noise."Story Notes: Unity · 10:58am Apr 22nd, 2023
I wans't gonna write an April Fool's fic this year.
I've done a bunch of them (the whole Derpy Accidentally a Portal Gun series, and then The Wizard of Whitetail Woods series) and I had other projects I was working on. Then I got the April issue of Model Railroader magazine, and I eagerly looked through it for the gag article . . . and I couldn't find it. Past articles have included pressurizing your basement to keep dust off your trains, No-trak modules (rails to trails modules), a review of an actual boxcar, and so on.
Point is, somebody might be sad there wasn't an April Fool's story from me, so I decided to combine the best (ha!) of my past series, 'cause who doesn't love crossovers? Thus you have unity.
Chapter 1: The Body
Merino is a breed of sheep, known for their fine, soft wool. They're originally from Spain, and (according to Wikipedia) both the etymology of "Merino" to describe them and the breed itself are unknown. They've been exported to the US and Australia and probably other places, too.
The three tribes of ponies all have things that they're naturally good at (i.e., earth ponies grow food and build stuff, pegasi can fly and control the weather, unicorns)—being a pony who's bucking the trends, so to speak, would be difficult. Being a pegasus who dreams of having a farm . . . one of our customers was a farmer, he passed away a few years ago, and when reading his obituary I discovered that he'd been an air force pilot and then a commercial pilot and when he retired pursued his dream of owning a farm. There's the trope of a kid out on a tractor looking up at an airplane and wanting to be a pilot, apparently there are some pilots flying over farmland who want to own a farm.
Chapter 2: The Past
Those of you who were around when I started my April Fool's stories will remember Derpy Accidentally a Portal Gun and all the stories which followed. They've got a lot of guns.
As Chell asked in one of the early stories, how does Derpy's vision affect her accuracy? "Only need one eye to shoot."
Likewise in an previous story, Derpy and company needed a portal gun built, and who to go to but Pinkie Pie? Channeling herself in a marzipan monstrosity is something she could do, chaos magic in a tube.
That having been said, if Pinkie Pie's involved, the cake won't be a lie.
Companion cubes are cute cubes with hearts on them. I've never played Portal so I don't know much more about them than that.
For those of you who don't know, FimFiction has a list of character tags which you can search. How many stories are there featuring Twilight Sparkle, for example (a lot!).
Every single one of the tags had at least one story associated . . . except Torch Song.
Yeah, this is an April Fool's fic, but to be the only character deemed worthy of a character tag and yet have no stories? A travesty, if you ask me, so I had to do something about it.
Also in this chapter, since I was already referencing previous April Fools' fics, I figured why not mention another one in the footnote? Lilium and Goldenrod are two flower-selling mares in a chapter of Field Notes from Equestria; Goldenrod sells feral flowers—or weeds, if you ask Lilium.
Chapter 3: Overunity
Seckel, Bartlett, Golden Spice, Harrow Gold, Moonglow, Stinking Bishop, 豊水, and Perry are all varieties of pear. Pears, as we know, are the mortal enemies of Apples, and if that one episode taught us nothing else, it's if you've got a mortal enemy you probably ought not look into your past because you might be closer to that enemy than you think.
KitKat, as you may remember, is the hapless protagonist of The Wizard of Whitetail Woods. She is named after the candy bar, because her parents really like Earth candies. Her older sister is named Mr. Goodbar, because her parents aren't all that good at coming up with names.
Incidentally, I once mentioned that I had never seen a full-sized Mr. Goodbar, just the little ones you get for Halloween. Not that long ago, I was on an outing with one of our residents, and we went to the Dollar Tree, and there at the checkout they had them! So of course I bought one.
Her tabarzin (تبرزین) is a saddle-ax. The name is Persian, and while this isn't germane to the story, Persian is written right to left. Google knows this; when I copied it from gDocs to this blog, I had to highlight the word from right to left. I don't know how FimFic is going to deal with it; it might depend on what browser you're using.
Mia Fey, or Chihiro Ayasato, was a defense attorney in Ace Attorney. Which I've never played.
Rarity is in fact a noir detective in one episode.
Also, since Rarity is talking about 'parts' (which Twilight assumes are from a pony) there's a story on FimFic I cannot remember the name of where the flower Trio thinks Rose is dead. They take her to the hospital, knock on the door, and when Nurse Redheart answers, one of them asks if the hospital "buys ponies for parts." If somebody knows what that fic is and wants to put the exact quote in the comments, I'd appreciate it.
