A Question for My Readers - Stories to Develop · 2:55am Jun 9th, 2012
Hello. As of this blog I've completed one story (Faded Rainbow), and am in the process of two more (A Camping We Will Go and Rainbooms and Royalty). I was wondering if the readers and reviewers who have read my stories wouldn't mind sharing their thoughts about how I fair as a writer. What do I do well? What do I need to work on? Have I shown any improvement over time? Which stories did you like the most? What would you like to see in the future?
Rest assured, I DO read every response I get and value them very highly. As a matter of fact, one anonymous review on Fanfiction.Net caused me to completely change the course of one of my stories and rewrite several chapters that were awaiting publication So let me know what you think.
Oh and have some adorableness courtesy of the last pony commission I had done for me. Enjoy!
Sorry, here's the art link: http://gammaeradon.deviantart.com/art/My-Little-Bedtime-307074415
I have yet to read your other fics, but as far as "A Camping We Will Go", I'd say you're very good. The story was fresh and entertaining, and your writing is pretty expressive. During the progression of it, your dramatic timing improved, along with the plot.
Well im reading (and waiting for the next update of) A camping we will go, I think you are really good as a writer, the only thing that i would change in that particular story would be the random appearing of Trixie, maybe you did a story (that i havent read) where she lives in the woods or something and that would be an explanation for it, if you havent write those then i would recommend you to beacuase the idea sounds good in my head, like a prequel to the meeting with Snails and Silver Spoon, but besides that i loved the whole thing, and i think that you are at a really good level as a writer, if you can get better? well, yes you can, everyone is able to progress and get better any time in anything doesnt matter how good you are at the moment, so yeah keep progressing, keep writing.
PS: I telling that as a reader not a writer since im not one, but well i guess that my opinion can help a little bit lol
PS2: Sorry if my english is bad, its not my first lenguage and im good at it but im getting a little dumb with it
I'm reading (or have read) all your stories, and I think you're a fantastic writer. I can't claim to be a great source of advice, not being a writer myself, but as an avid reader, I can say that I enjoy not just your plots but how you write, that is, your prose. Most of all, I especially dig your characterizations. They're superb. I can really see the characters in the show saying and behaving in such a manner (with the exception of shipping. Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike your ships, and I actually prefer heterosexual Dash, and I think your ships are well-written, I'm just saying its the only thing that I can't see in the show. I can see a relationship developing in which the ponies remain true to their characterizations, but I think we have to recognize that despite the fondest wishes of some, there is no canon shipping among the Mane Cast, or even most of the cast. The relationships in the show are completely platonic, which is what the creators are going for: strong female characters who aren't obsessed with romance or fashion, with the exception of Rarity for the latter. Actual characters with their own traits instead of caricatures defined by who they like and what's the latest social trend or gossip.). In particular, I love how you write Rainbow Dash. You really capture her essence. BTW, your story Faded Rainbow is on TV Tropes' Fanfic Recommendations.
Well, since you asked:
First, Faded Rainbow: this one is in my Top 5 Favorites, and even with the revisions to FimFiction I don't give that lightly--you're alongside "It Takes a Village" and "The Color You Bleed", so take that as you will. Your characterization is spot-on, your humor is well-placed without being excessive or over-the-top, and your overall writing is very strong. That said, you DID lose points for the use of the line "If only there was . . ." in Chapter 11. That is a cliche right up there with "This is the end . . ." on the list of things that have been overdone and that you should never, EVER use.
Next up is Ranbooms and Royalty: I'll be honest, I didn't even know this existed until you posted this journal and DAMN am I sorry I didn't! If this story rode on Dash's pranks and nothing else, it will still be my favorite "Alicorn" spinoff. As it stands, you have fillyDash down to an art form--her attitude, her disgust with the Canterlot upper-crust population, and especially her falling-out with Celestia after the party. For that matter, everyone is about as perfectly in-character as far as I can see, given the "Alternate" tag. Grammar is largely spot-on (don't worry, what isn't is only noticeable to a grammar nazi such as moi), and I will say that you have constructions which even I haven't seen after 10 million+ words of reading.
