen in the midst of a terrorist attack by normal ponies (Non-crystal ponies) which sounds 8 billion times more interesting that the fucking piece of utter contrived crap that we got, so everypony thinks that Shining Armor is dead.
Chrysalis tells Shining and wants to run away with him.
I guess I’ve commented on the plot enough that I can comment on the writing. It’s shite! It’s utter shite!
The important parts of the story are pretty much glossed over as far as actually giving us details about emotions and such. Not just in the more prominent part of the story, the sex, but in the minor parts like the terrorist attack and the details about what kind of problems the Crystal Empire is facing.
It prefers to tell us everything that is happening, rather than showing it.
I wish they had a name for that.
Most of the sentences start with “He did this. He did that. She fucked this. She fucked that.” It gets really repetitive, really fast, without much variety in the opening word of every fucking sentence.
A month passes after Shining Armor’s death. I wish that was the official canon in the story and we see Twilight Sparkle watching a television newscast of the fucking thing. Yeah, I remember when during the Changeling invasion Pinkie Pie watching Barney and Friends before the series was canceled for reasons most ponies don’t acknowledge.
And apparently, Cadance is having a bit more trouble with more terrorist acts within her own empire. Why is it that the interesting story is told in a newscast that Twilight Sparkle is watching instead of actually seeing what is happening?!
Why is it that because the author’s willy needs to be satisfied that we can’t have a coherent story?!
How many good ideas must we sacrifice to the mastribation gods before we can be free of the sin of pointless sex overshadowing decent storytelling?
I’m not against sex in a story! Far from it actually! But it’s got to have some fucking context! You can’t build your entire story around it! You’ve got to have good characterization, a distinguishable plot that makes sense, and the restraint to not put your two favorite characters together ‘just because I want them to fuck’!
Twilight Sparkle is hesitant to believe that her brother, Shining, is dead. But the evidence clearly shows that all that remained was his badge. Okay, going to have to stop you again, story.
I’m sorry! I know we’ve only just barely started chapter 2! I know that I’ve ranted about every little thing that has come up in this story! I know I have, but… the story only continues to show how stupid it is!
Her brother, the Captain of the Royal Guard, dead from a simple fire? That was impossible! He might've leaved a trail or there would've been smithereens of his clothes or some evidence. But it was proven. The fire was vicious and all that remained of Shining Armor was his badge.
So, there was no skeletal remains to test if Shining was alive or dead? I’m not exactly an expert in pony physiology, but BONES ARE NOT MADE OF FUCKING PAPER! Bone take a massive amount of heat to burn and to turn to ash!
What? Were the terrorists using bombs?! Well, we have T.V, so why the fuck not?!
Also, wonderful job on the word ‘leaved’. I can see a proofreader was out of the question. Unless you were talking about Shining leaving a trail of leaves for Twilight to follow.
So, Cadance starts acting differently due to Shining’s death and decides to turn herself into an evil Nazi Warlord. I can see Mykan jizzing his pants right now saying “God, why didn’t I think of that?!”
And she wants to invade Equestria because she’s upset her hubby died. And of course, Shining can’t send a letter to Cadance explaining that he’s alright. Because that would imply Shining taking responsibility for his actions and the fact that he cheated on her and this is all his fault!
No, it makes much more sense for him to leave the country, fake his death to run off with a woman who tried to rape him and murder his wife, causing his wife to go batshit insane, slaughtering thousands of innocents and killing his younger sister and parents and pretty much everyone he knows and loves in a bloody, pointless war. All because he was depressed that he and his wife didn’t get to spend as much time together as he wanted!
Tell me you wouldn’t do the same!
Spike goes to Twilight and tells her that the services are today for Shining Armor. Twilight doesn’t want to go, because she doesn’t want to accept that her brother is dead. This is especially funny because of this line.
Everyone had their own way of trudging through the grieving process and from Twilight Sparkle's point of view, Princess Cadence was taking it way too harshly.
So, Twilight’s idea of coping with Shining’s death is to stay in bed all day and cry her eyes out for several weeks? Not really seeing the productive side there. Yeah, she didn’t turn into a murderous psychopath, but not doing anything, despite that she knows what is going on, is just as bad, if not worse!
