Badfic Slaughterhouse 3: Revenge of the Badfic · 9:34pm Jul 16th, 2014
In a world where bad stories run rampant across the internet, one man will do the same thing as a bunch of others and write mini-reviews.
Coming this summer to a theater near you: that guy who sits on the row behind you and talks through the whole movie while constantly bumping your seat.
Not coming to theaters: the stories listed below.
The Great war, by MegaMonsterPony
UPDATE: Whoops. This has been deleted. And good riddance.
Crappy OC goes to Ponyville. It’s rated Mature, so you get no link, and thank your lucky stars for that.
I’ll be honest; I only clicked on this because I saw “Darkwing” in the description, and I was hoping for a Darkwing Duck story. It had no votes at that point, so I didn’t have any indication of whether it was any good or not. So I clicked it.
Nope. Not Darkwing Duck. It’s a lame OC called Darkwing. I guess something fun was too much to hope for. Oh well. It was short, so I had a look, hoping to at least be amused by its awfulness. I was not disappointed.
The grammar is terrible. Descriptions are bare-bones. Dialogue is stilted and unengaging. Events make no sense. Yet it falls into that sweet spot of badness that makes me laugh.
Have a look if you can laugh at bad stories. Otherwise, avoid it. It’s garbage.
Fluttershy Discovers She’s a Lesbian, by Flint Sparks and ThatOneWriter
Fluttershy wakes up and realizes that she’s a lesbian. Over the course of the day, she tells her friends.
This is a silly story that keeps up a solid pace and builds toward its conclusion instead of firing one-off jokes as quickly as possible. If you read my Angel and April Fool stories, you’ll find that this one flows similarly.
Mechanically, it’s mostly sound. There’s a few goofs here and there, but that’s what you get when a couple authors team up and produce something overnight. It’s plenty readable.
Good for fans of shipping humor. Avoid if you’re offended by homosexuality or randomness.
Sun-Touched Heart, by Frission
An alternate universe version of Sunset Shimmer feels threatened by the arrival of Princess Celestia’s new student and, fearing that she’s being replaced, considers stepping through a magic mirror into another world.
Okay, maybe including this one is cheating a little since I edited it, but I’m sure no one will complain; if you do, I’ll ignore it. Because I was involved, that means it’s as good as I could make it.
If relatively light emotional drama and saccharine adorableness are your idea of a good time, have a look.
Pinkie Pie Writes a Stern Letter, by Newtaloo
Pinkie has a problem with a candy company, so she recruits Spike to write a harsh letter to them.
While this story has a few mechanical faults, they’re far from egregious, and its characterizations of Pinkie and Spike are spot-on. It does have a nasty case of saidism abuse that drags it down, though, and it transitions without warning to a different place and time near the end. At times, the formatting can become confusing; dialogue is interrupted up to five times in a single paragraph.
Honestly, there isn’t much substance on this one. It’s just a short story about a couple of characters being silly. Still, that has its place, and if you want something quick that you can chuckle at, this is a safe bet.
Order and Chaos, by psychicscubadiver
Celestia tells Twilight the story of her distant past, as well as the origin of Discord.
This story is a grab bag of good ideas and flawed execution. On the one hand, it manages to reintroduce Discord as an alicorn prince and make him a believable sibling for Celestia and Luna. It also puts forth some very interesting ideas about the natures of order and chaos. On the other hand, there are frequent errors, especially in regard to capitalization and punctuation. Although they don’t do serious damage to readability, they pile up after a while. It’s also pretty tell-heavy.
I like the concepts behind this story, and I would recommend that fans of world building and origin stories look into it. However, be aware that it has its flaws, some of which drag the story down from the heights it could reach.
Daring Derp, by CartsBeforeHorses
When Daring Do is injured and left comatose, her sister, Derpy, takes over the task of writing books about her adventures. Of course, she has to make it all up.
The ideas in this story are unbelievably funny. I couldn’t stop laughing once it started to find its stride. It pokes fun at various elements of popular culture, politics, religion, and more. Spotting the various errors in the story written by Derpy is great fun.
Unfortunately, it has some issues with punctuation, unmarked transitions, and a few miscellaneous errors. If the problems were limited to the excerpts from Derpy’s book, it would be fine, but when things like saidisms, unnecessary adverbs, and punctuation errors appear in the main story, it undermines the effect.
Still, this story is a riot. Even with the errors, I had a blast reading it, and I’d happily recommend it for comedy fans, Daring Do and/or Derpy fans, and fans of meta humor.
Dash Gets An Extra Hour In The Ball Pit, by Sparkler
Filly Rainbow Dash plays in a ball pit.
This story is a piece of cutesy fluff. There’s no real conflict and no drama to be found, but that’s okay once in a while if it’s presented well and hits the right notes. This story achieves some of that.
The setting is ludicrous, and the descriptions of it are pretty vivid. Rainbow Dash is in character, but has her personality traits scaled to better reflect her age in the story. All the elements needed for a fun little romp are there. Then, it doesn’t happen. The scenario escalates a bit as it progresses, but it doesn’t go out in a blaze of funny. Instead, it just fizzles out and figures everyone will be happy with an out-of-nowhere Spitfire cameo as its resolution. No, Sparkler, I am not satisfied with that.
I’m also really bothered by the saidism abuse in this story. Someone should inform the author that words such as “laughed,” “sighed,” and “pouted” are not dialogue verbs—especially pouted, which is nothing more than a facial expression and has nothing to do with any sort of sound. There are some mechanical faults, but I’m not sure they’re worth calling out, as it’s generally very readable.
I can’t bring myself to recommend this, but it made it to the feature box and has a fairly high rating, so it obviously appeals to a lot of people. Check it out if you want to read about filly Dash doing cute things, but don’t expect anything memorable.
Dance the Night Away, by JaketheGinger
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle can’t find dates for a school dance, so they decide to go together.
I didn’t enjoy this. It was about twice as long as it needed to be, so it felt padded and dull, and the conflict disappeared around the halfway mark. It basically spent eleven thousand words setting up a little bit of light shipping between two children. Add a host of comma errors, and you get a boring story that’s occasionally annoying to read.
I could only recommend this for people who really want to see some ScootaBelle shipping and have read all the stories that are better than this one.
And this makes three times I’ve done this. So tell me, is anyone getting anything out of these blogs? Do you want me to continue, or is it just a waste of space in your feeds?
Stay classy, my fellow cesspool dwellers.
for some reason, I find that this review has helped me more than others.
I had something witty to say, but... lesbians.
I can think of 17,000 reasons why the ball pit fic was written...
Haha, yes, I love your blog posts like this. I enjoy reading them.
Keep on truckin' with the mini-reviews. I'll have to try "Daring Derp". I'm always looking for new stories, and reviews like yours can help me home in on the good stuff.
I find your reviews enjoyable, Prak.
Of course, I may now be called out on being slightly biased. Oh well.
2291993 Comment of the year, right here.