Friendship is Card Games: Beachside Bake-Off and Bridlewoodstock · 11:34am Aug 6th, 2023
Thanks to the side issues, there’s actually quite a few pony comics for me to review in the coming weeks. Let’s start attacking that in-box.
Beachside Bake-Off
The cover raises the same concerning question as many branded food products: If you like these characters so much, why do you want to eat them? (Still, always nice to see a fan artist get to shine in the official comics.)
Hmm. Another baking competition. Though this one presumably doesn’t include a lucrative contract or fodder for a true crime podcast. Also, I do have to wonder just how good the princesses can be at baking. You’d think they’d have ponies for that. (Also also, it’s nice that even during her pariah years, Sunny still had something to share with Hitch… assuming that they were on the same team.)
The tribes reuniting does raise the possibility of daring new recipes… though I have to wonder whether the judges will be open to those new flavor horizons. Especially since they’re all earth ponies. (And there’s probably some baking competition references in their appearances, but I’m certainly not going to catch those references.)
A theme of “baked with love,” eh? If any changelings survived, now’s the time to show up.
As the unicorn cupcakes attested, Argyle did love to bake. Food is a key part of most earth ponies’ love languages.
The Twilight doll being in shot during a memory of her devoted disciple is a nice touch.
… Ah. Yeah, not being given the ingredients for a given recipe is definitely an issue. And curtails those wider flavor possibilities I mentioned earlier.
A number of interesting points in Pipp’s story:
• Zephyr Heights is apparently atop “the highest mountain in Equestria.” That probably means it’s built on the ruins of Canterlot (or what was left after Discord shunted the city to the Everfree, depending on the continuity) but it may also be in one of the nation’s mountain chains.
• Queen Haven made a point of spending personal time with her daughters. Presumably a way for them to enjoy one another without having to maintain the facade of flight.
• Pegasi at least knew of the existence of alicorns, though it’s not clear what they thought of them. Of course, given the royal library, they might have had the most accurate view of them out of any of the tribes pre-unification.
• Pipp is quite the passionate storyteller. Probably could have been an author in a less online age. Heck, it’s still an option should she become irrevocably passé.
Oh dear. All of these flashbacks have already taken fifty minutes off the clock. They need to pick something and fast.
We need more mad science Izzy. Especially if she’s doing things like rediscovering Aztec chocolate brownies (xocolotl was presumably an invention of the tribes of the Forbidden Jungles in this world.)
Also, this artist seems to put unicorn horns a little too far back. Izzy’s looks more like a party hat than a body part.
Going by the background scenes, the main cast may be able to win by default if they can produce something edible and not actively on fire.
Ooh, garbage cookies! I love a batch with a little bit of everything in it. (And as Pipp said, they can work on the branding after the cookies are out of the oven.)
Peanut-butter chocolate-chip oatmeal raisin cookies. With sprinkles. Heck yes.
… but yeah, trying an experimental recipe as a contest entry is a dangerous game. This sort of thing needs the proportions of the various ingredients to be just right to keep any flavor from overwhelming the others. And, as one judge shows, some palates just don’t appreciate this kind of maximalist, kitchen-sink approach to cuisine. (Mine does, but I often throw in three more ingredients into a plate of fried rice because I thought of them as I was making it.)
Plus, it’s a refreshing bit of honesty when the symbolic friendship recipe doesn’t win for being a symbolic friendship recipe.
… Huh. That’s it? What a lightweight issue. I suppose this is the problem when the series has established so little about the wider world; there’s just not much to do with it. And trying to introduce new peril is a losing game when the animation escalates with all the intensity of going west in Kansas.
So let’s crank things up. If not to eleven, then at least to three:
Bridlewoodstock
By which I mean we now have Bridlewoodstock the Make Your Mark special, Bridlewoodstock the Tell Your Tale short, and now Bridlewoodstock the comic. I fully expect to see Bridlewoodstock the flamethrower by the end of the year. (The kids love that one!)
