On Hiatus · 9:23pm Jul 10th, 2014
Hello everyone,
You may have noticed that my uploading of My Little Human: Equestrian Girl has been a little... sporadic. And as of now, the fic is on hiatus.
I don't expect any sympathy or anyone to really care beyond what I just put above, but I've been dealing with isomnia for over a year now, and mild depression for half a year at this point. For pretty much the entirety of Season 4 (still have not seen the finale) I almost never came to watch, even before I took medicine that excerbated my depression from almost nothing, to enough to cry in the public bathroom stall and daydream of cutting myself. (And I have to wonder if isomnia was just an early symptom, or the cause of my depression. Kind of like the chicken or the egg parable, only applicable to a seemingly eternal merry-go-round of temporary happiness and a more permanent sadness.)
I have a lot of the fic written in rough draft, but as I am I cannot finish it or even upload a chapter at any sort of timely point in the future. I am determined to start again once I've gotten help. (Hopefully the antidepressants, at the very least, will work.)
And I know this is sappy, but I'd like to thank my family for minimizing the damage this is doing to me. Quite frankly, I might have sliced my arm open to get someone's attention and sliced open an artery by accident. You may guess at where that would have led.
Sorry. I'm typing this as soon as I think of it and I've just realized that I just typed up some disturbing admissions to give to random strangers on the Internet that I don't intend on deleting (just checking for spelling and grammar.) I am also aware that it may come off as Rarity-esque dramatics.
But that's the kicker about even mild depression: every minor challenge feels like proof the universe is designed to make you fail and for everyone to hate you.
...I am going to finish the My Little Human. The universe, after all, is perhaps full of too many things for all of them to hate me. (Or just really, really, really dislike me, in the words of Fluttershy.)
Thank you for reading.
Yours Truly,
Jgame
Definitely go to a trained psychologist. That really helped me dealing with my depression.
Goddamn, don't worry about the fic, just focus on recovering
Well, Insomnia can lead to minor spell of depression. Given everything you written so far, I think the double whammy of sleeplessness and melancholy for such a sustained length is a sign of deep hormonal imbalance. My advice would be to seek a professional, medical opinion and get the proper treatment for your illnesses. Take care of yourself; we'll be waiting.
Well, hope you find a way to get over this depression soon. Stinks that you're suffering from it.:(
Hey, man. Your health before ANYTHING else.
Rest up, and get it to how you need it. I've also suffered from depression, it's not a thing to mess with. Best regards, and I hope everything gets sorted out and gets you back to health.
I've fought the demon of sleeplessness many times in recent years. At best, it's been a draw; at worst, I felt like driving into a bridge abutment.
And depression will seriously screw with your Muse. If you need a break, you need to take it. We're not going anywhere.
Just focus on reality for now. Everything else can wait.
Good luck.
Hope things get better for you soon man.
I think insomnia is sometimes a symptom of depression actually, though I am no psychiatrist. Certainly it has kept me up at night at least, although not often to really be considered insomnia.
In any case, see a psychiatrist, and talk to your doctor about your medication, and don't worry about the story. Heck, I have seen stories go for far longer and still have their readership around.
I don't Blame you hope you get better soon.
Here's wishing you well.
I don't even know what to say at this point, except thank you. When I wrote the post I was really having it rough and crying in response to just about anything. I'm feeling a little more stable today, and reading your comments made me really happy, just knowing that you all care. Reason #10000000 I love this fandom.
Anyways, I'm focusing on recovering, and I'm going in for a sleep test (my mother has a sleep disorder) when I get back from visiting my Dad.
My parents, on a side note, are divorced and most of the time refuse to talk to each other directly unless it's something as serious as my going to the walk-in clinic and getting a perscription.
As for the psychologist, no word yet in spite of Mom's family doctor placing calls back in late May/ early June, but hopefully something will happen soon enough.
For now, Cipralex and ponies are going to be the two
manemain factors of the healing process. (Guilty admission: I think that Feeling Pinkie Keen is a better episode than Suited For Success.)Yours Truly,
Jgame (AKA Jean-Michel Vaillancourt)
Ouch... I know the pain of insomnia. For the record, medication is really a last resort, but if it works for you until your body starts rewiring itself again, that and some good pre-bed teas are the best advice a fellow insomniac can give.
Apart from that, I was a bit upset to see the fic put on hold, but life should always come first. (Even if ponies are awesome...) I do hope you find a good long-term treatment for your sleep troubles, and remember that you have a not so small armada of people here to talk to whenever you need it.