Where I've Been · 2:42am March 4th
This is an announcement. I formatted it like a snippet. I don't know why.
In the middle of a darkened room, a griffon walked onto a stage.
He wasn’t very impressive - a little on the short side for a griffon, and thin about the waist and legs. The standard-issue, meat-shredding claws and talons were there, but there was a certain frailty to them; they looked like they might break if their owner were to knock them against something, or to sneeze too hard. His feather coat was more than a little disheveled, as if he hasn’t bothered to pluck all the loose feathers from his plumage. This was especially pronounced atop his head - if there were ever such a thing as a griffon in need of a haircut, this was he.
He turned to face the center of the room, clearing his throat - his voice was on the higher end for a guy’s, and just hoarse enough to kill any hopes of a singing career. “Hey, everypony. I’m OverUnderCookened. This griffon’s name is Gary, and I’ve created and possessed him. I’ve done this because I think this is a serious enough post to merit something like a face reveal, but I’ve got too much social anxiety and, uh, Internet safety paranoia, to do an actual face reveal. As far as I can tell…”
Gary paused, briefly patting himself down. “…As far as I can tell, Gary here is probably less of a fursona, and more of a griffon-shaped sock puppet. Not that I’m trying to insult your intelligence or any… thing….”
Several seconds of awkward silence followed. Gary blinked, then shook his head. “Uh. Moving on. Anyway, you might’ve noticed a gap in my upload schedule?”
Some people believe that silence cannot yell. They believe that, if one says something stupid in such a way that nobody else will ever know about it, one cannot be met with any shouted, incredulous responses. These people are very, very lucky; they are also wrong.
Gary cleared his throat again, then sighed and raised one taloned paw. “Alright, so there were a few different things that have happened since February last year. And, uh, in case the weird format of this author’s note didn’t clue you in, those things were kind of a big deal. I’m here to run you through the list.”
“So, first. Big Thing Number One. My last semester of college, so far.” Gary sat on his haunches, and started counting off his claws. “Six different classes, five total months, four deadline scares, three tricky tests, two weird events, -and a partridge in a pear tree!- Which may not sound completely terrible,” he added, shrugging. “…Until I tell you that each of those classes, by university policy, required a total of ten pages’ total written work. Yes, I said each; and yes, even the math class.”
“It had to be six classes. I’d had to drop a class in an earlier year, because my dumb ass thought that taking an economics class would be the perfect way to remember how to do math. Turns out, not so much. I knew I was in for a grind that semester, and one day, I was stuck with a paper that was due in a matter of hours instead of days.”
“Naturally, I panicked. I panicked so hard that I managed to pull that paper completely out of my ass, before it was due. And then that paper got an A, and… well, a few things happened. I was so thrilled by my success that I forgot how close it had been, and I was also so exhausted by all the panicking that I didn’t even want to think about my next assignments, let alone about keep up with writing.”
“But, before too long, the next paper was due. It caught me so off-guard that I wound up doing the same thing, with the same results. The next thing I knew, it was a feedback loop. Every paper I wrote after that point, I wrote by surfing the waves of my own terror. And it turns out, you’re not supposed to do that.”
Gary sighed, his neck slumping a little. “Which brings me to Big Thing Number Two. It turns out, your brain can only panic so much before it runs out of juice. And not just for panic, either, a lot of your emotional range gets shrunk. That happened to me right at the end of the semester. Don’t worry, I graduated,” he added, raising his hands reassuringly. “I even scored well! I just… almost didn’t.”
“That scared me, and so did a few other things. But not as much as they should’ve. At the same time, the things I liked made me happy, but not as happy as they should’ve. And sad things were less sad, and gross things were less gross. About the only two emotions that kept working as usual were frustration and guilt. And let me tell you, when those are the only two emotions you have working, the last place you want to be is at a funeral, for your favorite great-grandparent, as a casket-bearer.”
Gary grinned, his eyes downcast. “Not exactly a magical shockwave of uncontrolled control-freaking. But, still a one-way ticket to Not-Greatville, Population: Me.”
