Dusk

by Resda

I Am Not Twilight Sparkle

I am Twilight Sparkle.

I never thought those words would fail me.

I am Twilight Sparkle. Newly crowned Princess of Equestria. Element of Magic. Student of the magic of friendship under the tutelage of Her Royal Highness Princess Celestia.

Female. Lavender in the coat, indigo in the mane, with purple and pink stripes. Razor straight mane cut, with a little bit of a flip... shimmering ethereal mane and tail possibly pending. Large wings, lavender, barely used.

Beloved daughter of a scientist and a stargazer. Sister to the Captain of the Royal Guard. Sister-in-law to an Empress.

Best friend to five ponies plus one dragon in Ponyville.

I am a fraud. A fake. A liar. A decoy.

A changeling.

I am not Twilight Sparkle.

The sights, sounds and... ugh... smells of the Everfree Forest assault my senses alongside the lingering taste of blood in my mouth. My left eye is beginning to swell, and I'm fairly sure that my right wing isn't supposed to bend like that.

But who cares? I sure as Tartarus don't. Not after this evening.

---

I had finally found consciousness again, as I recovered from both my two-story fall and the memories I had just uncovered. But my senses were slower in coming back.

The first to arrive had been my sense of touch. I sensed the familiar give of my old mattress, the cool night air against my damp coat - they had taken the time to wash me and put me to bed.

Neither of those had compared to the searing pain of a sprained wing. Every sensation, every breeze that blew across it felt like fire.

Taste and smell arrived at the same time, and the taste of bile in my throat gave me the answer of why I was in bed in the first place. Whether my reaction had come from my sudden injury or from the... memories... I wasn't sure.

Hearing came back next, and I was treated to a six-part cacophony, each voice distinct but not quite coherent to my subconscious mind. One of them, the only male voice, made an excited noise as I pulled my injured wing closer to myself.

And then, there was sight. As I slowly fluttered my eyelids open, I could see five ponies and one dragon, looking to me quietly, searching me for any indication that everything was okay. That Twilight Sparkle had taken a little tumble, but was okay and that everything would be beautiful and magical again.

But Twilight Sparkle is in a cave somewhere Queen-knows-where, sucked dry of her love and magic. Possibly dead, or worse, she's a drone now. There's probably something ironic about that.

... Did I just really think that? What's happened to me?

Their expressions at that moment are imprinted on my mind, even now. But then, I couldn't bear to look at them. "Please... go..." I muttered.

"Twilight, you're back!" Spike cheered, as the others crowded around me.

"Are you okay, sugarcube?" I remember Applejack saying, as she held her hat to her chest. She was so worried for me...

Not for me, for Twilight Sparkle.

"All of you... you have to go..." All I wanted was for them to leave. But, true friends they were, they wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Please, darling, talk to us..." Rarity had plead, staring into me with those sapphire eyes again. I remember every frown line in her face, visible even through her pristine white coat. It didn't look like her at all.

I had crawled towards the footboard, away from the group, and moved for my bedroom door before a yellow wing blocked my path. Fluttershy tried to nuzzle me, and I stepped back to avoid contact. She sighed. "We all know you're upset, and that all these changes are stressing you out."

Pinkie popped out next to her, trying and failing to elicit a reaction. "But you can handle anything. You're Twilight Sparkle!"

You're Twilight Sparkle. Well, that was the problem exactly, wasn't it?

I tried to make a break for it. I was halfway ready to teleport out of there. But Rainbow Dash extended a wing, draping it over my shoulder.

"Please... what's going on?" said Spike. Oh, Spike... his face then...

"I'm not... I'm not who you think I am."

Silence reigned.

"I could feel it... your love... it... felt good... and then... I cast a spell, and I saw..."

Spike backed away. "No... you're lying... you can't be a..."

I looked past Spike to the others. Voices began to raise, criticisms of bad jokes and hard cider floated about. Spike had already begun clinging to Rarity, who looked at me with genuine confusion as she stroked his scales.

