The sun shines on a July afternoon in the small, suburban town of Somewhere, Virginia. Sure it's ninety degrees out, but it is a perfect day... for some explosions. Down in a nearby park are three teenagers in the middle of a football field: The first was Nick, a football player at the local high school. His brown hair was messed up from his hat and sweaty from the heat. He is an OK guy, nice enough really. Squatting next to him was Mike. Mike was always known as a tough guy. He can bench 250 and always wanted to pick a fight with someone. In his huge hands, are two pony figures. One is a cyan pegasus with a rainbow mane and tail. The other is a lavender unicorn with a purple mane with a pink highlight. The both of them are waiting impatiently for their final friend.
"Christian! Hurry up with those M80's!" Nick yells from across the field.
"Alright! Be patient for Pete's sake!" Their last friend Christian, runs out onto the field. Tired and panting heavily. He is the leader of their little group. Then again, he is the one who hated My Little Pony the most, and he could testify for it. He has so many pictures of The Mane Six in chains, getting cut, bleeding, and dying, he could make his own personal macabre photo album of the show.
"We can't be patient, it's goshdarn hot out!" Mike growls to their late friend.
"Oh I'm sorry! I forgot, who is the one with the leftover fireworks from the Fourth of July? You should be thanking me!" Christian hands Nick the explosives. "Got the camera?"
"Of course dude! This is gonna be SWEET!" Nick says as he starts placing the M80's around their two victims, creating a circle of five around the two colored ponies. "How many views do you think we'll get?" He asks as he finished the placement.
"Well, our detonation of Princess Celestia got over 10,000; and about 8,460 of those are likes." Mike says matter of factly. "Sucks that the only bronies we know that we tick off don't rage about it."
"Don't be so sure." Christian says maliciously. "The last twenty comments on that video are all complaints. I think we've succeeded in making bronies mad at us." He and Nick proceed to high five at the news. Mike snickers a bit.
"Good! Now let's make them cry!" Mike grabs the camera and switches it on. He starts stepping back a few feet as he hits record. "We're rolling!"
Christian smiles as he approaches the camera, waving to his audience. "Hello anti-bronies, it's me again Christian Average with another explosive video!" He motions Mike to follow him to the targets. "Today we have Rainbow Crash and Twitlight Sparkle, who is my least favorite of the bunch. This is going to be oh so gratifying." He points to Nick. "Light it Nick!" Nick complies as he strikes a match and approaches the fuses. In one movement, he ignites all of the fuses. Nick quickly blows out the match and runs toward the other two, who are only a few feet away.
"Here we go!" Mike exclaims. The fuses sizzle down toward the initial explosive. Suddenly, an M80 explodes from behind the figures, causing a chain reaction the blows up the other four. The three friends laugh at the destruction as each one goes off.
"Burn baby! Burn!" Nick yells.
"Have fun, Twitlight!" Christian exclaims.
"We're eating well tonight!" Mike howls.
The smoke settles as the three of them look toward the aftermath. Rainbow Dash is missing all but one leg, her rainbow mane has turned a smoky gray, and her tail is on fire. Twilight's body was completely obliterated, leaving only her purple head. Her horn was blown off from the blast and the leftover stump had melted from the heat. Her once purple mane had become black from burning and ashes. Christian smiled at the results.
"It's so beautiful. I think I might cry." Christian was satisfied. He has been waiting for this all month, and the results were perfect. Mike turns the camera toward him.
"This is to all of those pony loving losers out there!" He proceeds to raise his middle finger to the camera. "Suck it losers!" Nick and Christian cheer him on in satisfaction. He then faces the camera toward Christian once again.
"Well, that is about it for another pony destruction video. See you guys next month where we blow something else up!" The others jump into frame to sign off.
"Peace!" Mike hits record again to end the video.
"That's a wrap! Nice job, Christian! That was one of our best!" Nick comments.
"Hey, I'm just glad Twitlight was in this one! Stupid lavender horse." Christian picks up the remains of Twilight. "I think I'll keep this as a souvenir." He tucks it into his pocket. "Who's taken Rainbow Crash?" He looks toward his two friends. Mike walks up to the blast zone and kneels down to get a good look at the destroyed cyan pony.
"I'll take her. Turn her into a necklace or smelt her into a crayon or something" Mike picks up her plastic carcass as he hands Christian the camera. "Here you go dude. When will it be up?"
Christian gives him a thinking look. "Uhh, tonight. Hopefully." He peers at his watch quickly."Speaking of which, I should go, it's five already." He starts running down the field. "Peace guys!"
"Peace!"
A few minutes later, Christian arrives at his luxurious house. It is typical enough: a two story, white brick house with a huge window in the middle. Christian steps up to the blue door and fumbles around in his left pocket for his key. He finally finds it and unlocks his door. In seconds, his husky Apollo, races down to greet him as he enters. Christian pets the dog on the head happily.
"Who's that?!" A voice yells from the kitchen. Christian rolls his eyes. Who does she think?
