Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by keaton-furman-prower

Keep Calm and Flutter On

Author's Note:

Original letter here.

Dear Twilight Sparkle:

Once again, I must thank you for releasing me from my carbonite encapsulation. It was certainly enjoyable to not have to suffer for a crime I was wrongly accused of, for it was Princess troll-girl who shot first, not me.

It's a shame you're such a dick, though. I must admit that your ass looked quite attractive, but Fluttershy's is just as nice, plus she's much friendlier. I'm so glad that troll-girl assigned her and not you to be my parole officer. I know we're going to have lots of fun together, and you're not going to be invited!

Oh well, I hope you enjoy your long nights of solitude.

But enough about my soon-to-be-awesome sex life. I really think she needs to remodel her home. And not just because it doesn't look like something from H. C. Escher's dreams. I'm talking about the fact that everything in here is made for animals, not ponies or draconequuseseseseses. I mean, why is she so obsessed with taking care of them? Especially that white rabbit. I swear it's more evil than troll-girl ever accused me of being.

Bad designs notwithstanding, I'd say it was quite an excellent dinner party, wouldn't you agree? Especially the part where I made all the dishes come to life. I even had a whole musical number planned for the night, but then a mouse in red underwear threatened to sue me for copyright infringement. Well, he'd better hope the moon is made of cheese, because I'm telling troll-girl.

It probably wouldn't have lasted long, anyway. Not with that fluffy little hell spawn coming in to rat me out. Okay, so maybe I made the beavers declare war on ponykind. So what? It's not like troll-girl would have a problem with that. I mean, she clearly enjoyed dropping space rocks onto the stone-age dragons, so what's stopping her from doing the same to the beavers?

Still, it did get boring after a while, so I decided we needed to change the atmosphere a bit. After I kindly asked Fluttershy not to zap me with her element, I created the world's best ice rink! Did I mention that I'm a champion of figure skating? Well, I don't need to tell you, the judges certainly enjoyed it!

Alas, Fluttershy did not. And so she threatened to leave me forever if I didn't stop it. At first I wasn't particularly bothered. I mean, everypony in this town is either stupid, evil, or has serious issues, so why would I care if they left me alone? Of course, I quickly realized that, if she left, I'd never get a chance to tap that sweet, butterfly-stickered ass. And so, I reluctantly made everything turn back to normal.

Of course, troll-girl thinks that I've been “reformed.” That would be true if I had ever been evil. I'm just a guy trying to make the world a fun place to live. Is that so bad? Let's be honest, if anypony here needs to be reformed, it's you. You need to stop being such a stuck-up, selfish bitch and be nice for a change.

Love, Discord.

P.S.: Forget the "love" part.

Comments

[Tatsurou]

Like this one. Discord being the misunderstood good guy is hilarious!

Also, this letter predicts that Hasbro will buy Disney. ...or Disney will buy Hasbro.

[serPomiz]

the whole letter is hillarious, but the post scriptum takes the cake, good work

[SuperPinkBrony12]

4093652 Not a chance in the real world. The two are bitter rivals. And can you imagine what would happen if the franchise fell into Disney's clutches?

[Pyromaniac]

I love Discord so much here.

[Lag Incarnate]

Go Discord, go tap that butter-butt for all the guys (and gals) that never can.

[ShadowLDrago]

4093829

To be honest, I'd rather not imagine that. That would be enough to give Discord nightmares, and that's guy's insane, not even the Stare scares him.

[Neko Majin C]

You need to stop being such a stuck-up, selfish bitch and be nice for a change.

She is stuck-up and selfish because she is a wunderkind living amongst the trash and dregs of Equestrian society.

KBO.

[user123]

Hey, you hear that? Sounds like mice humping through the walls...