Ghost Mike's Ponyfic Review Monday Musings #55 · 5:00pm Mar 27th, 2023
Author Spotlight time again! Three times makes a tradition with the fortnightly edition now. And unlike last time, not just a cluster of small one-shots with small word counts; indeed, we’ve got two novelettes here aiming to be episode-like stories. Those are always curious. So, let’s look at some of Piccolo Sky’s work.
They’re a curious case of an author: they joined the site in summer 2013 with four fics out of the gate (carryover from a prior website?) and are still publishing to this day, but between somewhat niché fic topics outside of a few fics that went viral, and lengthy gaps of not writing due to not having the ideas or drive (buddy, I know the feeling), they have a rather small following. In particular, I found I could split their output cleanly between their early 2013-14 fics, and the 2016-on period, where he wrote fics when struck by the muse, including most of the fics featured here, plus a still-ongoing Equestria Girls AU running for over 100 chapters, 4 years and 820K+ words. Obviously not featured here. 
Yeah, as you might have guessed, this here’s another author where it only became a spotlight after I’d already had three fics reviewed and waiting.
But that’s no bearing on the content, and if anything, I found the fics here show a decent range in style even as nearly all of them are commenting on or following up on questionable/unresolved aspects of canon. There are many ways to approach that, after all, be it an episode-like one-shot of characters that hadn’t met before working together, one of old rivals finding themselves locked in combat once again, the reasoning behind someone’s turn into madness for the greater good, and so on. Certainly gave me a lot to think about, and there’s a very distinctive voice in these two, which is always worth applauding even when the fics aren’t fun. Which these largely are. Read on and see which pique your curiosity.
This Week’s Spectral Stories:
The Sweet Spot by Piccolo Sky
Pardon My Dust by Piccolo Sky
Two Words by Piccolo Sky
I've Got This by Piccolo Sky
Two Background Ponies Eating Cookies by Piccolo Sky
Weekly Word Count: 52,869 Words
The Sweet Spot by Piccolo Sky
Genre: Drama
CMCs, Tempest Shadow
15,679 Words
October 2017Reread
Ever since acquiring their cutie marks, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo have dealt with all manner of ponies having difficulty finding their calling in life. So when Twilight sends them a request to help a most unusual pony with a most unusual cutie mark problem, all seems well. Until said pony shows up, and it’s someone the Crusaders know and could never have predicted. And the CMCs find not just their resolve tested, but their ability to help somepony find their true calling after rejecting it all their life, and in a place that has rejected them.
What we have here is quite the episode-like story, give or take the medium transition, length and more sombre mood. Not to say this is a downer, with the sections of the story on Tempest trying out many things in particular deriving laughs from her blunt physical approach to any problem. But it is certainly a Drama that is tonally appropriate to a TV-Y show, if such a thing sounds feasible. Happily, the characters make for pleasant enough company that even in this more watered-down form (there isn’t a whole lot of effort to really differentiate the Crusaders throughout), they make the drama compelling, to say nothing of Tempest’s dilemma and mask. Her expected late-story outburst and the aftermath moved me nearly to tears.
The adherence to being like an episode does poke through in odd ways. Primarily in some excess scene setting, which you really notice with the collage of tasks Tempest tries out, but also in an often-literal “describing what you see” situation. Not obtrusively so, we’re not talking perspective switches or lack of one. But it is a contributor to the fic’s main problem, its length. This happens both from overlong scenes (a “let’s start this meeting” bit that opens the story very much mimicking ones in the show, but at twice the length, sticks out, as does not notably speeding up the length of the tasks with each one) and unnecessary scenes (most egregiously a Starlight flashback on this author’s headcanon for why she and Trixie sat the film out), but primarily from being a fic content to have a relaxed pace, simply basking with the characters as they go about the story.
To a degree, this does work, and is certainly better than a fic literally trying to mimic the show’s pace. I’d be lying if I said it bothered me all that much, when fics that are overlong by half the words this one is have irked more. Which just goes to show that you notice slow pacing far less when the material’s good. Still, it does make it a difficult one to reread when it otherwise would be in the same manner many episodes of the show are, so yes, a major shortening, likely by several thousand words between whole scenes and fat in most scenes, would have helped.
