A New Year, And No New Stories... What Gives? - A Farewell (For Now) · 1:39am January 10th
Let me tell you, it isn't for lack of trying.
The last thing I published to this account was a contest story, and that was back in March of last year. But much like many other writers, it wasn't the only story I was, or have been, working on. On my Drive there exist several folders consisting of one-shots, short stories, first drafts, second drafts, and a few attempts at longer works. That's not counting the countless scraps of office paper I have at my desk, all written methodically by hand, and filled with notes, sketches (in the literary sense), and half-finished drafts consisting of a dozen or twenty or even thirty-odd pages.
So, I have been writing. I just haven't been finalizing or publishing or getting anything necessarily ready to be read by anyone. And there's some guilt in that, I will admit, a sense I've let some of you down - a sense I've let myself down.
There are a couple of reasons I could cite. The most notable is that my work with Elements of Justice has simply taken my creative focus - as, perhaps, it should, if any of you have been keeping up with that series. Recently (and by recently I mean a couple of months ago) I was promoted to the Team Leader for the Writers, which meant, alongside my position as Team Leader of the Musicians, I was leading and doing work for two vital parts of production.
We've put out some stuff since then, most notably the series' Case 3 Trailer, whose script and music I respectively wrote and composed. And there have been other items of note, too, though, you will no doubt understand why I can't speak to any of that, on account of spoilers.
But it would be wrong, I think, for me to suggest that EoJ has been the sole reason for my creative absence from this site. I could say that work has been busy, and it has been; I could say that family and real-life obligations take precedent, and they do; but I think the simplest answer is also one of some quiet sadness.
I'm bored.
Largely speaking, the writing life is a cycle of two things primarily: "reading" and "writing." The latter is obvious in its definition, but these days the former is a bit more difficult to define, and gratefully so. By "reading," I really mean the consumption of storytelling media. We live in a time where even that doesn't have a single definition. Movies and TV shows join poetry and books, and video games and other interactive forms of storytelling are starting to find their place among the "literary greats."
There was an article I read some years ago that described the 21st century as the "most liberating era of media consumption to live in, and also the most pressured by it." I take that to mean that while, yes, we have so many things to read and watch, by virtue of this fact, we are inundated by information - in the rawest sense - to the point where there can be immense pressure to consume everything there is. The gift of media literacy is also a curse, because the ability to determine qualitatively better work is offset by the amount of work to sift through.
Yet writing, as an art, continues. I think that's because of the enduring quality of the two aforementioned actions, "reading" and "writing." No matter how much information is out there, writers "read" and "write" it. We enter into a conversation with it, and loop back around into providing the conversation. For every piece we "read," we tend to put out a piece to "write." We therefore live and die by storytelling consumption. All artists do.
It was the same, for me, back when I joined this site in 2015. There was so much pony stuff to consume - and you must understand, I felt new to all of this. I'd never been a part of a fandom or been struck by or fascinated so strongly as I had been by ponies. To find a site where fanfiction wasn't looked down upon but enjoyed, and where many were aspiring to write something that was more than just a shipfic (not knocking those who do that primarily, by the way), was, itself, inspiring. I couldn't get enough of the stories. I couldn't get enough of the writers. Even as the show had its hiatuses and eventual end, there was always some ponyfic waiting for me to sink my teeth into, one that would, if fortune allowed it, grab my heart and pump it back into action.
That definitely went on for a good nine years. But things, for whatever reason, have changed, at least on my end.
I wonder if this makes me sound "old" or "Boomer-esque," but the level of storytelling on this site seems to have dropped - not by too much, I would hope, but enough that even in my time lurking around, I feel it, or at least think I feel it. Not many stories are being published that grip me. There are a lot of one-shots - there always are - but the stories that had sucked me and left me begging for more? I don't see them. Maybe that's because I'm not logging in at the right times, but even then, looking at the Featured section, or a few of the writer groups I'm still in, or even checking my feed notifications, I don't see a story that wants to grip me with courage and daring, that tells me, "Shut up and listen and you'll be in for a good, long haul."
I grant, of course, that this could just be a case of reverse-selection bias. Moreover, I am certain that there are quality stories lurking here and there, and that the algorithm or the user base or whatever factor you want to choose is affecting their ability to appear on my front page. I suspect, then, that the issue runs deeper than the site.
I think it comes down to what I said in the beginning: I've become bored.