I know she’s grieving, but innocent ponies are going to die if you don’t do something!
And we get our friend, bland writing, to appear again, with ‘He said this. She’s doing that.’
Wait, what?
He was saddened too, but he wasn't going to sit around and let this become a big deal. He's sure that Shining Armor wouldn't want her to grieve like this.
Now, we have tense shift to the list of problems that this story has. God, I’ve seen grocery lists that don’t have as many things on them!
So, Twilight manages to convince Spike… very easily, actually, that she’s not going to the service. Spike goes and explains to Twilight’s friends… who take it rather easily.
You know, this story is unbelievably rushed at this point. I know it feels like I’m taking forever to get anywhere with this, but there is just so much dumb to comment on.
Why the fuck aren’t her friends trying a little bit harder to help her? Yeah, for these ‘friends’ she supposedly has, they do a pretty poor job of trying to get her not to do something she’ll most likely regret.
They know how important Shining Armor is to Twilight! Fuck, Twilight sang a fucking song about how much Shining Armor meant to her! So, why would her friends just accept that she doesn’t want to go to his service where she’ll most likely hate herself for the rest of her life, if she doesn’t go?!
A lot of people in the comments say that this story is bad because Cadance is out of character! But, I’VE FAILED TO SEE ANYONE WHO IS ACTUALLY IN CHARACTER!
Jesus H. Jesus, can I just get one moment in this entire story that actually has an intelligent character?!
So, Cadance starts training her minimal fighting force with a stallion who is 42, but looks 21… Wait, what?
She walked toward Clear-Cut, a weary looking stallion, who had a clipboard in his hands. His muscles were built, as if he was purely cut from a sapphire stone. His amethyst hair was slick back, showing off his widow's peak. He was the leader of C.Y.R., and despite his age of 42, he looked more like he was 21.
… I’m not going to lie… This is a hard one… This is a really difficult fic to get through for me. Every paragraph feels like a hammer to my face, driving a nail inch after inch closer to my brain. It’s actually physically hurting me to read through this story.
I can feel pieces of my brain screaming in agony as they take in their final breath.
A 42 year old, that looks 21? Are you fucking kidding me? When did this turn into a ‘Count the Human in Equestria story cliches’?
The … 21 year old tells Cadance that their plans are going slowly and that most ponies in the Crystal Empire won’t follow her because she’s scary. And what does Cadance have to say about her lack of troops?
"We need more soldiers! Not a group of young stallions who can't control their hormones!"
Perfect words to describe this story.
So, the Changeling army appears and asks to help Cadance in her war against Equestria. And since this is Cadance after she’s been replace with a cardboard duplicate of herself, she agrees to Chrysalis’s offer to fight in the war against Equestria… even though Cadance has no reason to trust her since she tried to kill her and rape her husband…
And then… the Changeling Emissary turns into Shining Armor and carries Cadance away like he did on their wedding night?
Yeah… I think this scene speaks for itself… I don’t think I really have to comment on it. I just think that you are all intelligent enough to know why that’s so stupid. So, I’m just going to move on and hope that… nothing stupider comes of it.
A fool’s hope, I know, but just let me have something…
Oh, and just to piss off me even more… We get this…
Good evening, and welcome to CNN news! Unfortunately, most of our crew has been drafted into the Equestrian Army in order to increase the forces needed to fight back the Crystal Empire Army and, most unfortunately, rescue Princess Luna. That's right. Princess Luna, who has been sent to give a peace treaty to their niece, Princess Cadence, has been taken hostage.
… WHEN THE FUCK WAS THAT?!
I don’t remember reading that! Do you guys remember me talking about that?! I don’t remember ever saying anything about Luna being captured by the Crystal Empire! How the fuck did they capture Luna so fucking easily?! I seem to remember Luna kicking some ass when she fought Celestia!
So much so that Celestia had to use the Elements of Harmony on her! Assuming that Luna is as powerful as Celestia, if not more so, Celestia would have beaten Chrysalis if not for Shining’s love for Cadance… Which coincidentally is also missing from this fic!
