My Little Fortress: Dawnpick

by Paaaad

64

After that memorable night life almost went back to normal for Indigo. He was working as usual and the guards didn't shadow him anymore. With enough rest his body stopped aching. The only thing that didn't heal were his feelings. After being betrayed twice in one night, both by ponies he considered friends, he decided not to trust anypony, and was still burning with silent rage. The work offered him some relief, but it wasn't enough. By now he figured it out. It must have been Stiletto who sent that zebra after him.

He just finished his chores for the day and ate his dinner. He is headed to his room, hoping for a good night's rest. When he climbs the stairs, and turns towards his room, he sees Kat standing there. His spirit sinks. Perfect, just what I need right now. She comes to bother me again. He sighs and approaches her, seeing no hope getting into his room without confronting her. At least she isn't wearing her guard uniform, which means she is not going to lock me in my room or something. I might as well get this over with.

Kat sees Indigo approaching and gives him a worried look. "Indigo, we need to talk." She begins.

Indigo sighs and gives her a stern look. "Talk about what?"

"Everything." says Kat.

Indigo stops and thinks for a short while. "Very well." He opens the door and enters, then stops in the middle of his room and waits for her to enter and close the door.

Kat nods as she follows him into his room. "You're upset, aren't you Indigo? Very upset."

"Yes." Indigo sits on the floor, and glares at Kat, waiting for her to talk. He could tell her a lot more, but decides to restrain himself, and wait for her to begin.

Kat sits as well. Looking back at Indigo she says "Then I'm here to set things straight. I'm here to get our friendship back. We've been friends for a long time Indigo and I'm not letting that go."

Indigo sneers. "Oh really? You already made that choice." He laughs darkly. So, Stiletto sent you to gain my trust? This isn't going to work.

"I've made that choice a long time ago Indigo, the first day we met, and that choice is to be your friend. I'm not backing down from that choice now." says Kat with determination.

Indigo looks at her and after a pause says "I was pretty fond of you, when I thought you were my friend, which is why I'm even talking to you now. But three nights ago you've shown both your true colours and where your true loyalty lies. You opened my eyes, Kat. You are not my friend. You never were."

Kat sighs "Indigo, I've always been your friend. I Still am, and always will be, no matter what you think. This is probably about Stiletto right? I know you don't like her and what she does, but don't let that destroy our friendship! Because I'm not her."

Indigo's anger begins to show. "Not her? You accept her ‘morals’ and 'values' as your own, without even seeing any problem with that, speak her language, call her 'your love', tell me she is your best friend and is always there for you, kiss her and who knows what else, yell at me for 'insulting' her, and still tell me this is not about her? You wouldn't even leave me alone when I ask for it, and still dare call yourself my friend? I will not associate myself with Stiletto or the likes of her. Friendship requires loyalty, and you are loyal to her." Indigo stops ranting, and just glares.

Kat bites her lower lips as she bites down her tears. "I accepted her morality, but not all of it. As much as you might think otherwise Indigo, I can still think for myself. And I'm loyal to you as much as I'm loyal to her. I would've just stopped bothering you and leave you to your misery, if I didn't care. But don't you see that it's tearing me apart inside to see you walk home looking like a corpse, and knowing that it's because of me?"

Indigo softens a bit at that. How much of this is acting and how much is sincere? "Part of it is because of you, but not all of it. I know the main culprit is her. But you can't be friends with two enemies. At some point that always puts you in a position where you have to choose between them. You made that choice." I'm not good enough of a manipulator to try and keeps her close and learn from her about Stiletto. Much safer to just be sincere with her. A few conflicting emotions show on Indigo's face.

Kat sighs softly again, with a look of guilt on her face "I know, that part of it came from me as well Indigo... I won't lie and say that I'm not wrong one bit, but we all make mistakes. I just want us to be friends again. I know that we probably won't be able to get back to where were were again, at least not in a long while, but you're a good friend to me Indigo, and I don't want to lose that... There's always a neutral ground. We can be there together, instead of fighting each other." She says as her face softens up slightly into a sad smile. "I miss having Lunch breaks with you Indigo... and when we chill out after work in the evening... and when we share stories together..." Recalling the memories was enough to make her tears begin to form, but she's struggling to not break down and be a pathetic crying foal in front of him. "I miss having you as my friend Indigo." She finishes, not wanting to sob out words.