All that considered, this is still a really solid fic, with all manner of low-key moments along the way that make it always a pleasure to partake in. And I haven’t even mentioned the author’s approach to Tempest’s special talent (all I will say it, by intent, makes for quite the different take to the usual “Tempest joins the royal guard” post-movie fics that the author says, likely correctly, were commonplace even in the ten days between the movie’s release and that of this fic). If one is in the mood for an episode-like fic that modulates to a more sombre yet still uplifting tone, with simple yet exquisite characterisation that makes for quite the investable tale, here’s the fic for you. Whether read in one go or with breaks (splitting this into chapters would have been wise), it’ll hit that sweet spot.
Rating: Really Good
Pardon My Dust by Piccolo Sky
Genre: Adventure/Drama
Rainbow Dash, Lightning Dust
17,370 Words
May 2018
Being a Wonderbolt comes with a few perks, and Dash’s just found a new one; getting to officiate an annual race across the vast San Palomino desert. Sure, she won’t be taking part, but it’s an endurance test that even most ponies who train for it all year don’t finish, she knows better, especially given the height of the record. All that changes when she leans an old rival is prepared to break said record, and Dash throws caution to the wind, entering the race to make sure the Wonderbolts-held record stands. But when their egos get the better of them and land themselves in dire straits, they’ll need to shed them to stand at all.
This story, which preceded Lightning Dust’s official return by barely four months (less with the early international airings, and barely coming out before we knew she was returning at all – oh, to be jossed so young…!) is in many ways a spiritual sequel to Piccolo Sky’s The Sweet Spot, being another deliberately episode-like story, one also dealing with a character’s fallout from an earlier event, and trafficking in much of the same tonal and prose styling as that fic. Less of an open downer, given the higher speed of what’s going on and the brash nature of these two pegasi, though still one given to reflective thinking at the right moment.
The author admitted the story was a struggle to put together, and alas, it does show. Thus, this story is mostly “The Sweet Spot, but…”, though not all the buts are downgrades. Splitting it into several chapters certainly helps, and while this does very much suffer from overpadded incident in most scenes, the more plotty scenario here does reduce the obvious amount of cuts needed (though this is probably more true following Piccolo Sky trimming off about 1K from the final chapter the day after publication). So it’s still somewhat sluggish, but only marginally so, mostly.
For me, the main issue here is characterisation. This purports to be Lightning Dust’s redemption story, yet we sure as heck don’t see it onscreen; she and Dash spend much of the story trying to one-up each other and being far more reckless than they were even back in “Wonderbolts Academy”, and worse, Dust actively endangers Dash’s life and/or doesn’t rush to help her until the last chapter, where both players have an unprompted “expositing my motives before going to sleep” scene and suddenly they’re getting along next chapter. I am simplifying matters somewhat, the whiplash isn’t that severe, but it honestly serves as a good example of what I like to call “episode-fanfic blindness”, where Dust is worse for much of this than she was in those last three minutes of “The Washouts” that really hurt an otherwise solid Season Eight episode, yet because this is a fanfic with other pleasures, it’s easier to overlook for most readers.
And because of that largely breaking my immersion and keeping me detached, the story’s other issues that otherwise wouldn’t be too noticeable irk far more: the telly nature of much character thoughts; the wonky modulation between scenes and setting with jokes that fall a little flat due to clumsy prose delivery; the story more or less forgetting about the race even as an offpage thing once the two land in trouble. That all clashes with the strengths of the prior story, from mostly good voicing for the protagonist to an effective episode feel and tone that does handle both the adventure and drama aspects, to an ending that strikes the right balance between fair and harshness, and so forth.
So, a bit of a draw. Some fatal characterisation mistakes accentuate the other niggles and make large chunks of this more something to wade through than to enjoy, but the strengths are as strong. I still suspect many folks will prefer getting an alt tale of Lightning Dust’s return over the canon one, so if you feel so, this fic is worth considering.
