Friendship is Card Games: May the Best Pet Win! · 3:51pm Dec 14th, 2014
This week, I analyze armament etymology, feather anatomy, and magical biology. Oh, and there are Magic cards.
I do love how prehensile tails are an earth pony thing. (Granted, Rarity did it in "Party of One," but that was more constricting an item in pre-existing curls than using the hair as a full limb. I guess I just like earth ponies having their own unique suite of abilities.)
Note that I've already done cards for the pets that predated this episode: Herder's Hound, Spoiled Longhair, Vacant Familiar, Librarian's Owl, and, of course, Angel Bunny.
Bullets and tanks were mentioned in this episode, and Fallout: Equestria became just a little bit more canon. "Bullet" originated in the 16th century, used specifically to refer to firearm ammunition. Meanwhile, the conflation of "tank" and tenacity confirms that Dash was, in fact, referring to the term coined by the British in 1915 to keep the nature of their armored landships a secret.
Of course, this could just be translation convention. Or Dash was a closet sci-fi fan even before discovering Daring Do… or just liked the explosions in the movies.
In case it wasn't clear during "The Cutie Mark Chronicles," anything that flies in Equestria can treat clouds as solid ground. At least, they can during musical numbers.
Cameo Justification Corner: Remember that shortcut between Ditzy's office and her attic in "Sweetie's Bizarre Adventure"? Yeah, there were some hiccups when making the hyperspace bridge.
"Care and attention, love and affection." According to Twilight, Dash is Tank's pet.
I do like the fencing hummingbird, but my favorite is going to have to be the curling eagle. I'm a sucker for any sport that involves brooms and 42-pound chunks of granite.
There is something dreadfully wrong with that toucan if its tongue is blue and spotted.
The radical talent show really underscores just how intelligent the creatures of Equestria are. And how disturbing it is that they're made to live like… well, animals. Maybe it's Fluttershy's influence. (Or just a gag for one episode, but what fun is that interpretation?)
It also nicely explains how Tank is a trained field medic. I suppose he keeps supplies in his shell.
I'm not sure if Dash's whistling counts as fourth-wall awareness, or if we're just tapping into her mental soundtrack.
Wherein a giant monster very nearly bites an eagle's head off. You know, for kids! 
It may seem ridiculous that Dash is pinned down by a feather (though not a pinfeather.) But remember, there are blood vessels in those things. If she tore it out, she might bleed out before she got to the end of the gorge. I cannot comment on the feather's elasticity, other than noting that ponies do seem to be made of taffy at times.
This episode did wonders for my headcanon about pegasus phobias. Entrapment and motionlessness are right up there with confined spaces.
And now for the cool, awesome, and radical portion of the blog:
Hypnotic Monarch 1W
Creature — Insect
Flying
W, T: Tap target creature.
Every creature in Equestria has some degree of magic.
1/1
Pony Pet Playdate 2W
Sorcery
You gain life equal to the number of creatures on the battlefield plus the number of Ponies, Pegasi, and Unicorns on the battlefield.
The spirit of friendship cares little about species.
Diving Falcon 3W
Creature — Bird
Flash
Flying, first strike
"Not quite supersonic, but respectable."
—Rainbow Dash, Bearer of Loyalty
2/1
Plodding Pace 3WW
Instant
Exile all attacking creatures. Return those creatures to the battlefield tapped and attacking under attacking player's control at the beginning of that player's next declare attackers step.
"He'll get there eventually. Just give him a little time."
—Fluttershy, Bearer of Kindness
Cutesy-Wootsy 1U
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature has hexproof and its base power is 1.
Fluttershy: Who could possibly say no to something so precious?
Rainbow Dash: Me.
Coordinated Breach 1UU
Instant
Blue creatures you control gain flying until end of turn.
"Otters and seals still don't fly most of the time."
—Rainbow Dash, Bearer of Loyalty
Breaching Seal 2U
Creature — Seal
1U: Breaching Seal gains flying until end of turn.
Air and water are similar in many ways, though water is more forgiving by far.
2/3
Strong Headwind 2U
Enchantment
Whenever a creature attacks you or a planeswalker you control, that creature gets -1/-0 until end of turn.
Even approaching a skilled pegasus can be an arduous task.
Uncommon Ground 2UU
Enchantment
Whenever one or more creatures attack you or a planeswalker you control, if the number of attacking creatures without flying is equal to or greater than the number of attacking creatures with flying, all attacking creatures lose flying until end of turn. The same is true for intimidate, first strike, double strike, deathtouch, landwalk, lifelink, protection, trample, and hexproof.
Screeching Eagle 2UU
Creature — Bird
Flying
Whenever Screeching Eagle attacks, target creature defending player controls gets -2/-0 until end of turn.
Its piercing cry can draw the attention of even the most seasoned warrior.
2/2
Hyperdimensional Mallard 4U
Creature — Bird
Hexproof, reach
Hyperdimensional Mallard can't be blocked.
Its wings guide it through far stranger skies than our own.
2/2
Surreal Melange 4U
Creature — Illusion
Players play with the top card of their libraries revealed.
Surreal Melange has the creature types and activated abilities of each creature card on top of a library.
1U: Choose an ability of a creature card on top of a library. Surreal Melange gains that ability until end of turn.
2/2
Shadowslip Bat 1B
Creature — Bat
Flying, intimidate
Leave the slightest crack, the tiniest chink, and they'll have made a nest before you know it.
1/1
Hideous Rictus 1BB
Sorcery
Creatures target player controls get +1/-1 and gain intimidate until end of turn.