I don't feel as "attached" to FIMFic as I used to, and I guess one could, within reason, blame simply the ever-changing tide and landscape of ponyfics as a whole. Authors come and go. New ones enter into the massive footsteps of those who have left, and this is pretty obvious if you look at some stories' quality or conception. I want to avoid the rose-tinted glasses as much as possible, but I also must admit that I haven't found a fanfic in a while that seemed "just as good" as some of the stories I used to read on here. There are a lot of newbies, and there are a lot of "just okay"-ies. That's perfectly fine, expected, even. But it's almost creating a homogenous environment of storytelling. I haven't found a "unique" story in a long while - most everything feels the same - safe, and therefore, kind of stale.
I don't mean that there aren't people trying to push the boundaries. I'm sure they are. But for whatever reason, the boundaries they are pushing don't interest me as much as they might have years ago, or, at least, in comparison to the old fics I used to read, that challenged the boundaries and wrote earnestly and with great heart. In a weird way, things feel "distinctly fanficy" when I seem to remember a time when they didn't.
Of course, this doesn't mean that it's the fault of the site, or the writers. It'd be more accurate to assume that it's just that my tastes have shifted - perhaps even dramatically. Two years ago, I made a resolution (a New Year's one, if you can believe it) to try and read more books. Not fanfics - I mean actual published work, of any genre, just because I wanted to try and get back into the habit, the habit of reading that used to mark so much of my childhood. And while I'm not as fast as I used to be - and far pickier, I will freely admit - in those two years, I've read 81 titles - short stories, novels, fiction, non-fiction. My palette has expanded. But I suspect that in expanding it, I've unintentionally left some of the old behind - and these, maybe, include the fanfictions.
It is almost assuredly elitist. Fanfics don't need to be anything more than fanfics, and most fanfic authors, I'd wager, aren't trying to do anything more than write a fanfic. I acknowledge and respect that. Yet ponyfics seemed to have this unique possibility of being more than just ponyfics. While not every author aspired to that, there was a sense, a pseudo-unconscious "ideology," that you could write ponyfics and aspire to great storytelling. You didn't have to settle for less. You could write something like that and be read and thoroughly enjoyed.
... But again, it is almost assuredly elitist. And maybe that speaks more to me than this site.
None of this answers the question I pose in the title: what gives?
What gives is this: I have several fanfic ideas. But I have not felt a "resonant signal" to put them out there, or at least, on this site. Writers, I think, are invigorated by the work of their peers (and in some cases, the work of the predecessors). Seeing someone write a good story when you are writing your own creates a weirdly strong need to "show up," not necessarily to beat them at the game, but to step into the ring and say, "I, too, can do this."
I guess what it comes down to is that I don't feel that same sense of invigoration anymore, because when I look at this site, I don't see stories that speak to me in that way. They speak to others - that's good, that proves that the method works and storytelling will continue - but they don't speak to me anymore.
And that's kind of sad. I feel I've lost a little part of myself.
What does this mean for me, then?
Recently, mushroompone put out a blog post speaking to their own site-silence, their return, and what they'd uncovered about themselves in the meantime. It spoke to me, but in the opposite manner. I realized that what I need to do is step away from the site for a while. Technically, I think, given my silence, I already have - but now I need to formalize it, accept it, and be okay with it.
I am doing this, because I think I just need to let the site be, for a bit, and in the process, let myself be as well. It's like that one John Donne poem, "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning." Accept that things must be separate for a time, but accept that if they are good for one another, like a compass, they'll return to a center point. Okay, maybe that's a little dramatic, but I've always been a Romantic at heart, and writing, as a passion, has allowed me to unlock the deeper parts of my humanity - maybe I just need to indulge in that again.
And that begins with saying farewell.
I won't be deleting any of my stories, mind you - both the published ones and unpublished ones. They'll be up for people to find. One of the consistent sources of amusement I've had in the last waning years on this site has been seeing a notification saying someone has added one of my work - any of my work, even the ones I don't like - to their Favorites. To those who have, I see you, and appreciate that you liked what I did. Let my most recent work be a demonstration of my belief that a fanfic isn't just a fanfic, but can be more, if you let yourself write fully and passionately, without fear of judgment or constraint of the genre you've found yourself in.
And I'll be around for the rest of the week, but I think, once that's over, I'm logging out. I don't know if or when I'll log back in. But hopefully, this will give me the "resonant signal" I need to get back into writing. If I can't find it here, I just have to look elsewhere.
