Final chapter of Alicorn fixes. · 2:59am Dec 10th, 2014
So a lot of people expressed dissatisfaction with some aspects of the final chapter of TD the Alicorn Princess. I'm here to say that I made a bunch of fixes. Mainly the ones involving the scorpids and Purgle.
1. I changed it so that their stingers are retractable, so they only take them out when they're about to attack/agitated, thereby severely reducing the risk of accidental harm. 2. They've developed an antidote. Doesn't do anything for Bludworth, since Purgle refused to let Antares use it, though. 3. The family didn't just burst into the throne room, they were on their way to a scheduled meeting, a scheduled meeting that Antares forgot about because, heh, minotaurs showed up at his palace and he needed to focus on that. 4. Instead of them running into the family in the throne room, they run into them as Antares is escorting Purgle/Bludworth out of the palace, where, again, the family is going to the throne room for a scheduled meeting.
So... better?
I didn't mind either way, honestly.
Um, ok......?
Better.
This chapter seems better now, but I don't mind the original version. Anyway, thanks for taking the time to correct the chapter and I hope to see more of your work in either the sequel/spinoff/or any other story you'd publish.
These "patches" are much appreciated. I'd hate think of how difficult it would be to try and raise kids with tails lethal enough to kill a bull. Especially during their "terrible twos" where they can throw all sorts of fits and get pouty and such. Not to mention the task alone of trying to raise twins is a difficult thing. All in all you're going to have a lot of time to cover or skip over if they're going to grow up and fight in the war, but I trust you can pull it off well.
The things I've come to appreciate most from your fics is the amount of worldbuilding, the thought put into them to make them internally consistent and seem like a "living" world, and the effort you put forth to avoid any fridge logic/headscratchers. I think people were dissatisfied only because you've set the bar so high for yourself with the last 5 or so fics in the TDverse.
Liked the original, but, while I haven't read how it actually flows (may do that later on) this does sound a bit more reasonable, specially the family not just waltzing in while Antares is hosting the Mini tours. Still, I LOL at
2643747 wording. "thanks for taking the time to 'correct' this"
XD As the author, I would think that your choice is automatically correct, regardless of what we think. grammar issues not withstanding.
2643775 Sorry, if I offended you or the author. I meant to say that I thank him for editing the chapter, even though he didn't need to.
2643788 I'm not mad, and I don't think he is, though I certainly don't speak for him. I just found your comment funny. No offense was taken. As an author, you are the absolute God of the worlds you create. Therefore, he has the final say.
I didn't have a problem with the original chapter per se, but based on what you explained here this is a big improvement
Man, some people are too thin skinned and sheltered on this website. I was late in getting to read this chapter only to find out it's already been changed a bit. I'm pretty sure that since you can't please everyone, you really don't need to cater to the needs of the few and change things. Oh well, too late now. I'll go read it as it is and see what all the fuss is about. I know this is MLP FiM stuff and all, but your story is an A/U and a was expected to be a tad dark at times, no real need for people being squeamish or some kind of self righteous social justice warrior over it. You'd think your readers would respect what you write rather than complain about it.
2643974 It wasn't because it was too dark or whatever, it was because there were plot points that didn't add up. Things that jut didn't feel real, and I ended up agreeing, so I fixed it.
Should I read it over?
Meh. I didn't see any problems with the original version, though I do see one problem now. I'm doubtful of them having antivenom so soon after the twins are born, especially considering Bludworth is supposed to be the first person they sting.
But whatever, you do what you want, it's your story.
I, however, will not be reading the rewrite, since the original was perfectly fine and these changes seem fairly minor.
Didn't need the change, though the retractable stinger is a dang cool idea. Ha! When a scorpipony sees someone attractive hey pop a singer...or something like that. Made me giggle when that thought crossed my mind.
2646528 They have antivenom because, as stated even before the change, they knew that they were poisonous.
The edited events seem more realistic to happen than before, but the outcome is still the same. Those minotaurs will still use it, or any perceived attack, to justify a war. If it wasn't the foals, they would slip and fall down the stairs, claiming ninja-maids laying lethal traps. I suppose if you really want to get Spy-versus-Spy, their own agents would plant a bomb to injure the delegates.