Since Nopony Really Reads My Blogs Anyways... · 9:12am Jan 10th, 2013
I thought it'd be fun to post a scene from what I'm currently working on, Chapter 4 of the Making Friends Sequel. Yes, still. It's being stubborn.
Keep in mind that this is still rough, and will probably be revised well before it ever gets published, especially since three other chapters would need to be published first:
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Deep in a dark forest, overgrown with barren trees, an orange pegasus was hiding. An owl hooted in the distance in the cloudy sky. Thunder crashed as the orange filly trembled. Somepony - or something - was watching her. Hunting her.
The full moon hung in the sky, surrounded by clouds. For a moment, the face of a wicked-looking mare shrouded the view of the moon. Then it was gone, leaving nothing but the moons cratered surface in its wake. Hearing a rustling from a nearby bush, the filly darted from tree to tree, fearful of being caught.
Lightning flashed, and the silhouette of a unicorn was illuminated in the distance, standing proud and tall, horn to the heavens, with her mane flowing freely behind her. Scootaloo ran. She ran over dusty trails, past bushes and brambles, and down windy roads. She ran as if her life depended on it. As far as she knew, it did.
She ran until she was out of breath and could run no more, and then hid behind a large rock, shivering. She breathed a sigh of relief. She should finally be safe. Scootaloo surveyed the area. Nothing to her left, and nothing directly in front of her. To her right... was a scowling magenta unicorn leveling her horn.
With her violet and purple mane, Scootaloo had no trouble recognizing her. "Sparkler? What are you doing?"
"Just what I should have when I first met you." Eyes glowing, she opened her mouth to reveal a pair of fangs. "Fixing an unfortunate accident."
"B-But you said we were sisters now!" Scootaloo said, standing up on all four hooves. "That we were family!"
"Hardly." She said with a toss of her head. "You're nothing. Just a discarded plaything."
"I'm more than that." Scootaloo stared at the fanged sister-creature defiantly. "I'm a real pony now. You'll see."
"Really now?" A younger white unicorn with a distinctive pink and purple mane stepped out from behind the fanged faux sister, an uncharacteristic look of hatred on her face. "You are just a puppet I created to play with. And I have friends now. I don't need you any more."
She rubbed up against Sparkler affectionately, then glared at Scootaloo.
"You're not a real pony." Sparkler scoffed. "You are nothing but a magical accident, and a particularly embarrassing one at that. Sweetie, lets clean up this mess. Together."
They both started laughing, a particularly vile and malevolent laugh, and their horns began to glow, aimed straight for her. Scootaloo shrieked. And opened her eyes.
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It took a moment for Scootaloo to recognize where she was. Her heart was still racing away, and her nerves were on a hair trigger. She was in a dark room, filled with shadows. But there was a comfortable blanket and comforter over her, and a table to one side with a book she recognized as the one she'd fallen asleep to last night.
She could feel something large, warm, and fuzzy by her side. An occasional soft snore came from that direction. Ditzy. She snuggled up to her, feeling her chest move as Ditzy breathed. One of her wings instinctively curled around the young filly. Calming down, Scootaloo gradually drifted back to sleep.
I'm happy to see that someone recognises that "unicorn" isn't a proper noun.
Exciting! I only skimmed, because I don't want to spoil it. What I did read has me anxious for the rest.
Good atmosphere building, good emotional charge. This should be good once it's finished. Take your time and let things go naturally, the story will work itself out.
696342
Actually... I see the various names as being similar to speaking of the English, Irish, or Hindus... they are of a class that is distinct and deserving of recognition as such. I mean... take an Irish family that has Celtic (there's another one!) ancestry. They're all white. You could call them white people, but they're also part of a smaller class of light-hued people that are from the nation of Ireland. Or livestock- all Clydesdales are horses.
Similarly, all ponies are ponies, but not all ponies are Ponies from Equestria, and not all Ponies are Unicorns. *shrugs* That's how I look at the convention. I tend to capitalize Ponies because they're a sapient subset of a larger class, to differentiate them from the ponies I drive past on the way to work.
EDIT: I should also comment on the snippet, shouldn't I? It sounds good, interesting the first part has some excellent tension and has my curiosity... the Scootaloo/Ditzy combination sounds awfully cute now I think about it. I'll have to check it out when it's done!
696351>>696422
Thanks! This is honestly probably my favorite bit I've written of the sequel so far, though there are other memorable moments. I was trying to show some of what's going on behind the scenes in Scootaloo's head, and this seemed like a good way to do it. Heavy "Sleepless in Ponyville" influence, of course. It also made me wonder about Luna's influence on dreams when she was locked in the moon as Nightmare Moon, since this is set before the Summer Sun Celebration.
My immediate challenge in the rest of this chapter is going to be writing Sweetie Belle's parents, Magnum & Pearl, and her house, and introducing Dinky while keeping her personality distinct from Scootaloo. (And I'm not going by One Bad Apple's canon regarding Sweetie Belle's house for this. I'm actually assuming that they moved sometime before that episode. Maybe their house was destroyed by parasprites...)
Oh, and for some reason, I really like the phrase "fanged sister-creature".
696342
Hmmm... Hadn't really thought about it, really.
697877
Yeah, Scootaloo/Ditzy's been pretty cute so far. In fact, with the majority of the main cast being Ditzy, Scootaloo, Sparkler, Sweetie Belle, and Dinky so far, cute fluff tends to abound, especially with the baggage that comes with Making Friends!Scootaloo...
699970
*sighs* And now I have more stories to throw on my list of must-reads... not enough time in the day to keep up with folk like you, it seems.
*Squees*. You know this reminds me of the Petriculture series. Although I read it after I read Making Friends. It'd be interesting if Sweetie's power was Metacreativity / creating living things born from her imagination.
Awesome chapter though I can't wait to read more.
1120343
Well, as I said in the author note for Making Friends:
And thanks, though that's really just the beginning of that chapter. In fact, since this probably won't be released for a good while anyways, here's what happened next:
1120369
That story is shaping up to be the most adorable Scootaloo fic ever. Right next to Sororal Instincts in drown you in adorableness factor. *Brings the Party Cannon and a Life Preserver*
1120922
Yeah, I quickly realised when writing it that everything was exciting and new and scary for Scoots, because of her unusual position. So, plenty of fluff, with plot attempting to get through occasionally. Not much Sweetie Belle so far, surprisingly. Sweetie Belle still sees Scoots as her imaginary friend, which is a bit problematic.
The fic mainly consists of Ditzy and Scoots, with Dinky and Sparkler in the mix as well. Twilight'll come into it later, of course. And actually, that other spell for determining your magical power that Twilight felt wasn't accurate enough in Just Winging It was from here...