He cleared his throat, then looked back up at the audience. “So… yeah. Between figuring out what had happened, and trying to get better while also getting a job, I had a lot on my mind for another five or six months, there. -Oh, yeah, I’m employed now. It’s retail, but it’s full-time, and I’m pretty much guaranteed not to work the registers or customer service. So don't worry about me having to pick fights with the local Karens.”
“So anyway, I’m starting to get better-ish, and things are beginning to run smoothly. Bills are getting paid, decent food is getting eaten, I’m starting to settle into a rhythm and find the spaces to write. And that brings me to Big Thing Number Three.”
Gary swept his paws out. “Alright, pop quiz. You’re at work, and you nick your arm on something. It hurts, it’s bleeding, and you could go get a Band-Aid for it. But it’s not too bad, you don’t need to go bandage it. You can tough it out, keep doing your job, and trust that it’ll clot up eventually. So, do you tough it out?”
Gary sat back, now grinning. “Yes or no question, take as long as you need to think about it. I am literally a monologue, you can come back and read the rest whenever you have an answer.”
“Done? Alright. The correct answer is: no, you do not tough it out. It does not matter how serious the injury may or may not be. Because the fact is, you’re bleeding. And if you’re bleeding, that means you’re getting blood on stuff. Like, y’know, the same stuff you’re working on?”
“And guess what: emotional damage causes emotional bleeding. As of February last year, I was starting to walk into Not-Greatville; and in the chapter I wrote that month, Bon Bon and Lapis admitted to losing family members. Don’t get me wrong, that isn’t the only reason the campfire scene happened. But it definitely influenced the kind of ideas I was coming up with.”
Gary sat back on the stage, and when he next spoke, his words were slow and deliberate. “I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I don’t want Hold It Together to be a sad story, or an angry one. I want it to be about good stuff, about finding people who trust you and learning to trust them back. Sharing burdens, instead of taking them all onto yourself.”
“So, five months ago, I decided: no work on Hold It Together until I’ve stopped bleeding. …That, uh, came out more melodramatic than I meant it to,” Gary added, scratching the back of his neck. “I think I might get there soon; that said, I’m still inclined to be careful. It’s been a long time since I’ve written at my old pace, and I’d like to remember how to get back there before I make any promises about upload dates or the like.”
“But lest you give up hope, I have another chapter that’s ninety percent done. I want to review it and make sure another one is all written out before I publish it, just so I have some idea of what my pace will be. I also have at least a couple snippets, of varying degrees of canon, that I’m alright with sharing, and one of them is the other blog post I'm about to make.”
Gary let out a quick breath. “Okay! So, that’s the hard stuff done. One last thing. I’m really sorry for not telling you what’s up earlier. I figured out pretty quickly that some of you were worried I’d died. At the same time, though, my social anxiety was kicking in hard, pointing out that an audience was the last thing I wanted to juggle while working on all that other stuff. That explains why I walked away for as long as I did, but whether that excuses it, well, that’s up to you.”
“…And, I guess that’s everything.” Gary grinned. “I know the format was weird, so thanks for reading through all this. Good to see you all again, and hopefully I’ll have more for you soon!”
And then, something very strange happened. Gary blinked, and when his eyelids opened, his eyes were an entirely different color. He looked around himself, taking in the empty room in which he stood - the rows and rows of dust-covered benches, the stage atop which he was seated, the moth-eaten curtains above. Slowly, his beak opened.
“…What the cluck,” he muttered. He spread his wings, and flew out the nearest window as quickly as he could.
Glad you’re back, I was definitely a little worried.
Good to know you live. We hope to see your work again when you're in a better situation.
Oof, that sucks to hear and that you had to go through that all whilst flying by the seat of your pants sorta speak.
I have to wonder how many people are going to start to read through this and think it's some kind of snippet from another story and not bother with it. I know I almost did then I looked at the title again and remembered you were the guy that was gone for a long time without even a sign-in. Glad I gave the post a chance to learn about what happened.