And then Rainbow Dash tackled me into the wall.

I remember the pain and screaming as my already-injured wing was bent further out of place. "Rainbow..." I whimpered, but she wasn't going to have any of it.

Her eyes were like fire. Sweet Celestia, the fire... "Where is she?" she roared.

"Rainbow, what are you doing?!" Pinkie Pie cried out, even as Rainbow continued to pin me down.

I struggled to find an answer for Rainbow Dash beyond "I don't know", but nothing I had was good enough.

It came as a shock to everypony when she threw a hard right hook, connecting with my face and rattling my skull.

"Where is she?"

Everything turned to chaos. Rainbow Dash, the most loyal of ponies, was reeling back, ready to throw another punch, until Pinkie and Fluttershy intervened, trying their hardest to pull her off of me. "Let go!" she yelled, aflame with rage. "Damn it, let me go!"

Rarity and Spike clung to each other. Spike was sobbing uncontrollably as Rarity tried her best to soothe him with empty words.

And Applejack... she just... stood there. It was as if her brain simply refused to work, refused to comprehend the idea that something so wrong has just happened in front of her very eyes.

I had had a hard time believing it at the time, too.

My vision filled with bright white as I finally managed to muster up the will and power to teleport out of the Library.

---

I'm not sure how long I've been sitting here since then. Night's fallen properly; the glint of stars is barely visible through the canopy above me. There isn't even any moonlight tonight.

Already some part of my brain is trying to apply some logic to my current situation. It's currently working out exactly what spell Chrysalis used to change me. The way that the changeling - that I was torn apart, and reconfigured...

I remember reading about an old spell, back in school. It was written during the beginnings of Equestria itself, around Clover the Clever's tenure as High Magician. I had thought it would be the perfect complement for my Classical Magic Studies paper.

The Proteus Spell was the first recorded instance of changing one substance into another. It did so by borrowing tactics from the then-popular field of alchemy, breaking something down and building it back up again in a different shape. It was extremely powerful, hard to cast... and permanent.

A few decades later, a powerful unicorn figured out how to adapt the Proteus Spell to create copies of objects that were indistinguishable from the real thing. The findings predated a huge financial crash throughout Equestria as counterfeit currency spread like wildfire. Once they figured it out, the Princesses sealed the spell away. It eventually found its way into the Starswirl the Bearded Wing, which was where Chrysalis must have found it.

Heh. I remember the exact day I read about it, too. That day, Princess Celestia had caught me in the Starswirl the Bearded Wing without permission. Without blinking an eye, she had granted me unlimited access to every restricted tome in the Archives. She even let me move out of my dormitory and into the Library Tower, of all places. My squeal of delight could have shattered windows.

No. That wasn't me. That was Twilight Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle is the one who owns the memories, the friends, the family... the life that I have now. At least, the one I had... before...

I scream, long and loud into the night. I don't care if a timberwolf finds me, or if a cockatrice turns me to stone, or if the very forest swallows me up and I am never seen or heard from again.

I don't want to live anymore. Not this lie. I want to...

I want to return. Home. Wait... no, I don't. "Leave me alone," I mutter to myself, ignoring the ever-present buzzing in my ears.

Going back will make the pain go away. And that is very tempting. But right now, all I want is for the buzzing to stop. For everything to stop.

Return.

Home.

I scream again, trying to be heard over my own mind. On instinct I run into the nearest tree, horn first. The pain feels good, and almost quiets the noise. I slam my head into the tree again, gouging out deep scars into the bark, very nearly concussing myself. "Get. Out. Of. My. Head!" I yell, punctuating each word with another strike.

My head is most definitely bleeding now. It's not enough. I rear back for another strike, screaming to the heavens.

Suddenly, there is a set of forelegs wrapped around me. The buzzing stops as I flail around, trying to get a look at my attacker.

"Please..." A quiet voice sobs into my bloody coat. "Don't do that."

It can't be. "Fluttershy?" I look down, where she is still clinging to me with all of her might.

