Dear Princess Celestia,
I miss you.
I want to hate you, I want to hurt you, I never want to speak to you again, but still, I miss you.
I've been in Ponyville nearly a month now, enough time to send you a few reports on the magic of friendship, and in that time the bonds I share with the ponies here have only grown stronger. By many measures my life is better here than it ever was in Canterlot. I spend time with my friends, I laugh with them, I learn about their interests, and I help them when I can. I'm known around town for my level head and strong magic, the very qualities I take the most pride in. Running the library is a dream come true for me. I should be happy with what I have.
And yet, I miss you. The old you. The you I thought I knew. I'm tired of trying to act like nothing is wrong. I'm tired of you pretending that everything is the same, as if a few lines in a letter about your duty to your sister and how I should feel honored could make me forget what you did. I had read ancient texts that mention you as a master manipulator, but I dismissed them all. How could the cold-hearted mare they described be the benevolent princess who had been so true to me for so many years? Oh, what a foal I was.
It started as a tiny suspicion, but you know me, princess; I can't help but try my best to find every minute detail, to get the clearest possible understanding. You taught me that. You taught me so many things. The more I thought, the more the evidence piled up.
You gave me a break from formal study knowing that I would take the time to pursue my own interests, which inevitably means the library. The librarian just happened to have a new book to recommend to me that day, on one of my favorite subjects. You've always told me that the myths and legends of ponies have some grain of truth to them, and so my curiosity was piqued by the story of those alicorn sisters, and I had to look into the Elements further. I still don't recall when you told me about them, but it must have been you; no other source could have made such an impression on me that I remembered a mere mention years later. When I read about the Mare in the Moon in the copy of Predictions and Prophecies that you'd given me for some birthday long ago, I sent you a letter. Your immediate reply was surprising at the time, even with my hope for a quick response. In retrospect, you must have had it prepared.
Am I so transparent that you don't even need to read my letters? Are my friendship reports merely wastes of ink?
In any case, you replied in the only way that could have guaranteed that I wouldn't drop the issue, that thoughts of the Elements of Harmony would stay with me: by dismissing my concerns completely, in the most supercilious manner possible. I was concerned for Equestria, concerned for you, and you mocked that concern. What better way to ensure that I would remember the Elements of Harmony and the details of the legend than to kindle within me a burning need to prove myself to you? It was masterfully done. If you'd told me that you'd made arrangements for the Mare's return, or that you'd strengthened the wards, or that you knew of an error in the book I read, and perhaps thrown in a word or two of praise for my diligence, I would have dropped the issue in an instant.
But I couldn't drop it, and you sent me to Ponyville, and a tiny library that happened to have just the book I needed. The Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide? How many copies of a treatise on an artifact lost for a millennium could possibly exist? Of course I didn't find that until after I'd gone over the checklist of celebration preparations, and met the ponies that you'd chosen to oversee preparations. The only one of my friends that you didn't set in my path was the one that would have found me and thrown me a party no matter what I did. How long did you know that those were the ones? How long did you know that they'd make great friends for me? How long did you keep that knowledge from me, knowing how alone I was?
You knew what I would face at the Summer Sun Celebration, but you didn't warn me. When I noticed that duplicity, it opened the flood gates; there were so many elements of your plan that had to have been set up years in advance. You wrote that letter to get me to do what you wanted. How much else in the time that you've been planning this has been a lie? Did you stage my entrance examination to the royal academy? Did your words of encouragement follow a secret script? When I did well at my studies, were the looks of pride and affection that you gave me coldly calculated? If I write an autobiography, will it end up in the fiction section?
We elements acted out our parts, following the script you wrote, and now your sister is free. You've even managed to rid yourself of me. By my own request, no less! Congratulations. Your grand design, come to fruition. At least I was a useful tool. I suppose we all have a role to play.
Every life is a story, and every story has a plot, a theme, a goal, something essential at the center of the narrative. Was saving Luna the great goal of my life? Was my character written for your plot? I wouldn't be surprised. I've known for a long time that you're the main character in my life, though I never dreamed that you would also be the antagonist.
You were my world. Your voice, your approval, those were the reasons that I got up in the morning. Everything I've done, from the first time I saw you at that Summer Sun Celebration so many years ago to the present day, has been for you. Through good times and bad, you've been a fixture in my life. You're my teacher, my mentor, my ruler, and my goddess, but you mean even more to me than that. So much more. I wasn't even old enough to know what a schoolfilly crush was when I first saw you, raising the sun and filling the world with radiance. I fell in love with you then, and I've loved you ever since. All of my studying was for you. First it was just to get into your Royal Academy. Since then it's been the fact that when I succeeded, when I read the books, and did precisely what they said, and worked the magic better than anypony else in the class, you would smile at me. A simple constant that I built my life around: you smiled at me, and your eyes filled with pride. Were you proud of me, or were you proud of yourself? I'm afraid to even consider that it might be the latter.
I feel so betrayed. I've read half the royal library, and yet I still cannot find the words.
Even so, I miss you. I feel a deep pit somewhere within me whenever I see the sun. I feel it because you're missing from my life. The rays cannot warm my heart the way your presence always did. Its beautiful radiance is no substitute for your radiant beauty. It gives me life, but it does not make me want to live. The sun is yours; I must shun it, lest I be reminded of you.
So much reminds me of you.
