Friendship is Card Games: Tell Your Tale, Pt. 11 · 1:33pm Jan 15th, 2023
Well, this is aggravating. After these shorts, Tell Your Tale is airing on a biweekly schedule. As such, I’ve had to rewrite a good chunk of my schedule, and now I have YouTube shorts planned from here ’til December. Might as well get this batch taken care of, given that.
Ah, the last of the holiday shorts. At least I’m getting to this in a relatively timely fashion.
Huh. Have we seen Sparky flying before? This feels like a new development.
I do like the alicorn tree topper… though given the mane, it doesn’t look like Twilight. Could be a generic alicorn—wouldn’t be surprised if this was a Starscout family heirloom—or it could something new Izzy made in Sunny’s image. Heck, maybe Misty was able to give somepony a gift that very definitely isn’t meant to look like a specific alicorn in particular, and definitely isn’t enchanted to serve as a scrying focus.
The house lights going out while the tree lights stay on certainly merit a “Huh.” Though I feel like it merited some degree of concern before the hooded stranger came in. (Also, does nopony lock their doors in this town? Or is it like Ponyville, where the predominantly earth pony population means nopony bothers to?)
It’s impressive in a way. This is only the second time I’ve seen Sparky fart flames, and I already hate it more than “20% cooler.” (Also, that backdraft utterly annihilated the boxes of ornaments, so we have a new reason to fear draconic Flurry Heart 
)
Side note, I do appreciate the cutie-marked stockings on the fireplace, with Sparky getting a star that’s the color of his flames. (Reminiscent of Sweetie Belle’s cutie mark, actually.) Though I have to wonder why pony stockings have even the modicum of toe seen on these.
Between the voice, the visible coat color, and her reputation, you’d think the others would be able to tell that this is Izzy. Ah well, fear doesn’t eactly allow for clear, objective observation.
The Secret Canter song’s tune is familiar, but I can’t put my finger on why.
Also, of course there’s a song. Once more, I have to wonder how many alleged Bridlewood traditions Izzy made up in her isolation.
“Let the sacred Wishyhoof vessel revealeth your pony-eth to you!”
I see some memory of Luna yet lingers among the unicorns.
“Magic and mystery” apparently translates to “turn out the lights, light candles, and wear cultist robes.” This actually lines up quite well with how unicorn culture appeared to develop during the Ebb of Magic.
There is the question of what role elves serve in Wishentine’s Day. Santa doesn’t appear to be a component of any tribe’s celebrations, so it’s not clear. Possibly faded memories of the gift-giving reindeer?
Hmm. Requiring that the gifts be made rather than bought could honestly go either way on the real/Izzian divide. Bridlewood doesn’t exactly have the most robust economy or manufacturing capacity from what we’ve seen.
I’m mildly concerned by Izzy feeling she needs to wear goggles in the kitchen. Maybe go a little easier on the yeast?
Hmm. I’d expect Sunny and Zipp to have some degree of aptitude as handimares. Sunny was living alone and kept the lighthouse in good order for years, and Zipp put together an entire aeronautics lab. The specific media they’ve chosen might be problematic, but this could just be a case of incompetence for the sake of the plot. As appears to be the case with Hitch. It’s paint and glitter, man, what are you doing?
“Who could it be? Eh, Rudolph?”
Well that just raises further questions.
“Hoofever” is a blight upon the noble art of horse puns. Also, I can definitely believe Pipp putting together that failure-to-magnify-ing glass.
The heck is Pipp putting in her products that she needs safety goggles?
… Oh, right, sometimes those alchemical reagents make the mixes jump out of the bowl. Yeah, that tracks.
Some of the ways the presents break make sense, but I have to wonder how Pipp’s goggles snapped down the middle.
Hmm. When surrounded by fear, Sparky’s flames consume all the touch. When surrounded by harmony, they refine those items. Very interesting. Even more interesting is how much Hitch’s new photo album resembles the Friendship Journal.