Good to know that you're still around tho and you're attempting to get back into the swing of things.
Welcome back!
You and your work were sorely missed, welcome back!
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Yeah, I probably should've attached a note to the top like "hey this is formatted like a snippet but I promise it's an announcement"... wait. I'm the author. I can do that. Hang on
WE'RE SO BACK
I wouldn't even care if you got back to writing your story, I am just so happy to hear you're surviving and working on your future, man. Keep up the good work.
Tuve fe que regresarías.
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There he is! What's going on dude, I just realized you've been updating this whole time - oh, I know exactly what I'm doing on my break tomorrow!
Glad your still kicking! Take all the time you need to get your head on straight !
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So, so much this. I was so excited to see this post pop up in my feed. It's great to hear from you again.
Hey man, While I would've liked to know why you stopped... I'd prefer you didn't do so at a cost of your emotional health and I'm happy to see you didn't and that you're doing better! Missed your content and super glad to see you're alright, welcome back dude!
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Pretty much this yeah, your content might be great but IRL health always takes importance
Hey you're back sooner than the 10+ years it's taking me, so that's something!
I'm just happy you aren't dead! Too many simply disappear...
Damn, and you came back to this story after all that, you are a trooper, glad to have you back dude.
Welcome back!! Glad to see you're still alive man!
Unironically thought you died there for a moment. So glad you're alive, and happy you're doing better!
Honestly I’m glade you stop when you did. You were in an extremely difficult period of life. Even if you would have had time to write it would have been of a lower quality. And you might have just quite out right considering just how much stress you were under.
Remember this your own physical/mental health annd IRL business stuff always, ALWAYS comes first before pony words.
I’m glade you are in a better place. And I’m also happy that you are slowly putting yourself back together.
Most importantly please take your time.
Wishing you the best of luck. And I’ll respectfully wait for the next chapter. Have a good day.
I'm glad you're doing better and are back. I actually recently re-read the story cause I had wanted to look back on fond memories and replay some of the scenes I enjoyed a lot. I had assumed you were either doing some sort of college/schooling, or had decided to step back for life issues (which I'm glad it was that and not death.) I am entirely glad that you've come back and I can put this story out of my Hiatus folder.
And I would love to say this:
WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK!!!
Happy to hear that you are working through things.
Glad youre alright lol. Everyone needs a break every bow and again. About that feedback loop - it sucks. Not fun. Glad it's all over, though, and that youre better off now :)
Take care of yourself first
Non-customer-facing retail or, for me pizza delivery, is a great job for mindless destressing after finishing a degree program (if your manager isn't a putz).
And congratulations on your graduation.
You made the right choice. It's important to get into a good place. I'm grateful for all the hard work you've been putting in, but I'm even happier you've taken the time to work on being in a better place. Thank you for letting us readers know how you've been doing, even though you don't have to do that. We'll just be happy to read your story, whenever a new chapter may be.
Glad everything's coming back together for you, and it's great to have you back. Lapis is one of my favorite OCs, and this I love this story's premise. Time for a reread methinks.
Glad to hear things are going better and glad to have you back! A little warning would be appreciated, but take all the time you need. Your mental health is far, far more important than a fanfiction, however fantastic it may be
Glad to see you have returned. Hope things improve without too many setbacks.
Not every day I feel like I witness a resurrection. Glad to see you are doing better.
Wow, hell of a year then? Glad you're being smart and not letting guilt or feelings of obligation drag you down. Do what you have to in order to get better, even if that means walking away from this place for a time, or forever. Your health and life takes priority.
Glad to hear you're alive and doing better for yourself!
Hope everything turns out fine
Glad your still alive ❤️💖
SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK! Was worrying about you, glad to see your doing better. This calls for one thing, a REREAD!
