An Interplanetary Trial
Hours later, Christian is sitting in his rotating chair by his desk. His eyes are bloodshot and barely open, and he is tapping his finger vigorously on his laptop. He quickly looks toward his digital clock: 2:45 AM. The video he had posted right before dinner was still buffering, it was only up to three percent. He leans in toward the screen and stares at the loading bar. After a moment it goes up to four. He throws his head back.
"Darn it! At this rate, the video won't be up until fall!" He slams his laptop closed in frustration and shoves it to the back of his desk, knocking over a few of the many knick-knacks on his desk, including a giant synthetic globe. "Forget it! Hopefully, it downloads overnight and surprises me tomorrow." He gets up and goes to fall into his bed. He curls up under one set of thin blankets and throws a pillow over to his chair to make himself comfortable. Almost immediately, he starts sleeping, snoring softly, and tossing a bit. Suddenly, a flash of light consumes the interior of the room, waking Christian up. He shields his eyes and mumbles to himself. "Darn laptop, thought I shut it off." He slams back down into his bed and throws his head under the covers. The light subsides and a low humming is heard, aggravating the human even further. He fumbles around the bed and grabs a pillow, throwing it toward the source of the noise.
"Ow!"
Christian's eyes shot open. Laptops don't say ow, the heck did I just hit? He thought. He shoved some blankets out of the way to see six figures standing in front of his bed frame. Christian squinted through the darkness; Two of the figures looked as if they had a cone glued to their heads, two looked like they had a backpack or something, and the last two were nothing special. But they weren't human shaped. Christian reached for his lamp and turned it on, he turned to face the figures and his jaw instantly dropped.
"No...way..." Ponies. Christian was face to face with six ponies. Two unicorns, two pegasi, and two earth. But not just any ponies, the six ponies he hated most, the six ponies he destroyed, the six ponies that he would shot on the spot. It was the Mane Six from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic; Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie; all looking pissed off at him. Twilight especially, as a pillow fell from her head. Christian rubbed his eyes and blinked numerous times to make sure he was seeing this right. "No." He thought. Not a chance. "Well, this is one heck of a dream!" He exclaimed as he approached them all. He was grinning evilly and rubbing his hands together. "Instead of destroying figurines, i'll be torturing the REAL Mane Six! Granted in a dream, but still a great opportunity!" He laughs quietly. Twilight raises a brow and turns to her friends.
"This guy is kidding right?" Christian glares at Twilight. Finally, he was going to torture Twitlight.
"You're first Twitlight!" He grabs the mare, shocked slightly by the texture of her fur. It was soft and plush, like a flannel pillow. Dash quickly runs up and punches the human square in the jaw. Christian flies back into his back wall behind his bed. "OW!" Ow? Wait, you can't feel pain in a dream! Christian thought, even if I could, that sucker punch would have woke me up! He got up and slowly pinched himself on his right arm. He felt a sharp sting. Not good. If this was a dream, it just became a nightmare.
"Dash! We can't hurt him! You know what Celestia said!" Twilight yells.
"I don't care! He was going to hurt you!" Dash retaliates.
Twilight points to her horn. "Dash, I could've just used magic!"
"Oh, right. Good point."
Twilight returns to the human, who had a stupefied look frozen on his face. "Now then, Christian Average."
"How the heck do you know my name?!" Christian shouts; now scared. Six ponies, not fake ponies, were in his room. And he knew that three of them could easily kick his butt.
"Well, you do have more hate crimes against ponies then Discord!" Rarity shouts.
"Really?" Christian smirked a bit. All he knew about Discord from what he heard on the internet and other sources, was that he was some sort of evil spirit of chaos or something stupid. Having more hatred to a bunch of multicolored horses than a god? Awesome! "Why thank you, Rarity! I didn't know I was so famous!" He bows to the group, raising his head and smirking. Twilight grits her teeth in anger. He was HAPPY that he hated them?! Twilight pushes the human back slightly. Christian tumbles to the floor, a lavender horn pointing at his forehead.
"Then I bet you'll love to come to your trial for your hate crimes, huh human?" Twilight said sternly. Christian grew cross and pushed her head out of the way. She swung back and stood her ground. Christian got up and stood eye to eye with his nemesis, looking down at her angrily.
"Ha! I don't have time for you stupid little 'trial'. Go play... whatever ponies play. Uhh, I dunno... dolls or something."
"How old do you think we are? Five?" Pinkie shouts from the back of the group.
"Pretty much, you are a little girl's show."