Wouldn’t that be like Mare of Steel telling us about the big fight between Supermare and Zod?
And Zod and I had this big fight in which all of Canterlot was leveled by the end of it. It was really, really tough, but I beat the guy.
Or how about Apple’s Blossom if it skipped all the work that Apple Bloom put into the cherry tree?
I’m sorry, Applejack! I planted some seeds thinking they were apple seeds, but they weren’t apple seeds, they were cherry seeds and I took really good care of the tree and it looks strong and stuff, but it’s a cherry tree instead of an apple tree.
And… where did you do this?
… Off screen?
I’m sure people are going to be pissed about *not* seeing that.
The newscast, oh, yeah, that’s how we learn Luna’s been kidnapped. A fucking newscast! Tells us that they are doomed to repeat a war that has happened before.
When the fuck was-
Fuck it, I don’t care.
"and you expect me to not be sad while my sister-in law sided with Queen Chrysalis! QUEEN! FUCKING! CHRYSALIS! You know, the one that was near success in taking over our kingdom!?"
…
…
…
…
You know what this feels like… this feels like a story that someone wrote… to attack me. This is like… supervillain kind of evil… A supervillain literally wrote this … to attack me. This feels like the story that was purposely written to annoy me. This is a target troll fic, isn’t it? Everything… Every-fucking-thing that I hate about fan fiction writing is in this fic! Everything! There is not one redeemable quality in this story that is even worth talking about! I am literally commenting on every single sentence that is how much this story pisses me off! I’m sorry! I can’t get through this is one setting! I can’t! I literally cannot! So, I’m going to go out and clear my head!
While I’m doing that, here’s something to cheer you guys up! Because I sure need something to cheer me up!
…
…
…
Jesus…
Let’s continue…
So, Twilight’s friends, FINALLY, come to visit her and try to talk her out of staying in her house. Twilight blames herself for allowing Cadance to become as depressed as she is. The main six continue to try and help Twilight, while being some of the worst writing I’ve seen in a while. Especially sense there is mention of Octavia dying in the same fire that killed Shining Armor.
Yeah… apparently…
God, can we please cut to something less stupid?!
We cut to Cadance, (yeah, we didn’t.) where she is interrogating Luna and then…
… She rapes her?!
… Cadance … rapes… Luna?!
…
What the… What THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK?!
NO, NO, NO! FUCK THIS! FUCK THIS STORY! FUCK THIS STORY AND EVERYTHING ABOUT IT!
THERE IS NOTHING TO ENJOY ABOUT THIS FIC! NOTHING! I CAN’T EVEN RIDE “THE SEX IS REALLY GOOD” TRAIN! YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE THE FUCKING SEX IS PRETTY MUCH GLANCED OVER AS QUICKLY AS THE SCENES THAT ACTUALLY HAVE STORY TO THEM! THEY’RE THE FUCKING SAME SEX SCENE THAT WE’VE SEEN IN THE LAST THREE FUCKING CHAPTERS! GIVE SOME CREDIT TO SOLAR EMBRACE, AT LEAST WHEN ITS STORY WAS UTTER GARBAGE, THE SEX SCENES WERE AT LEAST DESCRIBED WELL ENOUGH THAT IT BECAME ERROTIC! AND IT AT LEAST BUILT UP TO THE ACTUAL INTERCOURSE BY TAKING IT A LITTLE SLOWER!
THIS… DOESN’T EVEN HAVE THAT DISTINCTION!
AND AT LEAST THE OTHER CHARACTERS, CELESTIA AND SPIKE, ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING BEYOND JUST HAVING SEX! THEY WERE ACTUALLY TRYING TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER, TALKING ABOUT PART OF THE WORLD, BUILDING ON THEIR RELATIONSHIP!
THIS … DOESN’T EVEN HAVE THAT DISTINCTION!
AT LEAST IN SOLAR EMBRACE THE TWO CHARACTERS WHO WERE HAVING ALL THE INTERCOURSE WERE AN CRUCIAL PART OF THE STORY! THEY WERE INVOLVED WITH EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED AND WERE THE CENTER PIECES OF THE ENTIRE STORY!