So... I guess this is goodbye. For now, anyway. I've always liked "goodbye" as a word, because there's no permanence in it. The "bye" is "good." That's the only consistent thing, but nothing in it suggests termination. We give it that meaning, but only if we want to.
To everyone who has ever commented, liked, favorited, tracked, and, especially, read any of my stories, and to those of you who have been friends to me through these years, thanks for everything. I wish you all the best. If you want to keep in contact, the best way is just through my Discord: jarvyjared (pretty basic, I know).
Take care of yourselves.
Yours very sincerely,
Jarvy Jared
I’ll be a little sad to know you won’t be around for a fair while now officially, even though it was kind of already the case. Regardless, your explanation does make some sense, and what with the continued decline/flatlining in the no. of new stories (especially with the higher percentage that are… saucy mature fics, as it were), I too see what you mean about it being harder to spy quality fics that grab you and can last a long time, which obviously the many one-shots generally can’t. They are there, but the heavier volume of both the above as well as all the questionable genres (Anon, Human, Second Person) is burying them more and more.
Still, eight years is a long time, and we all need to move to a different adventure at some point, if only for a while. I wish you all the best with it, bud, and look forward to seeing you when you pop back on here.
It’s ok we understand, I hope this helps you.
I totally understand. Many of the old guard authors whose stories I used to read have slowly left the site, and for one reason or another, the majority of new blood isn't putting out stories I enjoy as much. Maybe it's because the more stories I read, I have a larger body to compare to, and my standards have gone up? Regardless, I don't begrudge you, and I'm still fully invested in your work with EoJ. Have fun wherever life takes you!
Best of luck.
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I have no way of really knowing if this pattern of story-type affluence is super common and I'm just noticing it now, or if it really is a discernible pattern, but either way, it is definitely a little off-putting. But, hey, maybe that's what people want to write, and maybe that's what people want to read. There's a reason why I've stayed away from those kinds of stories, both reading and writing them, but I can't and won't fault people for finding them appealing.
Good luck with your continued Monday reviews, as well as any of your other endeavors. It's been real.
5763003
I'd like to think it's a matter of time. The new blood needs that to get themselves going - I definitely needed way more time before I started putting up stories; relatively only recently did I feel like the work I was putting out met my own expectations - and perhaps in time, they'll start churning out work that feels just as good as the past, if not better. Regardless, I think it's best for me to respect that by bowing out for now. Let the new take their stand, if they can stand it.
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You as well! Your Cypress Zero is still one of my favorite "recent" stories I picked up, and I wish you all the best in your future writing.
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It’s less that they are becoming more common, as the userbase in reading and writing those kinds of fics has declined slower over the last several years than the more normal, “quality” kinds of fics we here would rather frequent. So they make up a bigger percentage of new output. And site algorithms being what they are, by doing well, they stay on the front pages.
And hey, one advantage of being away for a while is, if and when you come back, you can always browse the higher rating bookshelves of folks like myself, see what catches your eye.
If you’re off for a year or whatever, there’s bound to be some stuff there you won’t have read that’ll do the trick.
All the best, bud!
That's cool, we understand, everyone needs a break from things from time to time. Besides, I'm sure that this site of ours is more than just stories. It has become a great place for socializing as well. So even if it's not for stories, feel free to drop by and engage in conversations and get to know new people~ That's how good artists are found, through communication~
And I know you need your own time to yourself and do more things, but just like Mudbriar once said: "See you later."
I'd actually been wondering when we'd hear from you again - imagine my surprise when I find out I'm part of the reason we did! It's a small world around here.
I completely understand what you mean. I joined the site back in 2013 (under a different account), and it's a completely different place now. I keep thinking about the days when there were these "big" fics that were creative and innovative dominating sitewide conversation.. we haven't had anything like that in a long time. I also remember when there was so much content that you not only had to be good but lucky to see the feature box at all. And I remember the fimfic banners... sigh. Still miss them.
I hope you find what you need in taking a step back. There are always going to be natural ebbs and flows in creative endeavors, some bigger and longer than others. I do feel that the whole fandom is in a bit of a creative ebb right now - and while it's a bit sad, it's also to be expected. Maybe one day mlp:fim will have a larger-scale "comeback" and this site will flood with new users. Or maybe it won't. We can't predict the future, sadly.
Enjoy the chance to clear your head and start a new chapter. I do hope we hear from you again sometime! But, until then, happy trails!