"Your only son!" Christian yells as he enters the kitchen. He smells stir fry. Dinner was almost ready.
"You're early. Where were you?" She says without taking her eyes off of the stove.
"I was recording with the guys."
His mother lets out a sigh in aggravation. "Christian, you know Lily hates your videos!"
Christian shakes his head in disapproval. "And I care about my little sister's opinion over 10,000 others because...?"
His mother frowns. "I wish you would think of other people's opinions other than your own."
Christian gawks at the response. "I do! Just not hers." He leans back against the counter. "Crystal doesn't care about my videos."
His mother turns and smiles at him in that way that she knows she is smarter and that her son was just trying to find a point. "Honey, she is a senior in high school."
Christian gets a quizzical look on his face, raising a brow at his mother. "And I'm a junior in high school."
"Not yet you aren't!" a voice yells from atop the stairs. Christian rushes to the foyer and stares at his older sister. Crystal was fixing her long, blonde hair with one of her combs. She always cared about her style. "Until school officially starts, you're still just a sophomore Christian!"
Christian sighs. "So by your logic; you're still a junior girl who tries to get with senior guys."
"Whatever." She resides to her room. Their mother starts laughing hysterically at their small feud.
"Oh, you two never stop bickering don't you!" She goes back to stirring dinner. "I wish you two would get along a little better."
"We do! It's just that most of the time we bicker... A lot." Christian protests. Suddenly, a door from upstairs opens and small footsteps are heard running down the stairs. An angelic little girl's voice is heard singing a song that made Christian cringe and cover his ears.
"My Little Pony! My Little Pony! Ahhhhh!"
"Keep singing and I'll rip out your tongue!" Christian hisses at his young sister as she barrels down the hallway. She was dressed in her normal attire: A Rainbow Dash '20% Cooler' T-shirt with a Rarity hoodie over it. Lily was a pegasister, or in Christian's words, 'Prime enemy number one'. Lily has watched every episode in the two seasons at least twenty times and even though they are brother and sister, Christian and Lily hate each other with a passion. The tension between the two of them is always tense.
"Hey Christian, how come I always look better than you?" She looks at what her big brother was wearing: black pants and a red shirt. Christian's typical attire to make him look bigger. "You look like a burnt tomato!"
Christian growls at her before his mouth gained an evil smile. He forgot about his 'souvenir' from today's video. "Oh Lily, I almost forgot, I got you a present!" Lily gives her brother a look of uneasiness before he pulls out the smoking head of Twilight Sparkle. Lily screamed at the disembodied head of her favorite unicorn. Christian drops it into Lily's hands with the biggest grin on his face. Lily on the other hand, is utterly speechless.
"Wh-What did you do to her?!" Lily looks up at the psychopathic she calls a brother.
"I made her look 20% better!" He responds. Lily frowns in anger. First he blows up Twilight, then he tries to rip off her favorite quote? Lily can't believe that she was related to this trash!
"It's 20% cooler, jerk!" She throws the head at Christian, who skillfully ducks as it soars over his head and hits the window. Lily runs upstairs and stomps into her room, which was followed by the loud slam of her door. Christian laughs at the little ten year old's display as he picks up the discarded head and tucks it back into his pocket. His mother saw the entirety of this show and shakes her head in disappointment. Christian knew way better than this
"Christian Icarus Average, really?! You know Midnight is her favorite pony!" Christian rolls his eyes and grabbed a banana.
"Her name is Twilight, Mom. Or as I like to call her Twitlight!" He smiles as his mother lets out an aggravated sigh and returns to cooking. "Anyway, i'll be in my room. Call me when dinner is ready, please!" He starts upstairs toward his room. He enters his room adjacent to Crystal's and closes his door. He faces his desk with a silver laptop gleaming in the sun from the open windows. "Time to upload!" He slides into his rotating chair, spin around and turns on his computer. Before it even powers up, he plugs in the USB cable linked to him laptop to Nick's camera. The screen lights up with the camera's files already open and ready to go. Christian opens his browser to the internet and starts working. "Drag this here, edit the name, fix stability, and...Done!" Christian lies back to admire his work. A loading bar is shown at zero percent. Christian smiles. "Should be done by tonight. Perfect!"
"KIDS! DINNER!" Their mom yells from the foyer.
"Awesome! Stir fry!" Christian rushes downstairs to eat. But as Christian runs off, two figures look into Christian's room from a small magic window in the top left ceiling corner. Princess Celestia cuts off the spell and goes back to her throne. She sits down with a grunt because once again, the human shows no remorse onto the ponies and Equestria.
"So, that's the human you told me about?" Twilight asks..
"Yes Twilight, his name is Christian Icarus Average. I have been monitoring him for a few months now." Celestia casts a flash of light and instantly, a folder of a bunch of files appear next to Twilight. She opens it to reveal pictures and documents. "He has more hate crimes against ponies and Equestria than anyone else. He hates us even more than Discord!" Twilight levitates some of the documents in front of her. She peers at each, noting his many crimes and stares at Christian's photo. She growls at him.