AND WHAT HAS SHINING ARMOR CONTRIBUTED?! YES, HE'S THE "REASON" THIS IS HAPPENING! BUT WHAT HAS HE ACTUALLY DONE?! FOR OUR MAIN CHARACTER, WHAT HAS HE ACTUALLY DONE?! FUCKING NOTHING! NOTHING THAT CONTRIBUTES TO THE PLOT IN ANYWAY, SHAPE OR FORM! AND THAT DOESN'T CHANGE AT ALL THROUGHOUT THE COURSE OF THIS STORY!
I WOULD RATHER READ SOLAR EMBRACE, MY LITTLE UNICORN, GAINBOW DASH, WHY DID I DO THIS, AND SOREN THE ALICORN! SOREN THE FUCKING ALICORN COMPARED TO THIS!
I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS, MAYBE the fic is really…
Computer, what happened to my caps just now?
Well, you just drained the budget on our caps in that one rant.
I did?
… Holy shit… I don’t think that’s ever happened before… Well, what did you expect from this piece of shit?!
So, the war continues on, but the author clearly doesn’t give a shit, so why the fuck should I?
And Derpy arrives to tell Twilight that Shining Armor is alive. Twilight goes to find him with the rest of the squad not far behind. Derpy only knew that Shining was alive because she walked in on Shining and Chrysalis doing it. Apparently, that is all they’ve been doing since they ran off together.
So, Shining Armor finally finds out about the war that’s going on … What, was he so distracted by Chrysalis’s penis that he couldn’t focus on the rest of the world?! Yeah, I know what I said…
And confronts Chrysalis about it.
But after a brief explanation, Chrysalis and Shining laugh about it.
Ha, ha, thousands of people are dead, Luna’s been raped, Twilight and Cadance have been mentally scarred for life, but that’s okay because we had fun. No, we didn’t, you fucking fucktards!
So, Shining and Chrysalis go to find Cadance and explain to her that it was all just a big misunderstanding. … Probably could have happened a few chapters earlier, but the author’s hand was in his pants the whole time. So that wasn’t exactly priority.
So… I guess, Twilight and the others plan a rescue of Luna… and they… somehow crash a carriage into the Crystal Empire… Meanwhile, Cadance continues to attack Luna… when Shining and Chrysalis… show up?
I don’t know… frankly, the fic has given up at this point and is just putting dick and boob jokes instead.
Celestia goes on a rampage and goes God Empress of Ponykind on them. I would say how out of character this is, but if this story comes in with Exterminatus to eradicate every trace of this story, I’m all for it!
So, a battle ensues, I think, it’s pretty damn hard to follow… and I’ve pretty much stopped caring at this point, where Cadance sacrifices herself for Shining Armor. Well whoopity do fucking da! Glad to see that everything we’ve seen up to this point, was fucking pointless as Shining Armor admits to loving her.
And then in all the dick moves in all the world, the story has the dick to let you pick who Shining Armor wants to be with. Well, in keeping with the spirit of the story, I choose to not give a shit.
Do I really need to go into great detail with why this story sucks as much dick as it does?
The story is bullshit, the characters are completely unlikable to the point where all I want to do is call them c&#*# the entire story! A word I don’t even like using! But that’s what they are! They’re all fucking c&#*#! None of them are relatable! None of them are characters you can agree with their actions! They’re all horrible, horrible ponies that have no respect for anypony but themselves! And I hate every single one of them!
The OC’s in this story have no rhyme or reason to them! They have no reason to be in this story and they don’t help further the plot! They aren’t interesting, they’re not entertaining, they’re not fun! And that’s what this fic is as a whole! Not fun!
The writing is boring, the premise is stupid, the story is completely ugly from start to finish and there is nothing to be enjoyed, even as a bad fic.
There was nothing that stood out like Solar Embrace nor something that made me laugh like the story with the incredibly long name. It’s rushed as fuck, lazy, and ultimately not fun.
And it is a story I hope I never have to acknowledge it’s existence ever again! I hope it burns in hell! Fuck this story!
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go apply for the cyanide taste-testing job! At least they offer hazard pay!