She stares up at me with large turquoise pools of sorrow filled with tears. "D-don't do that," she repeats.

"Fluttershy, what-" I start incredulously. "Why are you here?"

"You don't have to hurt yourself. You have so much to live for, Twili-" Fluttershy clasps a hoof over her mouth, and I take the opportunity to put some distance between us.

"What do you expect me to do, then?" I yell. "I can't..."

Fluttershy closes the distance, bringing a hoof to my lips. "Shh. Don't worry. We're here for you."

We? She doesn't mean... Another voice cuts through the night air, energetic yet layered with traces of frustration and fatigue. "Fluttershy! Where'd you go?"

Pinkie Pie.

Suddenly, she leaps out of the nearby brush, engulfing Fluttershy in a bear hug. "There you are! I thought you'd go chasing after that scream..."

"I'm sorry," Fluttershy says through Pinkie's mane, "I called out as loudly as I could..."

Pinkie looks past the pegasus to me and stares for a long minute. I can't even begin to predict what she's going to do next. When she raises her hoof, I instinctively cringe and step back. But she's not striking me with it. She's offering it to me. "Hello! My name's Pinkie Pie!"

What? This is all wrong. I'm not supposed to...

I reach out a hoof, gingerly. Pinkie leans in, her grin getting wider. Out of nowhere, she decides to pull me into her embrace, shaking me violently, chanting "New Friend" over and over. "Oh my gosh, this is perfect! It's like I get to become friends with you all over again!" Pinkie Pie chatters at her usual mile-a-minute pace, stopping only when Fluttershy gives her a meaningful glance.

I finally recover some sense of... sense. "What are you two doing here?"

"Looking for you, silly!" Pinkie Pie answers. Fluttershy nods the affirmative, fixing me with her usual calm, peaceful smile.

"But... why?"

"If you had really meant any harm, you would have escaped when your cover was blown," Fluttershy states simply.

But that's exactly what I ended up doing... well, after I told them all about it. But why did I tell them about it? Why blow my cover at all? Why couldn't I have just lied again? Why, why, why?

Pinkie Pie tells me the answer before even I can. "You know, Fluttershy and me, we could tell." She puts a hoof on my shoulder, just above my injured wing. "You're sad. And scared. And confused."

"I could feel it, Twi-" Fluttershy covers her lips again. It's a few minutes before she can speak. "I could see it on your face... and I couldn't help but feel like I had to do something."

My gaze is stony. "So that's what I am? Just another creature to take care of?"

Pinkie Pie proceeds to boop my nose, instantly defusing my building anger. "Pony, changeling, whatever you are..." Her face brightens - it's not her mile-wide grin, she was too emotionally worn down to use that. It's a simpering kind of expression, full of resignation and determination at once. "You still deserve to smile. Everypony does."

And I do. I can't help it.

"Come on," Fluttershy beckons, "we'll head back to my cottage. We could all use a little rest right now."

It doesn't take long for us to reach the cottage. Under Fluttershy's watchful eye, Pinkie wraps my head carefully, taking care to add a little extra padding around the base of my horn. Behind me, the yellow pegasus is taking a brush to my wings. I am preened for the very first time; there's a cathartic release every time she removes a feather from my wing. They're both extra careful to watch the sprained appendage, at least until they place it in a brace and fasten it against my side.

"It doesn't look as bad as it did a few hours ago," Fluttershy comments.

I want to say that it probably has to do with alicorn magic and its inherent healing properties, combined with earth pony resilience, but she looks just as worn as I do, so I hold off. I thank them again just as we all decide to turn in in the living room.

As I slowly fall asleep, I can feel it again. Love. It's just as soothing as before. Perhaps more so, now. It doesn't seem possible, but maybe there's something for me after all.

But I must remember the hive. The will of the Queen. Wait... did I think that? I don't think that was me. In fact, I'm really sure that isn't-Home. Return.

Okay, that definitely isn't me.