Ah, so this is about her loosing something and wanting it back, not about something she has to offer or share. After a long silence Indigo says. "I do not want to be your enemy, but friendship requires trust." He frowns "I do not find it within me to trust you." Why is her pain both satisfying to me and hurting me, shouldn't it be one or the other?

Kat nods sadly at that. It could've gone a lot worse, but it's still not good enough for her. "I'm sorry." she whispers and sobs softly, trying to bite away the sadness, so she can continue talking. "It's my fault, but I want to fix it... I want you to trust me again. Our friendship is a treasure to me Indigo. I don't want it gone..."

Indigo gives her a long look, remembering all the things she said about not crossing the ocean to be restricted, and the things she said to Stiletto, and her yelling at him. It was a stark contrast to her looking broken on the floor. I'm not sure what to think anymore. "Trust can be earned and spent. As to you not wanting it gone, there are choices in life. Sometimes you have to choose between two things, and can't have them both, even when it is difficult for you to accept. Especially when it is difficult to accept." Indigo sighs.

"There's always a neutral ground, where two things can co-exist Indigo. There's always a way. Maybe it will cost a bit of both sides in order to be neutral, but there's always a way..."

“You are far from neutral in this.” Indigo adds, looking a bit confused. "At least tell me, why do you find her so appealing. I just don't understand it. She is causing trouble, and talking nonsense. There is only one true way of marriage and sex: one mare and one stallion. Married. Any deviations from this rule cause problems, like divorce, unwanted foals and worse. Friesden incident is a glaring example that only bad things can come out of debauchery. So why do you still cling to Stiletto?"

"Because... Indigo, I love her. She was raised that way, what is she supposed to do about that? I admit that her way contrasts against some of my ideology as well, but every method has it's own pros and cons. No method is perfect, and I just want to act on my heart. If I love somepony, then I love that pony. And if having other ponies to love her will make her happy, then I'm happy that she's happy as well. I understand if you're disgusted by that thought, but not everypony is raised the same. For example, where I'm from, I'd be shunned and probably stoned to death just for wanting to join the guards!"

Indigo listens barely understanding the meaning behind Kat's words. He understands "I love her" though. Love makes ponies do and accept some things blindly. "And why can't she just marry Flux or Glyph or whoever, and be done with it?"

"Same reason why I couldn't just join the militia back in my homeland and be done with it. Things like that doesn't exist where she's from."

"What do you mean by that? Marriage is universal. Are you seriously suggesting, she doesn't understand even obvious things like that? Because she doesn't strike me as feeble-minded."

"It's just how she was raised. Monogamy just contrasts what's been taught to her. It'll be like telling you to marry more than one mare."

"WHAT? None of this makes any sense. Marrying more than one mare... absolutely not. They would fight, and I couldn't make up my mind. Even if there was a war and almost all bucks died... just no. Some things are simply wrong, and that's it. Besides she came to us. Even if you honestly believe this, which I don't, it is her who should adjust or leave. Not cause problems." Indigo frowns, and looks angry again.

Kat sighs "Sometimes, you need to learn to accept new things Indigo. Both you and her..."

"The only thing I'm willing to accept about her is the water purifier, which as it happens I helped to build. As for you... no, this is too much. Just leave." Indigo opens the door behind Kat with telekinesis.

After leaving, Kat feel down... very down. To her, it feels like it was so close... and yet so far. She failed to repair what's left of their friendship, not even to it's neutral spot. Kat, you're such a failure. She thinks as she walks away with her head hung low. There once was a Kat whose smile would lift a pony's day, whose dance would bring smiles, whose voice would bring joy... That Kat is not this one.

---

Indigo watches Kat leaving broken and without another word. He closes the door behind her, and remains motionless for a long while. Their conversation was upsetting, but gave him a lot to think about.