Third is "A Camping We Will Go." The story flows well, the circumstances are believable, and all of the other kind things I've said above still apply. That said, let me touch on characterization for a moment: Snails is . . . an interesting critter, and I mean that as a compliment. He reminds me of a stoner I met once because of how on-target his attitude and actions are, and as such I actually have an easier time fitting this story into the canon of the show. The only wild card I see right see is Trixie, and since the story is currently incomplete, I'm not really sure how her roll will play out. As such, I'll withhold any further review for now short of this: you have my interest piqued. Hopefully, it turns out to be worth the while. One final thing: if you take away nothing else from this paragraph, take this away: edgelesspigeon has written wisdom you should heed.
Last, Brotherhood is Magic: This is obviously a personal piece, and as a result it's the one you've poured the most effort into. And it shows--take this statement as you will, but this is the strongest of your four stories: the extra attention to detail helps the story flow smoothly, and you say a lot without actually saying anything (telling as much of the story in terms of description as through dialogue). Trinary's explanation's motives are sound, and Celestia is as believable and sympathetic as if Hasbro ever decided to address losing a loved one in the show itself. On a personal note, this may be a mere drop in a sea of well-wishing but I do extend my condolences. (Also: fuck cancer.)
I don't often offer this, but if you want another set of (grammar-inclined) eyes on whatever story you're working on, let me know. I'm currently working with Chengar Qordath on his stuff, but I can fit one more author into my schedule.
164215
HOLY MOTHER OF PONIES!!
Faded Rainbow by Trinary
Recommended by omegaman
Synopsis: After Rainbow Dash's rump meets lightning one time too many, she feels like her reputation in town is ruined as ponies start laughing at her misfortune. Her self-esteem in tatters and her loyalty waning, its up to her friends to help her.
Comments: An interesting story about Rainbow Dash's psychology, and the Inferiority Superiority Complex that lies at the heart of her bravado. While sad at times, the story is also heartwarming in that it shows the lengths to which the Mane Cast will go to support one of their number when they're in the dumps.
Thank you for making my night!!!
164216
Oh wow thanks!! This is exactly the sort of thing I was looking for! I went back to 'Faded Rainbow' and altered that line (it was Chapter 10, not 11 BTW) not that it really changed what was being said.
Thanks for the taking the time and thought to respond! The only thing I'd mention which I admittedly may not have made clear is that Rainbow Dash is her cannon-show age in "Rainbooms and Royalty" excepting the first chapter when she was a filly at flight camp. Afterwards we time skipped to right around to where the show started.
Thanks again!
164233 Aaaaahh, good to know. I *kind* of got that impression from the introduction of various characters, but it wasn't until I saw the Cutie Mark Crusaders that I knew for certain that I everyone had hit their Season 1 ages. Also, I knew that was chapter 11--I was just making sure you were paying attention. :-D
Regardless, I'm glad that this was close to what you were looking for; I have enough trouble writing that I know how helpful it can be to get good feedback, even though this is more abbreviated that I would have otherwise liked to have done.
As far as story is concerned, they are decent, and you even get the characters right.
Whatever you do, don't pander to the mob.
164512 Even if the mob says "Don't change anything?" >:-D
164534 I... But you... No... But I... 100111010010101111110000010110100101010110110010101010010010010111000100100010010010010000101001010010001010010101001001010101010100101010001010010110010010010000100101010000101011010101000101010101000100100010101001001010101001010100101100100010100010001010
164537
Well, I haven't read "Rainbooms and Royalty" yet, but I've read your other two stories, and they're definitely two of my favorite fanfics, up there with "It Takes A Village" and "Background Pony." I can't get over how well you develop every single character. I love your stories and don't think that you could change a thing.