I saw Luna today. She had no part in what you did. I hate her still. She's here because you used me. My anguish was the cost of her salvation, and you gladly paid. I don't know if I can ever forgive either of you for that. I know that I certainly can't forget it; the moon reminds me every night. Her presence seems like a pale reflection of yours. She is cold and distant, but there is an undeniable beauty. The moon is hers? I can believe it.
You are like the sun and she is like the moon. With those celestial bodies barred to me, what can I strive for? My cutie mark, of course, bears my answer.
I must be the stars.
My trust in you was my downfall. The fact that I love you is what made your betrayal hurt so much. I won't let that happen again. I can't live with another wound that hurts this much. And so I won't trust, and I won't love, and I won't be hurt. The moon and the sun dance through the sky, but they have no effect on the course of the stars; the stars care not for them. That is how I will protect myself. Apathy will be my armor. No matter what may transpire with the sun or the moon or Equestria below, my course will be unaffected, and I will not feel the pain. That is my goal. I must become like the stars. I must give up trust and love. I will dedicate myself to this.
But I may still miss you.
Your Wayward Student,
Twilight Sparkle
* * * * *
Flames consumed the letter, hot and red. Twilight Sparkle's magic held the paper above a candle as she watched smoke rise from the message. She could not bring herself to send it. A clean cut, she reasoned, was best.
In truth, reason had little to do with her actions. Deep within, she felt that as long as she didn't send the letter, the contents wouldn't be true. They couldn't be true. She desperately wished that it were all just some dream, that she'd wake up in her bed in Canterlot with a jolt, already forgetting the details of her vivid nightmare.
The letter burned, but its words did not. They stuck in the unicorn's mind, and played over and over again. They sounded like the world crumbling.
Twilight stared at the ashes, a pile of burnt paper and burnt bridges. She whispered to herself, "I've got to be like the stars, and the stars don't cry...."
Indeed, the stars did not cry that night, but Twilight Sparkle did.
Oh my Celestia, that's some powerful stuff you've got there.
I just... wow.
That was simply amazing.
Seriously, I've seen some great examples of writing on this site, but this chapter was just incredible.
Your characterization of a bitter and angst-filled Twilight was perfect, your writing style made it seem like I was reading an actual letter, and the ending helped make the whole situation feel even more real to me. Well done.
Not to ruin the metaphor (no wait, actually to totally ruin the metaphor), but should someone inform Twilight that Celestia/the Sun is a Star?
aaaw thats sad, and it makes twilight sound suicidal
my god, how do you write like this? It's unfathomably good.
I normally try to hold off rating a story with multiple chapters until I've read all the ones written, but this one sold me on it. You sir have earned 5 of my stars
I... Just... You're are powerful with words. Freaking make a non-pony version of this and sell it. My friend linked me to this, and I thank him for that. Just this one chapter, mind you. Keep writing, for you, my good sir, are one hell of an author. This oddly reminded me of Doctor Who, and trust me, that's a compliment. Now I'm off to the adventures of liking, favoriting, and whatever else I can do to support you.
Many things in this letter make sense, now that you have pointed them out. Heavens above dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png
:coolphoto
3853 a possible plot twist?
I've always thought the same of Celestia, being a Luna fan through and through. For goodness sake! She banishes her sister for 1000 years. Not 100, but 1000, just to rub it in. Plus, while she's gone, why not let everypony forget she ever existed and create a celebration to remember what a monster she was for a single night!
I think you can tell I don't like Celestia.
Yes, all of this is well written. I can see Twilight's pain in word form, yet I hate it.
Twilight, while her accusations might be true, that her reason for getting up in the morning could have used her, they are still accusations.
From the way this is worded, harshly, with the gloves off so to say, I thought Twilight confirmed her suspicions, but she hadn't.
Celestia meant so much to Twilight, and she said it herself, the princess trusts her beyond a shadow of a doubt. Why wouldn't she ask? Yes she's the kind of pony that lets her worries get the better of her, but not to the level of hate.
She'd ask first, then, when her worries are confirmed, she could hate.
This story so far is grand in imagery, and I love how Luna has to go one by one and befriend the Mane 6, but Twilight feels so out of character.
Yes, she gives reasons for this, and they all makes sense if not for one thing. Nightmare Moon and Luna are two different entities all together.
Twilight asked the reason Celestia sheltered Luna for Nightmare Moon's actions, but that's becouse they're sisters. Shared blood is a powerful incentive to bend the rules. That and the ponies accepted Luna right away, they threw her a welcome party.
They should have associated, or have been told to associate from Celestia (loving ruler that they all trusted), that Luna and Nightmare Moon are two different beings. I know I'm repeating myself, but I feel it warranted.
Luna is not Nightmare Moon. Luna was purged from Nightmare Moon by the elements of harmony, and Twilight should have known about that.
Lovely story otherwise.
orig15.deviantart.net/8b1d/f/2006/349/1/b/uplink___trust_is_a_weakness_by_tei187.jpg
7200746 easy rebuttal this story was made before season 2 even aired the author even mentioned it in the story summary. And plus the comic books (which are semi canon... somehow) reveal that they are two different things not the show so how could Ebon know
Considering Twilight's Sombra induced vision was getting expelled from Celestia's tutelage, so I think it's safe to say that in her younger years she might have had a "hot for teacher" kind of feeling or seen her as a second mother figure. Twilight is hurting badly by this betrayal wether it's actually true or merely perceived, and strong emotions can twist anyone around. I don't necessarily 'like it' but I can on some level understand it.