Fanfic Reviews – A Slice of Life Edition · 2:31am Jan 20th, 2014
An Addendum to last last weeks’ review: University Days’ epilogue just got released, making the story finally complete. As expected, it didn’t change my opinion of the story, and there wasn’t anything terribly objectionable in it, or at least nothing beyond the existing issues.
Also, I helped proofread a fanfic, Guardians of the Old Forest by Calhoun. It is a story about Roseluck being forced to live amongst timberwolves, and contains some well thought headcanon regarding timberwolf culture and nice characterizations.
Anyway, this time I am tackling Character Studies and Slice of Life stories, grouped together since I consider that they tend to share the same virtues, and be classifiable as different categories by a mere matter of focus. The fics reviewed here are:
A Pie Worth Makin'
Hope Blooms
Sprinkles
The Wrong Fork
The Voice of Reason
Anxiety
Every Little Bit
Blank Slate
Scores are in a 0~10 scale, with 3 indicating a mediocre fic.
Ogopogo – A Pie Worth Makin' – Character Study
Applejack discusses her family dynamics.
This is a nice little story full of heavy handed metaphors. While this might sound like some kind of critique, the heavy handedness worked, giving Applejack’s narration a more down to earth tone. However, it also stripped the fic of much of its punch, as the extended metaphor really started affecting the pacing. There aren’t any particularly mind-blowing insights throughout the story, but again, the fact it is Applejack talking makes the reinforcement of those old insights fit with the overall tone.
Why it should be read: A great example of a well voiced Applejack.
6,5/10
Bookish Delight – Hope Blooms – Slice of Life
Apple Bloom and Babs Seed make up and become friends again.
This is a very cute story, with little fillies doing cute things. It is also almost entirely unsubstantial, not expanding much beyond the episode’s moral. Even more problematic, it doesn’t fit too well with episode canon, with the story ending with the fillies in a substantially distinct place than the scene in the train platform in Babs Seed indicates. Otherwise, everything was nice and clean, the emotions were a decent balance between genuine and forced, characterization and pacing were good enough, but it is one of those fics where nothing made it stand out for me.
Why it should be read: For a nice little scene between Apple Bloom and Babs Seed.
3.5/10
Corejo – Sprinkles – Slice of Life
Twilight and Pinkie make cupcakes together.
Similarly to the previous story, this is a well written fic, with good characterization and pacing, but that is essentially unsubstantial and forgettable. In fact, other than a lack of logical progression in Twilight’s breakdown, there isn’t anything it does particularly wrong. Otherwise, this and Hope Blooms are essentially the same fic, something of an issue with Slice of Life stories in general that I hope the next story will help illustrate.
Why it should be read: For some simple cooking comedy.
4.5/10
PoweredByTea – The Wrong Fork – Slice of Life
Rarity notices a small social Faux Pas by Celestia.
OBS: Since it is so short, expect spoilers – there is no good justification not to read it at any rate.
On the surface this is a story about nothing – it is exceptionally short, half of it is spent on set-up, and what it set-ups is Rarity picking a wrong fork in a formal dinner to mislead Princess Celestia. However, underneath that is an extremely dense story, packed with various intertwining themes, such as the nature of social norms, the transitionality of high-class values, or the unexpected consequences of our actions. The result is a very smart character analysis of both Rarity and Celestia. It is such a resoundingly successful story precisely because it never loses sight of its themes, and how they relate and affect the story. It also does a lot with few words, providing a full character arc in a very short space, while still being enjoyable as a simple harmless story.
The thing is, a short Slice of Life story must have something that ties it together beyond the scene itself, otherwise it is hard to justify it as more than a "wouldn't it be cool if X". It may be characterization, a thematic consistency that is shown by the portrayed actions, a stylistic writing choice, strong comedic or romantic beats… the list goes on. A story doesn’t become explicitly bad without it, it simply fizzles out into mediocrity.
Why it should be read: For an extremely dense story with great insights about Celestia, Rarity, and social norms.
