Lemon Love · 5:04pm Feb 14th, 2015
Hey there, fruity friends!
Valentine's day has rolled around once again, and once again, I must make a blog post with underlying, biting satire on the topic of love and lonliness. Being a sapient citrus fruit in a primarily human world, finding a mate to date is usually not at all an easy task for me, and this year is no different. Not that I mind, of course. Ben and Jerry are the only men I need in my life, if you catch my drift. I simply want to wish all y'all lovebirds out there a happy commercial Valentine's day, and hope that you have a nice, peaceful, romantic time with your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife or civil partner. Just keep it down tonight: the walls are paper thin, and I don't want to hear any more trash ripped straight from 50 Shades, thank you very much. As for the rest of us... dinner for one ain't so bad. And...
Whoa.
Wait a minute.
If any of you have a significant other... then why the hell are you reading the words of a person pretending to be a lemon on a fanfiction site dedicated to stories about a cartoon for little girls? What is wrong with you?
If you'll excuse me, I'm off to play some video games, watch some weepy movies (I'm in that kinda mood right now) eat some ice cream, buy a cat and fall asleep in the bathtub, surrounded by empty bottles of bourbon and cheap, knock off cigars.
"Roses are Red
Grass is green
I ran out of booze
So I'll drink Listerine."
- Lemon
Teleport me there so I can partake in this with you.
Well, except the drinking. The weepy movies, the icecream, the cigars, the video games, that's my jam.
2796160
I'm not actually drinking the bourbon.
I'm just surrounding myself with empty bottles.
That's the plot twist.
2796166 it does set the scene nicely.
bourbon and bath tubs? that's how i survive Valentines day too!