Twilight's eye twitches in anger. That was just insulting, she was probably smarter than this... alien! And he has the nerve to call her little?! Twilight's horn starts to glow vibrantly. Christian stares at the unicorn's head, he cocked his own in perplexity. He quickly realizes that she was charging a spell. Christian's eyes dart around the room to find some sort of shield. He felt something at his feet. He looked down to find the stupid globe. Stupid piece of plastic. Christian thought. His eyes widened, plastic. He faintly remembers some other show that had wizards or witches in it; and it showed that plastic was unaffected by magic. Without thinking, Christian kicks the globe up into his hands just as Twilight fires off a blast of magic. Christian holds out the globe and turns his head to shield his eyes. The spell hits the globe and causes it to spin around. The spell rebounds back to Twilight, she quickly ducks as it flies over her head and hits Applejack behind her. Applejack flies to the back wall and becomes stuck to the surface.
"How the heck? What happened?" Applejack yells. "Ya'll help me get down!" Dash and Fluttershy comply as they go to help their friend. Twilight turns back to the human in astonishment. Christian blinks a few times and looks down at the globe he was holding. He looks back at Twilight then at the globe again. Quickly he goes into a kung-fu stance, holding the globe.
"Fear me and my plastic spinning sphere!" He shouts. He starts posing in a bunch more weird kung-fu stances; crane, eagle, and komodo dragon, which is just the crab walking right side up. Applejack finally gets off the wall and walks over to the human.
"Uhh, is he...ok?"
"I know kung-fu!" He goes to run at the ponies, feet locked and poised. He quickly breaks out into a dash toward them, a fire burning in his eyes. These ponies are gonna get it. HARD. The ponies don't move from their spot, instead they huddle in a group and shutter. If that...thing can block magic, who knows what it can do? Christian goes to grab Twilight at the horn, but suddenly, feels himself losing his balance. He felt air move around him rapidly as he soared towards the ponies. In that instant, it was as if time slowed down. The globe that was in his hand was now falling away as he lost his grasp from the initial shock of whatever made him start flying. Christian turned his head to see Twilight throwing an oddly shaped sphere toward his wall. A bright light filled the area as he flew into a newly created vortex.
"What the?!..." was all he could say before he zipped into the portal. The group gather in front of the vortex as they try to gather what happened.
"Well, that was easy." Applejack said from behind the group. The others turn to see Applejack with her hoof out in front of her. Apparently, she was able to make Christian trip as he was dashing toward the group. Applejack walks to the portal's entrance. "That's for sticking me to a wall!" She yells into the void.
"Great work Applejack! Plan B was a success!" Twilight says behind her.
"There was a Plan B?" Pinkie asks.
"Well, it was a little rushed. But it worked!" Twilight smiles, showing her teeth, proud in her victory against the idiot who hated her.
"Now, let's go see how his trial will fare, shall we?" Rarity trots into the portal, with the others following behind her. Twilight stays behind as the rest go forward. She looks around the human's desk, the dim light from the portal providing enough to see a few objects: A cup of pens and pencils and a pile of sticky notes at the edge of the table. Twilight grins evilly. She has one last chore to do.
Christian looked around as he swirled through the vortex. It was as if he was stuck inside an LCD light. Bright colors and shades of blue and green flashed and blended around him. "The hell?! Did those ponies give me LSD or something?!" He yelled, his voice echoing throughout the boundaries of the seemingly endless tunnel. Christian turned around to find that the entry point has vanished as well. Christian paused his thoughts for a second, was he moving at all? The answer came to him in the form of a small white speck in the distance, which was moving incredibly fast toward him. "Well, I hope it's a soft landing!" Christian braced himself as the exit of the backwater vortex caught up with him. "Whoa!" He flies out of the vortex with no time to gather his surroundings, but is instantly greeted with a hard surface to smash into.
"...Up...Hey!...Get up!...Hello!"
"Uhh...Wha?"
"I said GET UP!"
"W..What?" Christian finds himself lying face down on a hard, white tile flooring. He looks up to see the six intruders on his left and two unicorns that were decorated in what looked like armor, one of which was punching him hard with his forehoof.
"He's alive." The guard in front said to an unknown figure in front of the human.
"Good. Now get him on his feet." the figure said in a feminine tone.
The other guard magically levitates Christian to his feet. Christian, who was still not fully aware of what was going on, nearly fell over again as he started to stand. After shaking his head and regaining his thoughts and senses, he looked around to find himself inside the throne room of a huge castle somewhere. The entire hall was decorated with marble pillars and purple curtains and banners. Wherever he was it was morning, as light was shining through some very decorated stained glass windows, each with its own design and color. Christian thought they looked pretty cool honestly. He especially liked the yellow one with the moon patterns.