Ateliers d'Automobiles et d'Aviation was a French automobile company from 1919-1920. They built electric cars and trucks and while they were very expensive (55,000 francs in 1919 francs, I don't know what the modern conversion would be), they came with a 10 year warranty, which was exceptional for the time. They had a top speed of 28 mph (45km/h) and a 75 mile (120km) range. That's not great . . . but it's on par with an EV1.
Couldn't find a picture of any of their cars, so you'll have to use your imagination. 
Jean-Louis Hardouin Michelin de Choisy (1786-1867). More of the Wikipedia article about him is in French than English, but he wrote about fossils, had a great name, and has been dead long enough that he won't sue me for appearing in this travesty.
When I image-searched for him, the coverart for this fic was one of the results . . . thus, there's a non-zero chance that some university student in the future is going to be very confused.
I also found one ant-sized image, but it won't upload to FimFic, even if I try one of my workarounds.
The Flaming Green Fairy is in fact a flaming drink made with absinthe. Absinthe is made with wormwood and was banned in the US for a long time, but now I think it's legal again. Feel like I looked that up once. The internet was of mixed opinions on whether equines could (or should) eat wormwood; probably if you're not sure you shouldn't let horses eat it. Or drink absinthe.
Trilobites are pillbug-looking fossils from an aquatic creature that lived for millions of years and is now extinct. They were one of the earliest-known anthropods, showing up 521 million years ago and going extinct 252 million years ago (early Cambrian to the end of the Permian); there are over 22,000 known species. They are closely related to horseshoe crabs, who have been around in one form or another for 440 million years (which means horseshoe crabs were around when Trilobites were).
Blastoids did in fact live in the same period as trilobites (I got that fact wrong); they also went extinct at the end of the Permian. I've never seen a blastoid fossil, but I've found crinoid stems and surmised that the reason that the crinoid stems were always in little pieces was 'cause there was a blastoid on the end which exploded . . . somehow I passed my geology class.
Finally, if you abbreviate the college name where Twilight got her honorary degree . . .
Chapter 4: Twitter and Torch Mobs
While "KitKat Trademark Nestlé S.A." is accurate, in the US they're distributed under license by Hershey.
"Torches and Pitchforks" isn't a store we've seen in the show (I think, I still haven't seen all the episodes), but it stands to reason it exists, just like there's some store where ponies can buy ninja suits.
Also it's kind of late in the notes to bring this up, but what did Rarity do with Tom after she learned he was a dumb rock and not a giant diamond? ("A rock? That's my destiny?")
Chapter 5: Interlude
Y'all know I love my Victorian machines. And clockworks.
You almost got a collection of YouTube videos of clock mechanisms in action down in the author's notes on that chapter. Maybe I'll write a blog post with lots of them in it, some of y'all would like that, I think.
Also steam-powered dynamos are cool.
Chapter 6: Confluence
Wearing pants is stupid, but pockets are convenient. First pony who invents socks with pockets is going to be a billionaire.
Source (eBay, not a real product)
There is a region of Pretoria called "Equestria." I'm not sure why, maybe somebody from South Africa knows. There is in fact a shopping mall with an ice rink there, and there's also a Seabiscuit neighborhood/apartment complex.
Chapter 7: Dénouement
The Count's full name is Count von Count. Some have speculated that he's the way he is because vampires have OCD and need to count anything that they come across (I think in mythology there are other creatures which can be confounded by tossing small loose things on the ground which they feel compelled to count or pick up, thus giving you time to escape).
If you didn't click through, Polly did say in a site blog years ago that human in Equestria stories would be banned forthwith, which is what inspired the first Derpy Accidentally a Portal Gun.
I also found out when I was formatting the chapter that you can't (or I don't know how) indent in FimFic's editor; the blank spaces at the beginning of the line just disappear. They do show up in the editing window, though. I messed with that for a while, then decided on left-, right-, and center-justifying the text, then decided to make it colorful, too because why not?
Apple trees do have gender, and it's 'both' (apple trees are hermaphrodites). Other trees aren't; cherry trees for example are either male or female. According to the internet, female cherry trees produce more cherries. If I'm reading the article correctly, female cherry trees are also better at pollenating other cherry trees . . . it's very confusing.
