Dear Maud Pie:
So, you've had Boulder for all these years and yet you've never got him a pouch to carry in? Don't you think he deserves better?
~Rarity.
Dear Rarity:
You never got one for Tom.
~Maud Pie.
Dear Maud:
I was never able to find a pouch big enough for him. And by the time I got around to making one, I'd already lost interest in him.
Besides, while he was really hard, he never had the right sort of hardness, if you know what I mean.
~Rarity
Dear Pinkie Pie:
I'm really curious about the price of a party cannon in relation to a rock pouch. Is a cannon that can fire confetti and party supplies really so cheap that it can be traded away for a puny rock pouch? Or are those lousy little pouches insanely overpriced?
~Princess Twilight Sparkle
P.S.: If it had been me, I would have dragged the guy into a dark alley, beat the shit out of him, and kept both the pouch and the cannon.
Dear Twilight:
I was desperate and not thinking clearly when I made the deal.
...Also, I may have been a teensy-weensy bit high on a special blend of meth that I cooked up using a shard of the Crystal Heart that I "borrowed".
~Pinkie Pie
Dear Rarity:
You really make a great impression of my sister. You should sell party supplies at your new shop.
And maybe clothes made out of spoons. I always wanted spoon clothes.
~Maud Pie.
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It wouldn't surprise me if both are the case, knowing the shady stallion Pinkie Pie got the pouch from. It's just like store owners who drive up the price on something they know you want.
Oh, Maud, never change.
I see what you did there.
Dear Maud,
How gneiss to see you again! When you are done, Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle would like to talc to you. If you were to join her stable, I pumice you will not regret it. Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle shale not take you for granite. If you help make her bedrock, both of you will scoria and be cummintonite. I hope you picrite and decide to take Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle up on her offer. I would not be worth my basalt if I could not chalk you into into it. I could gossan, but I wold rather just see you laterite.
Signed Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle's loyal slave who marbles at her beauty,
Neko Majin C.
I should not compose these when I am sleepy.
~KBO.
Huh, strange minds think alike.
7253584
Duuuude... I mean the other puns were bad enough, but that cummingtonite crack was just uncalled for. I'm pretty sure it goes against the Geneva Convention for weaponised word-play or something...
(I didn't even previously know that was a mineral, actually, but it doesn't surprise me (though I did go look it up, out of interest, you learn summat new every day).)
10/10 best princess. For now.