Quite the cover on this one, including a shot of Sparky still convalescing from the events of Chapter 4. And one of the alternate covers is gorgeously period-appropriate.
Ah, good, Jazz is allowed to have ears here.
“Peaces! Loves! Friendships!”
Izzy would make an excellent flower child, yes.
I do appreciate how this version of Bridlewoodstock is a lot more cluttered. This is how hundreds of randos swooping down on a secluded area should look, especially when the rendering budget in’t an issue. The existence of other stages is also nice, though given the Ruby, Sapphire, Emerald, and Diamond Stages, I can’t help but feel the absence of a Pearl Stage. Or a Jet one, though that one doesn’t have a corresponding Pokémon game. 
Ah. Reminder that the Troggles are very much a thing and are going to bite Pipp in the behind. First rule of horror movies: Pay attention to the local legends. Right up there with not splitting up and not messing with weird objects you find in the basement of your picturesque cabin in the woods.
Oof. Yeah, saying “Jinx” around unicorns feels more than a little insensitive.
Ah, band rivalries. Especially mainstream vs. darker genres. “The Hoofpicks” is certainly a novel choice for something in the punkcore conceptual space (by which I mean genres that can be described with either suffix.)
“I bet all this fighting is getting in the way of the frequencies.”
You heard it here, folks. Izzy said this argument’s vibes are atrocious.
Nice assist with the lightbulb, Rocky.
Amazing. Izzy’s going to teach these two the true meaning of Bridlewoodstock. Or at least try to. It’s hard to get an object lesson through skulls thickened by rivalry.
“Nocturnas aren’t even real!”
Hmm. There’s an unfamiliar term. Are the Hoofpicks presenting themselves as bat ponies?
Ah. Even when the power of positivity can’t quite get through, there’s always the bonding experience of shared befuddlement at a third option.
Ah. So much for the Solomonic approach for distributing the crown.
Also, more of those strange spirits. It’s probably nothing.
“I think we all realized something pretty important today.”
“The airspeed velocity of an Equestrian pigeon—”
“Not that.”
There is a rarely a bad time for a well-placed Monty Python reference.
Of course the rest of the fan bases would be at each others’ throats. This issue’s not even half-over and it’s already had a better plot than the previous one.
“At least at this point, nothing else can go wrong, right?”
“Oooh, let me tell you about this thing called speaking too soon…”
Seriously, this is just one page and it has some of the best writing I’ve seen in all of G5.
You know the chase scene is extreme when the chaser is going through the panel gutters. Though this Sparky looks to be Spike’s age with those proportions.
Interesting to see the Troggle dematerialize. Good to see confirmation that they are spirits of some kind. Whether embodiments of some natural force or the unquiet souls of Grogar’s army is unclear, but they’re definitely some flavor of incorporeal entity.
A subsection called “A Bad Case of Aponyia” raises some questions when aponia is the absence of pain. Though given how we’re looking at the Hoofpicks, I can see how a lack of suffering might be a bad thing. It runs counter to their entire style!
Oh! The Hoofpicks are a mixed-tribe band. Good to see one; they were notably absent in the show, and this kind o unification is arguably the point of the whole festival.
Jettset, pegasus guitarist (or possibly bassist) for the Hoofpicks. Not to be confused with Jet Set, Canterlot unicorn of significant means and uncertain social value.
Ah, of course the unicorn will have a ruby on hoof to deal with voice theft… and everypony else will dismiss it. Though to be fair, you have to give the ruby to the Troggle, so it won’t be of much use in this particular situation.
Nice use of Zipp; this is certainly a mystery worth investigating… though her first suspicions leave something to be desired. (“Haven’t angered any ancient sorcerers who might want to curse you before your big Bridlewoodstock set?” I wish. Though she might suspect Opaline’s involvement, which could certainly be interesting.)