I have two cherry trees, one of them is (supposedly) male and one is (supposedly) female. I can't tell the difference, nor do I know which produces more cherries.
Marlene Schiappa did appear on the cover of Playboy (recently!) and that apparently caused a bit of controversy over in France. Also that issue apparently sold out in France, I guess the French really like their politics.
Lily Longsocks knows what she did.*
And Princess Erroria is best pony.
*Bet you thought I was going to post this picture again:
derpicdn.net/img/2015/11/9/1019443/large.png
Yeet!
Already posted in
Admiral Biscuit's Fleet
Cracfic Folder
Gret.
Im a Pear.
Tom was used to seal the Everfree entrance to the Mirror Pool chamber.
Favourite fact for Pinkie?
If she is allowed to walk round a small post, surrounded by guards all watching her, she will disssapear from sight behind the post, and never appear, to all the guards, At the Same Time.
It was the largest extinction event in the history of the planet, so this is unsurprising.
I did not know that blastoids were a thing. I did know that within the movie Tremors, they were one of the proposed names for the giant underground burrowing monsters, and I thought that's what you were talking about. It still fits.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go look up Lily Longsocks and Princess Erroria.
Every time someone mentions "unity", I think of that Chappelle Show sketch with Rick James.
5724166
That is not how geometry works. That is absurd, even for Pinkie. Also, "disappear" only has one s, not three.
5724230
Watching the inline animated image of Ninja Pinkie treating the frame of view as the whole world.
Too many sssss?
Snake.
SNAKE.
!
So I'm reading the official biography of Terry Pratchett, A Life With Footnotes. And in one chapter it tells a story about trains that, as a certified train enjoyer, I thought you might like. You may of course know this story already.
It seems that young Terry was working in the press office of the Central Electricity Generating Board at a time when nuclear anxieties were a big topic, and there was concern about the train transport of radioactive waste from nuclear power plants. The waste was transported in heavy-duty containers, "nuclear flasks", and to show everyone that there was absolutely no reason to worry that the things would break in an accident the CEGB arranged to slam an unmanned locomotive into one at 100MPH.
Terry was there as a witness. The train was utterly demolished. And the nuclear flask was barely dented. They called it "Operation Smash Hit".
Baker Electric made similar cars, with similar specs, from the same time period, and Jay Leno has shown one of their cars that he owns in various YouTube videos. Interestingly, there were at some point well-established networks of car charging stations in American cities before the rise of automatic starters for gasoline engines made electric cars extinct for a time.
Playboy isn't really a porno magazine anymore. With the rise of the internet (and changes to the law regarding NSFW content in the press) they realized they couldn't compete with websites and social media, so they have focused more on insight articles that are more willing to approach mature issues.
Absinthe is legal in the US. That's all I've got.
5724165
5724166
So long as you don't ask Ponyvillians, there's nothing wrong with pears.
Was that the real Tom, though, or his evil twin?
Pinkie appears when and where she wants to, and you only see her if she wants you to.
5724175
Yeah, something like 90% of all species, wasn't it?
Current theory is volcanoes in Siberia caused global warming which caused oxygen levels in the oceans to drop significantly.
5724176
There are all sorts of little tiny marine fossils. I have a collection of some of them from a site in Canada (I think) where we took a Geology field trip. I suppose Blastoid is a good name for the burrowing worms--I wonder if that was just because their heads look kinda like blastoids, or just 'cause the name sounded cool?
Lily's in Crusaders of the Lost Mark and there's apparently an EqG version of her, too. Princess Erroria is an animation error from that early episode where Twilight imagines being sent back to Magic Kindergarten.
5724230
It's Pinkie Pie, the laws of nature (and math) work how she wants them to.
5724210
Cocaine's a hell of a drug.
5724241
I didn't know that it had a name, although Operation Smash Hit is a good name for it. I did know about that (and have seen the clip); they did a similar experiment in the US with similar results, although I've never seen a clip of it online.
Dunno how the Brits did it, but AFAIK in the US we still haven't figured out what to do with nuclear waste besides just leave it lying at the plant where it was generated.
5724322
While I was in the process of writing this story Donut Media (on YouTube) posted a video of that car and riding in that car with Jay Leno. As I recall, Grandma Duck's car is an electric car similar to a Baker.