"There are some smiles even I don't like to see."
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
Dream Disruption 4BB
Instant
Target player discards two cards. If that player drew two or more cards this turn, he or she discards four cards instead.
"Revery and nightmare are separated by a line easily crossed."
—Princess Luna
Quarray Eel 2RR
Creature — Fish
Trample
They make their burrows by repeatedly slamming their armored jaws into a cliff. The resulting gravel is used as nesting material.
3/3
Rainbow Blaze 3R
Instant
Domain — Attacking creatures get +1/+0 until end of turn for each basic land type among lands you control.
"Don't worry, they don't spread. Usually."
—Rainbow Dash, Bearer of Loyalty
Patagia Glider 1G
Creature — Squirrel
Reach
Creatures without flying can't block Patagia Glider.
"Nice try, but that's not flying."
—Rainbow Dash, Bearer of Loyalty
1/1
Briar Thicket 1G
Enchantment
Whenever a creature with flying attacks you or a planeswalker you control, that creature loses flying until end of turn unless attacking player has Briar Thicket deal 2 damage to that creature.
The thorns tangle against one another as they vie for the most sunlight, leaving the lower reaches of the gorge clear.
"Find a Pet" 1GG
Enchantment — Song
At the beginning of your upkeep, put a verse counter on "Find a Pet".
G, Sacrifice "Find a Pet": Search your library for a creature card with converted mana cost equal to or less than the number of verse counters on "Find a Pet" and put it onto the battlefield. Then shuffle your library.
Tenacious Tortoise 3G
Creature — Turtle
If Tenacious Tortoise would be destroyed, regenerate it.
By the time he considers forfeit, he's already triumphed.
2/4
Spell Rotor 2
Artifact — Equipment
Equipped creature has flying and "Whenever you cast an instant or sorcery spell, this creature gets +1/+0 until end of turn."
Equip 2
"There are few problems that can't be fixed with a spark battery and the right components."
—Twilight Sparkle, Bearer of Magic
Pin Down 1UR
Instant
Pin Down deals 3 damage to target creature. Tap that creature. It doesn't untap during its controller's next untap step. (Tap the creature only if it survives.)
Stone goes nowhere in a hurry, dragging the unfortunate along for the ride.
Ghastly Gorge
Land
T: Add 1 to your mana pool.
4, T: Target creature can't attack or block this turn.
"War only seems like a good idea because it's easy. Put enough in the way, and you force people to think."
—Princess Celestia
Funny?
Okay, but cutesy-wootsy ornithopters.
Didn't Spike manage to slide off of Twilight's tail once?
Cutsie Wootsie Shadowslip Bat.
You forgot the power and toughness on "Hypnotic Monarch".
When I read the name "Breaching Seal" my first thought was a non-morphic seal pressing C4 against the side of a space ship.
I don't know either.
I fell that ""Find a Pet"" should use the "casting cost X or less, where X is the number of verse counters on "Find a Pet"" terminology but on the other side of the same token I don't think the current wording is wrong either and works as it is.
Twilight is bad enough already, she doesn't need to be a Spark as well.
"Pin Down" is best new card type. What are the rulings on an "Instan"?
Pony Pet Playdate looks waaaay overpowered. At the least, it seems cheap for a potentially VERY potent life recovery card.
Patagia Glider 1G
Creature — Squirrel
Reach
Creatures without flying can't block Patagia Squirrel.
"Nice try, but that's not flying."
—Rainbow Dash, Bearer of Loyalty
1/1
So, they can't block Patagia Squirrel, but Patagia Glider is fair game. Also, MaRo would hate that card.
2653050
You tell me. Preferably in more than one word.
2653075 2653309
Cutesy-Wootsy is one of those unusual Auras that is just as happy on your own creatures as on someone else's. I like that kind of flexibility.
2653083
That's not really prehensile, though. Unusually solid for hair, yes, but not prehensile. Still, I'm clearly going to need to make some revisions.
2653431 2653470
The typo overwatch is, as always, appreciated. And the spark battery was meant as a reference to Fallout: Equestria, not Girl Genius. Also, both of Patagia Glider's abilities are in green.
2653440
Remember that Pony Pet Playdate is a sorcery. Also, contrast Congregate and War Report (but especially Congregate.)
2653517 I don't think I can really describe it (the content) in that manner. I find a few of the remarks amusing, but not in a laugh-out-loud-manner. I tend to like your analysis in general, very descriptive, bold language.
The Flavor is like comparing a dish made out of- to just a regular orange. You tend to manage to capture the essence of something and present it as it is. You may not make a complex meal out of an orange, but you present the whole thing, peel and all, rather than just a sliver in your descriptive way. Your words have a feel, a texture that is uniquely your own. It's quite colorful, really.
In short: I tend to read your blogs for your style of writing and analysis...not necessarily the content.
2653690
Well. Okay then. Thank you.
2653517
One day I'll get around to reading Fallout: Equestria. One day.
2653517
Would this idea work? Maybe there is a spell that unicorns can use to turn non-Earth pony tails into prehensile limbs, similar to the cloudwalking spell that allows non-pegasi to walk on clouds.
I'm fairly certain Pony-Pet Playdate should be hyphenated.
Ooh - Patagia Glider is slightly better than a 1/1 flier, because it can't be blocked by a creature with reach or high flying.
2653075 Yeah, they can be (cf. Thopter Pie Network).
Is Pony Pet Playdate meant to count Alicorns (and creatures with all types, etc.) four times, rather than twice?
5163561
It's only meant to count them twice.