“Now this is what I was trying to make!” says Zipp in reference to the gift that Sunny made.
“Me too!” says Hitch, despite his gift not changing.
I feel like there was disconnect between the writer and the animators.
Mind you, it appears that the magic was more dependent on the expectations of the recipient than the intent of the creator. Izzy is perfectly happy with her journal as is, and thus it remains that way.
(Some parallels between this and the Student Six creating the Treehouse of Harmony, now that I think about it…)
Ah yes, the fine art of keeping characters from noticing something by never putting it on camera until it becomes relevant. Very smooth, Izzy.
Whether or not Secret Canter is Izzy’s creation, it’s clear she’s never actually had the chance to do it with other ponies until now. Seeing this kind of evidence of the crushing loneliness she experienced before going to Maretime Bay is equal parts saddening and heartwarming. After all, now she actually has friends, and she’s making the most of them.
Emojis streaming in even as Pipp adjusts the camera focus says loads about her fanbase (or the animators’ understanding of streamers. Possibly both.)
I love the contrast between Izzy and Zipp being awoken by Pipp’s impromptu musical number. The latter has clearly dealt with this far too often in the past. Outstanding sibling energy.
So… how often do the paparazzi skulk outside the Brighthouse anyway? I know that Pipp is exactly as famous as the plot demands, but this highlights that tendency more than is healthy for a sense of consistency in the world. Still, fame is fleeting in the online age. The content mill demands a constant feed of grist, and it’s clear that Pipp’s status as second in line to the throne isn’t enough to satisfy it. That or the press and her fans actually listen to her when she requests some time out of the spotlight, which feels a lot harder to believe.
Ooh, I do like the musical note clouds. Nice to see cloudshaping in the Starscout era.
I also like how Pipp and her backup dancers aren’t perfectly in sync during the chorus. Makes it feel a lot more organic when Rocky’s a fraction of a second behind.
Rare moment of Posey being happy while in the presence of the protagonists. Not sure if I’m impressed or disappointed none of the new hairstyles, hers included, reference the Bearers.
“Unfiltered access to my entire day” sounds like Hell on Earth to me personally. But then, I doubt I would ever stream anything.
I do still love how clearly cobbled together Izzy’s phone is. I have to wonder if she’s actually paying for a data plan or if she just found a SIM card in the trash that’s still on somepony else’s.
I’m glad to hear some in-uuniverse acknowledgement of how horrendous Truman Show-ing yourself sounds. That said, while a hundred million followers is more reasonable than some of the metrics we’ve heard about Pipp’s online popularity, it still seems multiple orders of magnitude greater than the total pony population of all three cities. New York City only has eight and a half million residents.
Also, definitely don’t want to admit that while the camera’s running.
Nice to hear that Hitch may have a better sense of scale than the writers… except when he’s talking to his son, but that hardly counts.
Ah. A health chant. Surely the sign of a stable mind and sane work schedule.
Oof. Very good display of the growing fatigue. I’m a sucker for a grim reprieve of a positive montage. Very “Art of the Dress,” but this one is self-inflicted.
“These flowers will add such a yummy sweetness to your next perfume, Pipp.”
The question of whether ponies still eat flowers remains unresolved.
“What? Honesty!”
I see Sunny’s been sharing the virtues of Harmony with the others. At least Izzy learned tact faster than Applejack. 
Wait, this is all the same day? I assume Pipp’s been pushing herself to do far, far more streamworthy activities than normal. If she gets worn out to the point of illness from her usual work schedule, she has other problems.
Self-care is an important lesson. I wouldn’t think the mare who runs a beauty salon would need to learn it.
Okay, this is sweet, but ponies watching Pipp convalesce feels even more intrusive than the all-day stream.
I’m sorry, I absolutely cannot believe there are nine digits worth of sapients in this setting. Not unless they go very far afield and reveal there’s an entire undiscovered civilization that worships Pipp as god-empress.
Not entirely sure what Hitch was going for at the end there. 
