The Equestrian Measurement Conspiracy · 12:20am Jun 2nd, 2014
As we all know, US customary units (hereon referred to as "standard measurement" or just "standard") are a silly way of measuring things compared to the common sense of the metric system. Yes, there are a billion-and-one different measurements in standard to cover all sorts of situations, but that's just a ploy to hide the truth. Also, we get to strike fear into the hearts of metric users with our mighty fractions.
Why does metric make sense? Most likely, it's because we do all of our counting in base ten. And why do we count in base ten? Chances are it's because of those things on the ends of our limbs that get pinched in doors and stubbed on furniture. That got me thinking: what sort of counting system would be easiest to use with standard?
Well, let's examine it a tiny bit further. One of the most basic measurements in standard is the foot. There may be smaller and larger units, but this makes a great starting point. A foot is twelve inches. Twelve is also known as a dozen. A dozen dozen is a gross. Raw eggs are gross. So, base twelve might be a great starting point for standard.
Or we could go with base four. It takes three fours and not four fours to make twelve, sure, but three is the sort of number you take home to meet your parents. If you look into it a bit further, you'll see a lot of fours throughout the system, or at least three groups of four.
"But Lab," you might say unless you worked on a farm or stockpiled trivia like it would keep you warm during the winter, "what's the significance of four inches? That's not any measuring unit I know of."
In fact, there is a measuring unit that's four inches: the hand. That unit's main use? Measuring the height of horses. What if this were the "go to" unit instead of feet?
That's right. Once again, the answer is "ponies." Yep, standard was designed for ponies, not humans.
It might seem like a bit of a stretch, but work with me here. The waters around this conspiracy have been muddied quite a bit, and I had to take off my tinfoil hat so the snorkel would fit.
Of course, they'd probably use "hoof" instead of "hand" but that sort of measurement makes more sense than thinking the average hoof is twelve inches across. The reason ponies would use base four is fairly obvious, I think. Heck, if they love three as much as the mathematical world does, base twelve wouldn't be too much of a stretch either. I'm sure they could find a way to count to three on a single hoof, or possibly by counting hoof, fetlock, and knee(or pastern if you don't want to get too far away) on each limb.
Ponies using "foot" as a measurement wouldn't make much sense for them either. Others' attempts at measuring the show aside, a "foot" could easily become a "leg."
As you can see, the standard system is nothing more than a measurement system of groups of threes and fours based on a leg or hoof. Move over, Area 51. There's a new conspiracy in town... and it has ponies.
What are you smoking and where can I locate some?
I love this. It almost makes too much sense!
2165732
I second that.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2165732 2165831 My sources prefer to remain confidential.
Given that a small horse's hoof might well be about one hand, or four inches, or one decimeter wide... And that a pony has four of them... And might have a running stride of about 32 hoofs...
Yeah. It's a stretch, but it kinda fits.
My god, that was genius.
Has someone been watching Monty Python recently? Because you're using very Monty-Python-esque logic.
Side note, take this disembodied eye as a token of my appreciation for that hilarious... thing.
I can see
where this is going...
I...wat? I don't understand. I think you rambled too much...
Oh.
What the hell are you smoking and where can I get some?
Smoking's bad for you
Unlike you, I'm a dragon, I'm immune to the effects of smoke inhalation.
One should also take into account that the US measurement system was adopted from England back before England went to the Imperial system, and the newly-independent US refused to follow suit because "nyah-nyah, we're independent now."
As good a reason as any, I suppose.
But wait--what was the most important and beloved non-human creature in America at that time???
Horses.
And what government refuses to call it's rulers "Queens" or it's nation an Imperial one?
Equestria.
They've been running things here for a lot longer than you might imagine.
2601732 If I point out too much, they'll catch on and erase me.
This is brilliant, I love the way your mind works.
I hope you come back to us soon, I miss your stories. Fingers (or, rather, hooves in this case) crossed!