Fic recs, July 3rd · 4:56pm Jul 3rd, 2014
Work on the Most Dangerous Contest reading continues. I'm about two dozen stories in, I guess? :/ Would probably be more if I didn't keep getting sidetracked with stuff like this. But hey, it's been three days since the last one and I have six stories this time around, including an important one about coming out as gay, and some entries from the Trotcon speedfic contest, so why not?
Also, I would like to point out that Fimfiction has received its 200,000th story submission. Yay! :D
That submission is, unfortunately, blank. And doesn’t look like anything I’d actually want to read, if it were ever written. :/ The beat goes on.
H: 0 R: 0 C: 4 V: 1 N: 1
Applejack Calls Customer Service by MythrilMoth
Reading by TheLostNarrator, et. al.
Reading by Captain Sand
Reading by Voiceguy
Reading by VisualPony
Genre: Comedy
With her connection to the Canternet down, Applejack has to wade through the red tape of customer service to get it back up. On the one hand, if you like stories about bad customer service, this oddly Earth-analogue piece will make you laugh. On the other hand, it’s kind of like those old sitcoms where the punchline was someone wagging their head, arms akimbo, and saying, “Well ain’t that just the way it is?” This hits a little too close to home to really be funny, if you ask me. If you’ve been in this situation before, you’re going to need a certain mindset to be able to appreciate this story and not, y'know, get really mad at it. On top of that, you’ll have to ignore the casual racism of the fairly underwhelming punchline. I also felt like the precise way the call is obfuscated was equal parts clever and really stupid. So in all, I’m not sure whether I can say I enjoyed this. It’s just sort of okay.
Vaguely Recommended
The Moon’s Embrace by GoG ToXiC
Mature: Sex
Reading by Doctor Cobra
Genre: Sad Luna
Luna is Sad, so she goes to talk to Twilight. They talk, they go to the moon, they have feelings for each other, they have sex. Like ya do. This is just a PWP, honestly, so there’s little reason to be angry at it for existing, but two things really got to me. First was Luna’s screaming angst. I have been there, I have done that, I am ready for something new. Second, while the pre-sex writing was pretty darn good, all things considered, and especially as clopfics go, once things heat up, it starts getting goofy. You can’t blame me for recoiling at “sucking on her muscle” used to refer to Twilight’s tongue, or laughing at “love button”, or hearing “entered her tunnel” and imagining trains. That stuff really kills the mood. Okay, and I lied: the thing about this piece that actually makes me irritated is the way the sex is used as pretty much a reward for having suffered. The ‘relationship’ happens because Twilight takes pity on Luna and doesn’t want her to be Sad and lonely. That’s kind of awful, when you think about it, especially since it doesn’t really feel as though five years, in which they’ve developed feelings for each other, have really passed. Not to mention they go from “I love you” to “let’s fuck” immediately. Between the ridiculous premise and the sex metaphors, this is nothing but a hilarious read. But if you were hoping for something sexy...
Not Recommended
Spike Comes Out by The Rated PonyStar
Reading by Goombasa
Genre: LGBT Fiction
A story centered around Spike coming out of the closet must answer three questions: 1) What about his crush on Rarity? 2) Why is this act important in Equestria? 3) Why wouldn’t he trust Twilight enough to tell her outright? #1 is handled well, Spike explaining that it was basically mimicry of the tough Royal Guards he idolized as a kid. (I personally would have given the explanation for why I’m against Spike/Rarity shipping: he was just a kid, he wasn’t a sexual being, he didn’t know any better. This is still a realistic explanation regardless.) #3 is unfortunately tied up in #2, which is where this story is weakest. The author has basically ironed Western mores onto Equestria in a way that is both transparent and ill-fitting. Spike talks about gay conversion camps and parents kicking out their gay children (admittedly, a good backstory for Rumble and Thunderlane), and I just can’t reconcile that with the Equestria I see in the show, not without considerable lampshading. Granted, if you can accept that some ponies don’t appreciate homosexuals — it’s not really said how prevalent anti-gay sentiment is in this version of Equestria — then it follows that both Spike and Rumble would be hesitant and fearful of Twilight’s eventual reaction to finding out Spike’s sexuality, so there’s #3. Honestly, though, this is a good piece for teenage boys who like ponies and are struggling with their sexuality. Actually, it’s a better piece for caretakers of those boys, since it’s told from Twilight’s perspective. And while older Spike is hardly recognizable, existing as a vehicle for the true-to-life emotions running through the piece, the motions both he and Twilight go through will be informative to anyone who hasn’t experienced this situation and isn't sure how they would react in it. Ultimately, this was not a story written for me, but if it so happens that you are one of the people for whom it was written: courage. It gets better.
Recommended If You’re Interested in LGBT Issues
Swooty Bell Adventures by Protopony350
Genre: Trollfic
The first chapter of this was the first-place winner of Trotcon’s 2014 Speedfic Writing Contest. (I will never forget while tallying votes, reading off the description for this and everyone raising their hand.) The author decided to expand it into a series and… well, if you liked my Hot Shot and Hugh Jelly series, or, like, The Spiderses, this will be right up your alley. In it, you will find gratuitous pony death, retellings of the episodes that make zero sense, non-sequiturs, hilarious chapter titles, Care Bears, and through it all, Swooty Bell fighting for good! Oh my god I have never laughed harder. What’s really amazing is you’d think this would get tiresome over the course of 18 chapters of army-building. While it's true not all parts are equally hilarious, I really did enjoy this all the way through.
GAZE UPON THIS MASTERPIECE WITH YOUR MORTAL EYES AND TREMBLE
Sweetie Belle vs. Fabric by Newtaloo
Genre: Comedy
More Trotcon fics continue to trickle into my feed. This one really focuses on the prompt that was the title, pitting Sweetie against various outfits in a ring match to the death. The over the top dramatic narration is hilarious, and the epilogue written after the contest is even funnier. If you have any appreciation for the types of stories this contest tends to produce, don’t pass this one up.
Recommended If You Like Silly Shit
General Sweetie Belle by Scarlett Haze
Genre: Comedy
And here’s another! General Sweetie Belle leads her troops into glorious combat against the encroaching fabric menace. This is, of course, not what’s going on at all. This is a really amusing sendup of war movie tropes and cliches, and of course the writing is what you’d expect for something literally penned in an hour. Again, silly is as silly does, and this is good, clean fun with a great punchline.
Recommended If You Like Silly Shit
Oh wait, are you seriously gonna give a review for every Most Dangerous Game submission like you did for the Everfree Northwest competition?
After I dropped some acid, I had to take a dump, and my poop was telling a pretty hilarious version of "The Aristocrats" joke, and I was laughing my head off, so I guess that yes, I like silly shit.
2254091
You bet your ass I am. :| Just hit the halfway mark.
2254420
Oh sweet Jesus, you really are a gluten for punishment. :V
Well... Hope you like mine then!
(bby be gentle it's my first time)
This is like that thing where someone walks into a store or something and they're some milestone customer, and then that person is like "Oh I came in here by mistake :/"
2254431
My gluten-free diet isn't working out. :(
2255414
And this is why I hate the autocorrect when using mobile fimfic.
2255436
Oh good, now I feel better about making fun of you. :)
2255478
OH WOW, rood! :V