She speaks to me of neutral ground, but there isn't any, or rather the predominant freedom of this place is as neutral as it gets. This 'neutral ground' Kat speaks about must mean that she wants me to turn a blind eye to Stiletto’s excesses, but how could I? If I won't oppose wrongness, I'll be guilty of letting is spread, and not even trying to set things right.

Should I attribute Stiletto's behaviour to malice or stupidity? She isn't stupid, that's for sure... Kat would have me believe, there is a whole nation of sluts, who don't even know what marriage is. Impossible, it would collapse quickly. Just... impossible. And even if this absurd were true, marriage doesn't exist where Stiletto is from, and ponies have sex like animals, with whomever they want, marriage does exist here. Can't Stiletto be made to understand it? Can't Kat explain this to her, if she calls herself Stiletto’s friend? After all, telling each other of their mistakes, is part of what friends are for.

Even I were to believe that Stiletto is just misguided and not evil, why would I adjust to her? It is Stiletto, who is a stranger among us, not me. I'm already pretty lenient about other ponies giving in to lust, but her level of debauchery simply can't be tolerated. Sooner or later it will lead to a disaster. It always does.

There are good reasons for keeping mares out of the military. Mares... mean foals. Fighting or even training can cause miscarriage and besides foals often follow their mothers, even when they are on guard duty. There hasn't been any tragedies in Dawnpick yet, but Rondel got caught up in a fight at least twice, when following Naginata. A dead foal always upsets ponies more than a dead adult soldier. The reason for keeping mares out of the military is to avoid such tragedies. Indigo remembers the foal in New Saddle, who was impaled on a spear, because she wanted to follow mummy into that special training room, which killed some animals earlier. He feels sadness of that day again. On the other hoof, being shunned for wanting to join the military I can understand. A soldier is an unpleasant occupation and meant for taking lives, while mares give life. But being stoned to death for even just questioning this is simply wrong. Of course assuming she told the truth, and didn't exaggerate. On yet another hoof Kat isn't married, so foal accidents aren't an issue for her now, but they can be in the future. Though I wouldn't put it past Kat to get pregnant even without a husband...

In any case, Kat said something about being freedom-less in her homeland, but she has freedom here. Why is this not enough for her without doing outrageous and stupid things? Does she have so much freedom, compared to what she is used to, that she just doesn't know where to stop? It is rather unsettling, that Kat has so many explanations for Stiletto’s perversion and craziness. Some of it might even sound reasonable to a more gullible pony. Sadly, Kat seems fully converted to Stiletto’s ideology. I tried to warn her. If Kat wants to be Stiletto’s lap pony, there is no stopping her, but why would she want to be my friend at the same time? She seemed sincere about it, but what can I do? I tried to explain to her, that she has to choose, because I certainly don't want any of their corruption. I even made that choice for her, but to no avail.

Marrying more than one mare... what nonsense. Did she seriously think, I'd find that tempting? A young and stupid buck maybe, but me? That would be just... too many complications, even if it wasn't amoral. Indigo looks at the floor with watery eyes. Besides, I have trouble finding even one. I'm just unlucky with mares. Those suitable for marriage, always choose another pony. This line of thought is rather depressing, so Indigo moves on, rather than scratch an old wound.

I don't do evil, but don't do much good either, apart from working. Stiletto’s group is either very smart, or there really is some good in them. Even Glaive said, Flux is alright, and his traps greatly contribute to our safety. Even though traps are meant to take life, those bandits are so ferocious, that the militia would have to kill them anyway. Glyph adopted an orphan. Kat is... nice. Even Stiletto herself has good manners, and all things considered seems rather reserved. Should I remain diligent, or give them all the benefit of the doubt? Spending time with Kat was nice and I'll miss it, but how could I pretend that nothing happened, and associate myself with the likes of Stiletto? Should I give Kat a chance? Talk with her some more? Inquire further about this 'neutral ground' she has in mind? I just don't know anymore. I... I need to know more.

Eventually tiredness from a full day of work overwhelms Indigo, and he goes to sleep. That night he has no dreams.

Author's Note:

Indigo is such a bigot...