"Are you done gawking yet?"
"Huh?" Christian turned back around to see the hooves of a very tall pony sitting down in a glorious golden throne complete with velvet and is lead up by a few steps made out of the same kind of marble. Christian looked up a little more to see that the royal pony was no ordinary pony, he recognized that sparkling rainbow mane, white wings and horn, and of course, the sun on her side.
"Surprised?"
"Celestia?! Oh, i'm dead." Christian hung his head down. He JUST blew her up the other week, and now he was standing before her for his trial in... wherever this is. The human really had no clue where he was. He couldn't really see what it looked like outside, the colorful windows sort of blocked the view. "Uhh, ok. First question: Where am I exactly?" He asks nervously. There's a brief moment of awkward silence before The Mane Six started to laugh aloud. Celestia giggles a bit as well. Such a blind human! She thought. The guards on the other hand, showed no expression at all. It was like they were the guards of Buckingham Palace. Christian gains a confused look on his face. "What's so funny?" He said.
"You really don't know where you are?! Yet you know our names?!" Celestia ceases her laughter and calms down to explain herself to the human. "My dear Christian, you're in Equestria."
"I think you mean Heck, but close enough I guess."
The entire room suddenly fills with a sudden stillness. The Six stop laughing immediately and gasp dramatically. Celestia becomes wide eyed at his response. She rises from her throne and slowly approaches the human. Christian feels the hair on his neck stand up as she stops a few feet in front of him. It was really uncomfortable.
"Do you know who you're talking to?" She said sternly.
"Yes." Christian said matter-of-factly. "I just said your name. And I did blow you up last week with a bunch of M80's" Celestia exhaled angrily at his response. "By the way," Christian added, "You need a breath mint. I know you girls act like you live in the 19th century, but hygiene is still kinda important." The Six gawked at how rude this... human was to their princess.
"How dare you!" Twilight shrieks from the far side of the room. "I'll knock you out with a spell for so long, It'll be twenty of your years when you wake up!" Twilight charges toward the human, but is pushed back by her friends.
"It's alright, Twilight; after all I am judge of this court." Celestia trots back to her throne and gives the human a mean glare. Christian facepalms as a response.
"Yup. Dead as roadkill. And what court? There's no jury, no lawyers, is this a joke?"
"Oh i'm sorry, this isn't your earth court that is all friendly-like." Celestia states. "Here we do things a little differently." Celestia's horn starts to glow brightly as a huge manilla folder appears in front of her. It drops to the floor with a huge flop. Celestia pushes the folder toward the human with her forehoof. It slides across the tile to come to a halt at Christian's feet. Christian picks it up and reads the label: Human's Crimes Against Equestria. Kinda flattering he thought. He opened the folder as a bunch of papers and pictures fell out of it. He started scanning through the details and descriptions of each page:
"The human known as Christian Average has a known streak of mass hate crimes against ponykind..."
"Destroying replicas of the citizens and locations of Equestria..."
"Torching Rarity with a mane blower, baking Pinkie into a pie, Feeding Applejack and Fluttershy to his dog, detonating Rainbow Dash and Twilight, and destroying Celestia with explosives."
"Leader of a group of humans that hate ponykind as well..."
"What is this nonsense?" Christian said to himself. "And why did I just say nonsense?"
"This Christian, is your criminal record." Celestia states her forehooves meeting together in some sort of wannabe finger movement. "Now, for your sentencing."
"Sentencing?! Nothing happened?!" Christian complains.
"Silence!" Celestia booms. "You Christian, are now required to an unspecified amount of community service around the Ponyville and Canterlot area until you learn to respect us as an actual community. You shall be doing tasks for me, Twilight, and her friends until you befriend them and respect them. And don't try faking it, we have spells that can make you speak nothing but the truth."
Christian raises an eyebrow. Community service to learn about friendship and harmony? Is this a joke, Heck, or just plain dumb? He thought.
"That's stupid. Just community service? I'll be outta here in no time!" Christian boasts. He was way smarter than any of these stupid ponies! And much more advanced! He came from a planet full of technology, while these idiots barely know what a light bulb is! "This will be easy! Plus, I can probably get work done more efficiently because I have the one thing you girls don't!"
"And what's that?" Celestia asks.
"Fingers!" Christian starts to flit his fingers in front of him, silently bragging about being more evolved.