"And he hates me the most huh?" Twilight ponders over the human. "So, he thinks he can hate us, blow us up, and discriminate us and think he can get away with it?" She laughs under her breath. "Alright, what do you want me to do?" She asks her teacher gracefully.
"I need you get your friends and travel to Earth. There, you will get Christian, and bring him here for his trial. Understand Twilight?" Twilight gives her teacher a confused look.
"How am I supposed to travel across the galaxy?" She asks. Celestia, knowing she would ask such a question, quickly reveals next to her a small black orb. She levitates it to Twilight, who plucks it from the air to observe the device. As Twilight examined the object, Celestia spoke.
"This is the portal device given to me from the scientists in Manehatten. It is voice activated to determine location. You will use this to get to Christian." She then floats over a few of the pieces of paper from Christian's file. Twilight looks up from the orb to take them. "Here is his information. I shall be waiting here for you and your friends for his trial. Good luck!" Twilight nods to her teacher with a determined look to bring this human to Equestrian justice!
"You can count on us Celestia! I'll get the others!" Twilight's horn glows purple and in seconds, she vanishes from the room. Celestia smiles maliciously as she floats Christian's picture in front of her. This human was in for the biggest surprise of his life.
This should be interesting....
AAK!!! YOU STOLE MY TITLE!!!
(Joking)
This does look interesting. I shall have to take a peek at it
This is an interesting story time for me to favorite it
Does this mean that I'm not entitled to my own opinion? Is simply saying that Fluttershy Shy is the best pony gonna get me bucked in the face by Rainbow Dash?
Ah silly boys, Don't you know if it has MLP and explosions in it EVERYONE will love it, and if they don't, Then they're not Human.
Please change that. And seriously? They're abducting him just because he destroyed some toys for shits and giggles?
Unfortunately, you have far too many errors to warrant inclusion into the Good Grammar Directory at this time.
The errors are too numerous to list, but I will give a few examples.
Since this story is supposed to be in the present tense, it should be "is," not "was." This is not the only time this error appears; it is very common throughout the story.
OK should be capitalized, or written as okay.
There should be a comma, not a period, after "likes."
I suggest that you get a proofreader here: Proofreader Group
You may re-submit your story into the submissions folder whenever you are ready.
A banana, really? A banana?
There's no way an anti-brony kid can get away with all that and at the same time live in the same house as a brony. If it were up to me, I'd make copper replicas of the mane six, cover them with paper mâché, hook them up to a telephone pole, and lock him in the room with them...... Wow I have issues.
So does anyone want to explain why this version of Equestria considers blowing up effigies of fictional characters to be "discrimination" and "hate crimes"? I mean, I could kind of see the ponies doing something like in Toy Story, planning to scare the kid straight or otherwise step in because he's being a dick. But I can't buy them going to a place where they hold no legal power to kidnap some teenager and prosecute him in Equestria for the supremely petty reason of "he was disrespecting us!"
Either way, I also don't get how one might justify why the ponies are spying on some bratty teenager that lives on a completely different world from Equestria instead of doing something more important with their interdimensional scrying mirror or whatever they're using.
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I think you point out the largest problem with this: they have no legal grounds to stand on. The "hate" crimes were all committed in another country and fall under their rules. So far, he might be arrested for illegal use of fireworks but he's protected from the destruction of effigies as part of symbolic free speech within the US.
I think it would have been more interesting if the ponies knew nothing about the guy, ended up on Earth and having the prick run into them by chance alone, Just my two cents.
I HATE ANTI BRONYS THEY ARE FREAKING JERKS AND DONT KNOW THE TRUE MEANING OF FRIENDSHIP AND CAN NOT LOVE AND TOLLERATE RIGHT
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Yeah I'm not comfortable with the idea that they were able to observe him either.
It's much funnier for the human hater, if nopony knows about him, but he knows about them.
So it's more horrifiying for heim when they start being nice to him, all the while the human becomes more grumpier, deny's the reality of things, and starts giving them verbal jabs to indignity the ponies. In the meantime the ponies don't know what they should think about this human, and begin to question his attitude until he finally sets them off with something.
The idea of a trial is good, but it should be brought on after he committed some crimes in equestria, and those don't even have to be severe.
If Celestia or Luna leads the trail, he can start making insulting jokes about them while in court and his punishments therefor increases in weight with each insult.
Why would they teleport all across the galaxy and bring him to this trial. Besides, them knowing him, implies they know already about themselves being a TV show on earth, which I don't like to think.
It's better if they don't know, and are simply aliens from another world. That way it looks less like "The TV-Show trying to influence (or punishing him) him in real life", but rather like "innocent aliens from another world trying to cope with the hater situation, and make sense of his irrational behavior."
While I can understand anti-bronies, and especially how this one hates too much, the anti-bronies don't do this shit unless they were constantly annoyed into watching an episode by too many people. And this guy had 4000 people bother him for him to hate this much!
An alternate title for this chapter would be: 'Christian's Pony Hate Crime 3000'.