Present Perfect vs. Thrown Abroad · 7:44pm Mar 16th, 2014
Niaeruzu's Thrown Abroad was, as I recall, one of the first really big-name changeling fics to come out after season two. Being first at something is great in terms of garnering views, but bears the risk of others coming along and doing the same thing, only better. It's said, after all, that you should get rid of your first ideas, because they're never good. This is the downfall of Thrown Abroad.
Of course, there's also the fact that it fits squarely into what I am now going to coin "The OC's Journey". Like the Hero's Journey, it's a recognizable story structure; unlike the Hero's Journey, it's hardly ever used well. And while the draw to this story is "the OC's a changeling and he's trying to hide from the ponies because they'll likely lock him up if they discover him", he still goes through the motions of meeting and having small adventures with each of the mane cast and the CMCs, at last making friends with them. If he'd been a red and black alicorn, this story would not have garnered as much attention.
The writing is not amazing, mostly fraught with the problems that mark new writers: telling, fast pacing on occasion, sometimes weak characterization, and, above all else, overexplaining. None of it is really worth going into in detail.
One place this does stand out is in world-building. There are a lot of rather interesting ideas about changelings peppered throughout the story. I did feel, though, like every time the author tried to portray the changelings as alien, the next piece of information about them would make them seem too familiar, or else alien by virtue of being inverted ponies. It didn't always work, is what I'm saying.
Humor was also hit and miss. The strongest joke, I think, was "ponies are dumb", though it was often played as a way to get 23 out of sticky situations. By the end, it turns out to be a fabrication of changeling arrogance, which is in itself a worthwhile concept, and redeemed as a running gag by the implication that ponies are willing to overlook a lot of strangeness in the name of pursuing harmony and friendship. There were, however, issues with purely visual jokes that didn't translate well into text.
I suppose this is a very easy story, perhaps even predictable. 23 needs to find love so he can change and get more love, but he quickly develops a conscience for no discernible reason, an issue that could have been cleared up with more words. More words would also have helped cement the changeling's eventual friendship with the ponies, which I couldn't help but feel was mostly superficial by the end, a product that we were only told of. None of them profess to be his best friend or anything, but it still didn't feel like much of a change.
Honestly, I'm finding it hard to find anything really terrible to critique. It's a good idea that wasn't followed through in the best way it could have been. Judging by a comment left on Chris's review of the story a little while ago, the author's considering rewriting it, and I can only hope that will be what this needs to rise out of mediocrity.
2/5
While hardly infuriating, this is a story that would have been more exciting back when it was new. The same thing has been done better by many since.
Ta! I can cross this one off the list...
Speaking as the one responsible for this getting onto EqD, and knowing Nia as I do, and the fact that his sequel fics to Thrown Abroad are markedly better, I'm in agreement that a re-write is in order. He's upped his game to the point that I think he'd address all or most of your issues with it.
Looking back, I rated this story up and read 7/10 chapters. Good, but too predictable.
1931903 That's the hard thing about fimfic sometimes. You can really improve and grow as a writer but you hae your earlier works right beside your newer stuff so sometimes it can give a poorer view than is accurate.
Solid review though you felt a bit harsher in spots than you have in the past. Though I think I'm basing it on your review collections rather than individuals.