Rating: Passable
Two Words by Piccolo Sky
Genre: Drama/Sad
Twilight Sparkle, Spike, Chrysalis, Tirek, Cozy Glow
7,086 Words
October 2019Reread
It has been many, many years since Twilight took the crown, and Equestria has never known a peace like this, with creatures of all kinds now mingled across the nation. She’s grown much in that time, as has Spike, even prouder of her achievements. Yet once a year, that all breaks, when she subjects herself to freeing Chrysalis, Tirek and Cozy Glow to see if they’re willing to repent. And every year, she walks away more hurt with the result than they are.
You all know my feelings on Season 9, the finale and epilogue episode, the Legion of Doom, and their fate. I almost certainly wouldn’t have read this were it not a reread. And upon returning to it, I was surprised how much it both came back to me and struck me afresh. As much as ‘you’ve read one Legion of Doom aftermath fic, you’ve read them all” is a thing (it’s not? Well, it might as well be), this one certainly differentiates itself, and gets people thinking (or soapboxing: avoid the comments section here like the plague) with the morality and psychology of what’s happening here from a storytelling perspective.
From a structural and technical writing perspective, it’s quite strong. The opening scene from Spike’s perspective really gets into his head as he witnesses Twilight distractingly getting through her last assignments before the hearing, with how well he knows her coming out in spotting the signs others cannot. The last scene of the two alone in the aftermath of the hearing, with Twilight silent to Spike’s words until she quietly voices her inability to understand why the trio can’t change, is very nearly as strong, with many telling lines of characterisation for them both, even if they don’t always speak well of them. But it’s effective, and leaves the story on a poignant note.
The middle… well, setting aside that it breaks perspective once the trio are freed and shifts into a nearly-fully dialogue spat between them and at Twilight, it really just highlights the core thing here, that of course they’re not going to change if they’re only let out surrounded by defences at this hearing every year, and together instead of separated. Tirek is even right to liken it to torture or a ‘demonstration’ of her mercy rather then keeping them petrified indefinitely. Let’s be honest, with the moral writing fallacies towards the show’s end, and the rather consistent flaws in Twilight’s moral character, this is entirely believable for her.
It’s honestly a toss-up whether to praise or penalise the story for this, both as it could be argued either way that this flaw is intended to reflect on how terrible a ruler Twilight is as regards this issue, and as it focusing only on her only seeing things from her viewpoint is the real takeaway over and above her sorrow. But the story’s main takeaway being about failure, and not of the Legion, is true no matter what angle you approach it from.
Is the story therefore good? Effective? Who’s to say. It got me reading it raptly and invested and reflecting on things thereafter, and while I’m definitely not going to praise it too much as most of the thoughts are on things I can’t really argue are intentionally in the subtext, and don’t speak well of the characters or era of the source material, I think it’s worth heavy consideration regardless of how one feels about such fics.
Rating: Decent
I've Got This by Piccolo Sky
Genre: Dark (?)
Other (Gloriosa Daisy), Sunset, Twilight
8,645 Words
October 2016
Gloriosa Daisy has been through a lot, long before the class of Canterlot High arrived for their fateful time at camp. She is the case when you’ve lived on a recreational camp all your life, one passed down through your family. Far more than just the foreclosures she was threatened with by business owner Filthy Rich, these events shaped her worldview and determination. Yet all throughout, she stuck to her mantra: “I’ve got this.” If only the same could be said about said phrase’s meaning.
There are a few core appeals to this life account for Gloriosa, and to my mind, the fic does deliver on them all, though with notable stumbles along the way. First, there is her backstory, outlining her perspective on predictable yet effective tragedies that both put her in her desperate “make the camp the best experience possible” situation we know and define her worldview. The draw of “I’ve got this” changing its connotation gradually from the bright, sunny optimism of a kid to one desperate to make good when she has frequently failed to do so works rather well.