10/10
Pascoite – The Voice of Reason – Character Study
Derpy must live with a doubting voice in her head.
Differently from most Sad Derpy stories, this is about learning how to live with your issues, rather than the more typical “look how sad she is, you should feel sad too” that seems to infect pony fic. I really like the message that while escaping being miserable is hard, friends and family, real connections, can help immensely in that regard. Derpy was very well used and well characterized, and her predicament was poignant. My only real issue with the story was Dinky. She was a little sack of adorable, but some of her dialogue feels unnatural, or unchildlike. It served the story well, what with her always being the answer to the things the voice says but it also felt contrived, and sacrificed some believability in the process. Nonetheless, the effect was cathartic enough for me to overlook that, and it did the best thing a story can: stick with me for a while.
Why it should be read: A sobering look at the nature of self-doubt, and on the importance of family.
9/10
Babs_Seed_72 – Anxiety – Character Study/Slice of Life
Spike starts to get plagued by a doubting voice in his head.
Reading these two back to back by accident was interesting, since “Anxiety” and “Voice of Reason” have very similar premises. However, the difference between the protagonists made them very distinct, as well as the way the voice in introduced. For one, having it affect an adult was, strangely enough, more powerful than affecting a child, probably due to the fact that Derpy would have had to live her whole life with it, while Spike’s suffering was only beginning. Also, the voice here feels much more supernatural in nature, due to the way it appears and seem to maneuver Spike to a deliberate goal. This story suffers a lot from some issues with Twilight. She was well written for the most part, but felt too callous when the story required, feeling very contrived, and hurting her characterization. However, the emotions were genuine, and there are nice things here, with the themes of accepting others as they are and understanding your limitations being prevalent and well used.
Why it should be read: A nice view of Twilight and Spike’s relationship.
8/10
Descendant – Every Little Bit – Character Study / Slice of Life / Shipping bait
In a dating auction, Spike pays for Rainbow Dash instead of Rarity.
The Descendant has a unique way to write MLP characters, that while different from canon proper, is still internally consistent and fitting with the core of the show. This can create some dissonance with some established character traits and relations, but it also allows for some further exploring of those characters, mainly Spike. While this is a story that opens itself to many interpretations, I read it mainly as an exploration of the theme of masculinity in its many forms, both positive and negative. TD’s Spike is perfect for this role, in being a child that grew up without any strong male role models, instead having to built that identity and concept by himself.
Curiously enough, this story also features an inner voice telling a character things, in the form of Spike’s imaginary father figure. We never see this one explicitly, and Spike himself admits it is completely made-up, but it is still acts as a stick for him to measure himself against. Interestingly enough, just like in the previous stories, it impacts him negatively, with his imaginary standards too much for him to stand-up against. Call it cosmic coincidence, but reading it right after Anxiety made it work as a nice counterpoint to those previous two stories.
The only drawback is that it is pretty rough around the edges. The (absolutely disgusting) introductory scene dragged for way too long, and the fact that Ponyville, including Twilight and Rarity, would rather leave Dash to his fate than confront the bullies wasn’t very believable. Some of the dialogue fell flat, and even in the second act the pacing was off. This isn’t The Descendant firing on all cylinders, but it is still very deep and powerful, and makes for a great read.
Why it should be read: For the great view of Spike’s character.
8.5/10
Integral Archer – Blank Slate – FoE Character Study
Lil’ Pip’s life before leaving the stable.
This is a unique story. In fact, I am sure there isn’t a single story published to FimFiction similar to this one – unless romantic Fallout Equestria fic with distinct Ayn Rand influences is a thing. There are also almost none of the common tropes of FoE fics: It happens entirely inside a stable, there are no significant action scenes, no companions, no horrors of the wasteland. Instead of an action-romance-adventure romp, we get a character study of Little Pip, the nature of life in the stable, and the uncrushability of human pony spirit. This is also not a story for everyone. While having enjoyed FoE certainly isn’t a prerequisite, the Ayn Rand influence comes in the form of characters being willing to monologue and pontificate at the drop of a hat, something specially true of CuCro, the Stable 2’s resident radio host, something that I know drives certain people up the wall.
