Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by keaton-furman-prower

Putting Your Hoof Down

Author's Note:

Original letter here.

Dear Fluttershy:

I’m sorry, but I can barely move after the laughing fit I just had. I mean, you are subservient to a rabbit! A fucking rabbit! I mean, I’ve heard of the flesh-eating rabbits before, but that’s just a regular bunny! You’re so pathetic you make the Cutie Mark Devastators or whatever they're called look like superheroes!

But anyway, I don’t understand how that cherry salespony didn’t fall for your charms. I mean, to be honest, it was pretty damn adorable. In fact, you’d probably make a perfect little sex slave-

-I mean, have you seen the weather recently, it’s so very nice!

But back to the topic at hoof. Why don’t you just use your freaky eye powers to scare everypony into submission? Seriously, given how peaceful the whole town is, you could probably conquer them all just by staring at them, even if you didn’t have those freaky eye powers. I guess you’re not only a pussy, but also a moron. Well, sucks to be you.

Honestly, I think that rabbit is better at life than you are, and that simply won’t do. Have you ever considered investing in a bunny fire? They’re not too expensive, and they help lower your heating bills during the winter, so that would be two birds killed with one stone.

Of course, you could just disregard all common sense and go to the minotaur’s school for struggling assholes. I mean, it would certainly be helpful, but why go to him? Twilight would certainly be willing to help you, as long as you were willing to pay her with certain favors.

…Actually, yeah. The minotaur may be a better bet.

Anyway, I watched you freaking out. It was funny as hell. Indeed, given how many complaints I’ve just received from Ponyville, I can tell I’m going to enjoy “New Fluttershy.” Of course, given my past experiences with ponies who I tried to mold into my own image, I know how badly that can turn out. Fortunately, I know I could always make you turn back to “Fluttershy Classic” and restore the status quo. Ponies will complain about the changes (or lack of thereof), sure, but I’m a goddess. What are they going to do?

Your ever-ready-to-murder-innocent-wildlife ruler, Princess Celestia.

Comments

[PiMan]

Original letter link should be up the top, shouldn't it?

[keaton-furman-prower]

3856507 3856495 Ah.

[meerkat8472]

Ah a New Coke reference, nice.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

3856958 New Coke. Perhaps the worst marketing flop in recent history.

[meerkat8472]

3857107 Well, that depends on who you ask. Some say that it was all a technique for changing a coke a little bit without anyone noticing. In that sense it worked perfectly, but I think it hurt the company more than they had hoped.

[D-Bence35]

I mean, I’ve heard of the flesh-eating rabbits before, but that’s just a regular bunny!

Consult the Book of Armaments, Chapter Two, Verse Nine!

[Neko Majin C]

I mean, I’ve heard of the flesh-eating rabbits before, but that’s just a regular bunny!

Twilight would certainly be willing to help you, as long as you were willing to pay her with certain favors.

…Actually, yeah. The minotaur may be a better bet.

Dammit, Celestia, stop clam jamming Twilight!

KBO.