Welcome to Berlin: Our English Is Bad And Our Tourists Are Worse

For context, I'm writing this at around 5:15 AM local time in the lobby of the hostel we checked out of at 2 AM after about two hours of sleep if I round up. For additional context, all of that came to be thanks to our new hostel roommate, who chose to introduce himself by waking up the whole room at 1 AM yelling about how my girlfriend was in his bed, which of course she wasn't, as evidenced by the facts that she'd slept there last night, her stuff was still there all day, and her key opened the same numbered locker in the room. Oddly enough, Herr Scheißekopf sang a different tune once I entered the conversation, though, possibly due to the facts that I was a head taller than him, built like a rugby forward and shirtless enough to prove it, and raised with the Southern gentlemanly instinct to be absolutely up for starting shit with anybody and everybody who opts to tussle with me and/or my own.

So now we're catching a sunrise train to Amsterdam a day earlier than we meant to, and eating a €360 charge for a one-night hotel stay we booked right after getting our refund for the night we'll no longer be spending here with Barom Von Arschloch and the gang. I'm running on a double shot of Johnnie Walker Red and a half-liter-ish of Coke, we're down to €15 cash between the two of us, and the three hours of progress on Firestarters I planned to make on this train likely won't happen with seven hours of sleep combined over the last two nights.

Berlin was okay, though.

Vienna and Prague were better.

I think I'm gonna write some stupid feature bait shit today.

Comments

[Aquaman]

Here's Scootaloo with a ponytail in her hair:

derpicdn.net/img/2015/2/5/822120/medium.png

[RainbowBob]

I give you the gift of the German people in the form of song.

Apparently he's a national treasure, like Nick Cage but less Nick Cagey Alsooooooo:

I think I'm gonna write some stupid feature bait shit today.

I prefer live bait myself, since it has a better chance at a larger haul. Artificial bait is easier to transport but never had the same ring to it. Plus, prepared bait just stinks up any cooler or fridge you put it in.

[PresentPerfect]

This is the kind of shit award-winning novels are written about.

shirtless enough to prove it

I don't know why, but this is the funniest five words I've seen in a while.

[Luna Aeterna Solutae]

Southern gentlemanly instinct to be absolutely up for starting shit with anybody and everybody who opts to tussle with me and/or my own.

Also found in Yankee flavors in Bostonians like myself.