I appreciate Zipp wondering at the sign reading “T-minus 22 minutes.” Maybe Changeling Space Program was canon in this world and Equestria was abandoned as a prison planet.
I do like how Zipp says Pipp checking up on all the acts is “pretty royal of [her].” These two have been raised to rule.
Mind you, that doesn’t mean she can’t struggle to be diplomatic with a band she doesn’t like. Or recognize evidence of Troggles staring her in the face. (Of course, in that last bit, if she did admit Troggles were real, she might have to cancel the festival, which is not an option as far as she’s concerned.)
Oh, aphonia. That makes much more sense.
“It’s okay not to like somepony’s art and still recognize that it took a lot of time and a lot of effort to make.”
A very valuable lesson there, yes.
“Okay, so I can take an online course and become a certified curse breaker in 30 minutes—”
“No good, we’ve only got 13 minutes!”
Yes, clearly that is the only objection there.
Good on Ellie Lane for giving Cherry the ruby regardless of what everypony says. What have they got to lose? Especially since they spot it in the next panel.
“This site says we can pay for a curse-breaking consultation via video chat!”
I am not at all surprised that scam artists jumped on the return of magic with all four hooves.
Oh! That’s a very interesting way to show the reaction. Rather than mutual annihilation, here the Troggle gets sealed inside the ruby. And it appears to be at peace within it.
Odd how Cherry doesn’t mention the Troggle… but then, they don’t want their big break getting canceled either. Or make their keyboardist run for the hills.
“I Waited All Day in the Merch Line and All I Got Was This Lousy Hat”
Oof. Yeah, I never bother with a convention’s official store. It’s never worth it. Also, we’re getting more background pony activity in this issue than the rest of G5 combined.
I can absolutely believe Sunny would officially sponsor the festival. I’m just surprised that the stand is apparently called “Sunny Starscout Smoothies.” Still, good for her for being a small business owner, I guess?
“How long have you been waiting?”
“We’ve forgotten the taste of fries, the sound of music, our own names—”
“It’s been 30 minutes.”
Again, there’s a reason I’ve never put up with this kind of thing.
“Oh my glow” has a lot to unpack theologically.
Ah. Speaking of Sunny. Excellent friendship advice on her part. Memories outweigh memorabilia, especially in the age of smartphones.
Yeah, this was much better. And much denser. And, to be fair, about ten pages longer. Possibly some of the best G5 media we’ve gotten, full stop… though it’s a shame Hitch didn’t get to do anything. In any case, let’s see how I can remix both issues:
Divine Glow 1W
Instant
Until end of turn, target creature gets +2/+2, gains indestructible, and becomes an enchantment in addition to its other types.
Not all sparkles are created equal.
Pilfering Troggle 1W
Creature — Spirit
When Pilfering Troggle enters the battlefield, exile target artifact or enchantment an opponent controls until Pilfering Troggle leaves the battlefield.
Troggles may hate noise, but they love shiny things.
2/1
Unladen Swallow 2W
Creature — Bird
Flying
Unattach an Equipment from Unladen Swallow: Unladen Swallow gains double strike until end of turn.
“Turns out it’s easier to fly when you’re not hauling a sword bigger than you.”
—Princess Zipp Storm
2/2
Bearer Baker 3W
Creature — Pony Citizen
When Bearer Baker enters the battlefield, create a Food token for each color among permanents you control. (They’re artifacts with “2, T, Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life.”)
Tributes to Old Equestria come in many forms and flavors.
2/4
Insufferable Hipster 2U
Creature — Pony Rogue
When Insufferable Hipster enters the battlefield, return target creature an opponent controls and all creatures with the same name as that creature to their owners’ hands.
“I’ve known actual sheep with more varied taste than you tools.”
2/1
Line to the Merch Booth 3UU
Sorcery
Target player chooses creatures they control one at a time until each creature they control has been chosen. Tap those creatures, then put a stun counter on each of them for each creature chosen before it. (The first creature in line gets no stun counters.)