So if they’re going to see a “real” firework display, what are Izzy’s glitterbombs? I can only hope there’s no gunpowder in them. I don’t trust that mare around actual explosives.
And with that look in her eyes, I don’t trust Sunny either.
I assume the Pippsqueaks are here voluntarily. Surely, surely the main cast hasn’t developed a habit of abducting ponies in their magical station wagon.
Also, a firework display in the middle of the forest. I have some concerns, and magical fireworks don’t alleviate them. Either they’re cobbled together from glitter and superstition, or they’re experimental explosives made with a force ponies barely understand. I know a Tell Your Tale short won’t involve a catastrophic forest fire, but the only preventing one is keeping things appropriate for the target audience.
How many of those things does Izzy have on her, anyway?
Hitch does not understand how trees work. Those roots are attached to things, Trailblazer.
Granted, the naturally occurring ramps are a legitimate concern. Reminder that the Bridlewood appears to be part of the Everfree.
A flying creature in a forest… Yeah, no surprise that Glory’s having trouble. She’s a valid target for a lot of green removal, after all. 
As for Seashell, she’s just dealing with the away turf.
Strong Yoshi’s Island vibes with the various path through the absurdly thick tree.
As I said, Bridlewood is only part of the Everfree. There’s still some spooky woods out there.
Heh. Looks like all of the non-unicorns struggled. Nice touch.
“These woods? Will eat them alive.”
Not. Helping.
Nice bit of Hitch-Sparky cooperation. Nothing grabs attention like a gout of dragonfire.
On the one hand, the escalation to intertribal disputes feels forced. On the other, the bonds between the tribes are still young and tenuous. They’ll strengthen in time, but Sunny and company still need to nurture them for now. (Also, it has been a while since the last such dispute. Though they always seem to crop up during events meant to celebrate pony unity, don’t they?)
So the unicorn solution… is the earth pony solution, but less efficient and actively interfering with the pegasi. Brilliant work, guys.
As I said, Sunny’s here to nurture this fragile harmony. And sometimes that means magical girl transformation sequences.
“Follow the cutie mark trail!”
It’s contrived, but at least it’s not toyetic flashlights. And butt beams have been a part of G5 for a while now.
Uh, maybe hold back the fireworks until after Sunny lands?
Shouldn’t their parents be there to greet them and not their online idol?
Aside from what appears to be a cutie mark for sleeping, one background pegasus is a dead ringer for Flash Sentry. Interesting note.
Nice touch with bursts shaped like the three tribes. Also, Haven giving that half-lidded look to Alphabittle raises some intriguing questions. It’s not clear whether Zipp’s own smirk is aimed at Hitch or her mother.
Oh ho. We’re ending in the middle of the display. No guarantee that the forest survived.
For my own sanity, I hope that’s a portmanteau of “spa” and “bog.” If I hear anypony say “spogchamp,” I’m ending the review there and then.
I feel like raccoonicorn banditry happens far more often than anypony wants to admit.
To create, one must first destroy. To save the day, Izzy must first help ruin it.
“It’s the best-kept secret in Equestria.”
Taking that with a lick of salt. By which I mean a four-pound block. Also, I’m sure the crystals so charged with magic that motes are visibly floating off of them are nothing to worry about.
Ah, special bog. That also works.
I feel like tomato slices would be a lot less therapeutic than cucumber. More acidic, after all. On the other hand, we have confirmation that the spog is in fact acknowledged as a place of rest and relaxation by more than just Izzy.
I think this is the first time we’re hearing the brand “Potions Via Pipp.” It’s a good name, and I especially like how it establishes Pipp as the (al)chemical counterpart to her sister’s more artifice-focused studies.
Carrot slices just don’t seem like they’d do anything. Were these animators just allergic to cucumbers?
“Put some vegetables on your face and get in here!”
Ah, it’s intentional. The unicorns remember that this sort of thing is traditional, but aren’t clear on why. It may be jinxy to go in without two edible obols to pay the spirit of the spog.