Thanks for checking in. I remember the scholastic pressure cooker with nothing resembling fondness, and I'm glad to hear you've recognized the problems and want to fix them. That's the first step, after all. Looking forward to further installments once you've fully staunched the bleeding and recovered from the emotional anemia.
(Also, poor Gary. He didn't ask to exist.)
Glad you’ve returned, we were worrying a bit. But I for one don’t mind waiting for the opportune moment
I think I speak for everyone when I say that we do not hold even a fragment of ill will against you.
We love your story, we love you, and we love all that you brought us through your characters.
Just in case you had any doubts, we are only glad and happy to see you back, happy, successful, and with a pulse. We were never angry, nor disappointed.
May God bless you and your work you magnificient bastard
I’m honestly, sincerely, glad that you’re alive and not no-joke six-feet-under dead dead. I really hope things are going better for you now!
I'm só happy you are alive and better.
Well I don't have much to say since I barely commented on your fic and I only met you in the last few chapters before you had to leave.
But, more than welcoming you, I wanted to thank you. It may not be a big deal to anyone in particular, but it was your story that encouraged me to write and delve deeper into literature.
English is not my native language so I don't post anything on this profile, but thanks to two inspirations I have already written more than 80k words in stories in the last year.
I know it may seem silly but I just want you to know that you are very welcome, we don't want you to force yourself into anything and that it's great to have such an inspiring figure among us again.
I don't know if this would please you, but as an author I think it would please me so I'm going to give it a shot.
save from Brazil. You have fans in every corner of the world I think lol
As someone who had a similar experience during my studies in chemistry, I thought of an incident during a lab once where I stabbed myself with a needle. My initial reaction wasen't pain, but annoyance: "Sigh I really hope I'm not contaminating anything with my blood".
That response was mostly due to tiredness, but it highlights my thoughts on the matter: if you are bleeding, not only are you hurting but you will also bleed on the things you are doing. Do not apologize for caring for your own health, because it is one of the most important things you have, and issues there will bleed over elsewhere. I'll happily read the next chapter whenever its ready, even if it takes another year.
I was also lucky I stabbed myself with the needle before I had put the very toxic chemical I was gonna use in it.
Glad you got better.
News of job > News of fursona. Glad to hear you’re okay, remember, you first before the demands of anyone on here. My sister did dumb shit and wasted her way through college. Glad to see you’re not.
i used to pray for things like this.
😌
Glad it was what I hoped (too much IRL to have room for ponyfic) and not what I feared (Very Bad Things).
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Yippie!!!
Very glad that you're ok, and just as glad that you're back. Take your time to get back in the swing of things, this update alone is enough for me at least
Welcome back, thanks for the blog and really good to hear from you.
Sorry to hear things were rough, but I'm glad you're getting better and hope ypu can take as much time as you need to heal. Love your work and am just happy the disckurse around ypu dying in ukraine/gaza wasn't true.
Oh, wow, I've occasionally checked to see if you had been online and/or posted an update blog, so I got quite a jolt coming back to Fimfic and seeing your name in my notifications! Really nice that you came back and explained where you've been (the way you did it got a chuckle from me, hah!) and that you're doing okay!
WOOO! You do indeed live! Even if you don't manage to continue writing Hold It Together, or anything at all, it is nice to see you back.
I hope life continues to improve for you! Congratulations on graduating, despite the ultra stress life put you under.
Here's to you kicking your social anxiety into the corner long enough to get back online.
I was pleasantly surprised when I saw a new update pop up into my feeds after a full year for this story, I'm glad to hear things are starting to improve and stabilize for you. Wont lie it was a bit concerning to see you dissappear without notice but you hardly owe us people on the internet anything, espeically when sorting out your personal life, so fair enough I suppose, won't argue that.
With all that out of the way though, awesome to see you back and that the rumours of your demise were in fact greatly exaggerated. That's worth something even if we didn't get any more of this well written story.
Now I've been putting it off for a bit to post this first, so don't mind me I'm just gonna go check out that new chapter I heard about now.
Hope life keeps improving for you overundercookened!