***
The curses that emanated from the Ponyville Library pierced Wolfe’s eardrums. He had expected this kind of reaction from his target. And yet, it wasn’t enough. Not enough for Critique to take his own life.
The lone stallion was tougher than he thought.
He reached down to his communicator and switched it on. After a few moments, a black alicorn’s face appeared on the screen. “Prince Silver Haze, I’m afraid that the review is made of tougher things than I thought.”
The black alicorn place a hoof on his chin. “That’s unfortunate. I was hoping that I could write a story so bad, that he would commit suicide.”
Wolfe shook his head and sighed. “I told you that was a stupid plan. I should have just taken his head myself.”
Silver Haze scoffed. “Fine, whatever. Just kill him then or something.” He turned away from the screen. “I don’t ever want him to make fun of me ever again.”
“He won’t.” Wolfe replied as the screen darkened. “Not when I’m done with him.”
***
*Critique actually does take requests.
That Celestia video.... it spoke to me..... it's message was so deep.
It seems that I wasn't the only one that suffered through Descending Desire....
Have some time left over in my lunch break, so I'll see where this goes.
You too?
... Oh God.
The Alliteration is strong with this one... still waiting for you to do a review in verse.
He just learned that the Crystal Empire was going to be bulldozed for Jurassic World Equestria.
As someone who struggles with writing romances, even I think that's crap.
Probably should have ducked.
Are you trying to win the "Fastest Couples to Get Together" award?
Sturgeon's Law at it's finest.
What a coincidence *ding!*
Amen to that.
I think I saw this on Justice League once... except it was actually handled with competence instead of... whatever the hell this is.
The scary part is, that would make perfect sense...
Understatement of the year, folks!
Clear-Cut is his stripper name. His real name is Marty Stu.
Considering how badly they lost the last few I'm not sure how well that'd go for them... wait, wrong story.
"And don't even get me started on my feud with Silver Spoon's dad."
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
Hoo boy, this fic has fallen so far, Satan is wondering why there's a hole in his floor.
I weep at lost potential.
Ha ha ha!... That's not funny.
OHMYGOSHIWROTETHATFIC! YAY! Does this mean a full review is in the future?... Or am I looking too far into this. It's been known to happen.
Yeah, that needs to happen... several chapters ago... repeatedly.
Well, another painful experience that you never have to deal with again.
And it looks like the villains are trying to be sneaky in their attempts to off you. this can only end badly.
Maybe I'll think of some fics for you to review...
3157525 This one hurt me. It felt like I was physically assaulted by this fic. This fic might be the absolute worst I've ever read.
I'm glad you read and enjoyed the review. Even if it was just my suffering.
3157862
You? Giving me bad fics to review?
I can only see darkness in my future.
Request away!
*Cough* God Empress of Ponykind. *Cough*
3159381 Well, you know that my fics are always up for grabs.
As for other ones, let's see:
Well, the first one that comes to mind is The Spiderses, and maybe a few Conversion Bureau fics. I'll get back to you with some definitive names
Your Twilight Sparkle is showing!
Or in other words: "Proof that ships that only my OTP works!"
...huh?
So, people assume his body was destroyed in...some kind of explosion... why are terrorists a thing? And how did his badge get there? And why are we still reading this?
...Well, she was already against ponies that were not a part of a specific race joining her country...
That makes this so much worse.
And what little vague sense this story had is gone.
And if that does convince you to give up hope, CNN! Becasue of course CNN is in Equestria!
At least it isn’t FOX.
...I have questions.
And hooray! We're building to something awesome!
Why do people feel the need to write shit like this?
Found this review searching the fic's title after seeing it under Rage Reviews. Between this and the review there, I feel adequately warned. I don't support everything you say, but thanks for fighting the good fight and being entertaining doing it.
A few things:
I'm not sure specifically what's so infuriating about this. "Near success" is a understandable hyperbole. Is it just the out-of-(canon)-character profanity and calling Equestria a "kingdom"?
I hate being teased. I assume you don't want to start drama though the fic's author seeing incoming traffic from here, but could you use an archive, cache or indirect link?