Hmm. Green will-o’-the-wisps started floating around the area. I’m sure it’s nothing.
Oh. Or the vegetables are just a snack resting on the one place least likely to touch the mud. That also works. 
Ah. A muddy stream full of grubs that nibble on Pipp’s hooves. I’m sure she’ll love that.
Tortoises never stopped being a thing.
It is downright surreal to see a pony gripping an object with a hoof and then letting go. Makes it seem like the suction turned off in that heart-shaped frog.
These masseuses can’t be very good if they can’t tell the difference between a pegasus and a log. Alternatively, they may be quietly respecting Pipp’s choice to opt out of the local mud mask. Either way, it does seem like Rarity left some impact on Bridlewood after all.
“End. Of!”
Sentence? Discussion? You need a third word there, Pipp.
Also, while harsh, it is kind of nice to see the others not always put up with Izzy’s antics. Not saying I want to see a lot of this, but giving her free rein will only end in bigger blow-ups in the future. A little negative reinforcement goes a long way.
Now watch Izzy be right all along.
Either Hitch is offering hors d’oeuvres as a courtesy to a friend, or this is further evidence of how much the writers are struggling to find a use for him. Possibly both.
“Oh my glitter.”
I’ve seen odder intimations of pony religion.
Wait, so the product seen at the start of this scene was the one being launched? And no one told the one launching it? I suppose they may have assumed that Pipp already knew, but this is the peril of reusing models.
There’s also the question of supply. One spog plus a hundred million customers equals rapid exhaustion of limited resources. To say nothing of the possibility of Haven annexing it.
Yeah, that level of popularity is… concerning. 
To say nothing of the ability to cause hair growth in crabs.
A decent batch, though my earlier concerns about Pipp being a weak link seems to have panned out. Still, largely enjoyable and rich in card ideas. Let’s see how I put them into practice:
Artless Crafts 2W
Enchantment
All artifacts have “At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice this artifact unless you pay 2.”
The bonds of friendship can be mighty indeed, but sometimes it’s better to use superglue.
Beauty Guru 2W
Creature — Pegasus Advisor
Flying
You may exert Beauty Guru as it attacks. When you do, proliferate. (Choose any number of permanents and/or players, then give each another counter of each kind already there. An exerted creature won’t untap during your next untap step.)
2/1
Mark-Beacon Guide 2W
Creature — Pegasus Scout
Flying
Whenever Mark-Beacon Guide attacks, prevent all damage that would be dealt to another target attacking creature this turn.
Sometimes the light finds the end of the tunnel with you.
2/1
Glittering Secrets 2U
Enchantment
When Glittering Secrets enters the battlefield, manifest the top card of your library. (Put it onto the battlefield face down as a 2/2 creature. Turn it face up any time for its mana cost if it’s a creature card.)
Whenever a permanent you control is turned face up, create a Treasure token. (It’s an artifact with “T, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.”)
Product Launch 2U
Sorcery
The next time you cast an artifact spell this turn, copy that spell. If this spell was foretold, copy that spell an additional time. (The copies become tokens.)
Foretell 2U (During your turn, you may pay 2 and exile this card from your hand face down. Cast it on a later turn for its foretell cost.)
Yay or Neigh 2UU
Instant
Hoofcraft — Target opponent looks at the top five cards of your library and separates them into a face-down pile and a face-up pile. If you control three or more Ponies, Pegasi, and/or Unicorns, turn the face-down pile face up. Put one pile into your hand and the other into your graveyard.
Eccentric Cosmetologist 1B
Creature — Unicorn Citizen
Whenever a noncreature permanent is put into a graveyard from the battlefield, target opponent loses 1 life and you gain 1 life.
“True art requires both beauty and suffering. Such tension can be found almost anywhere if you know how to look.”
0/1
Returned Beautician 2B
Creature — Pegasus Zombie
When Returned Beautician dies, each opponent sacrifices an enchantment.
The Underworld is not known for its sense of aesthetics.