Tied into that is her actual mental state, mostly locked to the stretch of the fic giving her thoughts on the film’s scenes and events. Without giving too much away, her descent into madness really hits home, and while the intentional typos/bad grammar gimmick is somewhat inconsistent, this really goes beyond just “my tragedy made me do this” territory that you’d expect, all communicated via an unreliable narrator. It’s quite exquisite, it’s almost enough for me to overlook that the fic could have been tightened up here especially: many of the scenes basically echo the same thoughts (distaste for Timber’s cover-up methods being chief among them), and while this probably worked better at the fic’s release, when the film was barely a week old and thus fresh in everyone’s mind, now it’s just in need of an editing trim.
Then there’s the ending scene after Gloriosa’s last inner monologue during her monstrous rampage on the camp. Being blunt, it switches character perspective 100%, had Gloriosa talked about but not present and is a near-verbatim headcanon dump, with some paragraphs going on for several hundred words. It’s a really good and interesting one, offering delectable takes on both Equestrian magic here and why it does what it does and the drive one has in the lack of magic. And the reason for this switch and the storytelling format the fic, implied but wisely not stated outright, does click very nicely. It certainly ties Gloriosa to other EqG characters in a way I hadn’t considered and far more effectively than I’d have figured. But it’s still only intermittently connected to the fic in a way that feels coherent, and it thus leaves this finishing on a strong note, but a muddled one.
For a film and character I barely remember (I had to skim-read the film’s synopsis on the wiki for a refresher midway through, but I won’t blame the fic for that), this honestly works quite well, and with its gimmicks, modulation and pacing better managed, it might have been one for the ages. As it stands, a solid effort worth the read, whatever your thoughts on EqG, Gloriosa or “Legend of Everfree”.
Rating: Pretty Good
Two Background Ponies Eating Cookies by Piccolo Sky
Genre: Comedy/Random
Other
4,089 Words
July 2013
One day, two ordinary ponies are just eating cookies at an outdoor café, when one of them ponders on the origins of some of the ingredients of the food they are currently consuming. This leads to more pondering and questioning of the need for winter at all, how their government can even function at all, and many other oddities about their world and way of life that don’t quite add up. You know, just a typical conversation between two friends of no notable importance to the greater fate of Equestria.
In his earlier Fimfiction phase, Piccolo Sky mostly chucked out stories on this theme, of the two male OCs in his profile pic noting the inconsistencies, plot holes, and breaks from sensible reality that happened in the show. Or, well, one noting them and the other trying to get him to chill out and go with the flow. I understand he even did blogs on new episodes as they came out for several seasons, even if only the Season 4 entries got repackaged and published as an actual story. They didn’t really find much of an audience (most of his followers and views come from The Sweet Spot and Two Words being feature box juggernauts), and I suppose that’s a shame, but material like this clearly has its audience.
At the same time, I wasn’t more than marginally amused by this story. The actual conceits of the things pointed out range from the horrific (certain food products) to the amusingly wasteful (why winter?; government structure), yet there’s only a few here that haven’t been reduced to stock complaints. It is nearly a ten-year-old fic, of course, but many of these feel ancient even in a Seasons Three/Four context.
As for the actual way these observations are delivered, it’s not too hamstrung by its origins as a stage play script; what’s more concerning is the one-note structure of the complainer Carl dropping his observations and the chilled listener Sam responding to them. Possibly their personalities got developed in future works and blogs, but here, their one-joke schtick meant the story largely lived or died on the points it was noting. And for this ghost, reading it in 2023, it was largely dull. That does leave the twist jokes not playing on the “observations about the show’s world”, which are generally more successful, but there’s far fewer of them, and they wouldn’t work as well if they were more frequent.
Of course, meta lampshading/commentary is a tricky sell for me at the best of times, even though there are restrained, carefully calculated examples I do like. Perfectly possible you might like this more, and that the later entries are much better, but for this ghost, bit of a miss. Though given the fic’s age, it’s no abysmal failure, just a rougher starting period.
Rating: Weak
Spooky Summary of Scores:
Excellent: 0
Really Good: 1
Pretty Good: 1
Decent: 1
Passable: 1
Weak: 1
Bad: 0
Piccolo Sky, huh? I must admit to having never heard of them, but that first story intrigues me. I may just give it a go.
