Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by keaton-furman-prower

Griffon the Brushoff

Author's Note:

Original letter here.

Dear Twilight Sparkle:

First of all, if you lost your recipe for an orgasm-intensifying potion due to Pinkie's prank, all you have to do is ask me! I happen to have one right here! Oh wait, I forgot, I'm not sharing it with you because you're a colossal bitch.

Oh well, I'm sure your brother and foalsitter will be happy to have some extra.

Now, I must say that it's interesting that you mention the griffon. Trust me, they may be weird, but it actually gets better: if you get knocked up by a griffon, the resulting abomination will have the lion bits replaced by pony bits! They call it a hippogriff! Of course, since griffons and ponies usually hate each other's guts, most hippogriffs are the result of date-rape.

So remember to stay alert if you're in a nightclub and see a griffon. Especially if he offers you a drink.

Anyway, she doesn't sound too bad, especially if she's worried about the junkie. And she definitely seems to have the right idea about Fluttershy. As much as I hate to agree with you, you're right: leading baby ducks right down the center of main street should be criminalized, and Fluttershy should be banished and thrown in a dungeon in the place she was banished to.

I must admit, Gilda could have made a fine addition to Ponyville. She could definitely have taught them a lot, and definitely more than you! But then again, I guess Pinkie Pie's drug-induced ideas would have made her leave sooner or later. It's too bad it had to be Rainbow Dash who ended up making her leave. I mean, if they'd remained friends, we might have been able to convince her to help teach ponies how to act properly.

On the other hoof, she is not a pony, and therefore could never be equal to us. So perhaps it was for the best.

Your faithful sun-shifting Goddess, Princess Celestia.

Comments

[Changeling-Drone]

Every pony accept fax are being bitches. All is well in the disgruntled universe

[SuperPinkBrony12]

First of all, if you lost your recipe for an orgasm-intensifying potion due to Pinkie's prank, all you have to do is ask me! I happen to have one right here! Oh wait, I forgot, I'm not sharing it with you because you're a colossal bitch.

Trollestia 1, Twilight Sparkle 0.

[Dunsparce]

Alright, ya got me. I'm interested. Keep going or I'll steal your kidney.

[Dash The Stampede]

That poor, disgruntled fax machine.

[Bad_Seed_72]

I like how she keeps referencing Shining and Cadence banging.

[Skeeter The Lurker]

That...

Is a very good explanation on hippogriffs...

~Skeeter The Lurker

[Neko Majin C]

I do not think that this version of Twilight would mind getting raped by a griffon. In fact, she may do the raping. She seems like a rapist.

I don't appreciate being called a rapist.

Then do not rape!

KBO.

[user123]

"and Fluttershy should be banished and thrown in a dungeon in the place she was banished to."

Pfft.....pfft...hahahahaha!

[No I Will Not]

Huehuehuehue