3/1
Frostrite Celebrant 3B
Snow Creature — Elf Cleric
When Frostrite Celebrant enters the battlefield, if it was cast, create a tapped Treasure token for each snow permanent you control.
Cold hearts wait and plan in crystal ruins.
2/2
Scourging Backdraft 1R
Instant
Scourging Backdraft deals 5 damage to target creature or planeswalker. Excess damage is dealt to you instead.
“Never trust a thin chef, a bald barber, or a pyromancer with eyebrows.”
—Jaya Ballard, task mage
Raccoonicorn Bandits 1RR
Creature — Raccoon Unicorn Rogue
Whenever Raccoonicorn Bandits or another Raccoon enters the battlefield under your control, exile the top card of target opponent’s library. During any turn you attacked with a Raccoon, you may cast that card and you may spend mana as though it were mana of any color to cast that spell.
3/2
Brand Synergy 2R
Enchantment
Whenever you cast a red spell, the next nonred spell you cast this turn costs 1 less to cast.
Whenever you cast a nonred spell, the next red spell you cast this turn costs 1 less to cast.
Unity Display 2RR
Instant
Hoofcraft — Choose one. If you control three or more Ponies, Pegasi, and/or Unicorns as you cast this spell, you may choose both.
• Creatures target player controls get +2/+0 until end of turn.
• Unity Display deals 2 damage to each creature target player controls.
Warp Wood 2G
Sorcery
Put target artifact or enchantment on the bottom of its owner’s library. Venture into the dungeon. (Enter the first room or advance to the next room.)
The forest bent to the earth ponies’ will, and the way was revealed.
Bridlewood Transplanter 3G
Creature — Unicorn Druid
Adamant — When Bridlewood Transplanter enters the battlefield, if at least three green mana was spent to cast it, put target land on top of its owner’s library.
Sometimes living in harmony with nature means adjusting the pitch.
2/4
Invoke Honesty 1GGGG
Sorcery
Split second (As long as this spell is on the stack, players can’t cast spells or activate abilities that aren’t mana abilities.)
Until your next turn, creatures you control get +2/+2 and gain hexproof, indestructible, vigilance, and trample.
Hard work is its own reward.
Everfree Ancient 4G
Creature — Treefolk
Reach
Everfree Ancient enters the battlefield with a +1/+1 counter on it for each creature with flying your opponents control.
Whenever a creature with flying enters the battlefield under an opponent’s control, put a +1/+1 counter on Everfree Ancient.
3/3
Scrapwork Tablet 2
Artifact
T, Sacrifice Scrapwork Tablet: Target artifact card in your graveyard gains unearth X until end of turn, where X is that card’s mana value. (X: Return the card to the battlefield. The artifact gains haste. Exile it at the beginning of the next end step or if it would leave the battlefield. Unearth only as a sorcery.)
Unearth 1R
Fickle Fame RW
Enchantment
When Fickle Fame enters the battlefield or at the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you lose the flip, Fickle Fame phases out. (Treat it as though it doesn’t exist until its controller’s next turn.)
Creatures you control get +1/+1 and have haste.
Rudolph, Scion of Alice GUR
Legendary Creature — Elk Shaman
Flying
Play with the top three cards of your library revealed.
You may play lands and cast spells from among the top three cards of your library.
You can’t play lands or cast spells from your hand.
2/2
Hoof Nibblers 1BG
Creature — Insect
Whenever Hoof Nibblers enters the battlefield or attacks, exile up to one target card from a graveyard.
Hoof Nibblers gets +1/+1 for each card exiled with it.
Their primary diet is dead skin and past regrets.
1/1
Cryptocrafting 3UB
Sorcery
Note the name of target instant or sorcery card in your graveyard and put it onto the battlefield face down. It’s a 3/3 creature with “Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, you may create a copy of the card with the noted name. You may cast the copy without paying its mana cost” and “If this creature would leave the battlefield, exile it instead of putting it anywhere else.”