Besides price, I think that one thing that killed them (at least for a time) was that combustion engine technology advanced a lot faster than battery technology.
It's not a magazine I regularly peruse (I can't honestly remember the last time I was somewhere that even sold it); besides insight articles they also have historically published short fiction that might not be suitable for other publications--I'm fairly sure Stephen King and Piers Anthony have both sold stories to Playboy in the past.
5724361
I got curious and looked it up; it was legalized in 2007 but there's a limit on how much thujone can be in it (10ppm, EU standard is 35ppm). It also seems like you can possess absinthe with a higher thujone content legally, but it can't be sold by bars and liquor stores (so you could bring it in from another country legally, but you can't buy it at a store).
I have no idea how much of a difference the thujone content makes.
5724383
Except in 1903, Porch put a gasoline engine generator range extender on his electric car. A smaller, cheaper gas engine than needed for a pure Ic car, dont need the heavy batteries for range, only for acceleration, the range from the fuel ttank, the acceleration and speed of the electric motor, zero start time, etc.
Serial hybrid shouldve been pretty much the only design going. even diesel electric trains get more effiicnt in serial hybrid mode as you dont need the mechanical engine to supply the starting torque, only the cruising power. Then again, which is the hardest bit on the whole network? Pulling out of the terminus, or climbing the worst grade, with the heaviest load?
5724322
Actually, the BIG culprits were
1) Henry Ford & the Model T (15 million+ sold.)
2) Rockefeller & Standard Oil
Ford was the first car maker to mass produce autos to the point they became affordable by the middle class (with monthly payments instead of pay-all-at-once).
Rockefeller mass produced oil & gasoline to the point they became affordable & widely available.
Add in the fact that over half of all Americans did not have electricity & the Great Depression put all non internal combustion engine auto companies out of business.
5724230
Pinkie breaks all sorts of rules, geometry and spelling among them.
5724383
Partially, another thing that killed them was also the marketing. 1900s car manufacturers pursued gendered marketing with gasoline cars targeted at men, and electric cars targeted at women. And at the time, it was usually the man who had the money and he would tend to prioritize himself.
5724383
Yes, Anthony sold at least 1 story to Playboy. (IDK about King).
I know this because when the story was reprinted the author's note for the story bitched about how Playboy had a policy of only even READING stories from a few agents they trusted & that meant he had to pay an agent some of HIS hard earned money. (Based on author's notes, a surprisingly prevalent attitude. )
Playboy quit printing magazines back in 2020. I suppose internet porn put them out of business. The company is talking about reviving an online version.
Talk about "Death of An Era"!
5724390
The trick is fitting that all into a car. Long before the Prius was a thing, I had thought of it (and I think some experimentation was done during the oil crisis with larger vehicles, but I don't know for sure), Didn't think that it could be fit in a car, but it could.
AFAIK there are a number of mild hybrids around now where they use a smaller engine and an electric motor (with batteries) for assist.
Probably the worst grade with the heaviest load. You can stretch the train at a station, but you can't really do that on an uphill.
5724393
Yeah, that was a big thing. AFAIK it still took a while for mass adoption, since the road network wasn't great for cars, fuel infrastructure was lacking, etc. (I recall seeing somewhere that gas used to be sold in gallon cans at drug stores.) But of course the cheaper cost of a vehicle meant more people were going to buy them and deal with the other inconveniences, which provided incentives to change those things. . . .
I also seem to recall gasoline being a choice for fuel since (at the time) it wasn't useful for anything else, so it was a lot cheaper to buy.
I would say that the lack of rural electrification would have been a big factor. I think some places near where I live didn't get electricity until the 50s or 60s, and I don't live all that far out in the country.
5724398
I'm not as sure that was as much of a factor (but I honestly don't know)--I think that it was more a case of various technological advancements and a large price difference that made the electric car companies less viable. And, as 5724393 pointed out, lack of electricity in large parts of the country would have been a major factor--fer instance, I can't say with certainty, but I don't think that anybody ever produced an electric farm tractor in the early 1900s, despite the fact that battery weight wouldn't matter and range wouldn't matter, and the higher torque that the electric motors could provide would make it theoretically superior.
Although now that I'm thinking of it, I might have to do some research into the subject, 'cause I could be entirely wrong.