Wizened Archaeomancer 3UU
Creature — Unicorn Wizard
When Wizened Archaeomancer enters the battlefield, return target nonland, noncreature card from your graveyard to your hand.
Sometimes rediscovering old magics includes rediscovering old mages.
2/2
Arcane Skyterror 6UU
Creature — Horror
Alicorn (This is also a Pony Pegasus Unicorn.)
Flying
Whenever a player casts an instant or sorcery spell, copy that spell. You may choose new targets for the copy.
Whenever a player copies a spell, draw a card.
6/6
Taxing Ordeal 1B
Instant
The Ring tempts target player, then that player sacrifices a legendary creature. If you sacrificed a creature this way, draw two cards.
It consumes all that is good and simple and pure, leaving only an echo of its true master.
Bake-Off Judge 2B
Creature — Pony Advisor
At the beginning of each upkeep, each opponent who gained life last turn discards a card.
“Your crust is soggy, you didn’t sift your flour, you scorched the filling, and that oven needs cleaning before the next round.”
3/2
Troggle Souleater 3B
Creature — Spirit
Flash
When Troggle Souleater enters the battlefield, each player loses X life, where X is the number of creatures that died this turn.
The foulest spirits slept through the festival, needing darker reasons to awaken.
3/1
Nightcore Screechers 5B
Creature — Bat Pegasus Bard
Flying, menace, lifelink
Finale — Whenever you sacrifice a Song, each opponent loses 3 life and you gain 3 life.
Nightcore isn’t usually performed live, but it’s easy for a natural ultra-soprano.
3/3
Ruby Soulstone 2R
Artifact
T: Add R. Ruby Soulstone deals 1 damage to you.
Exile a creature card from your graveyard: Untap Ruby Soulstone.
Capturing a troggle isn’t hard. Keeping it comfortable can be.
Scorched Servant 2R
Creature — Unicorn Skeleton
Flying, haste
At the beginning of the end step, sacrifice Scorched Servant.
When you cast an instant or sorcery spell, return Scorched Servant from your graveyard to your hand.
Misty is not Opaline’s only aide.
3/1
Whelp of the Ur-Dragon 3RR
Creature — Dragon
Flying
Whenever Whelp of the Ur-Dragon or another Dragon enters the battlefield under your control, chaos ensues.
Dragons are always heralds of change.
3/3
Dissonant Frequency 5RR
Sorcery
Dissonant Frequency deals X damage to each creature target player controls, where X is the number of creatures that player controls.
Whether mike checks or fractious arguments, bad vibes can ruin any concert.
Ingredient Sampler 1G
Creature — Unicorn Citizen
Whenever an opponent casts a spell or activates an ability that isn’t a mana ability during your turn, you gain 2 life.
“Don’t worry, you still have plenty.”
2/2
Flower Power 3G
Instant
Prevent all combat damage that would be dealt by creatures other than target creature you control this turn. That creature gets +1/+1 until end of turn for each creature you control.
Hit the brakes on the cycle of violence.
Delicious Surprise 3GG
Sorcery
Cascade (When you cast this spell, exile cards from the top of your library until you exile a nonland card that costs less. You may cast it without paying its mana cost. Put the exiled cards on the bottom of your library in a random order.)
You gain 3 life for each spell you cast this turn.
Flowerfication Captain 4G
Creature — Unicorn Shaman
When Flowerfication Captain enters the battlefield, support 2. (Put a +1/+1 counter on each of up to two other target creatures.)
2G, T: Proliferate. (Choose any number of permanents and/or players, then give each another counter of each kind already there.)
Festival splendor in every petal.
3/3
Friendship Cookies 2
Artifact — Food
Sunburst (This enters the battlefield with a charge counter on it for each color of mana spent to cast it.)
2, T, Remove a charge counter from Friendship Cookies: You gain 3 life.
2, T, Sacrifice Friendship Cookies: You gain 3 life.