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I do consider it somewhat unfortunate that the first fic of his I read turned out to be easily the best out (to my tastes), but even with its release proximity to the movie, it's easy to see why it went feature box viral despite his tiny, sub-100 following at the time. Befitting the rating, That Sweet Spot is a hefty recommendation, where the flaws and sometimes sluggish pace really don't matter more than marginally in the grand scheme of things.
In other words, go for it, man – you'll really dig it!
I thought I recognized the name. I've read that first one. Curious that you specifically say it didn't have perspective switching problems, because that was one of the issues I had with it. Though it's certainly possible the author's gone back and fixed those since I last read it years ago. Plot-wise, enough people have done the "Tempest doesn't have a cutie mark and needs to find her talent" thing, but this was a pleasant take on it. How Tempest's personality clashes with her expectations of how ponies will perceive her came across well, so I liked it from a characterization standpoint. I probably liked it a little less than you, but it is one I'd join you in saying people ought to check it out.
I'm curious what prompted you to feature this author, since a reviewer usually has a reason. Did you just find you'd happened to read several of them and might as well group them? Or did you encounter the author somewhere and it drew your interest? Something else?
I've read three of these and, other than the last one, it seems I've hit his best stuff already.
Okay, but Two Background Ponies Eating Cookies. I just so happened to read it because I was looking up short fics with "background pony" in the title due to having reviewed the selfsame story one blog before (it was the last review of '21, this was the first of '22). I went back and looked at that review and, wow, the first line is "lordy, lordy, guess who's got the 'rona". That was literally the beginning of the end of my normal life. c_c; What a fucking time, and who knew that story would mark it?
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It was an edge-case, but I felt on reflection it stood out enough from its story type, shaggy length be darned, and made solid pleasurable and intimate effect from its material to inch over for moi. We’re still all close enough to joins in a chorus of
over it, which is what matters most.
In the intro blurb above:
Not quite having all five ready, just close enough to full I figured I might as well complete the set. Generally that impulse only strikes for authors with small backlogs where there’s barely enough fics of interest to have a spotlight at all; if I had 3 fics from, say, yourself, or either PP or PaulAsaran here, that wouldn’t matter as your backlogs are large enough there would always be a chance to group five together in the future, should I feel like it.
Without getting too much into it, I’ve been just busy enough lately that in order to do fortnightly author spotlights for a short while (to make up for skipping then for four months), rather then choosing the author and then the fics, I’ve done this “assemble mostly from stockpiled reviews with a few new ones” things, hence these smaller authors most notable for one or two big hits. Next one is properly planned though, and back to how I usually choose these, so look forward to that.
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I possibly should have noted that my take on Pardon my Dust is an outlier, least to judge from its small pool of comments. FoME called it excellent, even if I don’t always have the easiest time parsing his actual qualitative take of five given his consistent unabashed positivity. On the other hand, the author noted it was a struggle to put together, and I do find you can feel the flop sweat in a way you assuredly don’t for The Sweet Spot. But most folks don’t consider it nearly as big a step down. So maybe worth considering; it was a Decent/Passable edge case for me, and only lost because I think I’ve been too generous with tier edge cases lately, frankly.
That snowballed into the various other events in 2022 that culminated into your inner discovery of your identity and coming out? Whoa, that is something to be reminded of. Unless I’m interpreting that wrong, heh. Could have just been about catching the big one!
Incidentally, I checked that brief review out now, and I can’t believe I didn’t properly mention the things you did, or at least that way, that it was a frankly rather dull maybe-satire. My head weren’t screwed on proper right then, anyway. Ah well.
Well, that was fun. I'm in much the same boat as PaulAsaran here: I'd never heard of this author before, but the first fic seems worth bearing in mind. It's refreshing in a way to have an author spotlight about someone who isn't well known; I've been thinking about doing such a thing myself, though for a couple of other lesser-known authors. Variety is the spice of life, and all that.
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yeah, start of 2022, my family got COVID (or at least, we think we did, they hadn't gotten the public test kits out yet by then), my aunt caught it the week after and was dead before the end of the month, and, well, everything else :B