The Most Insane Blog I've Ever Written

OK, if you want to ignore this, feel free. This isn't pony related... at all.

Good? OK

As some of you know, I'm currently in school for Chemical Engineering. In one of my classes, we are doing projects and analysis of the most mundane and stupid topics that you could even imagine.

The first one was, no shit, watching paint dry.

This one is dealing with spoiled milk, and how milk can be changed to meet consumer desires. Why am I telling you this? Well, because this requires a survey. I have with me the most retarded 8 question survey you've ever seen in your life. If you could take the literally 60 seconds to fill it in, I would be most appreciative.

MILK!

But that can't be all. Question 8 is a 'Write your answer here' type question. So, I want to hear the most absurd and insane answers you guys have. Post here and share with the world what sort of crazy answer you felt like submitting. Please keep it SFW, however.

Anyone willing to help will have my eternal gratitude, or at least until the next time a project survey rolls around.

-Lumino

Comments

[Cromegas_Flare]

Change the bottle to have a nipple so it feels like we are drinking it fresh.

Ya, I don't know... I needed to say something.

[Seeking Dusk]

I would like to have milk hovering over my shoulder in a spherical mass able to extrude a tendril of milky goodness when I thirst or consume a pastry and producing several milk byproducts on command. Of course, this mass will be connected to the Milk Force and be limitless. In a display of it's capabilities, along side changing flavours, producing cheese and butter and such, it should be capable of unleashing a torrent of angry scalding milk upon mine enemies. With such a milk, I would crown myself the Dairy Lord and rule from my Castle, armed with a sharp cheddar sword. The peons of this world will either prostrate themselves before me, or drown in a bitter sea of white.

[Waterpear]

Put it in bags. Why does Canada get all the fun? :(

[shalrath]

Drone delivery, because if you're out of milk, you can't make coffee. If you can't make coffee, you're not going to have enough energy to drive to the store.

Also, biometric authentication tied into a volume-limiting dispensing system, because if I come downstairs one more time and find half a quart of milk mixed with equal parts Coco Puffs congealing into some sort of General Mills paste, oh god so help me we're never buying cereal again you worthless kids!

[shalrath]

dammit, i need to change my answer.

The Korova milkbar sold milk-plus, milk plus vellocet or synthemesc or drencrom. Moloko Vellocet is what we were drinking. This would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence.

[TimidClef]

Milk should come in a variety of designer colors so that you can coordinate it with your outfit. This should not affect the taste of the milk, simply the visual perception of it. Also, all milk should include nanites - microscopic robots - that eventually will assemble inside our stomachs and take over our bodies. I for one welcome our dairy-based beverage overlords.

[Arwhale]

Boil it first. To remove all of the pathogens.

And demons.

[Juicebax]

"Toy dinosaurs and glitter stars."
I blame Mabel.

[Ninjab33z]

force feed it to cows

and then milk the cow and then feed it milk (and then milk it and then feed it milk and so on so forth) until we get some terrifying super milk!

[LuminoZero]

2534569
2534573
2534583
2534633
2534636
2534662
2534782
2534914
2535054

Our team leader is probably going to have words for me tomorrow.

I DID tell him that I could get results on it, but all bets were off on question 8. Glad to hear that you guys delivered. :D

I haven't laughed this hard all week. Some of these are pure gold.

-Lumino

[Cromegas_Flare]

2535106
I want to know his reaction, keep us updated.

[Ninjab33z]

2535106 please please PLEASE tell us his reaction tomorrow!

[berrytone]

Did it, and I would like milk

Squirted directly from the cow into my mouth

[LordHaydon]

Stop making skim milk. That stuff is an abomination.

[tigerphoenix]

So, I took the question at face value, and then twisted it slightly, enjoy.

Well, I'd want to date it first and get in to a stable relationship, then slowly and steadily pointing out its flaws while hoping that it gets the hint and starts picking up its laundry or doing the dishes. Also, would it kill it to have better aim? I mean really? Does it really have to splash all over the bowl?!

Apologies for the lack of a grammar check.

[Father Figure]

Perhaps the shape of the jug should be more like a breast?

[DarkWolf]

(1.) Replace water and/or coolant with milk for nuclear reactors.
(2.) Purposefully create a small leak of radiation, thoroughly irradiating the milk.
(3.) Bottle the now irradiated milk.
(4.) Sell the milk.
(5.) Profit.
(6.) Buy the milk.
(7.) Drink the milk.
(8.) Die

[Zanedor]

Temporally displace it in such a manner that when you use some up it will return to full when you are not looking as you had never actually used it while still using it. The easiest way to accomplish this is to simply add quantum to it making it Quantum Milk, adding quantum to anything pretty much always does the trick.

Here's my contribution.

[Meridian Prime]

Plastic surgery.

It was the first thing that came to mind when I saw the question. I have no idea why.