I know what this is. It's my queen Chrysalis. Last night I was finally aware of the call, the Queen's wish for me to return. home. Last afternoon, I was finally able to comprehend it beyond the level of pure instinct.

And now... now that I can say it for myself... I refuse.

But Chrysalis's will is a tidal wave. I should not resist the will of I have to resist her will. I stand strong, bolstered by thoughts of Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy, thoughts of friendship and the individual will to survive. I feel myself slipping only slightly but it won't be long until I give in.

Home. Return.

No. I won't. But I am an extension of my Queen's will. I am a tool of her whims. I am nothing without her. I must... return... home.

The mental assault comes again, harder and faster. I don't know how much longer I can keep it up. And just as I feel the desire to resist slip away...

Pinkie Pie is in my face.

"So, I've got a question for you."

I stifle the urge to drop dead of a heart attack then and there. "Don't do that, Pinkie Pie!"

"Do what?" Pinkie cocks her head. In the space of an eyeblink, she's in my face again, our muzzles practically touching. "This?"

"Gah!" I slide backwards, off of Fluttershy's couch, knocking over a tacky, draconequus-shaped lamp. I take the time to right her end table, and the lamp pieces itself together with a flash of light. "You shouldn't sneak up on ponies like that..." I continue, still trying to process Pinkie's sudden intrusion.

"Why not?"

My mouth opens and closes as I struggle for an explanation other than logic and common courtesy. Nothing comes forthwith, so I settle on a flimsy excuse. "You... you're being loud. You'll wake up Fluttershy!"

"Um, actually, I'm already awake," Fluttershy says from her spot on the recliner next to the fireplace. "I couldn't really sleep. Sorry."

Pinkie looks at me expectantly. I relent with a sigh. "Okay. Go ahead, Pinkie. What's your question?"

"What's your name?"

"Seriously?" I deadpan. "My name is-"

No. No it's not.

My mouth hangs open. "I... I don't..."

Pinkie leans in again, clucking her tongue. "Don't be silly, everypony has a name. It's part of who you are!"

"I know how identity works, Pinkie Pie," I seethe. "But 'who I am' was 'Twilight Sparkle', up until yesterday afternoon. And that's not my name to take. Besides... changeling drones..." I can't bear to look at her. "Drones... don't have names."

Fluttershy decides at that moment to ponder the particulars of the rug in the middle of her living room. Pinkie Pie grins at me instead. "Okay, then, pony-slash-changeling formerly known as Twilight Sparkle. You have a golden opportunity here. You are the first ever changeling to pick out a name. You get to make your own 'who you are', starting today!"

"But I'm basically, no, literally a carbon copy of Twilight," I reply.

"Is your name Twilight Sparkle?" Pinkie presses on.

"No!" I yell. "Don't you get that?"

Pinkie gives me a smug smirk. "That's not what Twilight Sparkle would say. You're a different pony after all, aren't you?"

I... wait... did Pinkie just... "Touché."

"Two-shay? That your name?"

"Ugh... no!" I turn to Fluttershy for support, but she is stifling a giggle of her own.

Well. Pinkie has inexplicably driven me to existential crisis. I suppose that's not too far off from the mark from her usual antics. But she has a point.

Let's assume, for the moment, that somepony's identity is the sum total of her experiences. At some point, I diverged from what is typically defined as "Twilight Sparkle", and became something else. It therefore stands to reason that my identity should be defined by the things that make me different. So, when did I cease to be Twilight, and start to be somepony else?

Two points come to mind immediately.

The first was the most horrifying experience of my life.

The second was watching my body get blown to pieces.

Okay. Since the incident at the library, what have I done? I traumatized five ponies and a baby dragon, ran away, nearly gave myself brain damage, screamed into the night... Every memory I could call unique to myself has been full of darkness and pain.

I am not Twilight Sparkle. I'm something darker than that. I am... "Dusk," I sigh. "My name is Dusk."

Fluttershy takes in a breath. "Dusk..." she notes. "It's almost poetic. Um, if you don't mind my saying."