Cipher
Bridlewood Spog
Land
Bridlewood Spog enters the battlefield tapped.
T: Add B.
1BGG, T, Sacrifice Bridlewood Spog: Return up to one target creature card and up to one target nonland, noncreature permanent card from your graveyard to your hand.
Yeah, the bi-weekly thing sure came out of nowhere, but the late announcement just shows how release day barely matters for these shorts, not when even the original uploads keep tacking on compilations of several others to fit the YouTube Kids formula. This does mean that, assuming no breaks and the schedule sticks, the 70-short order announced back when these started will end next January. We'll see if that holds true.
Honestly, I'd completely forgotten the Secret Canter short exists, to the point I thought you were talking about the Izzy one where she mistakingly dognaps Cloudpuff until about halfway through this commentary. It's, fine, I guess, for TYT, but even on this front it's just a weaker version of the bland-yet-not-horrible one of Sunny baking holiday treats for her friends. Weird that Izzy fumbles the gift making just as much as the rest do, though I can buy Hitch doing it well (and hey, he's not a punching bag for the writers for once!).
I've seen some folks able to roll with any social media statistics in this generation for their sheer absurdity, and for the life of me I cannot figure out why. I mean, if our resident always-nice card game nerd (that is a compliment, to be clear) can't take it, you know it's bad.
Anyway, A Day in the Life, on top of having a lesson for a lead who surely shouldn't need it (and it feels like she's had this lesson a few times in TYT already, plus once in the comics), just fails for me because I simply cannot care even a little about Pipp, not when she's always 'on' and the worst kind of Internet personality 'role model' for kids, on top of being insufferable. The only time she's ever elicited anything resembling empathy (for me, though I gather many folks agree on this) has to do with Zipp's relation to her (and, rarely, some other characters), meaning it's just a leap-off of them.
I think it's telling of how little personality the three core Pippsqueaks have that Firework-ing Together can't even stick with them as the leads, instead running through the nth "different pony tribes don't cooperate well because Script, until Sunny gives a speech and they solve the problem lickety-split (it could work still, but it would need far more nuance and subtly than any of G5 has show even a passing interest in feinting at). That's how forgettable these three are; I still routinely get their names mixed up. Even though they're clearly just meant to be audience surrogates for Generation Alpha, they could give them something to stand out. All I really ever remember is how badly-modelled their CG faces are, and that one of them is voiced by Misty's VA.
And Bridlewood Spog… yeah, all that sticks out here is how the Bridlewood world building doesn't remotely match what little we had to this point, and that Izzy coming to understand and operate on Pipp's level happens entirely offscreen. No, "five minute short" does not justify that misstep on Writing 101, lads; you can't just have a character change their mind or come to understand something between scenes or from a short speech.
I wouldn't say any in this batch were bad (grading on this webseries' curve, of course), but neither did any of them feel in the league of the best either. After a slightly stronger batch round the holidays (bland and tasteless and not good for you, but not too harmful), back to what it was like before, minus an awful short every few weeks. I guess they might be able to keep away from horrible shorts for a while? We'll see.
Pipp's salon is all about making a pony look spectacular so they can impress others. How the made-over pony feels is irrelevant.
Now you've gone and revealed the big plot twist for season three.
I may not have much patience for Sparky, but at least he has the good sense to shoot video in landscape mode.
Does earth pony magic in this generation only make things grow, or can it manipulate plants? I could see Hitch trying to straighten tree roots into predictable geometric patterns.
Of course Pipp was relieved that Glory and Seashell were okay. She nearly lost 2/3 of her fan base.
It's been a long while since I've truly enjoyed any of the G5 media, but I did laugh out loud at "Put some vegetables on your face and get in here."
Faves are Scourging Backdraft, Fickle Fame, and have to mention Raccoonicorn Bandits as part of a Raccoon Tribal running gag with a buddy.
It'll break the (insert format) meta, just you wait!
Or sodium bicarbonate.
That is a fair and completely reasonable fear.
5708912
Smarter than 90% of people.