"Oh? Well you didn't let me tell you the second part of your sentencing!" Celestia says excitingly.
"And that's... What exactly?" Christian didn't like the tone in her voice. She sounded a little too excited about this. Was it a trap? Dungeon time? Torture maybe? Christian gulped heavily, he started sweating and got on guard.
"Let me show you!" Celestia boomed. Christian quickly focused on Celestia's horn, which was now glowing a bright white. "Applejack and Rainbow Dash, grab the human." The two of them complied and rushed over to the fixated human. They grabbed his arms with their forehooves and kept their hindlegs stationed to the marble floor. Christian snaps back into focus and quickly realizes what's going on. His thought process was now in full panic mode. He immediately starts tugging and pulling away from the two mares, trying with all of his strength to break away from their grasp. Christian was surprised however that for two ponies with no fingers, they had a remarkably good grip.
"Hey! Let go of me! What do ya think you're doing?!"
"Now now Christian, you shouldn't feel a thing!" Celestia exclaims as she casts a spell toward the fear struck human. Christian stops struggling as he stares at the white ball of magic getting launched toward him. The wind gets knocked out of him as the spell hits him square in the chest. He is knocked out of Dash's and Applejack's grasp and is sent flying several feet back. He lands flat on his back which is accompanied with a loud bang. His eyes are barely open as he is swaying in and out of consciousness. His entire body starts to ache painfully. The last thing he sees are The Mane Six and Celestia surrounding his body, all nervous and Celestia's face grew red with embarrassment. He heard Celestia speak one final time as he slipped into unconsciousness.
"Oops. My bad..."
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Wow... that's what you think Anti-Bronies are? He's not an Anti Brony, he's just as obsessed as the most fierce Brony - but on the negative side. Anti-bronies don't want to even acknowledge MLPFIM exists...
2693345 Did you follow any other of the other stories? Christian learns something of value later on, as shown by PTR and TEoH (Acronyms for two of my other stories) As new chapters for this story come out, Christian will learn, you shall see... and FYI, He's a huge hater, which is why he blows up the figures and stuff. Most of the anti's from where i'm from are the same. Hell, I even witnessed Applejack getting blown up by my ex-best friend.
I beat I know what hapened to him.
That told me what it is.
2693532 Alright, PM me what you think. I love hearing people's thoughts and predictions!
I'm going to be making comments about this story in a Mystery Science Theater 3000 style soon.
Nothing against your intelligence or anything.
In other news have a song that the title of the fanfic made me think of.
2695396 Thanks and it was a good song!
A very nice story indeed. this reminds me very much of another fimfic on here..... Not gonna say it but nevertheless A good story indeed
As with all Human In Equestria stories, I ALWAYS root for the human/side with the human, no matter what. This story is no exception. But i would like to leave a few comments/thoughts/questions though....
1. Do the main 6 and Celestia even know that Christian comes from Earth, a planet known where humans have had wars since as long as time began, developed advanced weapons like the atomic bomb, made for the sole purpose of killing, and destruction?
2. Continuing my statement above shouldn't Celestia as a Ruler, and the main 6 be worried or scared if they harm Christian in any way, the humans may find out and get angry at Equestria and maybe idk, TRY TO ATTACK THEM?!? (coming from a rulers standpoint that is)
3. Do the main 6 and Celestia even KNOW what horrors Earth has, maybe i they knew they wouldn't have dragged Christian into Equestria in the first place....
4. Maybe if they saw the any of the above statements, they would fear humanity all together.....and wouldn't act so cocky to Christian in the first place....
2696526 Thank you for your feedback! Never have I gotten so many great questions!
For Question 1 Grim: No, they have no idea about the advanced weaponry or the past of Earth. All they know is Christian and his antics.
Question 2: Yes and no, once again, they don't know much about Earth or it's government. The reason they don't want to harm Christian is because they want him to learn their values without violence. And something happens later on in the story that changes things...
Question 3: Nope. No idea.
Question 4: Possibly, maybe as the story continues...
I hope this answered your questions. Sorry if they're a bit vague, I don't want to spoil the rest of the story!
Nicely done. Looks liek another interesting story has been made. Bravo.
2700378 Thank you!
Isn't abduction by foreign government a bit more illegal than hate crime?
Calling bullshit on plastic deflecting magic. I see magical energy as being well being an energy a simple hydrocarbon wouldn't have much effect on it.
Please stop with Celestia referring to Twilight and her friends as "Mane Six". She never did that
YEAH HE GOT WHAT HE DESERVED
Um the human courts are, in fact, NOT freindly.