Those are huge hurdles for reading this fic, but get past that, and you are rewarded with a story with powerful themes and some great characters. The idea of standing up to oppression and for individuality is well used, specially when you consider just how small those acts can be. An incandescent lamp being used instead of the common fluorescent ones is seen as an act of deep rebellion. Switching electrical instruments for their real counterparts is enough to crush the spirits of the whole Stable. This extends even to small details in their speech. The concept of free information and expression being the key to a free society is also well used, as well as the role of art in giving the strength to fight oppression. In this front, there is nothing for me to criticize in the story, and in fact it is particularly poignant.
Sadly, the story is heavily impaired by a bunch of inconsistencies with FoE canon, and Integral Archer’s view of the characters (as seen on this blog) and the FoE setting in general floats between misguided to flat-out wrong. There are many small things in this line, but the most significant is that the author sees Lil' Pip as needing to be some kind of romantic hero for FoE to be good, with this story being essentially a way to re purpose Pip to that role via backstory. Also, Stable 2 here was specifically built and controlled to crush the spirit of its inhabitants, instead of being one of the few true safe havens in the Wasteland, marred by questions of practicality. The most damaging of all is the use of the virtue of sacrifice, a core theme of FoE's and a strong part of Pip's character arc, as something specifically tailored to crush the spirits of the Stable inhabitants, and to drive them to a twisted sense of communality.
Suffice to say, it is completely dissonant with FoE proper, making the fic work more as an Alternate Universe interpretation than anything else. But, given how much it seems to hang on being a prologue to FoE, this is a pretty fatal flaw. The real shame is that having those issues there are essential for the good parts to work. Integral Archer would have been much better served by writing an FoE side story with some OC in another stable, and the real tragedy is that touching Little Pip opens the doors for way too many negative interpretations. In the end, this is a story I appreciate, but I can’t say I particularly like.
Why it should be read: It is absolutely unique, and provides a great alternative “could be” viewpoint of the FoE universe.
7.5/10
And there you have it! I was looking to establish an once-a-week-ish schedule, but these last two weeks were absolutely crazy. Now that things have calmed down, hopefully I will be able to have some semblance of regularity.
Thanks for the review, Soge!
Yeah, Dinky's a little bundle of sweetness that knows just the right thing to say. But Derpy posits that it may end up being Dinky's super-magical, cutie-mark-induced talent someday, so who am I to argue with her and the li'l budding psychologist?
I debated whether to make this as much of a feel-good, show-type story as I'd originally planned, where Derpy's problem goes away, but I'm glad I didn't, if only because it's something different, but I think it'll also speak more to readers' personal experiences this way. At least I hope so.
I would read that FoE story if I gave one damn about Littlepip as a character.
The Wrong Fork is really something else, though.
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Hey, thanks for the critique, Soge! Critical, yet completely spot-on and well thought-out. Thanks for reading Blank Slate; hell, thanks for reading me for so long.
I care nothing for the character either. And I wrote that damned story. Call me a nihilist, I guess.
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...Actually, that's a valid advertisement. To-read. :B
Thank you for the review of Every Little Bit. Ill admit that it is not my most polished work, but I'm glad that folks have enjoyed it (probably not the right word) for what it is. It is my intent to revise it before I submit it to EQD, and Twilight will be removed from the majority of the first chapter, and the length of the repugnant scene drastically reduced. I'll certainly take the 8.5!
Oh Jesus Christ, Ayn Rand is the worst. I'm going to be very cautious about this other story, especially since you point out that it's a flat out betrayal of the original story. I'm not opposed to the idea of someone saying that they can write FoE better than Kkat, because it's got pretty big problems, but this conceptual objectivist hijacking is not the solution.
2627379 Well, the similarities to Ayn Rand are more stylistic than philosophical. There are many Big Speeches, and Pip interacts with a real John Galt type during the whole story, but there is nothing really Objectivist about the story.