Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by keaton-furman-prower

Read It and Weep

Author's Note:

Original letter here.

Dear Rainbow Dash:

Rarity butchering you for ingredients? Never! That's the job I gave to Pinkie Pie and her fellow PETA members!

But I’m getting off topic here. I really don’t think you should be blaming Rarity for your accident. Most likely you’re just a pathetic flyer who can’t fly straight to save her life. And you think that you stand a chance of getting into the Wonderbolts?!

Of course, I’m quite unhappy that Twilight gave you a book. Everyone knows words and numbers are strictly forbidden. They make ponies smart, and then ponies could begin to get ideas of freedom, peace, equality… or, in Twilight’s case, hunger for power.

Unfortunately, the hospital doesn’t have nearly enough entertaining things to keep their patients complacent. I mean, how much would it cost them to install a few televisions and video game consoles? I mean, I could borrow them a few from my sister’s collection if they were broke! Otherwise it will be so dull that ponies will be forced to educate themselves by reading!

I felt you’d start to read those stupid books sooner or later, so I sent your friends to try to distract you. Alas, it was too late, and you were already obsessed. So I managed to bribe the hospital to kick you out early, hoping that you would forget about it after you’d been freed. But no, you tried to fake lazy-itis to get back your book. I guess that your natural color made it hard to fake blue flu?

Well, at least reading didn’t make you that much smarter.

Also, the hospital has some pretty big security issues. I mean, a nurse filly on burglar-catching duty? Who planned that?! Also, instead of guard dogs, they got the crazy pony with an identity crisis to chase you all the way to the library? What will they do if a psychopath comes in threatening to blow up the hospital for laughs?

But in the end it all seems to have worked out. You admitted to being an egghead, weaseled your way out of several burglary charges, and you got all of Twilight’s Daring Do books. Still, you should be careful with any books Twilight gives you from now on. I’ve heard she plans to use literature to brainwash you into becoming a sex slave.

Your always-careful ruler, Princess Celestia.

P.S.: Don't tell Twilight that I paid all your medical bills.

Comments

[Tatsurou]

Dear Princess Celestia,
I found your letter to Rainbow Dash. Thanks for the great idea about hypnotic literature. If you've read that line, you'll find you're now unable to look away from the letter. That's right, this letter is hypnotic, and keyed specifically to the solar magic you use. Luna and Cadence both helped me with that once I told them why. Guess who now has the uncontrollable urge to clop to thoughts of me every time they hear or read the words 'Dear Princess Celestia' or 'Your Faithful Student.'
Now, I'll be happy to share with you the way to counteract this magic...just as soon as you sign the soul binding contract making you my sex slave.

Your Faithful Student,
Twilight Sparkle.

P.S. No, that's not saying I'm being loyal to you again. I just want to hear you squeal.

[milesprower06]

What will they do if a psychopath comes in threatening to blow up the hospital for laughs?

img.photobucket.com/albums/v348/siochembio/movies%202000s/The-Dark-Knight-The-Joker-blowing-up-the-hospital_zps6140d1ef.png

[Changeling-Drone]

3849190 eeyup sounds like disgruntled all right

[keaton-furman-prower]

3849190 My King Hasbro... that is brilliant

[Tatsurou]

3849250
Time for a new compendium!
"Responses to a Trolling Princess from Disgruntled Ponies".

Basically, everyone responding to Celestia's letters here.

[JimboTex]

I guess that your natural color made it hard to fake blue flu?

Yeah, it would make it hard for her to trick Cadance and Twi into going to the ends of Equestria for a ridiculously tall flower and nearly getting tentacle-raped by Shai-Hulud, wouldn't it? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png

[SuperPinkBrony12]

3849435 Well that didn't take long to be referenced. Then again who knows if blue flu is an actual sickness?

3849223 One of the best scenes in Cinematic history. Especially considering how Heath made the dud explosives work.

[ShadeTail]

3850283

Then again who knows if blue flu is an actual sickness?

I could tell you...

[blazikenking]

3849268 If that ever gets started, it's just going to keep going deeper and deeper.

[Neko Majin C]

I mean, a nurse filly on burglar-catching duty?

I believe they are called candy stripers.

KBO.