Lumibloom Crown 2
Artifact — Equipment
Equipped creature gets +2/+2.
Spells that target equipped creature cost 2 less to cast.
Equip 1
It’s not that the flowers are bad luck. They just draw everything’s attention.
Relic of Magic 3
Artifact
T: Add one mana of any color.
X, T: Look at the top X cards of your library. You may reveal a nonland card with mana value X or less from among them. If WUBRG was spent to activate this ability, you may cast that card without paying its mana cost. If you didn’t cast it, put it into your hand. Then put the rest on the bottom of your library in a random order.
Bejeweled Stage 4
Artifact
As Bejeweled Stage enters the battlefield, choose a color.
T: Add one mana of the chosen color.
T: Add two mana of the chosen color. This mana can’t be spent to pay generic mana costs.
Each is color-coordinated with its headliner.
Kitchen Vivifier GU
Creature — Unicorn Wizard
1GU: Target token you control becomes a 4/4 creature in addition to its other types until end of turn.
Pipp told Bridlewood about organic and probiotic cuisine. The locals interpreted the idea in their own unique way.
2/2
Oven Fire 1BR
Instant
Oven Fire deals 3 damage to target player. If that player would gain life this turn, they lose that much life instead.
Charcoal is a rarely acquired taste.
Seaside Picnic 1WU
Sorcery
Each player may draw two cards and create two Food tokens. You gain protection from each player who does until your next turn. (You can’t be targeted, dealt damage, or enchanted by anything controlled by those players.)
A day at the beach is its own reward.
The kids will have to be disappointed this year I'm afraid
; ain't no way Hasbro is gonna risk beef with The Boring Company when its CEO is down and on the warpath.
Bridlewoodstock actually sounds like it was a fun read.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Bearer Baker will see her own one color in addition to anything else on the board, unless she was killed between activation and resolution. That won't prevent the ability from resolving, even if it no longer ends up doing anything because there's nobody left to tend the oven.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Chaos ensuing only means anything if you're playing the Planechase variant. FoME usually links a relevant card when something this relatively obscure comes up, which thanks to errata means literally every Plane card (here's one that wasn't reprinted, so you know I'm not bluffing).
Weirdly, I remember the former baking issue and it being one of the more satisfying self-contained issues for G5, doing little obviously wrongfotted, but I don't remember much about the Bridewoodstock issue beyond the "several different small stories" structure. Reading this made bits and pieces come back enough to confirm that, yes, this was leagues better than both the special and its accompanying shorts. The little stories are kind of fluffy nothings, but they have something resembling energy and flow, and a more-than-tiny number of amusing jokes or bits. And it's enough that, read before the special, it would make it seem actually kind of promising, even as the characters' mini-adventures here make their idiot ball issues there seem even worse.
But with this Gen, that comes with the territory by now.
Ah yes, good old reliable Simic cookies. What's in them? Lots of things!
To be honest, I don't even know if that's a reference to MtG as a whole or just one related video, but the reference was just too apropos not to make.
5740977
He... he actually did the... like, the joke was... that doesn't... that's not clever, it's just...
Every time... every time I think that lets-be-generous-and-say person couldn't possibly invoke more fremdschämen, turns out there was another hidden pocket. Maybe he should use his tunneling machines to start mining for that - seems to be the only thing he's capable of actually producing.
5741085
Someone should propose it to him, using the word "coprolith" so that he doesn't catch on.
5740983
Best G5 comic I've read thus far, though the climax of the Discord arc comes close.
5741006
The baking issue honestly feels like one of the Bridlewood mini-stories, just with more padding and no sense of continuity with anything else. Plus, Bridlewood makes better use of background ponies than just about any other piece of G5 media, which is a big point in its favor for me. I appreciate anything that makes the world feel more like a world and not just a setpiece for the protagonists, an area where this generation often suffers.
5741085
Simic Slaw originates from LoadingReadyRun's Friday Nights series, but it's still very fitting.