I nod in appreciation before turning to the pink pony. She's got that same odd stare as she tries to peer into my soul. "Well?" I ask. "This was your idea. What do you think?"

Pinkie's nose wrinkles. "Well, it's fine, if you're into the gothy-emo-hardcore scene and all of that... but..."

I allow her to continue. Why did I allow her to continue? Why do I ever allow her to continue?

"Dusk... is more of a stallion's name, don't you think?" A look of sudden realization crosses her face. "You're not... are you..." Pinkie's gaze shifts slowly southward, away from my face and towards... oh dear Celestia.

I blush furiously and curl myself up into a ball. "For Luna's sake, don't do that! I'm a mare, I'm a mare!"

Pinkie's face gets impossibly pinker. "Um, yeah. Dusk. Whoo. Great name. I'll make sure to put it on all the banners for your welcome party." She cringes. "That is, when everypony is in the mood for it. We can invite the others too, hopefully."

I snort. "I think they're more likely to buck me straight to the moon before they party with me." I'm suddenly aware of the elephant in the room - or the lack thereof. "Where are they, anyway?"

Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie share a look. Fluttershy shrugs her shoulders. "They were talking about Canterlot last night. And since they're not here, as far as I can tell, they might have taken the midnight train."

That puts them in Canterlot as early as this afternoon. Unless... "Emergency line or regular?"

Pinkie puts a hoof to her lips. "Having your best friend, fellow Element of Harmony and Crown Princess replaced with a changeling probably qualifies as an emergency."

I glare coldly. Next to me Fluttershy mirrors my gaze, bringing the party mare down a few pegs.

"Heh, just saying," she mutters.

"Okay. So I can't go to Canterlot... and Ponyville's out, too..." I'm pacing a circle into Fluttershy's floor. She gives me a wide enough berth to let me think properly, which I appreciate.

My instincts have no problem suggesting another place to go. If Chrysalis had her way, I'd already be serving my place in the hive. She might have some unique job for me, considering my... unique circumstances.

Anything would be easier than resolving my current crisis of duality. After all, I'm not Twilight Sparkle, I have no responsibility towards the ponies connected to her. Even if they mount a rescue mission, which they probably are doing right now, it'd be out of my hooves.

And yet... there's something still left to consider. I don't want to die.

That seems fairly obvious to anypony, but for a changeling... the Queen's will has always trumped the basic need for survival. Chrysalis's directive replays in my mind. I am an extension of her will. I am a tool of her whim. I am nothing without her.

I'd be nothing with her, too. This... self... would be gone. Dead. Lost amid a haze of buzzing.

And then there's that other niggling feeling... conscience. The responsibility to somepony other than myself. I had stolen Twilight's life without her permission. I can't just ignore that.

That settles that, then. For now.

"Pinkie Pie? Fluttershy?" The two ponies turn to me.

The words are familiar, even though I have never said them before in my life.

"I have a plan."

Author's Note:

Alternate chapter names:

Title Drop: The Chapter
Pinkie Pie Outsmarts Somepony
Pinkie Pie Stares At Dusk's Crotch
Rule 63? I Don't Even Know Her!
Flashbacks Are Hard

Comments

[Lelouch Vi Britania]

2400958
You remind me of OrphiusOlyandra. He says twilight is best pony, but if you've red any of his stories, you most definitely wouldn't think it.

[Jdts7]

A look of sudden realization crosses her face. "You're not... are you..." Pinkie's gaze shifts slowly southward, away from my face and towards... oh dear Celestia.

Heh reminds me of Jack and Will from pirates of the Caribbean

....you're not a eunuch are you?

[Resda]

2409095 Oh, never you worry, there'll be plenty of angst to go around. I'll actually be doing my best to rein it in.

[shyguy7829]

Oh no. The real Twilight can't be dead. No way. There's absolutely no way a potential conflict gets tossed, just like that.

[Resda]

2409170

Like I said, don't worry about it. All will be explained in time.

[shyguy7829]

2409226
I know. I was being genre savvy.

[Starcat5]

Somepony needs to remind Dusk that she never was a Changeling, hivemind not withstanding. The original Drone was rendered down to subatomic particles. I don't know about most folks, but to me that comes across as something more than simple Clinical Death. She isn't him/her turned into a copy of Twilight Sparkle, she is a Clone of Twilight Sparkle created from the biomass of the above mentioned dead Changeling.

2409101
Ah yes, Cloning Blues, the angst trope that keeps on giving.

[Resda]

2409260

Somepony needs to remind Dusk that she never was a Changeling, hivemind not withstanding. The original Drone was rendered down to subatomic particles. I don't know about most folks, but to me that comes across as something more than simple Clinical Death. She isn't him/her turned into a copy of Twilight Sparkle, she is a Clone of Twilight Sparkle created from the biomass of the above mentioned dead Changeling.

Hmm. I have read and considered your argument, and have concluded that you're absolutely right. You're becoming my new best friend, Starcat.

Now, Dusk's angst isn't so much about "I'm a changeling" so much as it's about "I'm a copy", so I shouldn't have too many problems, but your argument is convincing enough that I'm going to give the rest of my chapter drafts a second look.

[Starcat5]

2409295

You're becoming my new best friend, Starcat.

[khatre]

I must be really slow on the uptake this week ... I only just realized that this is a re-write of a fic (that i thought was awesome the first time BTW).
If I am remembering correctly there should be 2 more chapters till it catches up to the original story ...

[Resda]

2409859 Nope. We're all caught up. This is as far as I got.

It seemed longer last time because I had an extremely contrived plot device involving research projects and nightmares that took two prologues and two chapters to resolve. This time around, I did it in one chapter.

The next chapter should be brand new to everyone!

[ProfCharles]

Rule 63? I Don't Even Know Her!

Best chapter title ever.

[AliCentaur Br0ny]

2409260 Only some of the changeling was blasted into subatomic particles, the rest of it formed a nice changeling stew: Extra Chunky. (Before it was melted down even more.)

I stare in genuine shock and confusion as the pieces of exoskeleton, wings and blood float in the air.

Dusk isn't just a clone with Twilight's memories and a copy of her body, she has a piece of Twilight's soul. At least I assume that Chrysalis put the piece of soul that she ripped from Twi into Dusk. She's an echo of Twilight.

[Starcat5]

2414244
...no, I'm going with "New Soul" with imprinted memories. My point stands. Rebuilt from the composite electrons, neutrons and protons... or simply rearranging the target DNA and RNA, the end result is the same. The Drone is dead, and Queenie is a murderer.

[Resda]

2414244

Dusk isn't just a clone with Twilight's memories and a copy of her body, she has a piece of Twilight's soul.

Well, I was taking some poetic license with that... Twilight's love for Celestia is so great that, when Chrysalis was ripping it from her, it felt like her entire being was being torn apart. Now, it could still be argued that Chrysalis's magic, by stealing love, is essentially taking souls anyway, but I'll leave that to you.

2414948

...no, I'm going with "New Soul" with imprinted memories. My point stands. Rebuilt from the composite electrons, neutrons and protons... or simply rearranging the target DNA and RNA, the end result is the same. The Drone is dead, and Queenie is a murderer.

You're awfully close.

[AliCentaur Br0ny]

2414948 I'll not argue that the drone is definitely dead.

2414972 I had a feeling that you might be using it in that metaphorical sense, but I chose to take it literally instead. I understand that you were saying that Twilight's love for Celestia is a core component of her being.

[Commander Jenna Cipher]

2414972

Maybe Dusk is Twilight put into a Changeling's body, and her original body is just some mindless toy now?

[EverfreeSparkle]

Uhhh, I can't stand it when the main character doesn't tell anyone else what exactly happened so they know what's going on. I love seeing their reactions!

[MustacheMerlin]

2414972 Huh, Chrysalis, eater of souls. Has a nice ring to it.